Episode 26 – Jet Li vs. Chuck Norris

Actual unretouched photo of how it all went down with Chuck Norris and Jet Li

Actual unretouched photo of how it all went down with Chuck Norris and Jet Li


Released 09/29/06
Show notes by Darryl Asher 09/30/15


I’m Jimmy Pardo, you know me from the internet, television, billboards, leaflets, sky writing

Mike wants to know if Jimmy saw/liked V for Vendetaa

Jimmy is not into comic books

Sign up for the Laugh Bank at Handheld Comedy to win stuff!

You can win a vacation from the Laugh Bank, though Matt is incredulous

More Laugh Bank talk

The Arclight Theater point system

Matt still uses his student ID to get discounted movie tickets, 10 years after graduating college (Matt confirmed on 09/30/15 that he no longer does this)


Jimmy did a one nighter in a Chico, California bar, his first one in 8 or 9 years

You get introduced by The Weasel Dog, who drinks 2 Henekeins at once

The Weasel Dog calls women Horn Yackers “cause every man’s got a horn, man!”

(Offstage only)

Matt has a horrible blow-job-vomit story. Story is a strong word.


Jimmy says the Chico show was good/bad

The show reminded Jimmy of horrible times doing all one-nighters

Bars with older demographics


Jimmy’s starts to tell his Great Lakes Naval Base story (Officially called Naval Station Great Lakes)

Oh, wait, Mike explains: don’t say “Japs,” it’s offensive

Matt’s wife works with a man nick-named Johnny Ocean

Mike has questions about a Jet Li calling out Chuck Norris to fight him IN REAL LIFE

Jimmy thinks this is childish


Story off-ramp to TGI Friday’s menu

Jimmy recommends therapy for Mike for thinking about fighty things all the time

Matt agrees with Mike’s premise, but Jimmy is totally against this idea

Matt thinks young Chuck Norris would be embarassed about current Chuck Norris


More speculation about youngsters taking on sports legends

Jimmy does not buy into Mike’s “weird violent tendencies”

Jimmy does not condone violence and recommends they play board games


Jimmy repeats that there is no joy to be had in a youngster beating up an old man

Jimmy feels like he is with two dopers

Jimmy once worked with a guy named Rick Shaw, but he’s not Asian

Mike worked with Dodge Colt

Jackie Chan’s “no spring chicken” according to Matt

Speculation about Johnny Ocean, lounge singer


Mike gives the third degree to Jimmy about his Johnny Ocean karaoke scenario

TGI Friday’s has unleashed a FIRESTORM of INTENSE APPETIZERS! (Thanks, Matt’s writing class!)

Animated Batman and Robin with Don Knotts

Jimmy’s pickin’ and grinnin’

VH1 pitch: Battle of Bassists, where bass players fist-fight


Michael Anthony

Michael Anthony

Michael Anthony with hot sauce vs. Sting

Jimmy realizes he never told the Naval Base story

Mike thinks Jimmy should take his time with the story and not rush through it

But wait! More TGI Fridays appetizer talk

(This episode could have had its own a mic-throwing incident)


Georgia Satellites vs. Spin Doctors in an actual fight, who wins?

Remembering Spin Doctors songs

Third Eye Blind and Dog’s Eye View

Jimmy accidentally bought the CD and cassette of Dog’s Eye View

Matt wants to know the Dog’s Eye View song… no answer (Everything Falls Apart)


Jimmy saw License to Drive with Jennifer and yelled at the screen

Mike saw Corey Feldman at The House of Blues, who claimed The Longbeach Dub Allstars were opening for him

Mike and crew had to guard Feldman against the Dubs

Pat Francis makes Jimmy stand by band busses to get autographs


Matt learned how to fold tee shirts super-fast via a YouTube video


Pat and Jimmy saw Asia in Long Beach

Pat was disappointed that the singer and guitarist were not in the meet and greet

Big-hearted Jimmy gave his album to some fans who forgot to bring theirs

Matt thought Asia did the song Africa

Jimmy sings a medley of Asia songs

Jimmy teases the naval base story for another time

Mike’s fun Jet Li vs. Chuck Norris thing took a lot of time

Plugs: Comedy Death Ray 4th anniversary all-night show


Jimmy will host The Greatest Talk Show in History on Oct. 4



Match Game Live, Oct. 7

Never Not Funny LIVE October 24 at UCB

A Warehouse Records co-worker told Jimmy he sounds like ALF, and is as funny as ALF!

Matt was told he looked like Jerry Lee Lewis

Sign up for the Laugh Bank!

Ooonnnn :: deep breath :: the podcast