1616 – Speaking in Code with Kumail Nanjiani

Kumail Nanjiani - Mint snake victim

Kumail Nanjiani – Mint snake victim

@kumailn

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

—— DARRYL’S NOTES (due to Garon being held hostage by Sprint) ———–

0

Darryl and Jenn Asher are here

Probably not appropriate to call it a shout-out when I'm actually sitting right there, but I like to use this icon, and it's my website

Probably not appropriate to call it a shout-out when I’m actually sitting right there, but I like to use this icon, and it’s my website

Darryl is sitting in for Garon because he is held hostage at a Sprint store

Garon: good hostage?

My incredible Garon impression ::click::   ::sigh::   ::mumble::   ::click::

jimmydarryl

We brought Jenn’s jar cakes!

4:00 – Matt falls for my snake in the mint can, resulting in Eliot getting yelled at, and Jenn and I get called by “Motherfuckers” by Matt

GIF Courtesy of @VineyPardo on Twitter

Freeze frame courtesy of @NnfFace on Twitter

Freeze frame courtesy of @NnfFace on Twitter

WAY TOO LONG BACKSTORY ABOUT THE SNAKE-IN-A-CAN, AND WHY I EVEN HAD ONE

Some of you might know that in a “former life” I was a (part time) comedy magician. For reasons too boring to explain, I bought the snake-in-a-can because in one routine with an audience volunteer, I have some comedic by-play in which I offer a mint. About half the time, the volunteer doesn’t fall for it, knowing exactly what’s in the can. Either way, it was a stupid but funny throw-away part of the routine, the point of which was to make ME look like an idiot.

I have not performed in about 20 years, but my props are in a box in my basement. When my lovely bride Jenn decided to make jar-cakes for the guys, for some reason my long-forgotten snake-in-a-can came to mind, and I rescued it from my prop box, figuring I would just place it with the jar-cakes and see what happened.

BUT… I honestly never thought anyone would fall for it! I assumed Jimmy or Matt would immediately know what it was, and I would be the focus of wrath for daring to bring such a hacky, stupid thing into the professional Never Not Funny Studio. But snakemintit worked out better than I could have hoped. After the show I gave it to Jimmy to pass on to Oliver.

You can order your own snake in a mint can here!

5

Jenn has a black heart

The snake mint can has a retro design (because it really is old)

The cakes are DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!! FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!! (Seriously, those guys are not just being nice. Jenn’s jar cakes are incredibly delicious)

It’s got a CORE OF CARAMEL!!!!! Jenn thought of everything!!!

Paper shuffling sound-effect on radio: on purpose?

10

Reminiscing about the Pardcastathon cakes

Jenn comes up with the winning “get Garon to open it” idea

The snake self-detonates on me!

I stand by Jenn’s “spring in his snake” joke, and my mumbling, halting delivery of it

The Carol Burnett “fan mail” bit

Will Lexington on the O.C.

15

I’m doing Garon’s job ON A PHONE!

The annoying “shut-up!” wine-talking people in the massage Relax Room

“I’ve always wanted to have a Go-Pro wedding”

20

Matt’s son loved Matt’s friend’s original X-Wing fighter from the 70s

Matt’s family is going to see Star Wars

VH1's Big In 2003 Awards - ArrivalsChris Carmack said “Welcome to the OC bitch” as Luke (Me doing Garon’s job ON A PHONE!!!!)

Nashville talk

Jimmy missed a major plot point in Nashville

25

Nashville talk continues

Matt and family were on the Disney Cruise

Matt speculates about Jimmy’s possible illegitimate child(ren)

We wish you luck as we do all bastards

30

I’m better at mic-handling than Garon, but Jimmy just says that to pile on the absent Garon

Maureen McGovern sang Morning After

Eliot got a mysterious email, and makes it more mysterious by deliberately being vague about it

Eliot starts to read the email, but gets interrupted by Garon

Garon enters with his signature sigh

35

Parking talk

Garon talks about his messed-up schedule

Breaking news: Garon has another job – website moderation

“Hey guys cool it!” “Come on, none of that!”

The teen-based social network that Garon works for is either uncool or really cool

Phone stores take too long for (according to Matt) nefarious reasons

Target is clearing out iPhone cases

Jimmy is uncomforatble with Jenn and me engaging in graphic public displays of hand-holding

40

Jimmy says that 180 gram vinyl sounds better SONICALLY, as opposed to any other definition of “sounds better”

Garon opens the snake mint can and TOTALLY RUINS IT!

Eliot got the failure on video, though, so there’s that.

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16O – Making it Through the Wilderness with Pat Francis

Pat Francis shows off his lip tattoo

Pat Francis shows off his lip tattoo

Join the Players Club

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and addiitonal notes by Darryl Asher

@pat_francis
Rocksolidpodcast.com

00 – Welcome in! Jimmy is swiping apps.

Matt was out on the sea. He talked in depth about Jimmy’s tattoos.

He and the family went on a Disney cruise.

Vacation talk!

Eliot’s camera movement is bothering Jimmy.

Wide and Divide!

Matt says the one thing to yell at Eliot over and he’s doing his job.

05 – Matt gives us more details on his Disney Cruise.

Matt calls the shows the “C-team” Eliot and I think it’s the Sea team. Matt mad he didn’t think of that. Then calls them the D team.

Matt saw Avengers 2 on the boat. Enjoyed it since he had no expectations.

D-box-seatingJimmy reiterates that that movie sucks and blames Matt’s enjoyment of it on seasickness.

10 – D-Box

You don’t need to lean in Eliot!

Jimmy reminds Eliot about his microphone usage.

Bette Middler at The Staples Center

3 days not enough for a cruise according to Matt.

15 – Jimmy would have had Matt bring him some antibiotics had he known he was heading to Mexico.

Lots of buddys but not “buddies”

Our guest just wandered in.

Camouflage shorts.

Hi Pat!!!

He’s all green.

20 – Jimmy almost crashed into someone doing a u-turn then some “cooze” walked into the space he was trying to park in.

Baseball time!!!

Jimmy can’t work the wifi.

Mad Dog is here! Wishes me a happy birthday!

League update:

Jimmy’s in first place!
Vagabonds of the night in 2nd
Mama says Tanaka You Out in 3rd

Thanks mad dog!

Guess my age. Seems like 32 is the popular guess.

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1615 – Specializing with Lauren Lapkus

Lauren Lapkus

Lauren Lapkus

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher
@laurenlapkus
Website
Podcast: With Special Guest, Lauren Lapkus.

00 – Hello! 1615! I was at 7/11!

Guys talking Nashville live. They talk about taking pictures with artists standing next to them performing.

They had great seats!

05 – Jimmy wanted to show up in a cowboy hat. He actually went store to store to find one.

Both Matt and Jimmy had dinner with their wives but neither thought to ask the other if they should all go together.

On record, Jimmy thinks he enjoyed the show more than everyone else.

The performers did songs from the show and in most cases one of their own songs.

250px-Nashville_logo

Matt didn’t like the one song each beginning. Jimmy enjoyed it.

10 – Chip Estin was the “Star” of the show but musically on stage, he isn’t.

Eliot makes a comment about the show and Deacon being sick. Everyone falls silent except me laughing.

Jimmy talks about a couple of girls in front of them who were wrapped up in the characters from the show. “It’s a TV show ladies.” – Jimmy

Here is Claire Bowen singing Drum in Minneapolis

No surprise special guests showed up at the show.

15 – More Nashville live chat.

20 – Claire Bowen favorited Matt’s tweet. 

Our guest is here! Jimmy fills her in on the Nashville live show.

Jimmy explains the terrible error Matt committed today. He told her the wrong time and made us look the fool. Lauren takes no blame. Matt tries to put it on Jimmy for creating the email template.

Jimmy wants that baseball jingle edited!!

Jimmy saw Finger Fumbling at Coachella live!

Jimmy is balancing some glasses perfectly on his nose.

Jimmy wants it on record that he enjoyed Nashville Live.

We’ll be back!
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16N – Fantasizing with Erin Foley

Sporty Erin Foley

Sporty Erin Foley

Join the Players Club!

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

@ErinFoleyComic
Website

16 Nugget

00 – what is happening! Welcome!! Clock alarm is going bananas! More listeners on earwolf but we treat the players club much better!

The glue on the magnet failed.

I never said either of those things on facebook.

Jimmy hates Avengers 2!

pitch-perfectMatt watched Pitch Perfect over the weekend and loved it!

05 – Oliver liked it! Jimmy and other fam not a fan.

Avengers marvel talk.

Jimmy getting a new front door.

“Shut the front door!” – Matt

10 – Jimmy talks about comic movies he likes.

Jimmy can’t wait for San Andreas.

Matt talks about old school movies that are far superior to the current action movies.

Earthquake talk!

Apparently not fracking related.

15 – Was Mad Dog Russo fired? Doesn’t appear to be true.
Jimmy a few minutes late due to man in his house fixing the door.

New album from Vance Gilbert 

Nearness of You

Jimmy Mad Dog gives the NNF Fantasy Baseball rundown. Jimmy is in 2nd place!

Erin Foley is here!!!

She and Jimmy are in a fantasy league together. Erin is 24/24/2.

20 – Jimmy talks about the fantasy league. Apparently a couple of assholes are in that group who didn’t wanna change anything.

Matt wonders if it’s polite to ask how much money Jimmy has in Fantasy Baseball currently.

Jimmy not a fan of head to head.

Jimmy will do one year in this group once he wins then he is out.

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1614 – Freezing the Frame with Janet Varney

Janet Varney

Janet Varney

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell

Editing and additional notes by Garon Cockrell

@janetvarney

00 – Hello! Welcome to 1614! Jimmy was talking his T-shirt. Bourgeois Tagg!

Here is their Vevo channel 

Jimmy’s had that shirt for 30 years. He’s worn it for the first time today.

He’s tried to sell the shirt 30 times and never got a bid.

Jimmy’s new character, Actor portraying blind man, is back.

The guys try to imitate a blind person. Matt’s gotten much better with eye contact, mostly with Jimmy.

Jimmy talks about giving a speech in high school. His teacher said it was the best speech shed ever heard from someone looking at a table.

05 – Jimmy wishes Matt had a paper to read off so this show went better.

Jimmy explains the letter game on the Players Club. He then talks about how Eliot wanted to turn it into an actual segment.

Some Beavis and Butthead talk. Matt does his Beavis impression.

Beavis and Butthead chat.

10 – Beavis and Butthead talk Iron Maiden From Here To Eternity

Peter Cetera singing some Chicago songs recently

Jimmy and Matt end Eliot’s talk but offing themselves with a paper gun and lightsaber.

15 – Vacation movies chat. I love Christmas Vacation and everyone else finds it okay.

New Vacation trailer

Jimmy is in fact over his breakup with Jennifer.

20 – Is Eliot going to add a foot cam?

Get off your selfie sticks!

It’s small business week. Jimmy asks Matt about it. Jimmy is going to present Never Not Funny LLC to Oliver’s class. He has no idea what to talk about.

Matt talks about the Rock Solid episode with Steve Lukather. It’s the 200th episode and features a little Star Wars tidbit.

We’ll be back!

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16M – Crying it Out with Jason Pardo

Jason Pardo (no relation... or is there?)

Jason Pardo (no relation… or is there?)

Join the Players Club

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

@HereWeGoJason

00 – Hello! Indeed welcome!! Matt’s in a button up he got for his birthday last year. Happy birthday, Matt.

Eliot had an hour of sleep. And didn’t realize he had to be here early.

The blues is the working mans music.

Tiny sleep and traffic is why Eliot was late.

Jimmy had a small bit of sleep also.

Jimmy blames frakking.

Eliot wonders if Jimmy has tried to set his water on fire. This apparently is a side effect of frakking.

Matt wants to set this conversation on fire.

We learn things from Eliot!

05 – There’s an election over in the UK. Jimmy reminds us that there was a war and we beat them in it. Who cares about the royal baby?!

The fascination with the royal family is not the same as Matt having a hobby. “Slit the throat.” – Jimmy

Dumb people are fascinated with the royal family and watch Nancy Grace.

Jimmy rants about the royal family including Charles flying around with his dumbo ears.

Jimmy picked up some Dan Folgerberg at Amoeba. He beat out Joan Armatrading.

This early call is for the birds.

Nashville talk!

10 – Jimmy did a pilot presentation for a show where people got to try out a house before they bought it.

Guys talk about houses.

Jimmy says he enjoys Mortgage Fairchild. Eliot says she amoratizes over time or some word I don’t know what. He gets stone faced despite it being a good piece.

Jimmy talks about Darren Stoner, former schoolmate.

15 – Matt discusses “the look” on Nashville.

Beverly O’Connor

Jonathan Jackson

Our guest is here! Jason Pardo. There’s only room for one Pardo in this town.

Jimmy has his album, enjoys it.

Jimmy really likes his acting and his character.

20 – The guys are going to Nashville Live on Saturday.

Jimmy talks about a character on GH clunking everything up.

The guys are loving Connie Britton’s work.

Jason Pardo is here! They may or may not be related.

Jason comes from improv. He’s dressed for any character we need him to be.

We’ll be back!!

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1613 – Crashing the Party with Timothy Simons

Timothy Simons

Timothy Simons

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

@ timothycsimons

00 – Yeeeess welcome into 1613! Jimmy is wearing a shirt he got courtesy of a fan sending in a gift card. Jimmy can’t remember if it was Jason Wilcon or Jason Baldwin

Chifeds

“Three beautiful ladies and a queer…” – Jimmy singing in his head when he saw this group enter a restaurant.

Jimmy talks about a Carol Burnett sketch that made them all laugh to the point of tears.

Jimmy binged Silicon Valley! All through season one and part of two.

05 – Jimmy and Oliver watched some Deal or No Deal reruns on GSN. Oliver pointed out that it’s the same thing all the time.

National Bingo Night

deathstare

Eliot chimes in with an attempt at humor about Courtney Cox having a donkey. Jimmy wonders if he’d get off if he murdered Eliot.

Jimmy wants to get mad at Eliot for coughing but can’t.

Jimmy talks about his Wings for Life run. Calls it one of the cheapest and well organized races he’s ever done.

The race is in 31 countries around the world starting at the same time. Jimmy’s started at 4am.

Apparently this race doesn’t have an endpoint. You run until the chase car catches you.

10 – The run has a neat vibe, felt less self-involved. Jimmy felt great. There were people in wheelchairs participating as well. Jimmy was going to help one up a hll but someone else stepped in.

Jimmy talks about the chase car closing in on him. Said it was exhilarating.

He made it to 7.1 miles before he was caught.

15 – Jimmy gives the details while I run and get the guest!

20 – Jimmy took Oliver to See Tim doing a puppet based sketch show. Tim’s kids are 3 ½!

S-eye-mins. We’re right! There’s only one M. The controversy is solved.

Tim and Jimmy talk Matt Walsh.

Jimmy knew Matt pre-UCB.

aa-abuse-eliot-2

25 – Eliot shows off a Meeple that he thinks Jimmy shirt resembles. Jimmy wants Tim to take a swing at Eliot.

“Lip stroke.” – Eliot.

deathstare

Jimmy and Matt talk about Eliot’s email to change a feature on the show. “Imagine I’m staring at you with a blank face.”

Matt wants to develop Jimmy Emojis.

Secrets and Lies chat!

We’ll be back!!

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16L – Jumping for Joy with Shane Mauss

Shane Mauss

Shane Mauss

Join the Players Club

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

@shanecomedy
Website

00 – Hello! 16 L!!! What will that L word be? Lexicon? Lexington? Leprechaun? It’s the first thing that popped into Jimmy’s head. They filmed the L-Word by Jimmy’s old place and didn’t want to let him go into his own house because they were shooting.

The L-Word 

Don’t be an asshole 3rd ADs!

Jimmy wants to slam Jay Leno’s bloated head into the side of his old shell tanker.

Eliot does the worst Leno impression ever. Jimmy likens it to Mighty Mouse.

05 – Jimmy’s OCD is causing him to be annoyed by some wiring by Eliot’s cubby.

That severe face pain Jimmy experienced last episode has not returned.

Jay's Shell International Truck

Jay’s Shell International Truck

Matt finds that picture of Leno’s Shell truck.

Matt gives the story about the truck and taking the photo.

Jimmy keeps talking about getting a fiero but he doesn’t know where to put it.

Jimmy is SO close to punching Eliot in the mouth.

Jimmy acknowledges that we did not get to the Tom Cruise talk with TJ Miller.

10 – Tom Cruise deserved an Oscar for Magnolia and definitely for Rain Man.

July 18, 1999 was indeed a Sunday and the last day Jimmy drank and the day he saw Eyes Wide Shut.

Our guest is here Shane Mauss! Jimmy and Matt talk about the day Shane showed up in the middle of a recording on the wrong day and we told him to hit bricks.

15 – Shane’s right foot works fine. His left is screwed. He’s DDL. Jimmy tries to guess Shane’s car. A Hyundai Alantra! Is that spelled right? It’s an ’08.

hyundai-fuel-cellHyundai Fuel Cell – 

Who drives a subaru?

Shane saw bears at Mt. Rushmore.

20 – Mount Rushmore talk.

Jimmy MIGHT HAVE TO BACKPEDDLE ON THE BEACH BOYS!!! Their surfer stuff sucks but Jimmy says Pet Sounds is pretty good. There might be more songs he likes than he admits too.

The Quarrymen – 

4fc58a7ca2137.preview-620

25 – Crazy Horse Memorial – 

You know who would know about this, Darryl Asher!

You know who would know about this, Darryl Asher! (True, I have been there a couple times.)

Shane looks to be drinking some sort of elixir.

“It’s a Kombocha dick fuck.” – Jimmy

30 – Jimmy’s gonna taste this elixir stuff. 

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1612 – Yanking Your Chain with T.J. Miller

TJ MillerIn studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

@notTJmiller
ironicluxury.com

00 – Hello indeed! Welcome to 1612! Jimmy describes the room as frigid!

Jimmy’s gonna keep us posted on the temp and time. Now that it’s here we’re gonna fix that time.

We’re high and in charge!

Happy birthday Charlie!

Jimmy explains what happened Saturday afternoon. Including running a 5k in 27m11s.

Jimmy thinks he lost 12 seconds when he had to fix his iPod.

He felt like the race was more incline than decline.

Jimmy spoke to the good-looking flight attendant couple about incline vs decline.

05 – 74.7 degrees guys!

There was also a 1K for the kids to do.

Long story short they slept through the rain.

Jimmy tries to categorize the weather Matt experienced.

10 – Jimmy was able to watch the LA Kiss lose in person again. Jimmy does some Monday morning coaching.

The guys talk LA Kiss and coaching situation. http://www.arenafootball.com/teams/aflkiss/

Jimmy talks about the drunk rich OC guys that came back this time. They actually apologized for being so terrible last week. They took one more sip of beer and, “like dr. jekyl and mr. hyde” they went crazy again. This drunk idiot was getting laughs from people around him. To be fair it is a football game and the guy is having fun but still poor language around families is rude.

15 – Jimmy’s decided to move his seats. He isn’t gonna confront them because he doesn’t want to get beaten up in front of Oliver by three rich dicks in izods and flipflops.

74.3!

On the way out of the stadium, Jimmy saw the worst car accident he’s ever seen in his life.

Power surge or something.

For the players club only: Power surge jimmy giving a play by play.

Welcome back to the program! We just had a power surge and we’re not sure how much we kept in during this brownout or whatever it is.

Jimmy gets back to the accident story. It was a t-bone right in the driver door. Really loud and violent accident. Oliver was scared the whole way home.

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16K – Painting the Town Red with Joe Wagner

Joe "Cool" Wagner

Joe “Cool” Wagner

Join the Players Club

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

@brotherwags
Web Link

00 – Hello and indeed! Jimmy needs his phones up! Pat was in here yesterday, Jimmy suggests his stuff is different. Matt calls him the goldilocks of podcasting.

Jimmy’s not happy with how these headphones are sounding today. He switches inputs and sounds much better. Nope he’s going back to 2! Jimmy and Matt talk about Pat’s microphone skills.

Jimmy just listened the Richie Zito episode of Rock Solid. He talks abut Zito having worked with someone artists that Jimmy on paper should like but doesn’t. He says it was a great episode.

Jimmy spent an hour testing out office chairs. Took one home and realized he didn’t like the one he picked.

05 – Jimmy doesn’t want to get a footrest. Jimmy not a big spender on office chairs. He gets a new one every couple years.

Herman Miller chairs –

Harvey Corman died in 2008. 

Jimmy and family are watching old Carol Burnett shows thanks to me loaning it to them.

Oliver got a big kick out of Dinah Shore singing 50 ways to leave your lover.

Jimmy compliments the warm up comic Bob Oshack (Sp??) @midnight. Said he was great and a brilliant comic mind.

Jimmy talks about his latest @midnight appearance. Credit to Danielle for Down Syndrome Abbey.

10 – Kiss and Scooby Doo together again! 

Drone strike today – 

15 – Apparently they had to edit around Jimmy on @midnight after they revealed Serial won a Peabody. Jimmy doesn’t remember but he might have literally went bananas on Serial winning a Peabody.

I went to grab our guest and come back to Mad dog giving us the run down on the rankings of the NNF Fantasy BBall league. Jimmy’s Spineless Windbags are in 6th.

Jimmy’s got a pending trade out there but has not heard back yet.

20 – Only the winner gets to stay in the league next year along with Jimmy and Steve. The rest of the drafting is all new!

Jimmy’s watching and enjoying Secrets and Lies. The guys are worried Nashville might not return next season.

Our guest Joe Wagner, gives us his info on Coke Zero.

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