1620 – Brightening Your Smile with Nikki Glaser

Nikki GlaserIn studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher


00 – Welcome in! 1620! Coocookachoo! Denis Miller is a right wing nut but he was funny in the 80s and 90s!

Good father’s day for Matt. The family went to Grand Park and “splashed around a bit.”


Oliver had a dance recital on Father’s Day, so, oddly enough, did Zoe. Oliver stole the show apparently!

Eine kleine Nachtmusik

Amadeus Amadeus Rock me Amadeus!

Matt fully expects to be crucified for his muppets comments.

35-40 year generations, “suck the cock of Kermit.”

05 – Matt thinks the muppet movies get worse as they go along.

The jokes are for kids and 80 year olds who likes vaudeville.

Matt takes flak for thinking Jurassic Park is mediocre. Suggests watching it back to back with Jaws.

Jimmy talks about playing war with Oliver and Oliver saying its sexist that the king is worth more than the queen…Jimmy does this to make fun of Eliot’s recent facebook post.

Eliot considers changing playing cards from monarch to military ranks.

Let’s have Ricky Jay plant some cards into Eliot’s neck.

10 – We talk about Eliot’s new card designs.

Jimmy reads the comments on Eliot’s post. Eliot says now he knows. He did his research.

More card chat!

Holy Diver –

15 – There is audio of Rainbow Bridge at a reunion session!

Matt talks about a Chicago cover he heard Jimmy singing on Mike Henry’s show.

“It’s fun.” – Jimmy

We have a listener gift to open!

Jimmy talks briefly to our guest Nikki Glaser!

It’ll be an exciting day for NIkki!

We’re opening a box!

Eliot gives some info.

Nikki had a funny face apparently.

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16S – Diving Down into the Midnight Sea with Dave Hill

Dave Hill is not from England

Dave Hill is not from England

Join the Players Club!

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher


00 – Right into the show!! Get some exercise Eliot!

Brick and mortar!

Matt introduces the show for luck.

Jimmy talks people impersonating him.

Oliver is doing a superhero science camp. He was asked what his power should be and Oliver says, “It would have to be to be able to do every impression.”

Tony Thaxton is here. His shorts are offending Jimmy. He’s going to see the LA Kiss with Jimmy’s tickets.

Jimmy wants Tony to set up a bandsaw and then to call Jimmy so he can come over and push him through it.

LA Kiss vs Philly Soul.

Say hello to Rick, Tony!

Tony brought the guys that We Are The World documentary.

Colin Hanks documentary –

05 – The Pride of Eerie PA is Tony’s band. They’re performing soon. Mike Fuhrman had to quit for time issues. He was on bass.

“Pick up the bass, man!” Jimmy to Peter Cetera!

Jimmy guesses Entwhistle’s death exactly!

Keith Moon

10 – Enjoy the game Tony!

Mystery Box June 23! The Pride of Eerie PA!

Jimmy did the JR Superhero Run. Had great fun!

“Suck it Joker!” “Suck it Harley Quinn!” Jimmy to villains on the run.

15 – Oliver was Deadpool in a costume contest! He made the costume himself. He won!! Got a trophy (a huge one at that) The DJ guy had to transition from announcing Oliver as the winner to announcing a lost boy. The staff started looking and one dad: Jimmy. No other dad’s helped look for this kid.

Jimmy thought he might be having a Secrets and Lies situation searching for that kid.

They eventually found the kid though!

20 – Jimmy’s gonna call Rich Sommer and get an update on those escaped prisoners.

Rich has connected the Malaysian airlines crash to the missing prisoners. He’s on the scene in New York (with a burner phone) looking for the prisoners. He’s moved his search down to Manhattan.

Fun Home:  “A delight!” – Rich Sommer

25 – Thanks Rich! Formerly of the now defunct Mad Men.

Mike Cusick texts Jimmy to tell Eliot he and his wife play Hand and Foot every weekend!

Dave Hill is here! Looks terrific.

He met Jimmy backstage once!

Jimmy reads the thanks in Dave’s album.

Restaurant chat.

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1619 – Pulling Your Card with Anthony Jeselnik

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

Anthony Jeselnik

Anthony Jeselnik


00 – Hello! Indeed welcome! Jimmy guesses the episode with no help! 1619!

Kevin Harlan – 

Announcer chat!!

Matt finally heard the real Mad Dog Russo. Tells Jimmy his impression is terrible. To be fair, he saw him in a documentary. 

05 – Welcome in!

Couple things to talk about. Lotta stuff in the news.

Jurassic World talk.


Celebrity Sighting! Jimmy and his mother went to see JW in Culver City. Saturday Culver City Arclight. Seat 1A should not be for sale! There is a wall that blocks the screen.

JW did indeed make over $5 million.

10 – Apparently there was a ticket problem with both of them getting the same seats. This guy was the celebrity! Jimmy continues with the story before we can guess.

The Arclight guy just switched seats around so that Jimmy’s mom was sitting right in the middle of this guy’s family. The arclight guy tried to move Jimmy and his mom to the front row. The celeb was not having that. He ended up having his son sit in his lap the entire movie.

Time to play who was this terrific, friendly, wonderful, accommodating celebrity?

15 – Handsome, TV STAR, We all know him. On TV the last 10 years, different shows.

3 kids total maybe, and a beautiful wife. Both drama and comedy on network.

Our guest is here! The handsome Anthony Jeselnik!

Anthony guesses Scott Aukerman.

It’s Oliver Hudson!! Matt guesses it. What a nice guy!

20 – Jimmy gives us more details about the conversation. He’s gonna be on Scream Queens. Jimmy told him that they went to see the Nashville concert.

A gentleman! Oliver Hudson! He’s Hollywood Royalty! Kate Hudson – Sister, Goldie Hawn – Mother. Ernie Hudson – “Brother”

Our guest is offensive!

Jimmy tells a quick Anthony Jeselnik story about him coming to see the amoeba auction. Anthony confirms Jimmy was funny.

Anthony Jeselnik is here! He’s got an NBC project coming up! He is the new host of Last Comic Standing! He already knows who the winner is. America doesn’t vote, now it’s basically three comedy legends narrowing it down to one winner. No America voting. They’ve gotten it wrong pretty much every time.

25 – Voting chat. Jimmy thinks America got it right with Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Not Ruben, not Fantasia.

Last season of LCS is canon. The rest is being wiped away.

Last Comic Standing

We’re taking a break! Anthony wonders if Jimmy just came from a crossfit.


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16R – Housewarming with J. Keith van Straaten

J. Keith Van Straaten

J. Keith Van Straaten

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher


00 – The door is open!

We have a special guest today.

Jimmy spit everywhere. Suspect stroke.

Jimmy could not be more excited about Ken.

Jimmy could not be more excited about Ken.

Ken Roberts is here!

Traded lunch for a sit in.

Ah, there we go! Good-natured frivolity ensues.

Ah, there we go! Good-natured frivolity ensues.

Jimmy gives Eliot and Matt the business.

Eliot driving around in his Bono glasses like an asshole.

Jimmy wants to know if a meeting took place to upgrade Eliot to third banana.

I was not privy to that meeting. I thought I was third banana. Matt suspects that Batman set went to my head.

Eliot’s out of Eddie Izzard and Magic the Gathering.

05 – Jimmy demonstrates how not to speak when your mic is on. Tighten those jaws.

He is going to murder one day.

Pepsi_Diet_24Matt suggests we all go in on wiring Eliot’s jaw shut.

Ken Roberts again is here! He enjoys Diet pepsi. Prefers Diet Coke over Diet Pepsi though. His Diet Pepsi was on sale at Vons.

Jimmy enjoys a Diet Pepsi at the DFW airport.

Jimmy wants to curb the usage of fuck on the show.

10 – Apparently Jimmy replaced chewing straws with sucking wad. Takes less that 2 minutes to drop a “fuck.”

Ken Roberts is here. Spent a lot of fucking money to be here.

He’s from Houston. They’re dealing with some water.

Houston Astros:
W        L        PCT     GB                HOME        AWAY          L10        STRK
34      27      .557        –                 19-13          15-14            3-7        L7

They’re on a losing streak.

Jimmy tells Ken to go play games with Eliot at one of his game sessions.

We need refresher courses on what a joke is and who the fuck…the heck…is in charge.

15 – Time for NNF Fantasy League Standings!

Mad Dog Jimmy is here!!
1) Remember That Smell
2) Spineless Windbags
3) ??
4) Mushmouth Shy Guys

That’s baseball!

Jimmy’s team is held together with medical tape. He has no idea where he will end up at the end of the season.

Jimmy’s doing well in all four of his leagues. If jimmy wins all four he’ll rub his cock on his mic.

Jimmy also hurt his neck and isn’t sure how.

Jimmy used to jerk his neck with his hands to crack it. Someone told him he was doing it too much and he hasn’t done it since.

Matt does some impressions that are all the same.

20 – Our guest is here!

Jimmy makes a Horton and the Heat mention.

Jimmy talks about his Brooks and Dunn reference at his live shows.

Ebbs and Flows!

Ken is here! He meets J. Keith!

J. Keith van Straaten is here!

Ken does the Donahue.

Patrick Roddy is the best!

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1618 – Cuing it Up with Dave Holmes

Dave Holmes

Dave Holmes

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

Dave on Tumblr
International Waters

00 – Hello indeed! Welcome in to 1-6-1-8!

Jimmy’s a little nasally but in great shape and great mood!

Jimmy does an old comedy bit that he hates about sick puppies. No one Jimmy ever liked ever said, “you’re one sick puppy.”

Sick puppies always say politically incorrect things.

Rush Limbaugh / Ruff Limbaugh comment per Matt, who just checked to make sure we all got the bad comedy out of the way.

Jimmy was a little late today. He apologizes, as he had to take care of “5 things.”

Eliot was going to keep track of them. Jimmy didn’t even finish his five things. He has to call someone of notoriety and gets a little nervous about it. Jimmy talks about the “old guard” in town who prefers calls to text/email. There’s a lot of levels to this situation.

Jimmy doesn’t care for the drop by. No unannounced visits!

New sofa arrived!

orangesofaIt’s a little firm, needs to be broken in. Looks great! It’s orange.

Some orange is the new black talk.

05 – Jimmy didn’t make the phone call but he did set up his heating and AC people to come to fix the thermostat.

It’s a high tech thermostat. Broken already.

Dishwasher issues. Apparently he was supposed to have an inspector come it to check it out.

Jimmy was also in Cincinnati over the weekend. He calls Go Bannanas one of the top three clubs in the country. A lot of events in town which led to not a great turn out, but great crowds none the less, outside of the six idiots on the first night.

10 – Jimmy talks about his flight. He never checks his bag but did it this time to help out with crowding. Turns out they lost his bag. He had to go to Target and get some new clothes for his show that night.

It’s hard for him to buy pants because his waist size fluctuates.

Cock and fly is a great place to play darts and Matt’s favorite pub.

Jimmy got a new t-shirt and an ill fitting cardigan.

15 – Good crowd and good people in “Cincinnata.”

Jimmy tells us about checking into his room. The hotel clerk turned pretty rude pretty quick. Jimmy wanted to change name on the room from the club and make it his name because his luggage was going to be delivered.

luggageSome other woman stuck her nose into it saying how cute it is that Jimmy thinks his luggage is going to be delivered.

The clerk insisted she has his name and will be there when the luggage arrives.

He came back after the show and checked in and it wasn’t delivered. The guy behind the counter didn’t even look for it.

Apparently, some drunk guys came in and went nuts on the clerk (who was gay). They dropped the F-word (not fuck) a bunch of times. Apparently the cops were called.

Rough looking dudes. Jimmy regrets not calling the cops but it seemed like other people were handling it. Their behavior sickened him.

20 – Next morning, phone rings at 10:35am. Front Desk calls Jimmy’s cell thinking he wasn’t a guest. He goes to the front desk and the luggage guy also said that he tried to bring it last night.

Jimmy doesn’t know but he did get his luggage back.

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16Q – Talking About the End of the World with Mike Siegel

Mike  Siegel

Mike Siegel

Join the Players Club

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher


00 – Door is open and closed! Welcome to the Players Club! Jimmy rants about us right out of the gate because Eliot isn’t ready.


Jimmy’ll go to prison to save us from Eliot.

Welcome to 16Q!

Jimmy’s got a new sofa and loveseat coming on Sunday.


Sunday comfie Sunday!

Matt wonders how long you keep a couch? Jimmy’s mom had hers for around 30 years. Matt’s dad still has the couch that Matt grew up on.

That couch and a half is destined for a garage sale or craigslist.

05 – Jimmy likes giving back and making money.

Batman talk! Jimmy mad at a listener who commented on my facebook.

Fantasy Baseball talk!

Opening music disaster!

10 – Jimmy takes the blame for the music issue.

This entire segment is just falling a part.

Jimmy points out that he is ALL OVER this room. If he wants to hear the entire song he hears the whole song.

How dare you Matt! How dare you exaggerate for humor.

Mad Dog is here!!

NNF Fantasy Standings:
1 – Vagabonds of the Night
2 – Spineless Windbags
3 – mush mouth shy guys
4 – Mama said Tanaka You Out
5 – Muck Mulligans.

Up Top commissioner!

Thank you Mad Dog!

15 – Jimmy predicts he wins or ends u in 13th place. There is no middle ground.

70s looking orange couch coming. It’s a Macy’s product.

Our guest today Mike Siegel helped Jimmy move a chair he bought from Pampa or whatever it is he’s saying.

Jimmy saw San Andreas this week. 

Jimmy liked how her character was nice and pleasant and not a spoiled brat. Jimmy found it refreshing that they didn’t make her dramatic.

20 – More Alexandra Daddario chat.

Jimmy went to the 4DX screening. It had a “water on water off” button. It was nauseating. The entire theater was 4dx. No doubt he should have left.

Jimmy couldn’t enjoy the movie because of the chair.

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1617 – Spicing it up with Cristela Alonzo

Cristela Alonza

Cristela Alonza

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher


00 – Hello! Indeed welcome into 1617! We took that trip blah blah blah!

Jimmy wants to start skipping the teens so he can’t stop saying that trip nonsense.

Eliot rocking a good looking hat that looks good on him.

Jimmy thinks he looks 5 years younger and handsomer. He also refers to a yamacah as a “disc”.

Here we go!

Jimmy watched the documentary Happy Valley about Penn State.

Jimmy talks about the documentary.




Matt publically acknowledges that Bloodline gets so good. He publically apologizes for his comments.

Put that hat on Eliot!!!

People love the cold stare!

The Iceman! Val Kilmer.

Jimmy is doing an episode of Mockpocalypse today. It’s soundtracks. Good song in a bad movie? Danger zone? Matt thinks Top Gun is a good movie.

Top Gun chat. Jimmy thinks he put on a hipster mustache over Top Gun.

10 – Top Gun inspired Matt to take up Volleyball.

movie-poster-top-gunTop Gun right in the window of a soundtrack being a big deal.

Jimmy also watched Everest and After Porn Ends. Everest is great. The porn one is BORING.

Jimmy talks about how they “rolled up” on a porn star (Randy West) in Van Nuys.

Matt points out that Van Nuys is the hottest place in CA.

Peter North is not dead. 

15 – How hard is it to get a porn permit in LA today versus 20 years ago.

Jimmy talks about how he trimmed his eyebrows wrong.

Jimmy wonders if watching shows like Conan or Fallon if the camera man ever speaks up.

Matt wonders if Asia Carerra’s masters is in bation.

Reminder: The Rhythm Is Gonna Getcha…when though? Tonight.

Old Man Lizard shows up.

Estefan talk!

Gloria Estefan 

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16P – Working the Phones with Jimmy and the Gang

11334156_10153116637819079_7494123959529602029_oJoin the Players Club!

Never Not Funny
Modest Games
Pop Culture Beast

16 P as in Party!

00 – Hello! Indeed yes indeed! Jimmy’s coming in hot. Sully Sullenberg gonna bring this bird in! He didn’t turn the plane upside down.

We can say cock on the players club. We keep it nice and clean on the other one.

Matt and Jimmy play with their iPhones.

Jimmy is texting to Danielle.

16 Poison!

No winner.

Jimmy is wearing his U2 T-shirt. It’s a write off!

They’re talking the show. Insanity and grab ass tour? Innocence and Experience tour.


Jimmy likes the logo.

Jimmy is apologizing and giving me an amazing birthday gift!!!!

05 – Jimmy mocks the listener complaining about the gerbil! He does the show for himself and hates you all. (not really).

Mr. Generous

Mr. Generous

Darryl Asher got Matt and Jimmy U2 tickets. Thanks Darryl!

Steve Harvey knows his fish.

Jimmy gives details on his U2 seats. They had muddy sound from weird speakers.

10 – Jimmy talks about hearing an old man working at the forum who is giving out closer tickets!! Jimmy and Matt end up moving into what is probably the best place to watch the show. Turned out to be perfect! Except the rhythmless dancer that was sitting in front of Matt. She was so bad that it would make you think the bad was off.

We lost Dennis, U2s Tour Manager. 

The guys recommend seeing this show even if you just LIKE U2.

15 – Jimmy tells us the U2 albums he has.

Here is the setlist if you are curious!! 

Once again, Mr. Generous

Once again, Mr. Generous

Jimmy offered the closer tickets to Darryl first.

Jimmy wants to win the lotto so he can move to an island and hatchet a radio playing jimmy buffet.

Sheryl Crow chat!

Her covers: 

No guest today!

Jimmy talks about his beard. He had to take a cold shower because of a power outage.

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1616 – Speaking in Code with Kumail Nanjiani

Kumail Nanjiani - Mint snake victim

Kumail Nanjiani – Mint snake victim


In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

—— DARRYL’S NOTES (due to Garon being held hostage by Sprint) ———–


Darryl and Jenn Asher are here

Probably not appropriate to call it a shout-out when I'm actually sitting right there, but I like to use this icon, and it's my website

Probably not appropriate to call it a shout-out when I’m actually sitting right there, but I like to use this icon, and it’s my website

Darryl is sitting in for Garon because he is held hostage at a Sprint store

Garon: good hostage?

My incredible Garon impression ::click::   ::sigh::   ::mumble::   ::click::


We brought Jenn’s jar cakes!

4:00 – Matt falls for my snake in the mint can, resulting in Eliot getting yelled at, and Jenn and I get called by “Motherfuckers” by Matt

GIF Courtesy of @VineyPardo on Twitter

Freeze frame courtesy of @NnfFace on Twitter

Freeze frame courtesy of @NnfFace on Twitter


Some of you might know that in a “former life” I was a (part time) comedy magician. For reasons too boring to explain, I bought the snake-in-a-can because in one routine with an audience volunteer, I have some comedic by-play in which I offer a mint. About half the time, the volunteer doesn’t fall for it, knowing exactly what’s in the can. Either way, it was a stupid but funny throw-away part of the routine, the point of which was to make ME look like an idiot.

I have not performed in about 20 years, but my props are in a box in my basement. When my lovely bride Jenn decided to make jar-cakes for the guys, for some reason my long-forgotten snake-in-a-can came to mind, and I rescued it from my prop box, figuring I would just place it with the jar-cakes and see what happened.

BUT… I honestly never thought anyone would fall for it! I assumed Jimmy or Matt would immediately know what it was, and I would be the focus of wrath for daring to bring such a hacky, stupid thing into the professional Never Not Funny Studio. But snakemintit worked out better than I could have hoped. After the show I gave it to Jimmy to pass on to Oliver.

You can order your own snake in a mint can here!


Jenn has a black heart

The snake mint can has a retro design (because it really is old)

The cakes are DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!! FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!! (Seriously, those guys are not just being nice. Jenn’s jar cakes are incredibly delicious)

It’s got a CORE OF CARAMEL!!!!! Jenn thought of everything!!!

Paper shuffling sound-effect on radio: on purpose?


Reminiscing about the Pardcastathon cakes

Jenn comes up with the winning “get Garon to open it” idea

The snake self-detonates on me!

I stand by Jenn’s “spring in his snake” joke, and my mumbling, halting delivery of it

The Carol Burnett “fan mail” bit

Will Lexington on the O.C.


I’m doing Garon’s job ON A PHONE!

The annoying “shut-up!” wine-talking people in the massage Relax Room

“I’ve always wanted to have a Go-Pro wedding”


Matt’s son loved Matt’s friend’s original X-Wing fighter from the 70s

Matt’s family is going to see Star Wars

VH1's Big In 2003 Awards - ArrivalsChris Carmack said “Welcome to the OC bitch” as Luke (Me doing Garon’s job ON A PHONE!!!!)

Nashville talk

Jimmy missed a major plot point in Nashville


Nashville talk continues

Matt and family were on the Disney Cruise

Matt speculates about Jimmy’s possible illegitimate child(ren)

We wish you luck as we do all bastards


I’m better at mic-handling than Garon, but Jimmy just says that to pile on the absent Garon

Maureen McGovern sang Morning After

Eliot got a mysterious email, and makes it more mysterious by deliberately being vague about it

Eliot starts to read the email, but gets interrupted by Garon

Garon enters with his signature sigh


Parking talk

Garon talks about his messed-up schedule

Breaking news: Garon has another job – website moderation

“Hey guys cool it!” “Come on, none of that!”

The teen-based social network that Garon works for is either uncool or really cool

Phone stores take too long for (according to Matt) nefarious reasons

Target is clearing out iPhone cases

Jimmy is uncomforatble with Jenn and me engaging in graphic public displays of hand-holding


Jimmy says that 180 gram vinyl sounds better SONICALLY, as opposed to any other definition of “sounds better”

Garon opens the snake mint can and TOTALLY RUINS IT!

Eliot got the failure on video, though, so there’s that.

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16O – Making it Through the Wilderness with Pat Francis

Pat Francis shows off his lip tattoo

Pat Francis shows off his lip tattoo

Join the Players Club

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and addiitonal notes by Darryl Asher


00 – Welcome in! Jimmy is swiping apps.

Matt was out on the sea. He talked in depth about Jimmy’s tattoos.

He and the family went on a Disney cruise.

Vacation talk!

Eliot’s camera movement is bothering Jimmy.

Wide and Divide!

Matt says the one thing to yell at Eliot over and he’s doing his job.

05 – Matt gives us more details on his Disney Cruise.

Matt calls the shows the “C-team” Eliot and I think it’s the Sea team. Matt mad he didn’t think of that. Then calls them the D team.

Matt saw Avengers 2 on the boat. Enjoyed it since he had no expectations.

D-box-seatingJimmy reiterates that that movie sucks and blames Matt’s enjoyment of it on seasickness.

10 – D-Box

You don’t need to lean in Eliot!

Jimmy reminds Eliot about his microphone usage.

Bette Middler at The Staples Center

3 days not enough for a cruise according to Matt.

15 – Jimmy would have had Matt bring him some antibiotics had he known he was heading to Mexico.

Lots of buddys but not “buddies”

Our guest just wandered in.

Camouflage shorts.

Hi Pat!!!

He’s all green.

20 – Jimmy almost crashed into someone doing a u-turn then some “cooze” walked into the space he was trying to park in.

Baseball time!!!

Jimmy can’t work the wifi.

Mad Dog is here! Wishes me a happy birthday!

League update:

Jimmy’s in first place!
Vagabonds of the night in 2nd
Mama says Tanaka You Out in 3rd

Thanks mad dog!

Guess my age. Seems like 32 is the popular guess.

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