NeverNotNotes

1309 – May Ben Schwartz Be With You

Ben Schwartz

Ben Schwartz

NNF 1309 – Ben Schwartz

@rejectedjokes

http://www.rejectedjokes.com

00 – Helllooo everybody.  1309!  Not 1308!  We’re gaslighting Jimmy.  Lots of shortpants!  Fat people and queers were tanktops guys.  $20 for new shorts!

Gaslighting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity.

05 – Jimmy confirms daft punk song more catchy that blurred lines.  Some chat about streaming live?  Briefly.   This episode drops on 9/11!  Right Said Fred seems like a good guy.  Jethro Tull behind She said she was a dancer.   Lotta music happening!

10 – What are tables for?  Not holding Matt’s laptop apparently.  Paul Gilmartin calls Jimmy’s house “the model home.”  Jimmy considered cutting the lawn for the HVAC guys.   Jimmy just over Diverticulitis.  He and Danielle went to see The Butler (too many blacks for his liking, in the theater).  They sat in the 3rd row and Forrest Whitaker’s eye brushed his forehead.

We’ll be back!

15 – We’re back!  E-Cig chat.  The Vapors big song was Turning Japanese.  Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons coming to a local BN.  Jimmy went for the $99 Kiss Football season tix.  Alllll gone.   Go see Bare (https://www.plays411.net/newsite/show/play_info.asp?show_id=3575)

20 – Ben Schwartz is here!!  From Parks and Rec, which might be Jimmy’s favorite sitcom.  Ben calling them SitchCom, Scom, Scoom.   DirecTV gets east coast times!    Ben says Jimmy used “classic pardo” for haha funnies.   John from Cincinnati chat!  Features Jimmy’s least favorite bathroom phrase, “Dumping out.”  Ben turning 32 in a few days.  Not on 9/11.   Life Hacks, (@lifehacks) trick candles on camping trips to use to light fires.

25 – On Trick Candles: Although no one person is credited for having invented trick candles, the patent to the self-igniting wick belongs to a man named Takahashi Toshio, who invented it as a safety improvement to ordinary candles.

Ben walks the viewers through the camera set up and compliments the studio.  Raw Rabbit! Classic Schwartz!  Ben saying there is a little mustache on Matt’s thumb is one fo the funniest things I’ve ever heard on this show.

30 – Paul McCartney chat re: his new song New.  Ben does multiple song listens to make sure he likes it.  Jimmy confirms he Double Dips the music.  Jimmy never liked The B-52s.  There ain’t no hat for that!

35 – Ben likes to complete things.   He saw 3 episodes of 6 feet under and cried on the last episode.   Ben comes from The Bronx!  Loved the HBO opening.   Ben wants to put so much stuff on the table just to see what happens.  Ben is confirming Jimmy’s OCD.   At the old studio, Jimmy went home and came all the way back to make sure the door was locked.

40 – New car fob talk.  Apparently you can write off lease car payments?! The general consensus is that it’s a better idea to lease than to buy. Jimmy has had his car since December 2011.

45 – Jimmy fell asleep driving once.  Freaked him out so bad that he slept in a dennys parking lot.  He may have also been hammered.    You’ve got the moves, you’ve got it all!  Matt thinks his car alarm is too loud when it is set.   The ear thing that wakes you up if you doze is called Doze Alert (http://www.assistivetechnologyservices.com/dozealert.html)

50 –  Zoe not a fan of indoor rides and trams thanks to Universal Studios.  Matt had too much spin on the teacup ride and got a little sick.  Oliver freaked by Splash Mountain!

55 – Ben is the voice of Randy on Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja!   He gets paid the same as the star as someone who gets in to do 1 line.  Good Luck Charlie ends next year.   Season 4 premiered on April 28, 2013.[5] It was later confirmed that season 4 will be the final season, slated to end in early 2014.

60 – Jimmy thought Good Luck Charlie was a Vietnamese show.   It looks like the voice over guy Jimmy was referring too was Ernie Anderson.  Coconut water taste test coming up!

We’ll be back!

We’re back.  Purity Organic sent over some juice and are sponsoring Pardcastathon!  We’re going to try some coconut water.  Ive never had it.  Don’t like coconut.  Trying the mango kind.    Not a fan.

65 – “There’s plenty of milks for all!”  Jimmy’s new character Elmond (almond).  Ben refers to Jimmy as Man of a thousand seconds.  Oliver says, “you did it once, dad!” on Jimmy trying his Paul Stanley.  Ben and Matt attempt popeye.  Danielle did her b/w popeye impression when they were playing.

70 – “You don’t bad mouth your mother’s popeye!”  Jimmy’s #1 funniest moment courtesy of Paul gilmartin.  Jimmy tells a long long story about getting hired for a record store.  “$5 bucks for the shade.”  Paul says, “shooter, that’s the worst story ive ever heard.  A retarded kid would be reprimanded in school for a story like that.”  They had to pull over from laughing so hard.   Jimmy loves impressions.   Bill Hader was indeed in the LA Comedy troupe Animals from the Future.   Jimmy approves of the James Franco roast.  Lotta funny!

75 – Where you born in a carnival? – Ben.  Matt does a gorilla thing, Ben: Have you been to a carnival?  Ben noticed the lack of color in the past guests of pardcastathon.  “What’s up my man! You watch Shaft today? Still holds up!”  Aziz went to hypnosis to stop using his phone so much.  Jimmy did it to stop saying fuck so much on stage.

80 – Ben had anti-Semitic stuff happen to his family even growing up in a jewish neighborhood.   The difference between a zoo and a carnival is animals and carnival games.

85 – Disney is an amusement park.  Disneyland employee SW Jokes:

You ever have a wookie cookie?  It’s chewy!

How did darth vader know what luke was giving him for Christmas?  He felt his presents.

Where does princess leia go shopping? The Darth Mall (everything was half off!).  Or AlderRoss – per me.

90 – Ben makes up a joke on the spot.  “What does Sly Stallone say to people in Degabah when they say something stupid.”  “Yo duh!”  Oliver not a fan of the names in Star Wars Angry Birds so he and Jimmy would make up new names.   Princess Poopatine.  Pricess Lays Potato Chips.  Han Solo Cups, Boba Feta are courtesy of Ben.    Happy early birthday Andy Kindler!

95 – Ben’s sketch group is called Hot Sauce.  No word on whether that Disney employee was rogue with his Star Wars jokes.   Jimmy getting central air and probably a new furnace.

100 – Jimmy had a guy come give an bid for the repairs. He was a dud.  The company website described the guy as a complete opposite of who came in.    Back to the future notification!!!  Ben’s ringtones are amazing.

105 – Ben asks if Matt’s Hitler mustache is on the bottom of the mushroom.    Jimmy wonders if they’re gonna show him a video (it’s the fox says video).  Jimmy loves a soldier surprise homecoming video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juLoCA7w0I8

110 – It’s like Frasier for Babies at a pitch.  No response.   Jimmy asked Ben to do the show on a commercial break on Conan.

115 – Pretty Lights featuring Talib Kweli was the band on Conan.  Ben is a huge fan of Talib’s who turned out to be a big fan of Ben!   Matt’s advice to standing around idly at the end of a late night talk show, grab the bands instruments and start playing.

120 – Ben asks if there is anything we’d wait in line 4 hours for.  Matt says he’d do it for Kesha.   Ben wonders if we’re more passionate about things as kids so we’d wait for it.    God I miss match game!   Matt runs A Special Thing.  Runs it into the ground – Jimmy.

We’re done!

Weird hands from me!

My Pleasure,

– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast