1323 – Revving it Up with Rachel Quaintance
NNF 1323 – Rachel Quaintance
00 – Hello! Welcome! Rachel Quantence is coming in today. We’re at Sketchfest 2/1 at 11am! Sixth year! www.setholenick.com 5 pound book of photos of comedians! 1207 was the first episode in the new studio with Harland Williams.
Keith and The Girl’s Podcast manual is available at http://ultimatepodcastingguide.com/. Use code MATT for 10% off.
05 – All things covered! Shout out to Jimmy’s friend Matt Fugate who is going through his health issues related to MS.
Jimmy cleaned his house! Danielle texted her appreciation. They went with a Samsung, which is a South Korean company, not Japanese, and not North Korea who we are mad at as we’ve reminded Jimmy.
We wish the Kims the best of luck.
Jimmy and Danielle took Oliver to see Santa. Oliver buys into all things Santa and Christmas.
10 – How long do you let a kid believe in Santa? JImmy kills that kid who spoils Santa for Oliver…until like 10ish.
Give 100% elves! It’s infuriating if you aren’t giving your all for the kids. Still, Oliver loved the show. Jimmy heard Sinatra’s Rudolph song and wanted to dig him up and kill him.
“Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer, and Vixen!
“On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!
Matt quotes 1 movie so Jimmy is able to guess it. “Beaks!”
15 – Jimmy confirms Santa is white. Matt says he is fictional so you can’t apply race to him. Jimmy was caught in a flash mob! A church choir came down and kicked it off around the Santa thing. Jimmy loved it! “Greatest thing in the world.” Everyone had a smile on their faces. “if you didn’t smile at that go out and suck the muffler.” Flash mob beats shuttle!
Matt’s daughter Zoe went to dance camp all day on black Friday. Santa was there. Zoe is not a fan of santa’s lap or even the idea of it. At this camp she sat with Santa and pictures reveal he was terrifying “and this is the creepazoid she is okay with?” – Elise. It looked like he was a homeless guy they pulled off the street.
20 – Oliver says if Santa’s beard was fake “5 or 6 kids would have pulled it.”
Ray Price is not dead. http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/5839791/ray-price-cancer-battle-false-death-reports
Jimmy asks if we can name a song. Matt says he enjoyed his work on Thriller. Eliot asks about Monster Mash. Jimmy does not appreciate that.
Jimmy plays us some Jim Reeves and some Feron Young. And now some Ray Price.
25 – This is some classic country guys Ray Price.
More Ray Price. “We’re losing him.” Even more Ray Price. Lay your head on my pillow. Jimmy is crooning away! For the good times!
30 – Jimmy yells at Rachel for asking for a sign. He then apologies when he realizes she means a recording sign. 47 Blocks is the director’s cut of 16 Blocks.
We’ll be back!
Here are some singers who died in plane crashes:
Payne Stewart’s band was called Jake Trout and the Flounders
35 – Rachel saw Willie Nelson at the Hollywood Bowl. Apparently not fun.
Don’t be a dick at concerts and movies guys!
Rachel doesn’t think a guy at a brandi Carlisle show should not have been singing along with her suicide song.
Don’t be a dick at the bowl!
40 – Jimmy almost dropped a C-Word again at the Improv. It was a Christmas party for some women’s empowerment group. Joel Atwell, Brian Kylie, Chris Delorenzo, Julian McCullugh, Jake Johanson. What a show!
Jimmy then rushed over to see Dawes, who also have a song about suicide. Jimmy wanted to tip the sound mixer because the sound was so great. Some dumb fucks started wooing when the suicide song came on.
Jimmy has can troubles!
Rachel has been listening to the love theme of Bridges of Madisson County. Composer Lennie Niehaus.
45 – Sawyer Brown song makes Jimmy cry. Song about a son and a father. The Walk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4c9Iyu4feg
Rachel has a Wal-mart commercial that aired during Nashville!
50 – CTE is indeed the football injury. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_traumatic_encephalopathy
Jimmy has a warrior dash the same day as the opening day of LA Kiss!
55 – Jimmy sings Thank God I’m a Country Boy. Lennie Neihas scores: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lennie_Niehaus#Musical_scores
Rachel does her Saucy Balls character.
60 – Rock Bottom Remainders: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_Bottom_Remainders Jimmy has issues with Tom Labonge. (63 m) who shows up at block parties in Rachel’s neighborhood. Rachel’s dog is named Waldo. We do know where he is though according to Jimmy.
65 – Stop Being a Dick – Rachel’s new creedo. Get on letter press, matt says its better press.
Jimmy wonders if Rachel did a line of blow before the show.
70 – Pat’s Boston review: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/11/music-review-boston-life-love-hope-cd.html Eliot overslept, still hasn’t recovered from pardcastathon.
75 – Call time talk from Rachel. Stay up for earlier call times. Rachel saw Marlon Brando at Casa Vega. Best star sighting ever?
Jimmy thinks Rachel is taking numerous monster drinks. Rachel has never had an energy drink. She’s just doing the damn thing. Rachel tells a story about a Bollywood exercise video. Jimmy’s reaction, “oh my god that was your story?”
More industry slang from Rachel, “Next victim!” at an audition.
80 – Jimmy goes to Dr. Vinnie Boombutt. Rachel uses a doc at Cedars yet she’s not had any procedures. She loves him though!
Matt’s here. Rachel’s here.
Jimmy tells her to watch Nashville. Matt and Jimmy discuss the show now.
Rachel drops more showbiz stuff bragging about her screeners.
85 – Matt talks about Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club. Jimmy had 3 cookies at the mall. Rachel asks if they had the salted caramel thing. Jimmy says they didn’t otherwise he’d still be there fucking it. Matt ate nearly an entire batch of sugar cookies. Jimmy had to be on a liquid diet for 3 days.
Taco in a bag? Walking taco? Bag of dorittos, taco fixins, crushed and put into a bag. Everyone is all over it. Rachel says it is sooo delicious. The following nights BBQ was not as good. Make no mistake jimmy loved manwhich as a kid. Manwhich apparently is Minnesota bbq.
90 – Rachel confirms she’ll do walking tacos/taco in a bag at her next party. She had brisquit at the last party. She had a signature drink. Jimmy wonders who the fuck she is.
We’ll be back!
Rachel hasn’t stopped talking during the break. Rachel saw Dolly Parton and got on her tour bus when she was 5.
95 – Ray Price is still alive. Jimmy plays Release Me again. Jimmy’s new character is Morbid Country DJ. Rachel used to watch the Mandrell sisters when she was younger. Rachel’s dad talks a lot. Rachel’s cabinet maker sounds like a maniac but she says he’s awesome. She tells a story about riding to a store with him and having a woman pull up next to them and sort of indicating that she thought Rachel was in trouble.
Jimmy says you had to be there.
Rachel has a great floor guy in LA. The rest of her kitchen crew was apparently imported from Arizona.
Rachel has her mom’s good qualities and her dad’s annoying ones. Jimmy, “Con-firmed.” Dogs love Jimmy but of course he is deathly allergic. Rachel hasn’t done an episode of her husband’s show yet.
105 – a make up lady told Rachel she could play late 20s. She doesn’t believe it.
110 – Rachel hates the wind. Jimmy says “you know who’s like the wind? She is.” Jimmy rips open his forehead by itching it. Leaves a claw mark. He gets makes up! Matt sings the Mabeline jingle. Rachel spins a crazy massage story about her husband cheating with the masseuse but its actually Rachel and he doesn’t know it because he has cucumber over his eyes.
Matt’s never had a message. Jimmy’s never fallen asleep he concentrates too hard on not getting an erection. Greg Berenhdts theory on erections at massages is that they’re used to it. Matt brings up the vibrating massage at Floyds.
Jimmy inquires on Matt’s giant forearms. He then verifies and retracts when he seems how small they are.
2 cameras on Rachel’s commercial. 7 cameras here. Four cameras on a sitcom. Seven cameras here.
Rachel won the powerball! $4.
Rachel is called out for mentioning Chin Chins too much. Rachel is going back to Minnesota again for Christmas. She also went for thanksgiving as it was important to her mom. Ford, Rachel’s son, loves the Tigers.
115 – Rainbow Loom bracelets http://i.ebayimg.com/t/Rainbow-Loom-Fishtail-Friendship-Rubber-band-Bracelet-10-For-10-/00/s/MTIwMFgxNjAw/z/8tUAAOxy79JSWVHi/$(KGrHqZHJE8FJFws1cPcBSWVHhnoLQ~~60_57.JPG
Rachel blames cool dads for kids no respecting adults anymore. Rachel nearly lost her voice yelling at her kids. Jimmy said he’d handle it by turning off the airbags and crash into a pole.
Golda Meir – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golda_Meir
Rachel thinks her daughter is too young for Breakfast Club but not Say Anything. Actually, Rachel just wanted to watch the movie. Rachel’s all-time favorite movie is Tootsie. Defending Your Life is #2.
120 – Matt wants to pitch tyler perry a movie where Madea has to dress up like a man. Hand job party!
Walking Taco party! Rachel didn’t enjoy her massage from a strange man, she usually gets female masseuses. Rachel would “absolutely” have sex with current day Mandy Patinkin. Jimmy thinks Grudge Match will be good despite looking awful.
Rachel’s a good listener. She wonders who signs off.
Rachel admits to not donating to pardcastathon this year. Jimmy tells her there is still time.
Ten shout outs for donating! Thanks for donating!
“That’s 2 guys 4 first names.” – MSNBC anchor.
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast