NNF 1322 – Todd Glass
00 – Hello indeed! Welcome! Jimmy was gonna start and was interrupted by guess who? Eliot! Jimmy can’t even get through the bit. Eliot is video control, mind the 1s and 2s, no mic! Eliot’s done. Dan Katz is doing well after a bike accident. Jimmy thinks he was asking for it and was probably on an old timey bike.
Apologies to Austin Texas!
Jimmy’s Darvoticulitis is back and he is annoyed by a phone call trying to schedule an appointment.
05 – Plenty of airport chat guys here are tons of links!
Jimmy recounts Danielle’s Jon Benet Ramsey joke. He loves it.
10 – Todd Glass is gonna be here! Airport countdown link above.
15 – Jimmy thought he was having flight luck again. He was sitting on the plane minutes from take-off. His connection was canceled while he was on the plane. He considered getting off the plane but decided against it. Then changed his mind again just as they closed the door. He’s a lame duck! Everything out of Dallas was canceled. Jimmy was prepared to get off the plane but it started to move so he was stuck knowing he was going to get stuck in Dallas.
20 – He then thought they’d get diverted to Austin or Houston. But no, went to Dallas and it was covered in ice. As he landed you could see cars in ditches, over turned semis so Jimmy realized he was not going to be driving. Jimmy’s becomes Tom Hanks stuck in The Terminal.
25 – Jimmy had to do an OJ run through the airport to catch the Courtyard shuttle. It took 45 minutes to go less than 3 miles. He kept rescheduling flights and they’d get canceled.
35 – Missed some stuff waiting for Todd. Jimmy’s not in the best of moods thanks to diverticulitis and Eliot interrupting. Jimmy wonders what we might put up our rectum and if it would be a light bulb. No one’s buying that someone accidentally sat on a light bulb. Just wonders who Rob is. Todd says he is a good kid, Jimmy says he’s an asshole for spreading the story Todd said was false. Rob and Lane seem like good people. Jimmy says Lane’s gotta get out, Rob’s full of lies.
40 – Here are some x-rays of things people have put in their asses. http://researchonmedical.com/2013/02/20-objects-found-stuck-in-a-rectum-in-an-er/
Todd needs studio laughter! Jimmy thinks the engineer at earwolf should laugh. The guys wonder if he is tuning out, Matt thinks he is just trying to be professional. Jimmy’s gonna sit down with those guys and have a conversation about it.
We’re taking a break. Apologies to Austin even though Jimmy did his best to get there. Joe Coy chat about Orange Chicken.
45 – No one is asking Jimmy if he likes Spaghetti because he is Italian.
We’ll be back!
We’re back! Todd Glass is here adjusting his clothes.
I 100%’d This Charming Man on Rock Band btw.
50 – Jimmy goes through some Chicago Message board controversy with people complaining about current music. A Chicago member’s son is on The Voice right now. Jimmy describes Cee-lo Green as having “Dinosaur arms.”
More orange chicken chat!
“You ever eat shrimp and grits?” – Todd “No because I don’t eat shrimp and I’m not a hillbilly asshole.” – Jimmy.
55 – Jimmy opens the floor to questions. Todd asks about studio movement. Jimmy says he doesn’t mind moving but isn’t sure how he would feel if he was in the position of a Conan or a Letterman. Todd sings I Gotta Be Me! Jimmy asks if Todd is like Wayne Brady in that he can make up a song on the spot. Jimmy thinks it’s a fun talent to be able to make up a song out of nothing.
Jimmy supports the young people, but still doesn’t know a lot of them. Jimmy and Matt compliments Todd’s song creation skills.
60 – Jimmy thinks Jimmy Buffet fans are dumb with their parrot hats. Bill Champlin is a very good vocalist according to Jimmy. Jimmy misses Simon Cowell. 9/11!! Jimmy understands his airport issues aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but at the time it feels bad. You feel so alone.
65 – Eliot has a question about what would happen if Jimmy and Todd were stuck together. “Bits galore.” – Todd. Jimmy said they’d have fun. He’d have fun with anyone because he wouldn’t be alone. Jimmy says it would have been night and day. Jimmy has can issues again! Jimmy has never missed a day on Conan.
70 – Todd wonders how different you can handle a woman heckler versus a guy heckler. Jimmy thinks you have to edit yourself. Todd tells the story of how he ripped into a woman in the audience whose husband wasn’t saying anything he even gave some compliments to the husband.
Jimmy learned the following from Todd’s story, Todd doesn’t know what the word quickly means.
75 – I really can’t find a good map of cities near iowa/ill. Todd goes off about phone problems.
80 – Return texts and phone calls people!
85 – Still looking for a good map to use for Jimmy to find that city. Todd mentions putting dogs down.
That band name was wham! City was Debuke. Todd complimented me early which I appreciated greatly. Dorth Mall – Jimmy mentioning a double sided light saber.
Jimmy is done with the phrase “old school” and is slipping out of his chair. Todd discusses Old School and who was considered that when they were in their 40s.
90 – Jimmy has learned that the headphones are not so he can hear the guests but so he can know how loud he is talking. Todd realizes he is talking loud and gets a point from Jimmy. Todd goes to Sam’s to get his hair done. Looks great! Jimmy advises Todd quiet down.
Matt doesn’t think a relative who does a good impression of you counts. You might share the same genes. Jimmy says he and his cousin share jeans as they’re the same size. Jimmy can’t drink! Can’s too big!
95 – Jimmy wonders why people order tomato juice on a plane when they don’t order it anywhere else. No real answer. Seems like hive mentality.
Todd asks why Jimmy doesn’t have his light on Jimmy immediately asks why Todd doesn’t have his on.
Jimmy had a caramel salt brownie and describes it as a 7000 out of 100. Todd loves it as well.
Biscoff Cookies – http://www.biscoff.com/indulge/biscoff-cookies described as having a “carmalized flavor.”
100 – Todd loves Virgin Airlines lighting. Tells a story about an old man reacting to being asked if he packed his own bag. Jimmy talks about hearing someone yelling “You want a piece of this?” and thinking something was going down he turned to see it was an old man offering some of his food to his wife.
Todd mentions how he sometimes lies about his food, mentioning how he ordered two pretzel bun burgers and told a friend he’d freeze one for later. He did not freeze it and ate it when he got home.
Twizzler vs Red Vine – http://dessertreport.com/article/candy-fight-red-vines-vs-twizzlers
Todd hired a hot dog cart for a party he had. Jimmy wonders when that was as it appears Jimmy was not there or invited.
105 – Jimmy thinks Danielle would cook all the time if he didn’t live with her. Jimmy goes through his food issues about he can’t be around cooking or preparing foods.
Oliver says he has more of mommy in him which is why he is so cute. Jimmy says listening to Oliver sound out words is adorable. Jimmy realized he is a horrible cold reader.
Todd feels like he is a buffoon when he reads to his nephew.
110 – Jimmy goes back to eliot’s question. He asks if it’s just meat that bothers Jimmy. Jimmy confirms its 98% meat. Todd loves the idea of a dinner party but hates having to cook and deal with the mess.
Joke reset for Todd to ask Jimmy if he likes Spaghetti.
Jimmy says Comedy Bang Bang is the only show he is comfortable on and doesn’t think they’re going to fire him at any minute. Todd was a nervous wreck on his shoot day even though everyone said he was great and was super nice.
Todd loves beats now. Jimmy asks if he watches his stories with them, grandma. Todd does an old woman bit talking about Price is Right with Drew versus Bob.
115 – Jimmy wonders how The Talk is still on the air. Jimmy still having mic vs can issues! Jimmy got a text from Mike Cusick saying his mileage is 69,6096.9. Todd asks what kind of car. Matt says, “probably a pussy wagon.” Jimmy suspects that Mike is his oldest friend.
Jimmy had a huge cyst removed from his head in the 90s.
Jimmy and Matt break it to Todd that he describes the check drop every single time he is on the show. Judah Friedlander started a petition to end the check drop. Todd loved the idea and hopes that the check drop eventually goes away.
Sign to the petition here: http://www.dropthecheckspot.org/signature.php
120 – Todd goes through the check drop scenario which involves screaming out loud about doing math for the check. Todd also dislikes ads on Pandora that ruin the moment you might be experiencing by listening to the song.
We reset again for Todd to do a joke. We’ll edit it out.
125 – Todd thinks it’s hot. Jimmy tells him it certainly isn’t. “He looks at life differently than the rest of us.” – guy on a george carlin commercial. “Oh so he’s a comedian?” – Jimmy.
You guys are sick and I love you. I may be going to hell but you’re all going with me. _ lame things to say to audiences.
130 – Todd talks about how manipulation on stage drives Todd nuts. More lame things to say on stage: “Do what I do.”
Todd asks if he writes a closing song for Jimmy if he would sing it every episode. Todd’s special at the El Ray is on Netflix. Jimmy had to turn off the gas himself at his house so the washer and dryer could be taken away. Jimmy turned on the stove to make sure it was off as he thought if it blew up only he’d be killed by it and his family wouldn’t be.
135 – Mike Cusik drives a Lincoln MKZ. Jimmy describes it as a man’s car. It is indeed a sedan.
Todd has $5 on the line if he can guess the busiest airport. He guessed Vegas. Incorrect. Todd knows where the busiest WaWa is. Let’s also get rid of Hotlanta.
Woops I said Charlotte Was # 4 in fact it was Miami. Charlotte is #9.
“gasp! He went grey!” ladies at tom jones concert, including Jimmy.
Jimmy slaps the mic with his cash.
We’re done! For real this time.
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast