1324 – Decking the Halls with Chris Hardwick

Chris Hardwick looks to the future

NNF 1324 – Chris Hardwick
@Nerdist

00 – Hellllo! Welcome to 1324! Hopefully released on Chistmas Eve. We’re off next week and there will be a bonus episode. Jimmy stretching to get a Don Knotts impression out. Can’t do it. Jimmy says Matt needs to get a new attitude for Christmas. Traffic bad all over the country. We’re all trying to get through the Ray Price situation. Jimmy felt a little dirty but also thought we shoulda went further. Matt didn’t find it negative and felt it was a nice tribute. God hated Eliot’s monster mash joke so much that he gave him the flu.
Allergy shot info: http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/allergy-shots/AA00017.html

05 – Jimmy discovers he is allergic to dust mites that live in various pillows, etc. it’s all NASA now. It’s a slave with a speech impediment. Jimmy goes for his colonoscopy next week. Fingercuffs for the opening. Jimmy can’t drink his lemonade again!
Jimmy’s butt doctor is the best doc. He’s phenomenal. They fake spared in the office. Also he met Dr. Trayvon and the two docs fake fought over who was a better doctor. Jimmy gets to take some propofal for the procedure.

10 – Jimmy doesn’t think Michael Jackson was a pedophile just weird. First you get the money. Then the power. Then the WOMEN. Jimmy quotes Phil Hendrie: “You’re gonna make me jump out of my slacks!”
Get your finances in order!
You can buy past seasons at any time as well. The internet says this season is the best season ever. 22,000 people can’t be wrong.

15 – Jimmy felt bad after Matt posted that Santa picture. Jimmy got a great picture of Oliver with Santa. He was pointing at his list. Oliver is super excited for Christmas. Mandelier: Guys hanging from a ceiling waiting to get fucked. Elf on a Shelf story! Harry’s hat fell off and they barricaded it off. Sit and get guest!! Sleep # 69.
Chris Hardwick is our guest!! He snuck in. Bag full of show ideas.

20 – Chris’s last episode was 502. Christhmath Wedding! Chris wants Ice-T’s greatest hits. Dennis Hopper directed Colors. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094894/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
Glass windows in 2014 for NNF. Jimmy will be the boy in the bubble. John Travolta and Robert DeNiro in Killing Season http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1480295/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_3.
Netflix rating of Killing Season: 3 Stars!

25 – We’re back! Eliot’s sick. Spike Lee your body eliot! Give yourself a break Eliot! Happy holidays! Eliot and Chris went to UCLA at the same time. Chris was in the Stand up club. Mike Furhman, Steve Callahan. The club before had Shane Black, suli Mccullouh (that can’t be spelled correctly), and the guys who wrote Bill and Ted.

30 – Jimmy wonders why there was a Stand Up club at UCLA instead of just going out to the clubs around town. Chris talks about how they’d all sit around and help each other flesh out material and do shows at dorms. Eliot and Chris would cross paths occasionally. Eliot was in the Sketch comedy group. The guy who helped start Largo was also in Eliot’s group.

35 – Does Eliot have the flu or full blown aids? Eliot mentions family guy. Uh oh Eliot. Jimmy wants him to shut it down as a Christmas gift.
Jimmy finds wrestling as an excuse for sex. Jimmy quit wrestling the day he found out he’d be hazed and given a pink belly.

40 – Chris consults the globe light to see if Eliot will get this episode out by Christmas eve/day. Chris is probably going to Vegas for a few days around the holidays. Jimmy suggests palm springs or Santa Barbara. Chloe and Chris call Vegas Jizzneyland. Cum-covered Disneyland. Eliot’s phone goes off for some reason. He was trying to find something to show Jimmy later. 9/10 times fireman are rushing around on the WB lot, is microwave popcorn. The 10th time someone’s dead.
Chris wanted to do a sketch inside the WB Tower showing the skeletons of the animaniacs trying to get out.
All I Want For Christmas (Is Too Rock) http://www.nerdist.com/2009/12/all-i-want-for-christmas-is-to-rock/

45 – The guys discuss Chris’s experiences with Rock of Ages. He had to sing Sister Christian, I wanna know what love is, Too much time on my hands, etc. Chris listened to Mr. Roboto on the way in. Jimmy talks about how that ruined the band.
Mr. Roboto – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Roboto

50 – Apparently Marc Maron hates Chris Hardwick’s stand-up or does he?! Chris says he’s been really cool with him this past year. Chris talks about a bit he had related to Ted Nugent stacking girls four or five high and fucking them. “Fuck Jenga!” Jimmy loves that bit but Jimmy reveals, Maron hates it.

55 – Jimmy ran into Chris in the bathroom before a Rock of Ages show and was thrown by him being in costume in the bathroom that the regular audience would be using.
Jimmy didn’t like it when the audience was making fun of the show even though the cast was. Chris tells a Jimmy Pardo story about a heart concert. Jimmy and Pat were at the show as were chris and mike furman. Summer 2003, Heart wasn’t a draw yet. Opening act Lisa Loeb in broad daylight. Chris and Jimmy run into each other on the way to the bathroom. Chris asked if he was there to see Heart. Jimmy goes “No I’m here to see Lisa Loeb!” sarcastically. Chris was dating her at the time. That joke haunts Jimmy to this day. It’s rare for Jimmy to get actually flustered. He was ACTUALLY flustered.

60 – Anne singing Alone that night at the show was amazing. Jimmy says it’s the best he’d ever heard it. Chris tells a story about meeting Elton John. He said his fingers are like our quads. Super muscly and his hands are strong. Jimmy says Elton is great at pinball. He’s a wizard! By now Chris says he has to be an Archmage.
Jimmy says he’s been chasing the dragon trying to hear that version of Alone again. It’s never been as good.
Heart at the Kennedy Center Honors: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e2fJfiddx4
Kennedy Center Honors: The Kennedy Center Honors is an annual honor given to those in the performing arts for their lifetime of contributions to American culture.
Ann Wilson of Heart is 63. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ann_Wilson

65 – Jimmy has seen Heart probably 20 times. Everyone loves Lisa Loeb! Apparently, Mike Furhman played his chicken monkey duck song at Katy Perry’s birthday party.
Life really does happen, Jim – Chris. Chris apparently has a house in los feliz that he hasn’t lived in yet. He has no idea when he’ll move in.

70 – It always seems like it’s two months away for Chris to move into his house. Like the restaurant at the improv.
Christmas parties and bachelorette parties are the worst.
Dick Straw is a great guy!
Jimmy says at least 10 bachelorette parties have ended in tears or pouting after his shows because he puts them in their places.
Jimmy was disappointed by Steve Martin’s third album.
Stadium comedy should not exist according to Chris and Jimmy agrees. 2000 max. Chris says the idea of an arena comedy show just doesn’t sound fun to him. It’s really hard to mess with the audience in a crowd that size. You’d have to do a one-man show.

75 – Jimmy’s sets are 40% same 60% different. Chris says it’s the opposite. Marc Maron confirmed it’s worse than that. The guys discuss 94.7 The Wave.
We’ll be back!!
We’re back with Chris singing Dan Fogelberg.
We’re back to Killing Season ratings.

80 – We’re gambling again! I’m out cuz I know the answers.

85 – Jimmy wins the pot betting on the percentages of Killing Season. He’s not happy with the win so everyone gets their money back. Chris is digging through his bag. Jimmy calls him Gallagher. Chris launches into a Gallagher impression.

90 – Chris wants Jimmy on @Midnight. He wants to do it! Looks like it’s gonna happen! Apparently Jimmy uses Snapchat and Grindr. He admits it’s dumb he is not on twitter. Apparently the AST message board is not as active as it used to be.
The guys reminisce on the days of Matt’s detailed Comedy Death Ray reviews. They talk about the first CDR all night show. Jimmy hosted it. Chris and Mike F. wrote a We Didn’t Start The Fire parody song about things that happened during the show. Matt was wearing cargo pants. Everyone else was in PJs. Jimmy talks about the CDR scene being a community and having each other’s backs.

95 – Chris talks about the Joke Machine pitch reel. So many famous comedians involved. Matt gets serious about CDR and Chris searches his phone for Night Moves.
Jimmy’s opening up the floor to questions guys!
Chris asks what warm up has taught Jimmy about stand up. His answer: Nothing.
Tom does not go to you. You go to Tom. Hanks.
Chris and Jimmy loved Captain Phillips.

100 – Last movie Jimmy saw was Inside Llewyn Davis. Loved it. He had a perfect seat until mike Schmidt and jack black sandwich him in his seat. He moved seats.
Billy Gardell is Mike in Mike and Molly – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1608180/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
John Goodman is a great actor guys.
Chris doesn’t like everything that surrounds the movie experience (parking, sitting next to people, etc). Jimmy loves going to the movies.
Justified returns January 7!

105 – Matt thinks horror isn’t for home. I shake my head at him.
Chris loves Dolly Parton.
Jimmy gave up on American Horror Story during season 1. Chris is still watching.
Patty Lupone is indeed on American Horror Story Season 3.
It sounds like Chris is still mad at Lost. Chris gives Lost a pass because he likes Damon.
We’re done! What a pleasure Chris!
Jimmy won’t see Chris at the movies!
Jimmy reenacts Ted Nugent fucking five girls. Chris realizes how horrible it really is when trying to figure out how to do it.
Good sounding guitarist, Ted Nugent. He’s also a racist idiot.
How can you get me a loan! – Chris.
Wave.
My Pleasure,
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast