1308 – Danielle Koenig’s Bus-load of Funny
Jimmy Pardo welcomes his lovely bride Danielle Koenig for Never Not Funny 1308
In-Studio Notes by Garon Cockrell
http://daniellekoenig.com/ (Coming Soon!)
00 – Hello indeed! Welcome to 1308! More fan than friend Darryl! Don’t get a big head. Danielle is joining us soon! Jimmy and Danielle are going to Danielle Fishel’s wedding. Boys Don’t Cry sing I Wanna Be a Cowboy. Rainbow Bridge was not a gay reference! Jimmy got in a fight with his cousin over the guys who run his fan club. (they don’t exist). Jimmy loves a Carl’s Jr. Jimmy nauseated by the word taste now. Waiters do not ask Jimmy how everything tastes.
05 – Jimmy did 8 miles yesterday. Matt asks, “did you lose yourself?” Apparently Taryn Manning is a cousin if Eli and Payton Manning. More cousin issues with his Fan Club this time a female cousin finding it weird that a couple of guys are running his fan club.
10 – Big guests coming to Rock Solid! Jimmy compliments the Wang Chung episode. Jimmy thinks the jordache ad ha all the models saying put it in my can! Jimmy distracted by a dangly on Matt’s cans.
15 – Jimmy prepared to give Debbie Gibson a little electricity. Jimmy screwed by the guy he took over for as he had all his people issue their returns so it came out of jimmy’s check. Record company chats! We talk about the fast food strikes. In and out pays $10.50/hr. Kick the minimum wage to $12.
20 – Jimmy has a $1.50 to put towards McDonalds if they pay their employees more money! Jimmy’s mom offended by jimmy saying he blew his nose in five dollar bills. Happy birthday if it’s your birthday even though we’re celebrating the workers. Jimmy’s change goes jing-a-ling-a-ling.
25 – Jimmy enjoys a razr but it’s too light for his tastes. Matt has a pet peeve about smart phone screens not going off when people use them. Danielle asks if she can says yawn. Jimmy believes that parking meters are prostitutes and he is fucking them with his credit card. He’s taking it city hall!
30 – Gil Garcetti was LA District Attorney. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gil_Garcetti Jesus was a carpenter guys! Jimmy sings a song no one knows. Jimmy and Danielle went to see Kevin Spacey as Bobby Darrin at the Wiltern. If I were a carpenter was song by Bobby Darrin but originated by Tom Hardin. Jimmy wishes Tom luck. Is drumming hereditary? Jimmy was not worried that the rhythm was gonna get him until the mid 80s.
35 – The Hispanics love god, apparently he does not return the favor. Gloria Estefan was in a tourbus accident and also someone on a jetski crashed into their boat. Ferlin Husky http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferlin_Husky
The meters are WAITING for it! We’ll be back!!
We’re back! Jimmy is clogged. I need a mac!
40 – Eliot and I are worker bees. Jimmy is upper management. We were on the precipice of dojo according to Danielle. Never Not Funny: Like a Teddy Bear from your youth. Eliot and has buddy joseph Limbaugh went to Strategicon to demo their new game. Jimmy was in a short film with Joseph. Eliot’s game is called Thieves. It was received well. They were busy all day. Fan of the show Sean Growley came over. The Parkers nor Mr. Bradley were in attendance. Print and play for free @ modestgames.com. Jimmy and Danielle have top notch paper and ink at their house. Jimmy sends Eliot to kickstarter and claims 5%. “They’re at the go spot.” Jimmy distracted by weird speaker looking things by eliot. Apparently they’re lights.
45 – Defibrillator. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defibrillation. Jimmy wants a male-lead Miami Sound Machine tribute band. He wants to hear those songs from a man’s vocal hole. Enrique song was Bailamos! http://www.dogstarradio.com/search_playlist.php?artist=enrique+iglesias&title=&channel=9&month=9&date=1&shour=&sampm=&stz=&ehour=&eampm=
50 – Watch for Jimmy’s Bells Palsy spell! Happy birthday Oliver! They celebrated his birthday over the weekend. Too many kids! They went nuts for the piñata. Candy feeding frenzy. Eliot’s hand just went up. Eliot played under strict piñata rules where the one hitting the piñata gets the candy. Buick Pinata! Really was a basketball (like from cirque du solei) piñata.
55 – Matt compares the running of the kids to Pamplona. Danielle did a great job on the party. Jimmy did the potato sack race. Party was sports themed! Danielle got OCD with Jimmy’s mom brought Ambrosia Salad. (called Hawaiian Salad in Chicago.) Looks like it was called Hawaiian Ambrosia Salad. Jimmy tells a story about an acting class where someone talked about Ambrosia. “Perhaps they stayed at home and made ambrosia?”
60 – Always the hottest days on Oliver and Zoe’s bdays. At the party the ice melted in minutes but the water stayed ice cold even today. Sleeping time during a race is baffling.
65 – NBA Drug Testing Policy
In 1983 the NBA adopted its anti-drug policy. Based on reasonable cause all players are subject to random testing during pre-season with rookies tested three times on a random basis throughout the season. The league works with The National Center for Drug Free Sport to administer tests and transmit the results to the Office of Commissioner David Stern.
PENALTIES — NBA
First Offense: 5 game suspension and mandatory attendance in the leagues anti-doping program
Second Incidence: 10 game suspension, continued counseling.
Third time: 25 game suspension, continued counseling.
Fourth: Minimum 2 year suspension.
For “drugs of abuse” there are similar penalties.
A DUI conviction or a player’s first positive test for marijuana results in mandatory entrance into league’s substance abuse program.
Second offense: $25,000 fine and possible suspension.
Third: 5 game suspension without pay.
Fourth: 10 game suspension without pay.
Jimmy doesn’t like Olympians who dye their hair. For humor. Jimmy concerned that shaun white has clothes in target after boozing it up and destroying a hotel room. Oliver doesn’t need Booze shorts. Oliver went to a skate park for the first time.
Oliver is funny! Girl to Jimmy, “Is Oliver’s Talent being funny?” Jimmy: “Why did he make you laugh?” Girl: “uh duh yeah!” Jimmy went bowling again. He bowled a 197. He’d have a perfect game if only he knew how to bowl properly. He still had that “I gotta beat dad” mentality. They’re alley has the friendliest and slowest workers.
70 – The youtube singer is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christina_Bianco. Here is a link to the video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3DlDPeurRw. She does 19 different “Divas.” Danielle thinks her Adele is terrible.
75 – Matt reveals he is not a gambler. Jimmy bets $50 with jeff Ross at conan on manger golf tournies. He wins often. Danielle was on a bus with Jesus. Danielle had a weird random seizure and couldn’t drive for 3 months so she had to take the bus. SHE IS COMPLETELY FINE. She tells the story of Jesus riding her bus. Someone saw him out the window: jesus is here! This guy was freaking out about Jesus being on the bus. Jesus knows this guy. “They fixed my brain jesus!” – Burt.
80 – Danielle does her impression of the tight walker guy talking to Jesus. “Yeah. Burt used to be able to get you anything.” – Jesus. Apparently he works around Hollywood blvd. Jimmy resets! Danielle works on Star versus the forces of evil which will be on Disney Channel.
85 – Dueling Tim Gunn impressions! Indeed Belk makes wall décor. Jimmy says he would never have said Belk-nap for Matt’s last name. Every kiss begins with K every fuck ends with one so let’s go – Mario Digeorgio. Jimmy may have fallen asleep during Danielle’s second bus story.
90 – Jimmy and Danielle occasionally use the Metro. No love for Runaway Train from Danielle. Daddy and Mommy have to release their bladders so does cousin/brother or friend as Jimmy says.
We’ll be back!!
We might be going to war in Syria! No boots on the ground but hope for a quick resolution. Jimmy does a bit of his Wolf Blitzer impression. Same import to everything no matter the subject.
95 – Dakota Johnson (daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith) and Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy) stars of 50 Shades of Grey! http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/09/fifty-shades-of-grey-casting-confirmed.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=facebook
Jimmy doesn’t smile in pictures (or in life according to Danielle and Matt).
100 – Giveaway time! 3 movies! Femme Fatales Season Two (Jimmy auditioned for that but had a bad tongue), Zombie Massacre, and Todd and The Book of Pure Evil season 2) 7th caller wins! Hello and goodbye Micah. Michael from NJ!
105 – Jimmy was a 9/11 terrorist but chickened out after giving a pep talk to the guys. Micah calls back and cut loose. Jason Steele calls in. Lose the tude Jason! Respect the sensei in his dojo! Hi Phillip! Caller five. Adel iowa. Caller six is Jamie Haritonian I guess? Sweet guy, big fan! Tells a story I couldn’t hear that everyone liked. He is an estate planner, real estate lawyer. Micah was caller 7 but gets cut loose! David from Toronto is caller 8, micah is 9, Tommy calling from New York or a fox hole. Long island!
110 – Micah wins! Micah from Virginia. We talked caves with Micah. Jimmy is the Jim Jones of this podcast.
115 – Jamie called back. Cut lose. Dave calls in from Bristol, CT. Jimmy getting medical advice from dave, a pharmacy technician. Pulp or no pulp. Dave recommends no orange juice. Bad for the teeth.
120 – they call the pill counting knife a spatula. It’s a hygienic thing. Danielle prefers the spatula counting because she likes her pills even on both sides. Thanks Dave!
125 – Jimmy afraid of black people talking to him. No one laughing at his racist jokes. I was laughing inside. Matt keeps saying burners. Patrick from Virigina super excited also super cut loose. Is Jamie anti legal zoom? $500 for a will. “You are Armenian no?” – Danielle. Very helpful call! Matt rewired a surge thing in his bathroom. Jimmy is concerned! He thinks Matt should have called an electrician.
Do Not Plug Your Toaster in and toss it in the water!
Pardcastathon 11.29! Snacks or no snacks?
Tickets on sale Monday 9/9!
Jimmy hasn’t enjoyed a black Friday in 4 years because he cares about the children! The Wife Danielle Koenig!
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast