1306 – Canadian Doubles with Pat Francis

Pat Francis shakes his invisible tennis racquet

Pat Francis shakes his invisible tennis racquet

Jimmy Pardo welcomes his good friend Pat Francis for Never Not Funny #1306

In-Studio Notes by Garon Cockrell



00 – ABORT!  Timer went off for some reason.  Jimmy thought it was an earthquake or an amber alert.   Fuuucckkk youuu if you’re complaining about an amber alert on your fault.   You’re an asshole if you complained about it.  Jimmy drops the cunt word on a commenter on Eliot’s post! The Brass play the boulevard from time to time.  If you want to learn how to turn off the amber alert feature you are a fucking loser.  Jimmy is serious!

05 – Eliot wants timed Amber Alerts or a different sound type.   The sooner it’s out the tighter the net/web.  Jimmy thinks there is some weirdness with that situation…maybe that girl is involved.    Jimmy thinks the word cunt is restricted to when you are very angry or someone is acting like one.   “gotta get your fanny down!” ZZ Top chat…we like for 6 months than hope they never record again.

10 – If you don’t agree with Jimmy, close up shop, send back the t-shirt, you’re out.  Jimmy may have forced Eliot’s hand in explaining lighting.  First day of 1st Grade for Oliver, first day of Kindergarten for Zoe.   Nothing going on at Area 51.  Jimmy buys it.   “Bring it on Mrs. Belknap!”  No tears when they dropped Zoe off.

15 – Jimmy and Danielle put their foot in their mouths (off mic guest asks N-word?)  Jimmy laughs and dubs it top 5 funniest things guest has said.  No one likes Jimmy at oliver’s school.   Uh oh…Eliot’s phone went off.  Jimmy leans back in frustration and reveals his new belt!   A school bell goes off from the guy mad about the amber alert.

20 – Eliot apologizes.  Jimmy remains silent until he decides to do “eliot therapy.”  Jimmy might be getting the ball pain again.  Back to Jimmy’s story.  They completely misread what the woman said so no friend there!  Good ramp up good start!  Plenty of positive energy!

25 – Anita Ward sings Ring My Bell.  Andrea Ward sang More, More, More and did porn http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_True.  She performed in pornographic films in Scandinavia in the 1960s, and by the end of the decade, began appearing in American adult films. Eventually, she appeared in more than sixty hardcore porn films throughout the 1970s and early to mid-1980s, and distinguished herself as one of the more recognizable porn stars in the early New York adult film industry.

We’ll be back!  Pat Francis is here!

We’re back!  Pat is here!  You can still upgrade to the higher packages.   Some possible Gusset controvery.

Ruler guesses me: 5 cents.  Eliot (Johnny Clunks!): 29 cents!  Matt guesses: 25 cents.  Pat guesses 3 for a quarter or 2 cents.

30 – Cool thing about having a son is the cool toys!  Where does the Joker live Pat?!  Jimmy belts out some Chicago!  Jimmy cabashes the betting because he can’t participate.

1 cent rulers!!  Pat Francis is here!  Host of Rock Solid along with Gary Lucy.  Latest episode features John Waite!  Jimmy is wearing a Pop Molly belt.  All recycled.   One more notch is too tight!  Three notches even worse!  Jimmy IS a physical comedian!

35 – Matt decides jimmy is going overboard on the physical comedy now.  Jimmy compliments Pat on the show.  Only thing off limits to John Waite was apparently Journey.

40 – Apparently the guitar I brought in is painting like balls and the neck is the shaft…that does sound kind of awesome.  Oliver dropped “Why is that happening?’ while watching a Kiss concert.   Pat brings a Bobble head Starchild!  Matt trumps him by revealing the gift from Scott Ver Mulm Kiss Mr. Potato Heads!

45 – Jimmy hopes that Paul Stanley shows up.  Apparently KISS has bought an arena football team in LA called LA Kiss.  (Bon Jovi owns the Philadelphia soul).  $99 for season tickets PLUS a concert.

50 –  18 games per season for Arena Football.  PAUL STANLEY IS HERE!  Snooker is a game: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snooker

We’ve learned that Paul is neighbors with Jimmy Pankow out in Calabasas!

55 – Jimmy has issues drinking his giant can of Arizona Arnold palmer!  Pat asks what Jimmy’s favorite Al Pacino song is.  Pat and Jimmy agree this past Chicago show was the best they’ve been in years.  Jimmy says the best they’ve been since Cetera.  Pat says he doesn’t need to see Kiss again.   No spontaneity.

Here is the Chicago setlist: http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/chicago/2013/greek-theatre-los-angeles-ca-53c6eff1.html

60 – Bob Burnquist Dreamland mega ramp!  http://kottke.org/13/07/bob-burnquist-does-amazing-things-on-a-megaramp  Pat’s daughter started 8th grade today!  Jimmy thinks kids are more promiscuous now than when he was his age.  Pat thinks his kid and her friends are acting exactly like 12 ½ year olds should be acting.  Jimmy was putting The Knack on and grabbing some boob in 79.   Taylor Swift daddy daughter date tonight with Pat and his Daughter!

65 – Eliot asks a question about the Al Pacino scene after Jimmy gives him the chance to not ask it.    Headphones worn at a gun range or on runways are called ear muffs.  Jimmy doesn’t like how his “stuff flaps around” in boxers. It’s like Matt and Eliot came in with an agenda to gaslight Jimmy.

We’ll be back!  Jimmy goes out on a physical bit!

70 – We’re back!  1306!  Jimmy and Pat used the stall.  Pat dropped the F-bomb and a guy in the stall was dropping some other kind of nonsense.  Jimmy went bowling with Oliver (who got a legit strike!)  Jimmy’s never had a hole-in-one.   He does tell about how he was horrible in little league but did hit a double and his dad said, “coulda been a triple.”  Pat hit a home run in high school (in the park) with bases loaded.   BTW bowling balls are expensive.  Pat’s youngest nephew is trying to go to Oregon for college!   Pat’s dad doesn’t want him to go but when he got in he said, “Don’t blow it.”  Casey is 20 years old!   Jimmy goes on a Kleenex hunt.  I show off the new shirt!   Jimmy finds a new fan voice!

80 – Pat gives us some stories from home.  He always goes to Long John Silvers to eat when he goes back home.  “You didn’t eat at Silver Johns!” – Pat’s Mom.   Jimmy deems Long John Silver’s, “not bad.”

“Zero coke.” “Minapolis.” “Cheerios with the nuts in them.” – Pat’s mom.  Pat hasn’t played tennis in 13 years and played with Casey, who plays tennis often, and kicked his ass.   Now Pat’s phone is chiming!

85 – “Who won the tennis?” – Pat’s mom.   She chocked up Pat’s tennis wins to the lessons he had 35 years ago.   Jimmy thinks matt is gittery and jumping on people.  Pat is playing Canadian doubles (2 on 1 I guess?) against his nephew and his brother and kicking ass.  His brother did not take it well.  2 days later, more tennis.  Raining now so they find an indoor court.  Canadian doubles again and Pat is again kicking ass.  His nephew and his brother again do not take it well.  His brother launched his racket over a 30 foot net.  Casey’s mom shows up and joins pat and they proceed to again kick Casey and her husband’s ass.

90 – Jimmy says Pat’s a good tennis player but he’s not the chaplin of tennis.  Matt has a new urge to play tennis especially after visiting home and playing on his dads homemade court.  So he invites pat to play (thinking he will take care of him easily).   Matt also doesn’t have a great serve.  Matt would rather just rally than actually play a game.  Eventually they played and Pat kicked his ass.  Matt was not doing well.  Pat is in better shape than Matt.

95 – Matt was apparently sore from biking.  Pat noticed he was drinking a lot of water.  Matt was dying.  He could not walk away without at least a win.  He struggled through and beat Pat 6/2 after losing the first 6/love.   Pat doesn’t want to play with Siegel because of all the cat calls from the ladies.   They were playing in running shoes, which apparently is bad.  Not set up for lateral movement.

100 – Jimmy says to get your fanny up!   Pat says his brother would also get frustrated when Pat knew his hits were going out.  Pat’s mom makes a cherry desert that sounds delicious.  She also refused to believe in the existence of a bagged salad.   Pat obtained photographic evidence of bagged salads and showed it to his mother.  Jimmy is okay with the wall paper in the bathroom but the sink hardware is too modern.

105 – Pat took away the one thing he and his wife have in common, shopping, when he went and got new dishes  Pat to his mom, “We made over 100,000 at pardcastathon!”  “ Your sister made a casserole!”

110 – Pat’s celebrity sighting from Chicago was an actress from a 60s show, 2 shows not sitcoms.  June Lockhart (lassie)!

115 – Jimmy goes through some favorite Chicago albums.   Jimmy mad about not being told about an upcoming guest on Rock Solid.   Jimmy ran a 10k yesterday so he isn’t sure about if he would have been here anyway so he is letting Matt and Pat off easily.    The warrior dash changed jimmy’s life.   Turkey legs, my old lady, tits, and the desire to run a half marathon.

120 – Jimmy sings Chicago’s Policeman and Vote for Me and a Jimmy Pankow song.   Jimmy enjoys the guest episodes and the gary centric episodes of Rock Solid.

130 – Jimmy wants to know if the recent RS guest commented on how they used to be a trio.  This episode drops on 8/29!  HAM Radios are expensive.  http://www.hamradio.com/

On July 29, 2013, Art Bell officially announced a return to the airwaves with a launch date of September 16, 2013. His new show “Art Bell’s Dark Matter” will be broadcast on SiriusXM satellite radio’s Indie Talk channel (channel #104), Monday through Thursday from 7 PM to 10 PM PST with repeats during the remainder of the night and “best of” shows airing on Fridays.[40] His official website was updated on that date to include the announcement

Pat does some Jerky Boys.  Everyone recalls on where they first heard it and how special it was.  Matt comments that it will probably never happen again.  Jimmy walks right into a joke from Pat.  “Do you like fitness? How about fitness this stick up you ass.”

“Your sister pumped her own gas today!”

We’re out.

See  you next time!!

My Pleasure,

– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast