1302 – Paul F. Tompkins Turns the Tide
For Never Not Funny 1302 Jimmy Pardo welcomes Paul F. Tompkins
In-Studio notes by Garon Cockrell
00 – Hello! 1302! Jimmy is not a professional broadcaster and doesn’t claim to be but he doesn’t want to come into this covered wagon as a dumb boom. 42 seconds in for a Jimmy rant! No email from me or Eliot on Jimmy’s conan appearance! Jimmy infuriated by saying 3 instead of 13. Jimmy can’t break character when in fake anger mode. Where was Sully when the woman fell out of the roller coaster. Roller Coaster working needed to get back to Minecraft?! Jimmy went to Disney and was annoyed by the Matterhorn ride. Jimmy doesn’t like to be jarred. Odds of dying on a Roller Coaster 1 in 300,000,000.
05 – Tomorrow land looking a little long in the tooth. Yesterday was “Asian family get in Jimmy’s way day.” Jimmy doesn’t know what it is that Asian families have no bubbles. Always well-dressed though and have the best back packs! “The Asian Backpack!” Nice Disney weekend for Jimmy and family. Both times in line for Gadget’s Go Coaster shut down for rain. Oliver loved Roger Rabbit! Roger Rabbit chat.
10 – Premier week for Jimmy getting recognized!!! Recognized at Disney and walked on a ride! All recognitions from pre conan co-hosting! Busy with tech snuff! Matt jokes Eliot is first on the tech snuff list and Jimmy tells him he is not allowed to make those jokes. We are on Baby Watch! Also we lost Dennis Farina. Last mention of him was on the Paul Reiser episode. Balloon guy recognized Jimmy was really nervous made an average sword for Oliver. The Italian restaurant should be ASHAMED of the pizza they served. Also Blando Calrisian pasta.
15 – Eliot’s dad is a restaurant complainer. Eliot might be getting some slack now. Jimmy lists the big mac ingredients! And is reminded of a trip to Burger King. “Motormouth” John Moschitta is the micromachine guy. Royal baby update! April 19, 1775 – September 3, 1783 was the revolutionary war.
20 – “Get your flip flops off the back of my shoe!” Top five funniest thing he has said per Jimmy. He loves their backpacks and their jackets. Shanghai Suit! It’s a boy!! For the royal family! Jimmy likes when there is breaking news like when all those bombings happened.
We’ll be back! Check out http://www.warbyparker.com/ and use code NNF
No Name yet! Jimmy wonders if it’ll be Simba.
Jimmy saw The Conjuring! Seemed to like it.
25 – Eliot reviewed Gentleman Baby Comics’ Hit #1! 8/10 http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/07/pcb-review-hit-issue-1.html
“This is sad. My dad worked for his cousin.” Facebook status where in Jimmy heard about Dennis Farina’s death. Jimmy’s fingers locked! Jimmy is down!!!!!! He’s back. Jimmy does a BAD Clint Eastwood and it’s matt’s new favorite character.
30 – Matt wonders if Clint ever said. “every which way but loose.” Mat thinks Jimmy sounds like someone but can’t recall who. Paul asks if it is a Nightmare Monster. Jimmy goes into Carol Channing and Casey Casum.
PAUL F. TOMPKINS IS HERE!!
In a loose tie. Jimmy likens him to a Summer School Professor. Paul’s last appearance was Pardcastathon. Last in studio was episode 926. He is enjoying a coke zero ™ Paul on board with the bottled coke. Nothing felt better on the esophagus to jimmy than an ice cold coke. Paul coins a new slogan for Diet Pepsi: “Are you desperate?” The panel is weirded out by kids drinking diet drinks and coffee.
35 – Matt says Paul is dressed like a southern lawyer. Jimmy says Paul is one of the few who can pull off a white suit and a seer sucker suit. Jimmy said he’d feel like he was in a costume if he wore that on stage. What about a summer wedding? Paul asks. Matt bought a seer sucker suit for just that occasion. Underwear chat! Matt wears a boxer and a boxer brief to mix it up. Paul has been told he sounds like Captain Kirk on stage. Matt needs to hear Jimmy’s clint again.
40 – Paul does a VO for Pontiac Capris Sun (Mercury indeed made the Capri). Eliot mentions it and Paul tells him to SHUT THE FUCK UP! Lincoln car commercial featuring Lincoln is STUPID per Paul (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5_xFBcAab0). Matt calls Vince Vaughn a chameleon. Jimmy says living in Baldwin Hills he has learned that the blacks like lincolns.
Henry Leland, a former manager of the Cadillac division of General Motors, and his son, Wilfred Leland, formed The Lincoln Motor Company in August, 1917. Leland named the new company after Abraham Lincoln, his hero and for whom he cast a vote in 1864.
45 – Jimmy asks if the Palmer Method is half lemonade half iced tea. Why is invisible ink so expensive?? Palmer method half cursive half print?? The Palmer Method: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palmer_Method
Paul stopped drawing when he noticed his skill level stalled. Paul loves it when he finds out a stranger’s father has died via facebook. Matt is trying to figure out how to organize his newsfeed. Paul wonders who would pay facebook so every friend can see a posting. Jimmy wonders the same thing sarcastically.
50 – Paul has created an excitable personal pizza salesman named Robert! Matt has broken Robert’s heart. Robert votes with his pocket book. The president signs off on all personal pan pizza’s which is why nothing gets done in Washington. “I SAID PERSONAL PAN PIZZA SIR!” He’s fighting his Twin Peaks accent. Robert is also married as he confirmed after denying at first as he was confused thinking Jimmy had asked if he had choked someone to death.
55 – Robert has terrible peripheral vision. He can’t promise that he is not a horse. Robert thinks they smeared Mr. Eds mouth with human blood to get him to talk. Robert exits with a smoke bomb. Paul wishes you could just throw down a smoke bomb and walk away if only people wouldn’t have thought it was an act of terror. You can buy fireworks in orange county. Matt asks if it’s “the good stuff.” Jimmy and Matt Fugate show in Minneapolis this weekend!
60 – Jimmy attempts a Frankenstein impression but feels it was more Mr. Miagi sounding. Oliver’s current favorite movie is some kind of Lego movie. Jimmy compliments Hank Azaria’s chest (but not his legs) and his performance in Smurfs. Paul brings Lyle to life! He didn’t stick around long. Paul didn’t like being Lyle. Paul describes youtube videos of twilight fans watching trailers for the movies and freaking out.
65 – Jimmy asks about the wal-mart fruit stand commercials and how the kids “go bananas” over finding out the fruit was from wal-mart. Apparently vandals took to Jimmy’s Wal-mart and wrecked it up after a trayvon martin rally. Paul worries that with 7000 helicopters in the air that they’ll crash into each other. Paul now recreates a Bayer commercial with Italians. Jimmy does some Chicago voices!
70 – Paul does another character. Big time theater actor about to do a Tide audition, hence the white suit. Jimmy gives notes that it’s too vampirey. Paul makes adjustments.
We’ll be back!!
We’re back. Baby name update: No Name!
75 – Jimmy did his first 10k! Paul would love to meet Jimmy’s murder buddies. Paul wants to get fireworks first though. He wonders how great it would be to see the light going out of someone’s eyes. Jimmy says that’s what Donny says every Monday at the meetings. Jimmy’s invited no one else to the murder group. He’s scared they’ll sniff me out and kill me instantly. Paul discovers Jimmy is an inside man and is disappointed now knowing the truth. Jimmy wanted it out.
80 – Paul enjoys a big box store. Paul wants to know what it feels like to buy a bunch of bikes for people. Opening a gift of a bike makes your serotonin flow like a volcano! Blue Island is so named because it is situated on the south end of a glacial moraine that was once an island when Lake Chicago covered the surrounding area thousands of years ago at the end of the last ice age.
Paul shoots his guns into the air, but one was empty.
85 – Paul was at Comic-con this weekend. He shoots his guns again, one still empty! Jimmy tells him to reload as soon as the show is over. Paul took the train down to comic con. Fun trip! The conductor kicked someone off the train mid trip! He came across someone he worked with years ago who was drunk (at 950 in the morning). He was having a rough time.
90 – Paul wonders if the guy was hitting all the bathrooms to smoke. Paul says this is the silliest they’ve ever been. Jimmy says the dumbest in the highest complimentary. Imaginary piano guy! We gotta giveaway Jen Kirkman’s book (physical and audio). Paul says what if there was a comedian named Ken Jirkman.
95 – AJ Clemente, fired ND news anchor, now works as a bartender. Paul does an impression of his audition tape. Jimmy got another ticket in the mail, this time for blowing a stop sign. There is video! Paul got towed for the first time!
100 – Jimmy was towed one time. Matt was towed during a snow storm during which they tow everyone. Kent Schocknek is the anchor jimmy was trying to think of. We’re gambling! Take that! Two randoms for the books. “We can see you Stevie can you see us?” Steve Allen to Stevie Wonder.
1-91! Paul picks 70. Eliot 11. Me 85. Matt goes 13. Jimmy represents the mid tones with a chet lemon 44. 71! WINS! Congrats to Michael Cusick on winning the hardcover copy of Jen Kirkman’s book!
105 – Round two of pardomizer:
4 – Paul, 11 – Eliot, 69 – Me, 13 – Matt, 44 – Jimmy
36 Wins! Ron Riley wins the audio book!
Beverly Hills Cop released in 1984. NNFIntern@gmail.com if you won something. Paul hates stragglers!
120 – Wet or dry in a kangaroo pouch? Email jimmy. Clouds? Email me. Danielle is working on Star and the Forces of Evil coming next year!
125 – Brian grant was a laker in the 2004-2005 season. (I was checking 2005-2006 season).
Very nice to see Paul (and meet him!).
Paul takes a call at the end!
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast