NeverNotNotes

1303 – Judy Gold Pumps Up the Volume

Judy Gold

Judy Gold

Jimmy Pardo welcomed Judy Gold for Never Not Funny 1303

In-Studio Notes by Garon Cockrell

NNF 1303 – Judy Gold

@jewdygold

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00 – Hello everyone1  13TH season continues with 1303!  Jimmy been listening to a lot of Kiss lately.  Does some Kiss impressions with Naked City.  Jimmy’s phone buzzes a lot.  There’s another one.  That officially is a phone call!  Jimmy has a podcasting empire!  1 and a half show.  His balls are good guys!   Oliver likes to guess Kiss song titles.  Jimmy doesn’t give him the correct title name if it has swearing in it. (burn bitch burn).

05 – Oliver called Naked City inappropriate and silly. “sounds like something I would make up.”  We all know what naked city means but we don’t know what it means.  “Gene shouldn’t be singing this song, Ace sings the silly songs.”   Bad album cover on this album, Unmasked.  Welcome everyone to 1303! Matt trying to remember if he did anything fun this weekend.  Jimmy reiterates his love of the Asian backpack.  Jimmy not comfortable going to Korea at all.

10 – Lead singer of the Killers is Brandon Flowers.  Matt says The Killers has some of the worst lyrics in pop music.  Killers debut album is Hot Fuss.  Jimmy’s ex posts her love of Bon Jovi far too much on facebook.  Matt’s got no control!  He’s Eddie Money  Jimmy can’t hang in a serious conversation goes to bad 80s joke.

15 – Jimmy doesn’t know what Matt knows!  According to Jimmy he knows matt more than matt.   “She’s from Alaska.” “Bjork?”  Nice soft Palmolive hands.   Who will take my place if I get a real job?  (No one I won’t be leaving!)   Jimmy hugged germiphobe Howie Mandel!  Jimmy gives us a little Don’t Pay the Ferryman by Chris de Burgh.

20 – Part Time Lover was on In Square Circle album.   Suck it Classic Steve!  Jimmy went to JP Buck and said he’d be in on a vote to kick someone out of their mix league fantasy Baseball league.

Break!  Judy Gold is our guest! Jimmy hasn’t seen her in ten years!

We’ll be back!

We’re back!!!

25 – Standing ovation on one of Jimmy’s one man show nights.  And then 9/11.  Lesbians like to rave?? Jimmy turned down a blowjob in a parking lot once.  Funny, haven’t seen her in 10 years, one of Jimmy’s favorites to have worked with… Judy Gold!!  Judy says it would have been the best  blowjob he’d ever had.  Judy is currently doing her second one woman show, My Life as a Sitcom.  Currently running at the Geffen Playhouse.

30 – Judy has two boys.  One she adopted and one that she had.  She did The Aristocrats while pregnant and gave birth a week later.   Sleepaway Camp is an east coast thing.  Does Jimmy have any lezzie friends?  Tigg Notaro!  She initiated something that was great to Jimmy and Danielle.

35 – miss hannigan was played by katie finnernan.  Chris Matthews talks with a spitty sounding voice.  Jimmy’s tentacle is doing okay!  Judy does her show every “dite” except “mondee.”

40 – It’s a full show every dite.  Six dites a week.  Every dite a new audience.   Jimmy and Judy sing “Oh what a dite.”  Frankie Valley and the four seasons.   We’re up to three on Jimmy’s phone.  Judy is in a ditemare!

45 – Jimmy wants Judy to tell the story about Provincetown (not the pokonos as Jimmy thought).  Jimmy listens to Seth Rudetsky’s show on XM.  Provincetown is suupperr gay according to Judy.  Bear week, Deaf Lesbian week, Carnival, women’s week (Judy is the thinnest most attractive woman there).  Closeted bankers from boston founded it.  Judy calls it gorgeous and beautiful.   Lots of Cabarets there.

50 – Judy’s kids are going to be 17 and 12.  Henry is 17.  Ben is 11.   Judy is having Dite Terrors.   Judy tells the provincetown story about her mother.  “That’s all I wanna know.” – her mother says after she calls Judy.  Her mom is gonna be 91!  Her mother would always threaten to send Judy to reform school.    At one point she started putting an egg timer on her belt and when it went off she would go home.  Jimmy tells Judy not to yell at matt.  Matt calls it an honor.

55 – Doing stand-up at a theater don’t call it a one person show.  Call it “An Evening With…”  Judy goes through all the shows that she loved growing up. Jimmy does more Chicago voices.    There was a KKK group in Jersey that put swastikas on Judy’s childhood home. They shot BB guns at the temple once also.

60 – The pilgrims landed in province town but moved on to Plymouth rock.  It was too gay.  Mr. Roper hated P-town.  Anal Cunt is a great name for a band.  This info came before the famous author.  Judy had to call security on some screaming kids.  Guard looked like Zimmerman and probably hated blacks and jews.   Judy busts out some “Carwash!” which was sung by Rose Royce.

65 – Judy grills Jimmy and Matt on how they help with their kids.  Matt takes Zoey to school and picks her up.  Jimmy says they are more involved with their kids than a guy in Peoria, IL or Oklahoma.  Jimmy discusses the Joan Rivers strike issue where she wont pay her writer’s WGA rates with Healthcare.

70 – Joan River’s head-writer is Tony Tripoli.  Jimmy describes the feeling of his Epididymitis.    In between ball pain bouts:  RIDE EM COWBOY!  Elysa confirms Judy is acting like she always does.   Allyssa is a therapist and she finds some meaning behind everything Judy says.  While watching the Olympics, andy murry tennis match where he wins.   Elysa asks who judy thought he would kiss first, his mother or his girlfriend?  Judy says I dunno probably his mother.  Elysa deconstructed that and caused a 20 minute fight.   Jimmy thinks that is a weighted question.   They’ve been together 6 and a half years.  Jimmy and Danielle “15 years all day, 9 married.”  All day means:   The total amount.  If table 12 orders two orders of salmon and table 19 orders four orders of salmon, that’s “six salmon, all day.”

75 – Judy’s kids are away at Sleepaway camp.

We’ll be back!

We’re back

I failed a Chicago song contest.  Miserably.   Judy show has no ancillary cast members.

80 – Eliot’s dad blamed him for his sister spilling a drink on herself because he did not go to dinner with them.  Jimmy loves comedy!  This is the way it is supposed to be.  Jimmy’s got a new therapist!  He switched to a male therapist!   He’s doing great, they’ve already fucked.   Judy’s dad passed 23 years ago, “When you were 10.”  Jimmy said.

85 – Jimmy wanted Mario Cantone and Judy for the new York show.  Neither were available.  Judy was on the Avi Lerner Israel tour and said it was amazing.   Jimmy is hurt by Judy dissecting his jokes.  He’d wear a jump suit every day.   Judy sings the Three’s Company theme song (appears to be the only one to know all the words.)

90 – Judy needs a nice room in Vegas.  She also can’t stand the noise.   Jimmy hates the smoking.  Jimmy says with Judy it’s like looking into a mirror with her and doesn’t know how we can handle it.   Jimmy wants eliot in therapy stat.  even if it’s a bartender.    We’re taking calls to give away tickets to Judy’s One Woman Show!  Jimmy doesn’t know how this comedian with the same rep as he has is selling out theaters.

95 – Jeff from Echo Park is on the phone.  Judy calls Jimmy jealous.   Jimmy cuts Jeff loose!  No other callers.  We’re calling Jeff back.  Jimmy finds out it’s Geoff and cuts him loose again.   But we’re gonna call him back.   Geoff is from Holland, Michigan.

100 – Geoff’s parents are Jimmy’s age.   Holland sounds horrible.  His girlfriend’s name is Charissa, she doesn’t know anything.  He is a mildly successful screenwriter with an agent thanks to his sci-fi script.   Elysa got the show Geoff worked on correct.  It was Dexter.   He lived in bushwick, Judy says she’s been in the bush.

110 – Jimmy tells the story about asking the guy with no arms to raise his hand.  Judy tells about a woman with cancer in the audience.   Judy wants comparison on how the show went.   Judy talks about a comic who spent the last few minutes of his set trying to sell shirts.  Judy doesn’t like standing outside selling merch (she also doesn’t like the term merch.)  Jimmy is a fan of Elysa.

The Judy Show goes through August 18 at the Geffen Playhouse in Westwood.  Great show!  Go check it out!  Daryl Roth produced Judy’s show off broadway (Tony winner for Kinky Boots.)

We’re done!

Judy can’t compare this show to Maron.  Jimmy says, one was fun.  1995 or 96 was Jimmy and Judy in Vegas.

Fun!  A Joy!  Judy had fun with us losers!  Matt blows Jimmy’s out joke!!  Ruins the long con joke.  All Dite Long!  Good book for matt’s song, Good Dite  Moon.  Follow Judy on Twitter!  @jewdygold!

Final phone buzz count: 11!

My Pleasure,

– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast