1618 – Cuing it Up with Dave Holmes
Dave Holmes
In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher
@daveholmes
Dave on Tumblr
International Waters
00 – Hello indeed! Welcome in to 1-6-1-8!
Jimmy’s a little nasally but in great shape and great mood!
Jimmy does an old comedy bit that he hates about sick puppies. No one Jimmy ever liked ever said, “you’re one sick puppy.”
Sick puppies always say politically incorrect things.
Rush Limbaugh / Ruff Limbaugh comment per Matt, who just checked to make sure we all got the bad comedy out of the way.
Jimmy was a little late today. He apologizes, as he had to take care of “5 things.”
Eliot was going to keep track of them. Jimmy didn’t even finish his five things. He has to call someone of notoriety and gets a little nervous about it. Jimmy talks about the “old guard” in town who prefers calls to text/email. There’s a lot of levels to this situation.
Jimmy doesn’t care for the drop by. No unannounced visits!
New sofa arrived!
It’s a little firm, needs to be broken in. Looks great! It’s orange.
Some orange is the new black talk.
05 – Jimmy didn’t make the phone call but he did set up his heating and AC people to come to fix the thermostat.
It’s a high tech thermostat. Broken already.
Dishwasher issues. Apparently he was supposed to have an inspector come it to check it out.
Jimmy was also in Cincinnati over the weekend. He calls Go Bannanas one of the top three clubs in the country. A lot of events in town which led to not a great turn out, but great crowds none the less, outside of the six idiots on the first night.
10 – Jimmy talks about his flight. He never checks his bag but did it this time to help out with crowding. Turns out they lost his bag. He had to go to Target and get some new clothes for his show that night.
It’s hard for him to buy pants because his waist size fluctuates.
Cock and fly is a great place to play darts and Matt’s favorite pub.
Jimmy got a new t-shirt and an ill fitting cardigan.
15 – Good crowd and good people in “Cincinnata.”
Jimmy tells us about checking into his room. The hotel clerk turned pretty rude pretty quick. Jimmy wanted to change name on the room from the club and make it his name because his luggage was going to be delivered.
Some other woman stuck her nose into it saying how cute it is that Jimmy thinks his luggage is going to be delivered.
The clerk insisted she has his name and will be there when the luggage arrives.
He came back after the show and checked in and it wasn’t delivered. The guy behind the counter didn’t even look for it.
Apparently, some drunk guys came in and went nuts on the clerk (who was gay). They dropped the F-word (not fuck) a bunch of times. Apparently the cops were called.
Rough looking dudes. Jimmy regrets not calling the cops but it seemed like other people were handling it. Their behavior sickened him.
20 – Next morning, phone rings at 10:35am. Front Desk calls Jimmy’s cell thinking he wasn’t a guest. He goes to the front desk and the luggage guy also said that he tried to bring it last night.
Jimmy doesn’t know but he did get his luggage back.
25 – Jimmy tells about telling the story about what happened on stage. He was talking about how he was going to return everything the next day.
He goes to Target to return the stuff and hears “Jimmy! Great show last night!” Seen returning his show clothes the next day by an audience member. What are the odds?
Horrible airport incident: Jimmy stuck behind a group of talking people on an escalator. He was stressed and in a hurry and couldn’t get past them. He gets nuts when he travels. He’s getting pissed at this people. Suddenly, one of them goes. “Jimmy! Great show last night!” One of the people he is mad at was at the show!
30 – Jimmy does not understand why Chicago shuts down at the slightest hint of rain. He goes through a major hassle to get his flight changed. The guy wanted to get off the line with him. So finally Jimmy just goes, “BYE BYE!”
He ended up switching to Delta and getting him 3 hours early. Jimmy tweeted about the help he got from American.
Good job American! Not give him his $87.
Jimmy kept the jeans, but he feels a little self conscious in them.
35 – Eliot talks about the kittens Eliot has pictures with. Adorable cat! Jimmy would have taken one if he wasn’t deathly allergic.
Jimmy could have jazzed up that story a bit.
Apparently, Matt is also allergic to cats. Has that ever come up?
Matt not allergic to dogs though!
Jimmy talks about Gary’s set on Conan. He thought it was fantastic.
Greg Berehndt publically announced he is suffering from Cancer. Our thoughts are with him! He’s super positive and a great part of the NNF Family.
40 – We’re singing something! Dave is here with a thermos.
Dave’s in the bullpen! For a second cuz we’re going to break.
We’ll be back!!
Welcome back!
Episode 1618!
Took our first break a little late due to some American airlines stories.
Dave is one of our favorite people! Top 5: Greg, Dave, Janet, and….and….and….
One of them Jimmy says is not accurate. They’re not a Greg, Varney, or Dave level.
Sarah Palin let Jimmy down.
60 = diamond
50 = gold
Chip Pope chat. Dave says that Austin Stories is great fun!
45 – Jimmy’s hiding his music. Until I say Gold! So he can play some Gold!
The guys talk Spandau Ballet documentary. Jimmy thinks the music bed was a little loud.
50 – Jimmy plays us his favorite Spandau Ballet song.
Jimmy does his good night schtick as Spandau Ballet when he plays that song.
They played here two days before Jimmy decided he loves them.
Jimmy plays some Cock Robin.
55 – The Car –
60 – Rockwell –
Jimmy tries to remember songs people shit on that he likes.
Garon’s “gift” for Jimmy
I got Jimmy a gift!
65 – Jimmy calls out Eliot about his facebook posting about not seeing Eddie Izzard. He deleted the post.
75 – Matt broke out the big bed for Charlie that they got from Jimmy.
Dave Holmes is here! He made a mix tape today.
He has an APPLE WATCH! First time Matt has seen it in the wild.
80 – We talk about Dave’s Crossfit experiences. He eats a lot of meat.
He signed up for a meal delivery service that delivers to his gym.
His book comes out next May.
We’ll be right back!
We’re back!
Jimmy’s back is cramping up a bit.
Matt suggests linking arms and cracking backs. Dave says that this is top level gay.
Dave and Jimmy are doing it now.
Go limp jimmy!!
The show needs it!
85 – Relax that back!
If Jimmy could get a message every day he would. Dave loves the mall/airport messages. Jimmy hates those.
Jimmy disrobes for any message no matter the location.
Looking at shoe shiners is 100% white guilt. Thought bubble for the prick getting it done: “Do my shoes, negro!”
Let’s be clear you WALK on those people mover things unless you are a sloth.
90 – Bring back Crystal Pepsi billboard?
Matt is thinking about Clearly Canadian –
Bruce Willis Commercial
Matt is still waiting for the return of Bruno. Matt and maybe Jimmy had that album on cassette.
Jimmy wonders what the difference is between Bruce Willis, Don Johnson etc in the 80s and Sean Cassidy and Leif Garret in the 70s.
Heartbeat hit #5!
100 – Dave watched the entire series of Entourage over the weekend at an event or something. No sleep.
Some big football player showed up with one of the real Entourage guys. Dave tells us all about it.
The guys talk about Entourage.
105 – Turtle (???)
I don’t know which one of these guys showed up a this event since the real Turtle is dead.
Huge 80s Popstar played a hooker that killed in one of those bachelor party kills a hooker movies.
Dave talks about morally objectionable material he wasn’t allowed to watch.
Ken Roberts’ joke on Facebook: Jimmy always has an even amount of money in his pocket!
Jimmy counts his money and Dave totally buys it all.
Thank you Dave!! Lotta love in the room!
Jimmy will be on International Waters live! Jimmy and Danielle vs Fan Favorite Veterans.
Jimmy also on the Friday 40 vs Janet Varney and maybe an audience contestant.
See you next time!
My pleasure,
Garon/The Beast/Mush Mouth Shy Guy/The Notekeeper/Lazy Queen/Sloth