NNF 1318 – Al Jackson
First Time Guest!!
00 – Hello! Jimmy’s a little stuffed up and congested. He’s sleepy, congested, and hopped up on allergen pills. Walkers can’t climb? Matt’s wife dubbed Walking Dead too stressful. Jimmy felt Homeland was gonna push through and it did. Both 24 and Homeland have unrealistic storylines for their teenage girl characters. Jimmy thinks the creator can’t write teenagers. Matt thinks she is boring. Let’s leave the Brody family alone for a while. Jimmy uninterested in this girls storyline. At any rate welcome to the program! Fuck them you and television! Al Jackson is gonna join us today. Jimmy did a show with him on Nick Mom.
05 – Matt wonders if he played the girl on Homeland. If so he’s the best actor ever. The black man has a tough time getting roles in Hollywood so they’ll take whatever they can, including a boring teenage white girl. He’s the Upaul. The official RuPaul parody fan page. Upload your own versions of RuPaul. Jimmy’s exhausted guys. Jimmy’s new favorite drink is Diet Arizona Green Tea. “get us two ambulances, one for the hospital and one for the morgue!” – Kojack from episode One From the Morgue. Splenda info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splenda
10 – If the writing isn’t there, you can’t make a boring character not boring. Tony Shaloub called Jimmy “very funny” in his non-comedic role. Jimmy contends his Monk character was not a geek but an upstanding gentleman. He was very grateful to get the role 10 years ago. He was also on True Jackson (played by Keke Palmer, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keke_Palmer)
Jimmy went to see Gino Vannelli with his mom (http://www.ginov.com/). It was a shot for PBS Soundstage. Friend of the show Steve Hollander was the stage manager for this concert. He kept referring to Jimmy in the audience to see if he approved of the audience reactions. No one knows who Gino Vannelli is.
15 – Songs you might know: I just want to stop. (No idea). Something I missed when I ran out to answer the phone and Black Cars. Nice show. They enjoyed the show. Jimmy plays some Gino Vannelli Black Cars for us. Matt wonders if it was on the Radio.
20 – Jimmy makes matt uncomfortable by staring at him with a piano back up. Matt calls him a creep. Jimmy thinks Eliot would love Gino since he sucks off Paul Williams on a regular basis. They had a nice time. Jimmy, if he had to take a guess, was the youngest person there by about 30 years. And he sat on the aisle of course. These huge gino fans talked through the entire show. Matt doing great on guesswork today. Jimmy saw The counselor and captain Phillips (highly recommended). Jimmy saw a guy at the redbox with either his daughter or the youngest hottest wife. She turned on the car and he started screaming at her with a credit card in his mouth. The girl just rolls down the window and says, “Take the thing out of your mouth I can’t hear you.” Jimmy loved it. That wasn’t a credit card he was using btw.
25 – Jimmy tells Eliot to stop sucking Korea’s cock. Jimmy hates and loves the technology of using your phone for everything (like using a boarding pass). He hates the guy who makes a scene out of it.
Happy Veteran’s Day! Jimmy got messages as he was in the KISS ARMY. Jimmy gives a history lesson, that may or may not be true at all. Matt doesn’t want to get into politics. He’s shutting it down. Matt says that Splenda caused Regan’s Alzheimers. Tipp or Gipp? http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_4?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=tip%20and%20the%20gipper&sprefix=tip+%2Caps%2C840
Btw the Duke is John Wayne, Ronald Regan is Dutch.
30 – What’s the difference between Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day? Do we need both? We’re all the way for Amazon delivering on Sundays! Everything about that is a win. Why be against it? Shut the fuck up about a stamp!
Running to get the guest!
We’ll be back!
Jimmy enjoying some chocolates courtesy of his in-laws. Huskies Chocolates! Jimmy trying to set up Eliot for his terrible joke. He fails and gets yelled at. Eliot: “I do comedy!” Al Jackson is here. 8 minutes late. Eliot finally gets his joke out. Jimmy had to hear that joke, twice. The King! Daddy! He had to hear that nonsense. Thanks for the candy Grandma Betty and Grandpa Jerry. Ringer is off!
35 – Johnny Mumble Whisper hosting Queermono! Pardcastathon is on 11/29! Watch live at pardcast.com! Eliot’s here and allll right. Eliot is still selling Jimmy a chair. He wants the chair. Danielle wants the chair. Put it in your car Eliot. Speaking of Jewish men, Jimmy went to get his hair cut on a Sunday and it was jammed with orthodox jews. It’s catch up days for them in Beverly Hills. Still a supercuts. Matt and Jimmy enjoy the brass scalp thing. Matt’s here also.
40 – Our guest! Jimmy met him on Parental Discretion on Nick Moms. Jimmy had never met him but he made him laugh! And he loves the show, and quoted an episode! Jimmy liked him. Al didn’t ask to be on the show when he met Jimmy so Jimmy asked him to be on. He thought it’d be weird to ask to be on the show, like asking to come over to someone’s house for dinner. Plus we’ve only had 2. Aisha Tyler and Dwayne Perkins. Now Al Jackson. The guy in the room with Jimmy and Al was super aloof and stand offish.
45 – Al told a story about walking into a green room at a club and seeing a guy doing his entire act standing in inch away from the wall. He went on to “eat his dick” on stage. Al was a slow runner in 7th grade. He quite track with his dad’s support, he didn’t even try to stop him. Danielle saw a video of one of Jimmy’s first performances and she said she would have told him to quite the business. Jimmy did his due diligence to see if Al would fit in. Everyone said he would, and he is, just late. Matt was late! Matt formerly Wheels, now has horrible knees. Jimmy wonders if he told his knees that story and bored them to tears.
50 – Al is Okay with Sir! Eliot not comfortable with the lighting behind Jimmy. He called it a Black box. Jimmy gestures to Al and scolds Eliot. Al Jackson wins with his $750 guess! Jimmy might want them for Pardcastathon. Kliegstarter might be Jimmy’s next outing.
55 – $400 for more local kliegs! Jimmy is on board with these things! Matt says next Dusk birthday he might just bring out the kliegs.
60 – Al talks about people wanting to Network with Jimmy at Oliver’s birthday parties. Al is from Ohio, went to college in Mississippi, lived in Miami where he started comedy (the hot bed of comedy), then NY, and finally here in LA. Dan Whitney is from Florida. Carrot Top’s real name is Scott Thompson. Carlos Mencia is Ned Arnel Mencia and he is from Hondouras.
Our thoughts go out to the Phillipines. What a terrible tragedy. Totally crazy. Jimmy can’t even imagine the clean up of a disaster. He can’t understand cleaning up after a birthday party. Al wonders what to do with the pick up truck on the fourth floor. How do you handle that!?
Here is some ways to help the Phillipines courtesy of the new York times (http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/11/11/how-to-help-philippines-typhoon-victims/?hpw&rref=world&_r=0)
65 – Eliot says the army corps of engineers helps with disaster clean up and repairs. Jimmy wonders how LA would react with a major quake. He’d think everything would shut down while we repaired everything. Al was in Miami when Hurricane Wilma hit. He realized that we’re 1 day, 1 ½ days from the shit hitting the fan once stuff goes bad. Like no electricity, gas, etc. People were fighting in the streets at one point around Wilma. “It’s all palm trees until the lights go out!” – Al. Al had a t-shirt line that said “Nailed it!” He barely sold any. It also looked terrible.
70 – Jimmy’s I Hate Jimmy Pardo bumper sticker was a terrible seller. People that liked him wouldn’t buy it and people that hated him got the joke and didn’t want to give him money. Al talks about a feature that sold billions of shirts right in front of him just because it said fuck you if you folded it down right. His act sucked too. Al talks about this guys set. Nothing really paid off. It’s a weird motivational bragging kinda set. Road House chat! Matt and Al love it. Jimmy hasn’t seen it in 15 years.
75 – Jimmy talks about a comedian who had a Whiskey Dick t-shirt that was beautiful and sold 18,000 to his one CD. Al talks about the comedians he knew in florida doing the same jokes for years. Jimmy brings up the Richie Incognito stuff.
80 – Jimmy talks about treating professional football players differently even though they’re still lunkheads.
Practice your set in the car you weirdo! They the guest!
We’ll be back!
Welcome back! We’re talking taylor swift. She got the pinnacle award at the CMAs. How can She get any bigger? Matt thinks it’s too soon. Al wonders who is the biggest act? Madonna? Matt sings We are never getting back together by Taylor. Taylor Swift is 23.
85 – Jimmy reveals that the comedian Al saw talking to the wall was John Mayer who he sarcastically called a “great standup.” Al talks about his show Officially Amazing for the BBC where people try to break records. Jimmy says to send the driven people on this show to the Philippines to help clean up. Al does the American correspondence for anyone attempting to do records here in America. One was a guy trying to catch dominos with chop sticks. The florida one had a guy spinning a basketball while surfing, another had a guy doing clap push-ups while surfing, dog jumps (no one broke that record).
90 – Al asks if we know what a regulation dog pool is. The dogs would have to jump high enough to hit something. None of them got even close. He talks about a 53 year old guy doing eskimo rolls (rolling a kayak under water) just a year after having a serious stroke. Al says the black lady who can pop her eyes out is an asshole! She’s a diva.
95 – He tells about how this women popped her eyes out and one would not go back in. Everyone is now sickened. We can’t learn about the nail lady. Jimmy wonders if they are lee press ons. Gross. Gross Gross. Apparently girl with long fingernails is a singer?! Btw No your nails do not grow a vein.
100 – Al is the second guest in a row to have a gold iphone 5s. Email debt! Matt trying to set a record for icing the most rooms. Jimmy said he set that in 2006.
We’re done! What a joy!
105 – Jimmy still a little tired and out of it. Matt never really dated before his wife. They’ve been together 20 years this fall (married in 2000). Matt’s 39! Al describes it as Super Dope. Al wonders about if anyone was married on 9/11. Matt went to a wedding around then and Jimmy said it was in poor taste to give box cutters.
Jimmy brought up a weird memory for Al when he saw someone bail on a date. He went down to the diner and saw two guys with these girls who were way too hot for them. The girls went to the bathroom and one of the guys said, “I don’t think they’re coming back dude.” They must have climbed out the window or fire escape. What if they were prostitutes and they still bailed? – Matt.
110 – First you get the money then you get the power then you get the women – Miami. Jimmy said his buddy lost an arm in the shower there. (Scarface) Jimmy saw it in the theater. Al just watched Philadelphia the other day and it doesn’t hold up just because of how the gay issue is handled. Jimmy calls it top five movies of all time for him and doesn’t want to realize it sucks now. Jimmy doesn’t have an R&B singing aunt. Al says there is nothing like a black woman hugging you after a show.
Here is info on The Boys! Their first hit being Dial My Heart http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boys_(band)
115 – What happened to the little kid demo? Jimmy took a date to a concert with New Edition, Bobby Brown, Al Be Sure. Shake You Down by Gregory Abbott (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc8wmLul3uw)
Matt plays a bit for us. Imagine how many big titty hugs this guy got!
See you next time!
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast