1012 – Dwayne Perkins
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy sounds like he is acting out the deli scene from When Harry Met Sally
Oliver in Facebook as Little Easy without a comma
Courtside seats at the Harlem Globetrotters
Keep your grubby paws off the back of Jimmy’s seat
The creative and memorable names of the Globetrotters, including Frank
Chili today, hot tamale is required by law
Opening with the previous act’s Jeopardy closer
Matt Belknap: the human Ambien
Danny’s back, having recovered from pink-eye
Dan’s second-hand eyedrops
Jimmy thinks pink-eye can only be caught by eye-to-eye contact
The bus is Patient Zero for pink-eye
Dwayne Perkins: first black guy on NNF! (2nd black person)
Jimmy only works with Dwayne on television
Jimmy and Dwayne’s pilot: Bad Example
Jimmy, the pre-Byron Allen Byron Allen
Meeting Brande Roderick
Dwayne’s interstitial show Trends with Benefits
Dwayne has not even seen his own show, and in fact seems to know little about it
Dwayne’s swap-meet Baltimore Hustlers t-shirt
Dwayne’s clothes inspire South African envy
Dwayne notices Dan’s pale mint green pinky nail
Jimmy is jealous of Dan’s youthful sex life
Dan’s pit-bull related break-up
Dan’s really embarrassing story about his most recent breakup from “pink-eye girl”
Dan freely admits that what he did was wrong, and he shouldn’t have done it, so it’s on him (literally)
Jack Earl Haley gets mentioned for the 2nd consecutive episode
Dan had to pick up a kid for his Big Brother program
Dan seems to have a six month self-sabotage timer
Dwayne has the black-guy insight into this situation
Eliot is over-nodding about “inner-ho”
Recapping Dan’s Google search to-do list
Jimmy needs to have Dan in his line of sight at all times
10 season in, and Never Not Funny is working out all the bugs
Dwayne lets us know it really does take some effort to get punched in South Africa
Dwayne’s friend is tiny, like 5’8″ and 150 lbs; who could imagine such tininess
You remember Seated Asskicking… they opened for Alan Parsons Project
Dwayne’s friend’s puncher was at his wedding
David Kau’s resume
Goat slaughtering in South Africa, it’s really not a sacrifice
Lamb vs. mutton vs. goat vs. Mutt ‘n’ Jeff
It’s great that Dan has one more thing for Jimmy to mock him about
Matt wants to revisit Dan’s situation in order to over-explain “blue balls”
Jimmy rejoins the Dan fray with some personal questions about the frequency of Dan’s self-pleasuring
Even more uncomfortable details about Dan’s behavior
Pitbull, the sweaty-handed rapper
Jimmy wants to know if it’s ok for him to play Sun City
Jimmy Pardo: tiniest man alive
Even more salacious details about Dan’s behavior
Hard to believe Dan, such a good guy, could do something so ungood
Why does Dwayne have such a big stack of stuff in front of him?
Dwayne and Jimmy’s Licorice Talk(tm)
Dwayne’s tea fetish
Dwayne’s brand new car has zero power locks
Dwayne explains how capitalism works in the world of power locks
Apparently Dwayne’s car choice is not such a big fuckin’ secret, unlike Jimmy’s car choice, which is a big fuckin’ secret
Apparently where Dwayne lives is not a big secret either
Clinique Even Better SPF 20 men’s face lotion
Lack of power locks: most effective anti-theft device
Dwayne is not willing to trade Chinese food or chai lattes for power locks
“You can’t deserve power locks”
Jimmy’s car has a smart key (this may be a clue for figuring out what car he owns)
Does Dwayne’s car have A/C or air conditioning or A/C?
Dwayne should get his ass handed to him at a one nighter to afford after-market power locks
Jimmy’s bigass key with extra torque is nearly pornographic; feel it! Stroke it! Love it!
Dwayne has an office and a coin-flip app, but no power locks
Dwayne will flip 2 out of 3 to determine if he buys power locks
Results of coin-flip: you’ll have to listen for yourself, or watch for Dwayne to get into or out of his car
The Ford Pinto
Dwayne has The Help DVD in front of him, but has not seen it
Dwayne “No-Bags” Perkins has an interesting way of shopping
Dwayne and Mike Siegel hung out in Hong Kong
Jimmy wants to know the truth about Mike Siegel’s tail-chasing
How many lattes did Dwayne’s butt-less Hong Kong suit cost?
When Dan is 34, Jimmy is taking him to Hong Kong to get suits
Hong Kong Suits and Shanghai Tailors – great fantasy baseball names
Dwayne says Mike Siegel likes women with “something there”
Working for ex-pats in Hong Kong
What’s Mike Siegel really up to in foreign countries?
Wonderful and unbearable Hong Kong Phooey
The prime-time cartoon previews
Dwayne has to leave to get to the Comedy Film Nerds podcast and discuss The Help, which he has not seen, but maybe he can make shit up based on looking at the DVD cover
It’s easy to sneak into Mexico
Dwayne and Eljaye the muscle guy sharing the bill
Another plug for Rob Durham
A plug for OneKolor.com
Fatherly advice for Dan
Jimmy clarifies that “taking Dan to Hong Kong” does not mean “paying for the trip to Hong Kong”
This trip promise has been witnessed, and Jimmy will pay for Dan’s suit
AK-47 gone, not forgotten
In-studio notes by Dan Katz
0 – Jimmy put a picture of Oliver on facebook and immediately regretted it. Jimmy and Oliver saw the Harlem Globetrotters.
5 – Plug for Rob Durham’s book
10 – We talk about Dan’s pink eye contact. Jimmy cut himself.
15 – The guys talk about Brande Roderick.
20 – Guest Dwayne Perkins talks about his shirt that his friend got him from a swap meet.
25 – 30: We talk about Dan’s break-up.
35 – Dwayne talks about getting jumped in South Africa.
40 – Dwayne talks about attending a goat or lamb sacrifice.
45 – We talk about Dan’s break-up some more.
50 – The guys talk about the rapper Pitbull.
55 – We talk about Dan’s break-up some more.
0 – Dwayne has a brand new car that doesn’t have power locks.
5 – A girl told Dwayne he deserves power locks.
10 – Dwayne does a coin toss deciding whether or not to buy power locks.
15 – Dwayne also has a DVD copy of “The Help.” Dwayne hung out with Mike Siegel in Hong Kong.
20 – Mike Siegel is an international killer.
25 – The guys talk about Hong Kong Phooey. Jimmy’s son Oliver loves Bozo the clown.