1018 – The Three Hundredth

Pre-show Comedy Central Writer’s Room (AKA “Jimmy Needs Jokes”)  Pilot announcement

 

Intro

Nighttime vampiric recording

More about the scrotum than you need to know

Episode 300!

5:00

Never Not Funny indulged in rape and ethnic cleansing to reach this level of success

Eliot’s “meow” derails the whole show

Viet Nam talk

What is the appropriate shoe-shine comfort/discomfort level?

The great Robert Young

Jimmy’s gay snuff film; don’t worry, it was just for the money

10:00

BREAKING BROKEN MICROPHONE NEWS!

Matt’s allergy issues

Jimmy the pusherman

Dan is absent for now, and also furious about being insulted over Draw Something

15:00

Eliot gets a good joke in

Matt volunteers to do some post-production drop-ins but immediately regrets it, as it means more work for him

Revisiting Matt’s horrible idea for a Jimmy Pardo podcast

Revisiting Episode 1

Mike Schmidt, comedian, bringer of milkshakes and McNuggets

20:00

McNugget talk

Storefront podcasting

Craig Shoemaker’s storefront radio

Jimmy Fallon’s Password

Jimmy’s shake-drinking and sentence-saving technique

25:00

Mike Schmidt may have left some money in the Laugh Bank

Working for the early internet comedy

30:00

Getting fired from early internet comedy

Internet comedy breakfast at work will get you hated

35:00

Pete Moore loves the bus

The quality of items at the 99 cent store

40:00

Matt has scratchy thoat side-effect

Matt’s Viso overdose and Jimmy’s Monster drink-induced anger

Jimmy is a choosy mother about peanut butter

Jimmy has more than one listener, honest

Minority Report’s wall-sized computer

45:00

Wall-sized computers require too much arm strength; so do pre-cogs

Samantha Mortenson and the Never Not Funny curse

Jimmy’s Conan remote aired, minus the Davey Jones part

Never Not Funny = The Ring

Eliot clunks things up

Mike: “If only the death curse would work a little closer to home.”

Jimmy: “Well, it did. And that’s why we’re saddled with him.”

Funniest thing said, that no one wants to laugh at

Let’s move from this moment of awkwardness to fantasy baseball talk

50:00

The Hand-Me-Down-Biotics

Inside-baseball talk about fantasy baseball; don’t worry non-baseball fans, it will be over soon

Matt’s fantasy basketball team: The Mangiardo Affair

55:00

This episode will be a little longer than usual

Jimmy wants to pour some out for our homie Dan Katz

BREAK

Pat’s here

Pat immediately endears himself to Jimmy

Pat was silent because he suffers from PTMD (Post-traumatic-microphone-disorder)

Boz Scaggs!

Mike’s lengthy podcast

1:00:00

Pat relives the early internet comedy days, wherein he threw a sucker

Jimmy wants to bet big money on how many episodes Pat has been on

$1 bet happens

Pat’s day job is ruining his ability to be on Never Not Funny

1:05:00

Matt: “Come to papa!!!!!”

Jimmy is concerned about offending Jewish Mike Siegel

The voiceover guy on Pat’s day-job show cannot pronounce “Phil”

Jimmy’s new doctor: Dr. Phil Good

Mike Diamond Plumbing inspires spontaneous singing

Reporting a fact: lots of bad reviews, including Pat’s

1:10:00

Jimmy has extensive Mike-fear

Pat gets unauthorized gaspipe work done, and he’s not happy

Pat offers to bring in receipts to prove his unauthorized $2500 charge

Jimmy shows his deep biblical and/or Jesus Christ Superstar knowledge

Free publicity for Mike Diamond!

Mike Schmidt sings himself out of Jimmy’s Funny Top Five

1:15:00

Jimmy Anka makes a repeat appearance

Everybody loves KISS, right?

How Mike Diamond plays golf

Daniel was too sick to be here today

Jimmy’s nanny: Octavia Spencer

Creepy child talk

Jimmy Anka comes down hard on Eliot

1:20:00

Oliver has a favorite KISS song; it doesn’t matter which one it is

Richard Juarez songs

When is Dan going to show up?

Dan’s ETA: 11 minutes

1:25:00

Words with Friends talk

Pat encounters a random Words with Friends hacker cheater

Words with Friends with a stranger on a plane

Pat plays Words with Friends with Darryl and Jenn

Fuck Rick DeMint and his Words with Friends skills

1:30:00

Pat is concerned that playing Words with Friends with him interferes with my and Jenn’s sex life; no worries Pat! Those late night game moves are post-coital.

Matt is relieved to be free of Words with Friends

Plugging Rock Solid

Jimmy has critique for Pat

Mike Schmidt and the controversial Van Halen episode of Rock Solid

Dan Katz arrives!

Jimmy winds up the show….

AK-47 gone, not forgotten

BREAK

1:35:00

Episode 300 with a gaggle of misfits

Jimmy Anka returns

“The cocksukcer was told DON’T MEOW!”

Timer-setting anger

Matt’s Zyrtec is talking

Jimmy fires Mike Schmidt again

Jimmy can do this all solo

Mike confirms that Jimmy will kick people out

1:40:00

Stupid Question of the Week (from Gabe): Proper peanut butter and jelly-making method

Eliot is the odd man out, and Matt is ok with being an asshole to him

Dan agrees with Eliot

The conversation goes far afield, to include toast and bagels

1:45:00

Judge Jimmy (from Gabe)

Jimmy wants eternal credit for enduring Eliot’s nonsense

Is it OK to text while at a red light? (Case kicked out, it’s illegal)

Spontaneous Jerry Reed medley

1:50:00

Judge Jimmy: OK to call significant other by their pet name in front of others?

Judge Mooshie makes a hipocritical judgement

1:55:00

Dan’s almonds bring out Jimmy Anka

Heads will be rolling in ONE MONTH! BE WARNED!

Movie Katz! With a jingle!

2:00:00

Shockingly, Jimmy is angry at Dan’s movie choice

Alex Karras talk

2:05:00

Mel Brooks stuff

Pat is unclear about the “challenge” rule

2:10:00

Pat would be good at this game if he knew the rules

There’s only one movie in Jimmy’s universe: Top Gun

More Movie Katz

Matt’s play elicits a OH SNAP from Jimmy

2:15:00

Tom Arnold has been in 100 movies; can Jimmy think of one?

Pat “I don’t know how it happened but you two guys are goin’ to top gun!”

2:20:00

Movie Katz continues, and these guys know way too much about movies.

2:25:00

Initial hints are tons of fun!

Jimmy: “So ends another riveting round of Movie Katz”

2:30:00

Oh wait, Jimmy wants to go another sudden death round of Movie Katz

Drowning Mona elicits frustration from Matt

2:35:00

Never Not Funny has sometimes been described as overhearing a group of friends chatting at a party. Confirmed!

Plugs for Pat and Mike

AK-47 gone not forgotten