1013 – Craig Bierko




Jimmy has 16-year-old residual anger over someone telling him to dress in character for auditions


Turns out the lab-coat advice might have been right, judging from Jimmy getting the Sav-On gig

Wear a spaceman outfit to your audition

Chili today, hot tamale was not off-air, but 5 minutes into the last episode


Craig Bierko’s gorgeous head of hair is here

Craig is Jimmy’s cheeleader

Dan is on pet patrol in his Logan’s Run jacket

Update on Dan’s breakup: It’s still a breakup

The INDHD.com plug does help Eliot

Penthouse Magazine had an article about Never Not Funny

Jimmy is too embarassed to buy Penthouse

Bruce Smith’s “Shooter and cooter” joke is great, but now he has to pay himself 15% every time he uses it

Omnipop.com is the way to book Jimmy


Penthouse.com: all cooter, no Shooter

Jimmy wants to film a porno right now

Jimmy has issues about the acting skills in pornos

Act of Valor – a spoiler you will NEVER guess about the guy who finds out his wife is pregnant just before a mission

What stars of stage have been on Never Not Funny?

Angelina Jolie’s leg and cheek, and Andy Griffith’s chin

Jimmy offers to pay for cheek-jobs

Jimmy just saw Craig in Company at the motion picture house

Yes, we did discuss Sour Grapes on Craig’s last appearance


Craig is Jimmy’s biggest fan

Craig brought his dog in an attempt to kill Jimmy via allergy

Craig in Carousel

The crinkling might be distracting, but at least it’s in high fidelity

Company should be coming out on DVD, starring NePaHa


Jimmy’s Company showing probably conflicted with the bingo game

Things are changing in Hollywood

The dog noises are distracting but at least they are in high fidelity

Craig’s scaredy-cat dog is named Boo for a reason

Craig thinks he looked fat on his last appearance

The Hollywood system of vast overpayment has been outsourced


Ladies and gentleman, The Contradiction Skit

Craig’s Company role (Peter) is not well-remembered

Craig’s practical advice to anyone having a mid-life crisis: get offered a role in a major musical, and accept it


The restored Company scene that was too edgy for 1970

Sorry Grateful

Stephen Colbert in Company

Sondheim is terrifying to perform

Craig could screw up the entire “Bobby” domino effect if his timing is wrong

Christina Hendricks’s scream-inducing beauty


How to stop over-thinking: stop thinking

Eliot’s laugh-cough is confirmed to be human behavior

Ladies Who Lunch

Heavy Metal Company

Patti LuPone is on Jimmy’s to-do list

A rare Jimmy Pardo double date: watch for it

Craig throwing up on mic is distracting, but at least it’s in high fidelity

Bacon-frying is distracting but at least it’s in high fidelity


Craig sings the 80s hits

Caddyshack’s bad reviews

Some funny, funny information about Caddyshack writer Douglas Kennedy

First Patti LuPone thing: Unshaven Craig: possible felon

Jimmy’s musical knowledge

Ben Vereen’s inspirational Pippin appearance


Ladies and gentlemen, the Gravity / Centrifugal / Family Name Skit

Craig’s enormous wallet is distracting, but at least it’s in high definition

Someone please buy Craig a regular wallet; he seems to be hinting that you should

Jimmy’s annual unwanted wallet from his dad

Jimmy is not gracious about receiving gifts, wanted or not


The LuPone / Patinkin setlist

“Charro’s tits” might just keep some of Craig’s fans

If your character is not gay, don’t give him gayhands

Craig’s burpiness is distracting, but at least it’s in high fidelity and disgusting

Craig’s leather shirt

The second Patti LuPone thing: asking Craig what’s next

Who can pull off leather pants?


Who can wear a goatee besides a magician?


[Darryl says: people seem to often mistakenly refer to a Van Dyke as a Goatee]

The Bushelfires were trying too hard

Jimmy’s fine-grain thermal shirt is high-end

Craig wants a tit-centric time machine


High school Jimmy bonded with Angie Dickinson over the band Chicago

Seeking Mom’s approval

Dan is out of the room with the dog; is he still taking notes?

The plugs during the break should be called a Jimmercial

BREAK and dog-tending

Craig Bierko: confused by everything

Jimmy explains what a time-piece does

Boo is in-studio, with a back-folded ear


Details about headphones and earphones

Yes, we talked about Sour Grapes last time (see above)

Craig’s hotel-stays, in the Sylvia Plath Suite

The Weberhoffers: a good German family


Craig’s ill-conceived “being born should count as sex” theory

Craig deconstructs his own in-studio paranoia

Eliot confirms that he has ZERO bonding with Jimmy

Craig’s off-air “the motor is too close to the boat” comment is now Craig’s on-air “the motor is too close to the boat” comment


Jimmy’s Ross Perot impression

These kids today don’t know about the old-school people

Time is different now than it used to be

Boo lives in a Craig-created hell

We need a Rant Zone t-shirt

Rules on a plane do not apply to Rich White People


A bouncy C***

The Tarmac family were assholes

Could the guys remember how to play Foursquare if Dan laid out a court in the studio?

Jimmy has a Foursquare story; that is not a typo

Craig doesn’t see the humor in the moment when he gets the wind knocked out of him


Craig doesn’t like wait staff who take ownership

Everyone hates the waiter who sits at your table to take the order

Everyone also hates the waiter who doesn’t write things down

The sea bass can get minstrel! should be a t-shirt

What’s the worst selling Never Not Funny t-shirt?

Never Not Funny chinos: horrible idea


Rock and roll t-shirts

Craig’s gander bit

Number of the Beast

This is good audio; you’ll have to buy the video

Skiing is not a pickup sport

Craig deals with things in macro, whatever that means


Skydive vs. bungie jump

Jimmy vs. Matt: who is more tighly wound?

Kevin knows!

We’ll see below how much note-taking Dan was able to do


Craig’s charity plug: text KIDS to 27722 to donate $10 to Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital

AK-47 gone, not forgotten

Dan was busy dog-sitting; no in-studio notes!