1013 – Craig Bierko
PARDCAST.COM MESSAGE BOARD FOR THIS EPISODE
Intro
Jimmy has 16-year-old residual anger over someone telling him to dress in character for auditions
JIMMY! NEVER GO FULL HEAD-DRESS!!!
Turns out the lab-coat advice might have been right, judging from Jimmy getting the Sav-On gig
Wear a spaceman outfit to your audition
Chili today, hot tamale was not off-air, but 5 minutes into the last episode
5:00
Craig Bierko’s gorgeous head of hair is here
Craig is Jimmy’s cheeleader
Dan is on pet patrol in his Logan’s Run jacket
Update on Dan’s breakup: It’s still a breakup
The INDHD.com plug does help Eliot
Penthouse Magazine had an article about Never Not Funny
Jimmy is too embarassed to buy Penthouse
Bruce Smith’s “Shooter and cooter” joke is great, but now he has to pay himself 15% every time he uses it
Omnipop.com is the way to book Jimmy
10:00
Penthouse.com: all cooter, no Shooter
Jimmy wants to film a porno right now
Jimmy has issues about the acting skills in pornos
Act of Valor – a spoiler you will NEVER guess about the guy who finds out his wife is pregnant just before a mission
What stars of stage have been on Never Not Funny?
Angelina Jolie’s leg and cheek, and Andy Griffith’s chin
Jimmy offers to pay for cheek-jobs
Jimmy just saw Craig in Company at the motion picture house
Yes, we did discuss Sour Grapes on Craig’s last appearance
15:00
Craig is Jimmy’s biggest fan
Craig brought his dog in an attempt to kill Jimmy via allergy
Craig in Carousel
The crinkling might be distracting, but at least it’s in high fidelity
Company should be coming out on DVD, starring NePaHa
20:00
Jimmy’s Company showing probably conflicted with the bingo game
Things are changing in Hollywood
The dog noises are distracting but at least they are in high fidelity
Craig’s scaredy-cat dog is named Boo for a reason
Craig thinks he looked fat on his last appearance
The Hollywood system of vast overpayment has been outsourced
25:00
Ladies and gentleman, The Contradiction Skit
Craig’s Company role (Peter) is not well-remembered
Craig’s practical advice to anyone having a mid-life crisis: get offered a role in a major musical, and accept it
30:00
The restored Company scene that was too edgy for 1970
Sorry Grateful
Stephen Colbert in Company
Sondheim is terrifying to perform
Craig could screw up the entire “Bobby” domino effect if his timing is wrong
Christina Hendricks’s scream-inducing beauty
35:00
How to stop over-thinking: stop thinking
Eliot’s laugh-cough is confirmed to be human behavior
Ladies Who Lunch
Heavy Metal Company
Patti LuPone is on Jimmy’s to-do list
A rare Jimmy Pardo double date: watch for it
Craig throwing up on mic is distracting, but at least it’s in high fidelity
Bacon-frying is distracting but at least it’s in high fidelity
40:00
Craig sings the 80s hits
Caddyshack’s bad reviews
Some funny, funny information about Caddyshack writer Douglas Kennedy
First Patti LuPone thing: Unshaven Craig: possible felon
Jimmy’s musical knowledge
Ben Vereen’s inspirational Pippin appearance
45:00
Ladies and gentlemen, the Gravity / Centrifugal / Family Name Skit
Craig’s enormous wallet is distracting, but at least it’s in high definition
Someone please buy Craig a regular wallet; he seems to be hinting that you should
Jimmy’s annual unwanted wallet from his dad
Jimmy is not gracious about receiving gifts, wanted or not
50:00
The LuPone / Patinkin setlist
“Charro’s tits” might just keep some of Craig’s fans
If your character is not gay, don’t give him gayhands
Craig’s burpiness is distracting, but at least it’s in high fidelity and disgusting
Craig’s leather shirt
The second Patti LuPone thing: asking Craig what’s next
Who can pull off leather pants?
55:00
Who can wear a goatee besides a magician?
[Darryl says: people seem to often mistakenly refer to a Van Dyke as a Goatee]
The Bushelfires were trying too hard
Jimmy’s fine-grain thermal shirt is high-end
Craig wants a tit-centric time machine
1:00:00
High school Jimmy bonded with Angie Dickinson over the band Chicago
Seeking Mom’s approval
Dan is out of the room with the dog; is he still taking notes?
The plugs during the break should be called a Jimmercial
BREAK and dog-tending
Craig Bierko: confused by everything
Jimmy explains what a time-piece does
Boo is in-studio, with a back-folded ear
1:05:00
Details about headphones and earphones
Yes, we talked about Sour Grapes last time (see above)
Craig’s hotel-stays, in the Sylvia Plath Suite
The Weberhoffers: a good German family
1:10:00
Craig’s ill-conceived “being born should count as sex” theory
Craig deconstructs his own in-studio paranoia
Eliot confirms that he has ZERO bonding with Jimmy
Craig’s off-air “the motor is too close to the boat” comment is now Craig’s on-air “the motor is too close to the boat” comment
1:15:00
Jimmy’s Ross Perot impression
These kids today don’t know about the old-school people
Time is different now than it used to be
Boo lives in a Craig-created hell
We need a Rant Zone t-shirt
Rules on a plane do not apply to Rich White People
1:20:00
A bouncy C***
The Tarmac family were assholes
Could the guys remember how to play Foursquare if Dan laid out a court in the studio?
Jimmy has a Foursquare story; that is not a typo
Craig doesn’t see the humor in the moment when he gets the wind knocked out of him
1:25:00
Craig doesn’t like wait staff who take ownership
Everyone hates the waiter who sits at your table to take the order
Everyone also hates the waiter who doesn’t write things down
The sea bass can get minstrel! should be a t-shirt
What’s the worst selling Never Not Funny t-shirt?
Never Not Funny chinos: horrible idea
1:30:00
Rock and roll t-shirts
Craig’s gander bit
Number of the Beast
This is good audio; you’ll have to buy the video
Skiing is not a pickup sport
Craig deals with things in macro, whatever that means
1:35:00
Skydive vs. bungie jump
Jimmy vs. Matt: who is more tighly wound?
Kevin knows!
We’ll see below how much note-taking Dan was able to do
1:40:00
Craig’s charity plug: text KIDS to 27722 to donate $10 to Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital
AK-47 gone, not forgotten
Dan was busy dog-sitting; no in-studio notes!
Pingback: Fake Family Names and High Fidelity Distraction with Craig Bierko « NeverNotNotes.com