1725 – Hamming it Up with Cristela Alonzo
It’s Cristela Alonzo. Whattya want, a cookie?
In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher
@cristela9
Website
00 – Yes! Hello! Episode 1725!
First up, congrats and apologies. Pardcastathon tickets when on sale on Monday 2/1. Jimmy checked with Matt about a link on the site and in the time it took Matt to respond, the show was sold out.
Immediate sell out!
Mic stand chat!
20 year old Rick Astley was at Jimmy’s show over the weekend. Rick Astley in a hat.
Too big of a hat gives you “the gaps” according to Eliot.
Jimmy tells him to shut up already.
Baby word talk. “Paci” “binky” Jimmy HATES binky and anyone who uses it.
Great crowds in Louisville! NNF fans out in full force and a lot planning to go to Nashville.
05 – Paper meche talk for a map to go up Eliot’s ass.
Louisville is just about 3 hours from Nashville. NVille is just a bit south/southwest from Louisville.
Have you ever met someone who ever said they did not like pizza? They can’t exist.
There are SO many pizza options.
Jimmy explains cookie versus cake controversy.
He cannot eat just one cookie. It was tough to avoid the cookie on the flight back.
10 – Jimmy hasn’t had any candy but he has had a hamburger! He enjoyed it.
The room goes silent!
Shows over guys.
Jimmy and Matt talk about pacing and pauses at live shows.
Dirty Carson is here! He’s talking Cheers and Shelly long talk. Doc Severinsen had some blood on his nose.
Dirty Carson came out in Louisville!
Guns and Roses vs Hall & Oates chat! Do all of their songs sound the same?
At the end of the day you always know you are listening to a Bowie song no matter how much he has evolved.
More dirty carson! This time Kate Jackson was on getting finger banged by David Bowie! Ed MacMahon had a bird’s eye view.
15 – Don’t question dirty carson! (New T-shirt?!)
Matt has a question for Dirty Carson.
The floor is open for questions! Matt asks about Kanye West’s assplay tweet. Carson brings up Shelly Winters fisting someone.
Matt talks about that tweet being the wrong way to go about refuting that accusation by Amber Rose.
Pizza induced mouth-burn!
Jimmy burned his mouth again! This time the roof of his mouth on a piece of pizza.
Jimmy thinks David Steinberg would have enjoyed Dirty Carson.
20 – Jimmy talks about the David Steinberg episode. Matt gives his thoughts on it as well.
Jimmy wanted to shiv Eliot’s comment so badly but it was a good thought so he couldn’t.
Celeb sighting at lunch today for Matt.
Guy on TV in the late nineties early aughts.
Matt pulled his name but unable to recall what he knows him from.
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee starts 2/8!
Mike Huckabee won iowa 8 years ago.
Cristela Alonzo is here!!!
30 – Grease live talk!
Cristela did not like the camera work!
35 – Eliot gets yelled at for chiming in on Zooey. Cristela defends him.
Jimmy goes in on Cristela’s fans for asking about her show.
We’ll be back!
We’re back!
Jimmy’s eating a Tamale!
Matt wonders why Jimmy is asking me about eating a tamale when Cristela is an authentic latina.
Dirty carson!
40 – Goin’ round the horn!
We’ve apparently come up with a show here.
It’s already canceled and her fans are tweeting about when it’s coming back.
Jimmy says her fans are the most supportive, yet dumbest fans in the world.
Uh oh! We have an update from Mike Cusick!
Cristela loves murder shows! She was already familiar with the case around The Jinx so she didn’t get the hype over the show. (She would get it if she watched it, though. It’s not just a recap of what was on TruTV. But she hardly ever listens to me! -Darryl)
Matt pitches the courtroom sketch artist show with celebrity judge/lawyers.
45 – “You make tamale at home?!” – Jimmy to Cristela.
Dirty Carson is back AGAIN. This time Jlo poured Salsa on Carson’s boys.
“Why don’t you take it to another network?” – Fan to Cristela.
Jimmy defends the fans briefly. Cristela says the show was never picked up by another network because it was owned by 20th.
Cristela turned down an offer to develop another show, it just didn’t feel right.
She talks about people not understanding the kinds of stories she wanted to tell. She wants the next project to be a genuine thing, not just a money thing.
50 – Cristela talks about the Dulcimer, playing it as a kid and seeing it in a Motley Crue video –
Cristela gets REALLY latin for Jimmy asking how he likes the food.
Jimmy tells Cristela about going to Mexico for Smile Train.
Cristela ruined the mexico trip and the “maestro” story by saying that maestro means teacher.
Cristela refused to stay at a free Trump hotel that was affiliated with the network and instead paid for a holiday inn in protest of Trump.
Everything Cristela touches is canceled!
Dirty Carson is Jimmy’s favorite character now.
Me at Long Beach Comic Expo!
Saturday 2/20 – 2:00pm to 2:50pm – Garon Cockrell
Sunday 2/21 – 12:00pm to 12:50pm – Garon Cockrell
65 – Talking about YouTubers and how they pack people in. Selling out meet and greets.
The youtube/vine person Matt was talking about was Hayes Grier –
70 – Divine
No rent on my tv! – Chicago south side.
Jimmy talks about Amber Rose and her “rockin’ bod.”
Cristela has to google trending topics and by the time she gets back to them they’re not trending anymore.
75 – Cristela talks about standing next to Drake and not even realizing it.
Cristela talks about going to Texas to see Def Leopard, Tesla, and Styx and then going to New York to see Billy Joel. That’s who she is and she is fine.
Cristela has seen Hamilton twice! And a third time next week.
Jimmy is going on Friday!
Jimmy is furious Lin Manuel hasn’t followed him back yet.
Cristela is friends with Lin’s mom?! Lin follows Cristela on twitter also. She talks about going back stage and meeting him and how crazy it is.
She calls the show incredible. Jimmy can’t wait to see it.
Hamilton is better than that tamale!
80 – Matt has not heard the soundtrack but calls hearing other people do the songs is extremely painful.
Oliver is sad he can’t see Hamilton in NYC. He’ll get to go next year when the show is here.
Jimmy is really close but on the side.
When Cristela saw the show she was sitting behind Paul McCartney!
Cristela talks about being a huge beatles fan and crying while listening to their albums. So she talks about what happened that night. Some one else bothered him so she didn’t get the chance to. She did snap a picture though.
“You buy a bag of cuties, one orange isn’t gonna be the best.” – Cristela on a bad beatles song.
85 – Phil Rosenthal talk.
Jimmy doesn’t know when Race To Escape is coming back. We’re still waiting to hear!
Matt questions why Styx is on that ticket with Def Leppard and Tesla.
Styx talk! Nerds!
Jimmy is tired of Lady GaGa’s bullshit.
Doc Talk!
90 – Cristela and Jimmy talk about watching movies on planes and having to buy movies again just to finish watching the movie.
We’ll be back!
We’re back!
Cristela compares Jimmy’s noises to those Sarah McLachlan animal commercials.
Cristela notices the Meet Me Half Way record. She loves it.
Doc Talk! Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films
95 – Billboard trivia time!!!
Matt: 4
Eliot: 3
Garon: 1
Cristela: 5
Jimmy:
100: Cristela can Sang!
110 – the game continues.
Dirty carson starting to not make sense
Cristela is embarrassed she didn’t get taco.
Eliot and I are out!
Matt v Cristela!
Stop texting Cristela!
Championships round: Guess song from lyrics.
Johnny Casem!
Matt: 5
Cristela: 5
Christela wins!!!!
Bonnie Bedelia was not attacked! Theresa Saldana was.
Thanks Cristela!!!
See you next time!
My pleasure,
Garon/The Beast/Mush Mouth Shy Guy/The Notekeeper/Lazy Queen/Sloth