1222 – The Former Former Third Baseman, Mike Schmidt

Mike Schmidt, Former Former Third Baseman

Mike Schmidt, Former Former Third Baseman

In-Studio Show Notes by Garon Cockrell

Jimmy Pardo welcomes Mike Schmidt to Never Not Not Funny #1222



00 – Hello! Jimmy looking lock stock down the camera. Eliot’s made adjustments to the cameras. Fly away bird! (Matt and I don’t get this). Matt killed the bit. Dead birds! Room 222 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Room_222) 69! – 74. Jimmy was called a f*ggot by an MCA rep when he got hired in (1989). Dick! Weird use of the word, not realated to sexuality, just being a dick. He was 23 – 25.

05 – Seems like Jimmy wasn’t liked at his MCA gig. Concert T-shirts…no ties! They called his car (Fiero) a coffin on wheels. Pontiac Fiero (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pontiac_Fiero) Airplane holds up. Airplane 2? I think it might.

10 – Jimmy got his new dishwasher! Confirmed he had to put his ear to it to tell it is on. Jimmy uses Vanish in his machine. Bowls don’t go up top! Jmmy doesn’t need flexible tines he needs shorter tines. Can we stop asking to see receipts when we leave the store? Sears in Burbank/Glendale are horrible Jimmy enjoys the one in Baldwin Hills. Sears makes good appliances! Showrooming! (shopping in store and buying online.)

15 – “I’m not either but i’ve had food in my ass!” – Jimmy. He prefers Cranapple. Cranberry Cocktail apparently is sweetened according to eliot. Matt’s response: Sugar.

Mike Schmidt is here! We’ll be back! Some gambling right around the corner!

20 – We’re back! Discussion for changing Jimmy out during the break. I got Jimmy an MTV VJ Book. Jimmy is sick of vajajay! annnnd Fred Stoller just popped in to say hello and drop of Kevin’s signed book. Fred is doing a show at Nerdmelt on June 20. Jimmy as asked to moderatre but couldn’t make it. He reccommended Paul Goebel. Giving away two sets of headphones and a bag today! Jimmy had a carwash, best he ever had. got some horrible smelling leather conditioner.

25 – Jimmy on board with doing the show in a showfront. Craig Shoemaker (the love master) did this from a bakery or something. Mike gives some info on Negative Space….speaking of Negative space, Eliot is here! Eliot just cut to himself to say thanks and back to Jimmy’s slow burn. Jimmy drops a bit from the act! (eye surgery with home CD player. one eye 20/20 and one plays Chicago).

30 – Matt had a celebrity couple sighting. I think I know it. Jimmy says the guy is strikingly handsome. Mike on eggshells when stoller came in! Zebra Couple! 100% offensive. RIP Jean Stapleton. Craig Bierko posted a clip of archie breaking down on Archie Bunker’s place after edith passed away. Jimmy hitting double cymbols!! You Get What You Give lyrics: http://artists.letssingit.com/new-radicals-lyrics-you-get-what-you-give-tjjq9qb#axzz2VBdqle7B Gregg Alexander is the lead singer of New Radicals (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregg_Alexander).

35 – Jimmy is ROCKING the drum kit today. Everyone agrees Taye Diggs is beautiful.

40 – Mike wants Jimmy to jump the fence once see if he likes the gay life. Mike Schmidt is here! MikeSchmidtComedy.com. Gambling time! Time to win Joel Stein’s book Man Made! The fringe is in!

Eliot: 111 Me: 96 Matt: 92 Jimmy: 17 Schmidt: 29

45 – All hands on deck when 9/11 jokes are coming! Charlie Veitch is the conspiracy guy who changed his tune: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/10079244/The-911-conspiracy-theorist-who-changed-his-mind.html

Winner is: 31! No Winner! Winner of the book though is: Tagg Doll! Live from Darryl’s House great show. Fitz and the Tantrums is the best episode. (http://www.livefromdarylshouse.com/)

50 – not all comments are horrible! but trying to top the comedian’s jokes, maybe not the best idea. Btw: Chromeo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chromeo). Jimmy drops some Evita on us. “You don’t go see Eva’s Pretty Hand? I gotta see that hand!” – Jimmy

55 – Mike carries his SAG card around, just in case. Jimmy is afraid to take himself off the mailing list in case it effects his union standing. Mike doesn’t unsubscribe from any mailing lists. Jimmy in the midst of a spam resergence. Bob Lefsetz writes TheLefsetzLetter at http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/.

60 – Matt goes with Jackson Five’s ABC over all of ABC’s catalog. Apparently Not Another Bad Creation as I immediately thought but the 80s New Wave band: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ABC_(band). Mike talks about an EPIC room a friend of his was building. Home theater room with a 95 inch TV.

65 – Networth bet. Via CelebrityNetworth.com Jimmy does his Leno. Pat Morita and Jay Leno appeared together in http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097081/. Climax chat!

70 – Who is worth more: Gene Simmons, Jerry Seinfeld, or Larry David. Quick Oliver Quote: “Dad I was my guy of course, I was yoda!” Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld are work approximately the same amount: $800 Million. Gene is worth $300. 44 (mike), 75 (matt), and 212 (jimmy) are the guesses for gene’s worth. Karen Valentine is crazy cute acording to Mike.

75 – Jimmy thinks Larry David becomes Judd Apatow if he never met seinfeld. Mike and Jimmy went to the Angels White Socks game together!

We’ll be right back!

We’re back! Jimmy tries to catch us off guard when the return! Tell Tale Beavers! Jimmy confirms that like fantasy baseball, drafting the best players is also beneficial to fantasy basketball.

80 – Matt talks court placement. I’m out. Jimmy needs flomax? The thing that cuts hair? (flobee) Jimmy jumped in that tie breaker for a little fun. Jimmy is all in with his ear buds. Adrian Beltre and Mike Schmidt doesn’t like to be touched on the head or face. Beltre video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3h0pvYk8Dv0

85 – On Funny Money, everyone loved a Jimmy Pardo handshake/arm rub. Charisma! Sheryl Crow “homaged” Steeler’s Wheel with All I Wanna Do? “It’s Charmin all day long with me” – Jimmy

90 – Mike still planning to get his apology business card. Jimmy and Matt going to see Ke$ha and Pitbull described as a sore thumb reality show by Mike. JImmy not approving of “white beard” and “Sticky stomach” descriptions of Ke$ha alleged porn picture.

95 – Jimmy had dinner with Rodney Dangerfield! Matt saw him once and it was a weird experience sad old man. “You don’t know who used those books! He coulda been a maniac!” – Rodney Dangerfield Back to School

100 – Jimmy bombed at the laugh factory during an audition. He only worked laugh factory 4 times. Mike auditioned to work there also, with topical material. He met Jamie and he said he liked him and that he had a “Loser Quality”. Jimmy and Mike saw Dane Cooke slay at a club in irvine. Said he was great and owned the room.

105 – EFF is organizing effort to bust the patent troll. Matt and I both get emails that have facebook friend’s names on them but from spammers.

110: Answer to win the bag of headphones. The first step of the cure is what?

Jimmy thought the ticking clock was one of us.

Virginia Madsen chat! She was on the event recently. Mike is on a classic TV Kick (Kojak, Dragnet, etc)

120 – Mike recounts an episode of Dragnet where pot smoking parents get high and their kid drowns. Get off those towers! Eliot’s got his headphones down can’t here.

Contest edited: You can also win a copy of Cleopatra on blu-ray!

Oliver sad at one movie: Scooby Doo Goes to Hollywood. No monsters, no mystery, made me sad. Pat’s Fleetwood Mac review: http://www.popculturebeast.com/2013/05/concert-review-fleetwood-mac-live.html 9 out of 10 Drumsticks.

Eliot apparently is now the dumbest guy in the room?

We’re done! See you next time!

My Pleasure,
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast