NeverNotNotes

1220 – Joel “The Journalist” Stein

Joel Stein - From the pages of Time and Rolling Stone

Joel Stein – From the pages of Time and Rolling Stone (and Entertainment Weekly, but don’t mention that to Jimmy!)

In-Studio notes by Garon Cockrell

NNF 1220 – Joel Stein

@thejoelstein

www.thejoelstein.com

00 – We’re here! Hello! Jimmy needs a hat for Oliver not his 17 yo love child in Nebraska with his trailer trash waitress mother. Matt does The Long Con to serve Jimmy papers. CAN’T BE PROVEN! Is Montell busy dying? Harsh Humor! Montel “Let’s Fuck Midgets” Williams? Jimmy’s phone is blowing up today. Jimmy still on season one of The Wire. Jimmy apologies for overreacting to his text.

05 – Jimmy has another overreaction story but cannot remember it. Jimmy describes my mornings of prancing around through rainbows and feathers. Matt questions weather Eliot’s fridge has a microwave instead of a freezer, because who puts a microwave on top of a fridge? (I do). Jimmy prefers then not prefers freezer on the bottom. Side by side stinks – too narrow. Jimmy wants french doors with standard fridge. Green Beans and chops on the right side. OneKolor.com K with a K. Jimmy’s got a shirt guy! Might be a future advertiser?

10 – Jimmy hates the clock on the mic arm. Prefers it in its standard location. Jimmy would love to do twice a week for more money! He has “more time that is not there” The new Black Sabbath album 13 releases on June 11. Jimmy gets his The Who paper from the “One Spot” according to Matt (target.) He calls them worthless though. Photo looks awful as a background on phones. Guest running a little behind. We officially waiting for the guest for the contest!

15 – Dumb fucks post your guesses under the guest photos! Photograph is the best Def Lepard song. Matt says Pour Some Sugar is #2. Jimmy is horrified and asks if Matt is a stripper. Jimmy seems to not be a fan of Mutt Lange. RIP Gibson theater. Jimmy saw Chicago there in 86. RIP Dick Trickle.

20 – Jimmy drops a little Gin Blossoms and his spoof Hey Pleurisy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pleurisy). Joel Stein is our guest today! Journalist from Time Magazine! Charlie slept through the night for the first time and that means a chipper smiley Matt! He woke up to Zoey inside Charlie’s crib entertaining him. Jimmy’s phone goes nuts again!

We’ll be back!

We’re back with Joel Stein! Get your story straight Stein!

25 – Joel thought Jimmy had a team of people sending emails. Take On Me is about applying for a Job according to Matt. Queer raves have Swedish Fish now! Joel is “past candy.”

30 – Eliot is here and he scared the hell out of Jimmy in the bathroom. “It was a physics thing.” – eliot Human League dropped out of the Regeneration Tour. They’re only human.

35 – George Michael in a car crash: http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/may/17/george-michael-car-crash-m1 Jimmy mentions Mike Myers is doing another ostentatious movie. Matt recounts his story of zoe climbing into the crib story for Joel. Jimmy thinks he should have run into the room as soon as he heard Zoe going in there. Joel won an award from the Ny black journalist organization even though he isn’t black. Also walked into his bedroom and found his son playing with a stun gun.

40 – Shrek was indeed a book! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrek!. Jimmy has a love hate relationship with Joel Stein’s writing. Found him Snarky in EW but loves his stuff now. Kal Penn had issues with something Joel wrote regardeing Indians coming to his hometown (edison, NJ) and did a huffpo blog about it. They’ve since met and became friends. Here is the article: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1999416,00.html

Jimmy says it’s unfair to judge if you aren’t familliar with the person’s work.

45 – Jimmy’s favorite story Joel wrote was about being called into auditions when he is not a performer. Joel read for Gale on Breaking Bad! The role went to David Costabile (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0182345/)

50 – Jimmy didn’t get the Starface job because the same regime was still in power as when his game show was on and didn’t do well. Joel asks if an amature golfer has been sponsored. Jimmy wants 35 minutes in Target to grab whatever he wants. Jimmy says 3 minutes in target and he leaves with 30grand of stuff. Joel being anti target offends Jimmy. Joel’s wife had a phone stolen and she located it with that find your phone ap. She went to the cops and they did nothing. Jimmy wants Joel to go do a report on it. Jimmy tries to determine the race of the criminals via television shows and comedians. Forgets the hispanics.

55 – Jimmy gets frightened by the gambling pool money falling out of the ipad. I try to sneak in Eliot’s coins but Jimmy spotted it. Regis and Kelly old school game!

60 – Jimmy’s therapist is very attractive. Joel says, “That’s a mistake.” Joel has a gay therapist and loves him and he can talk guy stuff. Jimmy says, “Yeah but he can’t talk puss.” Jimmy thinks his shopping joy might come from feeling safe in stores as a kid. Joel recommends pot over drinking.

Joel saw Howard Stern and Jackie Martling live when he was a kid.

65 – Jimmy’s hobo name was Johnny Cars. he was a hobo from 81 – 82.

Jimmy’s high school nickname was Honkey High.

70 – Jimmy loves his new dishwasher. Quiet! Joel’s dishwasher is broken. Had a russian guy out to fix it. no help. Joel has a kitchenaid. He’s switching to a Kenmore. He had a great salesWOMAN when he got the new dishwasher who is an older black lady. Joel asks if there is any brand icon he wants to compare her to. Jimmy says Colt 45. Jimmy went with the white model.

Giveaway time!! 1-94 Joel: 13 (unlucky) Eliot: 11 Me: 69 Matt: 16 Jimmy: 17

Here we go…

75 – Jimmy married a jew! Joel’s wife uses that as an excuse to say horrible things. Jimmy calls Joel’s shirt a “top” due to the thinness of his shirt. The shirt is not as thin as it appears. Steve Allen Jazz Club? Near the center of inquiry that disproves things. JImmy watched a documentary called The Plane Truth, thinking it was a real documentary but its a 9/11 conspiracy thing.

80 – Good Luck Charlie brought up again!

Winning number is 38! No winner! 38 special hold on lucy. No winner. the usage of 555 started way back in the 40s!

We’ll be back!

85 – We’re back with Joel Stein. His book is called Man Made. He promoted his book on Conan. Jimmy went to introduce himself in the green room and Joel got up and walked out. Hot Pie is Soup with a Room! Jimmy reads a random page of the book and he is out. Joel is the only civilian to fire a tank. He says it is very hot in a tank. Soldiers had to sit in tanks for days in iraq, throwin gpoop out in bags. Joel did three days of boot camp.

90 – Joel was fired from EW but he doesn’t really know why. He called to get a raise and ended up being fired. Jimmy thought his not liking Joel’s EW stuff was becuase he was saying the same thing Jimmy was thinking. target is abusing the trust of the One Spot by sticking $2 and $3 items in the bins.

95 – Discussing when they decided the toys they wanted to play with and what toys they bought for their kids. Joel’s favorite musical is West Side Story or A Chorus Line. Jimmy goes Evita, Jesus Christ Superstar, Company. Joel’s son is singing wash that man right out of my hair. Jimmy was watching Spy School and at the end a girl group sings Macho Man. Oliver insists it is Nacho Man and they sang it that way all day. Jimmy had Taco Bell for the first time in years. His body almost shut down afterwards. Joel wonders how Taco Bell exists in LA when their is so much real cheap mexican food.

100 – Phil Hendrie says “Jesus you have a lot of fans.” Question to win Joel’s book: What Town Did Joel Grow Up In? Joel thinks George Clooney drives a lexus hybrid. Jimmy didn’t talk to Joel because he thought Joel didn’t like him. Joel says he was just really nervous and moving around a lot. He was on with Mila Kunis. Jimmy thought Joel did great on Conan and that tipped the scales to get him on the show. Caleb Bacon said good things as well.

Matt – Jetta. Joel – Cutlass with a digital dash.

105 – Phone call time to Matthew to celebrate his anniversary. Bad Cell! Jimmy outrage over a bad call since we have a Time Magazin journalist here! Calling back and it goes straight to voicemail.

110 – Phone call is a disaster. Jimmy sings some Sugarloaf: other songs include Mother Nature’s Wine” (1971), “Tongue in Cheek” (1971), and “Stars In Our Eyes” (1976). In addition, “West of Tomorrow” and “Myra Myra”.

115 – Cell service in canada better than landline apparently. DISASTER. Matt wonders if Matthew’s shocking is effecting his phone.

120 – Joel doesn’t believe in 50/50 bisexual. He does believe in the scale of sexuality. Trying Matthew again now he is not answering. I cannot hear what Matthew’s story is so everyone is laughing and I don’t know why.

125 – We’re done. What a joy! Joel is great. Made regular rotation! Jimmy wants Joel to know there were some EW articles he hated. JoelStein.com belongs to another Joel Stein who is a musician.

Happy anniversary Matthew!!

Don’t forget the GoDaddy code NNF295!

See you next time!

My Pleasure,
– Garon/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Scout/The Beast