505 – Greg Fitzsimmons


KwikeeNotes, due to their Kwikee nature, do not feature the icons, graphics, and links that accompany regular editions of Never Not Notes. Enjoy anyway!

FYI: Jimmy appeared on Greg Fitzsimmon’s podcast and they talked about this episode of Never Not Funny. All is well, and Jimmy and Greg remain friends, but this episode holds a special place as one of the most polarizing in Never Not Funny history.



Nickel aught nickel!

Jimmy says Greg is wearing sunglasses like a cocksucker

Greg defends his sunglasses due to migraines

Greg calls Matt the least exciting man in Hollywood

Greg mocks the studio, but compliments Jimmy on his ability to entertain despite the shitty surroundings


Greg is surprised that someone as talented as Jimmy has such a stalled career

Greg is not a fan of Steinberg’s show

Details about Jimmy’s management

Jimmy: “Who the hell is Greg Fitzsimmons to look down?”

Jimmy is unsure whether he is being insulted

Greg wonders why someone as talented as Jimmy is sitting next to a 2-drawer aluminum file cabinet and a guy who is recording on Garageband


Jimmy: “Now I’m beginning to second-guess having you on!”

Greg has 4 daytime Emmys for his work on Ellen

Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons is in book proposal mode

Matt: “As soon as you’re done trashing us, we’ll start the show.”

Jimmy tries to get Matt to jump in more

Jimmy tries to turn the show toward “lighter things”

Greg almost left before the show, when Jimmy said they might talk about socks


Greg almost takes a call from Dave Atell while Jimmy is talking

Jimmy: “This was a mistake.”

Greg earned the first class upgrade, not his family

What is Andrew’s ethnicity?

Greg is complimentary to Danielle, maybe too much

No need to fear swine flu in Los Angeles

Jimmy tries to get Matt into the conversation


Camel-toe talk and insulting Jimmy’s Katrina flood reference

Matt: “This is a whole new world”

Back to Greg’s story about flying with his family

How Greg got a bunch of Adidas swag, including socks

Discussing Jimmy’s Monster drinks


Matt defends Jimmy’s use of various layers of references

John Henson talk

Matt is nothing without Jimmy, and vice versa

Jimmy wants to make sure the listener knows Greg is his good friend, and doesn’t want anyone complaining that he just shit on everything the whole time

“This is our relationship”

Greg’s 40,000 friend MySpace page feels like a cemetary

Jimmy has yet to approve any Facebook friends

MySpace: too many clicks to get things done

Jimmy is anti-Twitter

Greg took extra Aderall this morning just before the show

Greg: “Aderall is speed”


Greg breaks out the c-word

Monster vs. Aderall

Greg doesn’t like Jimmy’s Great Depression reference

Jimmy is not depressed

Aderall is just an appetizer, Greg takes numerous prescription drugs

Greg gets back to talking about socks


Jimmy’s prom night with Dawn

Greg wants to know about Jimmy’s career track

Jimmy’s prediction about New Kids on the Block

Boston standup comedy


Jimmy wants to know who the guy is that no one has heard of

Jimmy prefers dead air to being berated

More Boston comedy talk featuring Don Gavin

The tragic and mysterious death of Danny Gans


Greg shits on Jimmy’s Jack Klugman / Quincy impersonation

Klugman dead or alive?

Dealing with managers

Fitzsimmons does Jolson


The in-studio phone is ringing, angering Greg

Greg: “Let’s discuss my show and your lack of being a guest”

Greg invites Jimmy to be on his show next Monday

All about Scott Aukerman’s wife Kulap


Getting from Venice to the UCB Theater

One-man shows at UCB

More detail than you want to know about men’s positions

Matt read a Craigslist ad about a tornado fetish


A hurricane is like a woman, according to Atell

Greg: “Am I overwhelming the show? Is it too much?”

Greg: “It’s like the whole audience is in on something that Fitzsimmons is not. I feel like you’re disappointed.”

Greg shits on the idea that we are taking a break


Details about the break

Jimmy: “Be pleasant! Be pleasant!”

Greg asks Andrew if he’s been too insulting to Jimmy


Greg suspects there is a sensibility about this show that he has not adhered to

Greg is deconstructing how the show has gone so far

Jimmy describes the difference in the show this time


Matt explains that the show is different than usual, and that’s… okay

Greg continues to deconstruct

Andrew says this is the behind-the-scenes part of the show

Jimmy explains that this is a children’s show

Bill Mahr vs. Johnny Carson


Jimmy’s favorite NNF from the past year: Janet Varney

Bob Saget’s obsession about a negative call while on Greg’s show

Dealing with non-responsive audience members


Jimmy’s hatred of the gastrointestinal related f-word

Greg wants details about how Jimmy handles his lower tract issues

Jimmy: “There’s no bigger bonding moment than changing your kid’s diapers”

Stupid Question of the Week

Dave Hanson – If you had to wear the makeup of a KISS member for the rest of your life, who would it be?


Matt uses the KISS question as an example of how this episode is different

Matt: “This is turning into the third act of the movie Seven”


Jeffrey Ross and the Friar’s Club Roast

Does Jimmy have a guest short-list

Jimmy says Marc Maron will not be on the show, but Howard Stern will

Greg and Jimmy are both well-liked in the comedy world


Jimmy is a great comic and a nice guy; what’s not to like?

Greg spills water on some equipment at the close of the show