Episode 526 – Maria Bamford

Release Date 10/07/2009

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Intro: An immediate sweep of the out of town scoreboards ala Lee Hacksaw Hamilton

Maria Bamford

1:45 Jimmy has been diagnosed with a rare case of peripheral vision

3:15 It’s all about scoreboards and clocks

4:00 “Ridin’ the bench!”

4:45 Maria thinks it’s a sudden sunset situation

5:30 Maybe Alaska needs a pro baseball team

6:00 Maria’s boyfriend, the hot dog vendor

7:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Mambo Number Five (Lou Bega)

8:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey (Lou Monte)

9:15 Last episode of the season cliffhanger: who killed Maria?

10:15 Never Not Funny runs on junk food and energy drinks just like the Marines

11:45 G.I. vs. G.I.

12:15 “We’re doing a snuffcast”

12:45 Promo for Season 6

14:00 Zipper and Shoo-fly in the morning

14:10 Sing along with Jimmy: Shoo Fly Don’t Bother Me (Billy Reeves and Frank Campbell)

14:45 Jackie Kashian Dot Com entertains the troops

15:30 You know I’m a “yes and” guy

15:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Lights Out (Peter Wolf. Sorry Jimmy, not J. Geils Band)

16:00 Could Maria go to the war zone?

18:00 Maybe comedians entertaining troops isn’t special any more

18:15 Jackie Kashian, hug machine

19:00 Comedians’ acts vs. real life

19:45 Maria likes ’em gay and out of town

21:30 Maria takes a song request

21:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Penny Lover (Lionel Richie)

22:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Stuck on You (Lionel Richie)

22:30 Jimmy wants the libretto

23:15 Jimmy hocks a loogie

24:00 Polanski drugged and raped!

25:00 Maria’s MaxFunCon experience

26:30 “I hated you but now I like you!” is not a compliment

27:00 Bandshell Bamford!

27:15 Maria at Notre Dame

28:30 Vaudeville talk

29:00 Oliver dances at Target

32:30 Oliver’s favorite dance move: punching a ghost

34:00 Billy Jealousy makes Jimmy’s face smooooooth!

34:30 Sing along with Jimmy: Hey Jealousy (Gin Blossoms)

35:00 Jimmy wonders what they are doing in the other offices

35:45 Maria is Andrew’s favorite guest

36:30 Maria’s pitch-fest: The Klondike Bar Network

39:00 Not every dumb idea has to be on the internet (uh oh)

39:15 Andrew gets a phone call!

39:30 Sing along with Jimmy: Headed for the Future (Neil Diamond)

40:00 Andrew as Boner on Family Guy

41:00 Maria knows all about strong, sexy monkeys (Fame Junkies)

43:00 Oprah Winfrey ambushes Mackenzie Phillips

44:15 The dirty 70s spawned Paul McCartney and Wings

45:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Band on the Run (Paul McCartney and Wings)

45:45 Maria wants to know: what kind of restaurant would you open?

47:00 Matt: BURGER-ZA!!!!

48:45 Break time!

49:30 The sound is better now!

50:45 Pardcast.com feedback

51:15 Who can resist talking about the handsomeness of Jon Hamm

51:45 “Who cares?!” but in a positive way

52:00 Roll ‘N Rye Deli and the $52 lunch

55:15 Adding up the bill

56:00 “How much do I have to pay to stop talking about this?”

56:10 Maria Bamford! That’s the meanest thing you ever said!

56:20 Sing along with Jimmy: We Got the Beat (The Go-Gos)

56:30 India Arie at The Greek

57:30 Maria fears cable

58:40 Sing along with Jimmy: Lady Marmalade (Labelle… not that Moulin Rouge crap)

59:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Birthday (The Beatles)

59:30 Maria on Movies at Our House

1:00:00 Danielle’s concert outing

1:01:00 Getting close to 40

1:01:30 On a scale of 1 to 10: “Cougar”

1:02:30 Bromance

1:03:15 Who should ask who out?

1:05:00 Jimmy’s Raven trouble on Funny Money

1:07:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Time in a Bottle (Jim Croce)

1:08:00 Maria and her mom star in Road Work

1:09:15 Jimmy earns a spit-take from Maria

1:10:45 Maria’s swim-up comedy club

1:13:00 “Anyone respectful has pooped his pants”

1:14:30 Ballpark vending assignment

1:15:30 Chicago or Rio?

1:16:00 Sing along with Jimmy: I Go to Rio (Peter Allen)

1:16:30 How many summer Olympics in the U.S.?

1:17:30 The pomp and circumstance of announcing the host city

1:19:30 Papa Johns incestuous pizza

1:20:15 Selling out the conference room in Vancouver

1:21:10 Stupid Question of the Week: Bobby Gonzo: How pretty are rainbows?

1:22:45 Sing along with Jimmy: The Rainbow Connection (Kermit the Frog)

1:22:30 Larry King: High on Anxiety!

1:26:00 Star Wars night at the ballpark

1:26:45 Judge Jimmy: Jim Heggerty: Jury duty: Do your civic duty, or lie your way out?

1:34:30 Sammy Hagar the Horrible

1:34:45 Sing along with Jimmy: I Can’t Drive 55 (Sammy Hagar)

1:36:30 The other comedian at jury duty last week

1:37:15 “We gotta go now. We gotta go…”

If I have a ticket I’m gonna punch you in the nuts. On the podcast.