Episode 526 – Maria Bamford
Release Date 10/07/2009
Intro: An immediate sweep of the out of town scoreboards ala Lee Hacksaw Hamilton
1:45 Jimmy has been diagnosed with a rare case of peripheral vision
3:15 It’s all about scoreboards and clocks
4:00 “Ridin’ the bench!”
4:45 Maria thinks it’s a sudden sunset situation
5:30 Maybe Alaska needs a pro baseball team
6:00 Maria’s boyfriend, the hot dog vendor
7:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Mambo Number Five (Lou Bega)
8:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey (Lou Monte)
9:15 Last episode of the season cliffhanger: who killed Maria?
10:15 Never Not Funny runs on junk food and energy drinks just like the Marines
11:45 G.I. vs. G.I.
12:15 “We’re doing a snuffcast”
12:45 Promo for Season 6
14:00 Zipper and Shoo-fly in the morning
14:10 Sing along with Jimmy: Shoo Fly Don’t Bother Me (Billy Reeves and Frank Campbell)
14:45 Jackie Kashian Dot Com entertains the troops
15:30 You know I’m a “yes and” guy
15:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Lights Out (Peter Wolf. Sorry Jimmy, not J. Geils Band)
16:00 Could Maria go to the war zone?
18:00 Maybe comedians entertaining troops isn’t special any more
18:15 Jackie Kashian, hug machine
19:00 Comedians’ acts vs. real life
19:45 Maria likes ’em gay and out of town
21:30 Maria takes a song request
21:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Penny Lover (Lionel Richie)
22:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Stuck on You (Lionel Richie)
22:30 Jimmy wants the libretto
23:15 Jimmy hocks a loogie
24:00 Polanski drugged and raped!
25:00 Maria’s MaxFunCon experience
26:30 “I hated you but now I like you!” is not a compliment
27:00 Bandshell Bamford!
27:15 Maria at Notre Dame
28:30 Vaudeville talk
29:00 Oliver dances at Target
32:30 Oliver’s favorite dance move: punching a ghost
34:00 Billy Jealousy makes Jimmy’s face smooooooth!
34:30 Sing along with Jimmy: Hey Jealousy (Gin Blossoms)
35:00 Jimmy wonders what they are doing in the other offices
35:45 Maria is Andrew’s favorite guest
36:30 Maria’s pitch-fest: The Klondike Bar Network
39:00 Not every dumb idea has to be on the internet (uh oh)
39:15 Andrew gets a phone call!
39:30 Sing along with Jimmy: Headed for the Future (Neil Diamond)
40:00 Andrew as Boner on Family Guy
41:00 Maria knows all about strong, sexy monkeys (Fame Junkies)
43:00 Oprah Winfrey ambushes Mackenzie Phillips
44:15 The dirty 70s spawned Paul McCartney and Wings
45:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Band on the Run (Paul McCartney and Wings)
45:45 Maria wants to know: what kind of restaurant would you open?
47:00 Matt: BURGER-ZA!!!!
48:45 Break time!
49:30 The sound is better now!
50:45 Pardcast.com feedback
51:15 Who can resist talking about the handsomeness of Jon Hamm
51:45 “Who cares?!” but in a positive way
52:00 Roll ‘N Rye Deli and the $52 lunch
55:15 Adding up the bill
56:00 “How much do I have to pay to stop talking about this?”
56:10 Maria Bamford! That’s the meanest thing you ever said!
56:20 Sing along with Jimmy: We Got the Beat (The Go-Gos)
56:30 India Arie at The Greek
57:30 Maria fears cable
58:40 Sing along with Jimmy: Lady Marmalade (Labelle… not that Moulin Rouge crap)
59:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Birthday (The Beatles)
59:30 Maria on Movies at Our House
1:00:00 Danielle’s concert outing
1:01:00 Getting close to 40
1:01:30 On a scale of 1 to 10: “Cougar”
1:03:15 Who should ask who out?
1:05:00 Jimmy’s Raven trouble on Funny Money
1:07:45 Sing along with Jimmy: Time in a Bottle (Jim Croce)
1:08:00 Maria and her mom star in Road Work
1:09:15 Jimmy earns a spit-take from Maria
1:10:45 Maria’s swim-up comedy club
1:13:00 “Anyone respectful has pooped his pants”
1:14:30 Ballpark vending assignment
1:15:30 Chicago or Rio?
1:16:00 Sing along with Jimmy: I Go to Rio (Peter Allen)
1:16:30 How many summer Olympics in the U.S.?
1:17:30 The pomp and circumstance of announcing the host city
1:19:30 Papa Johns incestuous pizza
1:20:15 Selling out the conference room in Vancouver
1:21:10 Stupid Question of the Week: Bobby Gonzo: How pretty are rainbows?
1:22:45 Sing along with Jimmy: The Rainbow Connection (Kermit the Frog)
1:22:30 Larry King: High on Anxiety!
1:26:00 Star Wars night at the ballpark
1:26:45 Judge Jimmy: Jim Heggerty: Jury duty: Do your civic duty, or lie your way out?
1:34:30 Sammy Hagar the Horrible
1:34:45 Sing along with Jimmy: I Can’t Drive 55 (Sammy Hagar)
1:36:30 The other comedian at jury duty last week
1:37:15 “We gotta go now. We gotta go…”
If I have a ticket I’m gonna punch you in the nuts. On the podcast.