NeverNotNotes

621 – Laurie Kilmartin

Released 3/31/2010

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Intro: Out of doors with John Denver. “I wish nothing but the Denver family the best of luck.”

1:45 Turn up the Alice Cooper

Laurie Kilmartin

2:20 Jimmy becomes Pootie Tang

3:00 Eliot may have done a situp

3:15 High DASH Mountain dot com

3:30 Matt’s head has been Rickrolled!

4:15 “Let me walk you through this lady”

4:30 The world needs to know what Matt and Jimmy ate

5:00 Jimmy and Laurie meet at the Funny Bone

5:00 It’s the golden era of racism

6:00 Life in the comedy condo

6:30 Dean Edwards the dueling pianist

7:00 Jimmy and Laurie were a great pairing

8:30 Jimmy, the angry guy

9:30 Laurie dives into swimming talk

10:30 Laurie saves a couple syllables

10:45 Laurie apparently has a waterproof Blackberry

11:15 Jimmy’s great swimming form

11:45 Matt wants to go to The Plunge

12:10 Laurie and the 1984 Olympics

12:45 Age talk

13:45 Is Jimmy part of Conan’s live tour?

14:45 How to shorten your work week

15:15 Jimmy’s a (fake) big deal in Cedar Rapids!

16:30 Waterproof iPods

17:15 Laurie’s public pool reviews

17:50 Laurie was an internet pioneer

18:30 Hate mail from Jimmy to Laurie

20:00 Laurie just might be antisocial

21:00 Matt’s haircut subtracts pounds and years

21:30 Why should men care about appearance?

22:00 Laurie’s hopes are about to be crushed

22:30 Laurie is a best-selling (?) (co)author

26:00 Sherri on The View

28:00 Sherri’s history

29:00 Sherri cares about signing autographs

29:30 Laurie upcoming writing work

30:30 Polanski’s The Ghost Writer

31:00 Actors who played James Bond

32:00 Jimmy’s intern-related rage is mounting!

32:30 Flakiness on Craigslist

Esther Williams

33:30 Flakiness from Matt

34:00 IT’S ESTHER WILLIAMS!!!!!!! THIS IS A REPLAY OF THE WHOLE SUGARMAN DEBACLE!!!!!

34:45 “It’s a lady’s name? For a woman?”

35:30 The oddly named Ruth’s Chris Steak House

36:00 Back to obsessing about ESTHER WILLIAMS

37:30 It’s the debut of the four-camera shoot

38:10 Thank God, Laurie pulled the name

38:45 Droppin’ synchro knowledge

39:00 Diving is an entirely different sport than swimming

39:45 Swimming should be done in the sun

40:15 The funniest thing Matt ever said: Jimmy should wear a sleep mask

40:45 How deep can you dive underwater?

41:00 Jimmy’s new crazy irrational fear: balcony jumping

43:50 “There’s no net on this one guys!”

44:15 Jimmy needs to lick his earphones before inserting them

44:30 Stabbed in the neck at the theater

45:00 Shushing at the movies

47:00 Laurie’s irrational fear may not be that irrational

48:15 Laurie regrets her lack of drug-taking and lesbian sex

49:00 Matt is planning on becoming a 50 year old junkie

49:45 Laurie’s Texas Christian Ding-Dong binge

51:15 Ding-Dongs vs. booze

52:15 Jimmy’s fantasy baseball team names

53:30 Jimmy has created his own opportunity for failure

56:00 Tiger’s texts vs. old scandals

57:00 Jesse James, cheating, and white supremecy

You look mahvelous!

57:45 Can you say that on a podcast?

58:30 You look mahvalous!

59:00 The SNL cast

1:00:00 Kristin Wiig’s characters

1:00:30 Nobody knew who Nancy Grace was 6 years ago

1:01:00 Break time!

1:01:30 Jimmy spins out of AK47-related awkwardness

1:02:00 Laurie explains the co-authoring process

1:03:00 The lack of preemie humor

1:03:30 More High DASH Mountain clarification

1:04:30 Jimmy ate crap in Vegas all weekend

Nelson Cruz

1:04:45 Laurie gives Jimmy a “timing laugh”

1:05:30 Buying Nelson Cruise

1:06:00 Jimmy’s dream about Laurie

1:07:00 Jimmy’s dream about Bob Seger

1:08:15 Rod Stewart vs. Bob Seger

1:10:00 Laurie’s musical tastes

1:11:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Single Ladies (Beyonce)

1:11:15 I Gotta a Feeling: most crass pop song?

1:12:00 Jimmy gets invited to judge freestyle rap

1:13:00 What Jimmy likes about 8 Mile

1:13:45 At a party with the very pretty Molly Shannon

Jimmy Two Times (Apparently Johnny's brother)

1:15:45 Who doesn’t want to be a boy toy?

1:16:00 Johnny Two Times makes a guest appearance

1:16:30 Controversy over Jimmy’s height leads to Jimmy calling Laurie an asshole for the second time in the show

1:17:45 Pondering the offstage persona

1:19:00 Pairing off in Chicago

1:19:47 Romy or Romy?

1:21:00 Who booked three girls on one show?

1:21:15 How many women on a show is one too many?

1:24:00 George Lopez is caliente!

1:24:00 Stereotyping women’s comedy material

1:26:00 Christopher Hitchens sounds like a guy’s guy

1:27:15 Jimmy owns whatever it is that he just did that may or may not be something that needs ownership to be taken of it

1:28:30 Jimmy quotes Michael Stipe and worries about his health

1:29:45 Is there an average guy anymore?

1:30:15 Spicing up the audience by adding some color

1:31:30 Jimmy’s neighbors dress up for church

1:32:30 Matt’s day at the beach

1:33:30 Matt goes for the “gross” record

1:34:00 Potty training

Betty White

1:35:00 Talking about your kids onstage: men vs. women

1:37:00 Revisiting the Las Vegas suite

1:38:00 Back to more humiliating age comparisons

1:39:00 Matthew Broderick’s emotional visit

1:39:30 The service history of Laurie’s family

1:40:30 Laurie and her peer, Betty White

1:41:30 People liked Jimmy

1:42:00 High Monkey dot com???

1:42:15 Laurie is at www.kilmartin.com

AK-47, gone not forgotten