620 – Rachel Quaintance

Release date 3/24/2010

Intro: Jimmy Pardo from the world wide web, TV, radio, and a movie he doesn’t remember

1:45 Timbuk3 and Joan Osborne are the future of music!

2:15 Jimmy has inexplicable issues with Beck

2:45 “We’re a minute and 56 minutes in”

3:00 Jim mocks himself

3:10 Silent Eliot Hochberg is auditioning for his videographer job

4:00 Rachel’s piercing blue eyes can be seen at Omnipop.com

4:15 Sing along with Jimmy: These Eyes (The Guess Who)

4:30 Jimmy and Rachel ruined your movie viewing on AMC

5:15 Welcome back to Funny Money

5:30 Reminiscing about Movies at Our House

5:45 We’ve already heard the “Allan get in here” story

6:00 Rachel should not be worried about Lou Gehrig’s disease

6:45 How Jimmy gets his leg muscles to twitch

7:00 The healing power of a new pillow

7:45 Jimmy recently had what they call “surgery”

8:30 Klapper, doctor to the stars

9:00 Jimmy’s back to playing basketball and riding his Razor scooter

9:15 Kid’s basketball league

9:30 Regulation balls

9:45 SUGARMAN!!!! IT’S SUGARMAN!!!!!

10:30 Get your fantasy baseball names in A.S. as P.!!!!!

11:00 Anticipating the upcoming baseball season

11:15 More talk about SUGARMAN

11:20 Sing along with Jimmy: Flying High Again (Ozzy Osbourne)

11:30 Sing along with Jimmy: Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne)

11:45 The talents of Ozzy Osborne

12:10 Sing along with Jimmy: War Pigs (Black Sabbath)

12:45 Don’t ever read or recite lyrics

13:30 Lisa Rinna crashes Jimmy’s doctor appointment

14:45 Never Not Funny really needs an intern

15:15 Of course Jimmy’s doctor is white!

15:30 “Hell-ooooo!”

15:45 Hillbillies from Minnesota

16:00 Rachel’s family visits

16:15 Sing along with Jimmy: Blackbird (The Beatles)

16:30 Googling for the wrong name produces wrong results

16:45 Look at those Oaxacas!

17:15 Rachel is powerful, sane, fun, and enjoyable

18:15 Jimmy and Matt continue to obsess about needing an intern

19:00 Jimmy and Matt continue to obsess about SUGARMAN‘s name

19:45 Matt is a terrible Googler

20:15 Kiboshes

20:30 Rachel loves the Oscars

20:45 Jimmy owes Elise money

21:30 Coogan accounts

22:15 Matt is a very good Googler

24:15 Sing along with Jimmy: I am Woman (Helen Reddy)

24:30 Rachel is reviving women’s lib

25:00 Jimmy owes Rachel $20

25:15 Jimmy’s gross creepy character during Movies at Our House

26:00 Rachel has voice auditions today (just like her last visit)

26:30 Ahmed Best with Rachel on Big Time Rush

27:30 Don’t ask people to perform

28:30 Do not engage Eliot!

29:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Stop Asking Me the Question (Tom Wilson)

29:00 Rachel Quaintance on The Middle

30:15 TV show cliches don’t reflect real life

31:00 Dinner at Spago with Rachel and Jimmy

31:30 The quality of the Movies at Our House movies

32:00 Jimmy and Rachel ruined people’s lives

32:15 Rachel’s IMDB comment says she is annoying (As requested, it is now refuted. You’re welcome, Rachel.)

33:00 Rachel refuses to divulge her maiden name

34:00 Rachel is honest about her kids. Maybe too honest.

34:15 Rachel’s daughter: victim of basketball theft

34:45 Is Matt bored with Rachel?

35:30 Stern, angry Mother Rachel

37:00 Rachel don’t let her girl or her boy do dat

38:15 Homophobic parenting

40:00 American Idol

40:30 Anytime anyone is remotely from the Fargo area, Fargites want you to know about it

41:00 Chicago: the country’s biggest cow town

41:45 Jimmy’s hitting the road

42:00 The Hurt Locker is reality

43:30 Adrian Lyne

44:00 Sing along with Jimmy: Burning Heart (Vandenburg)

44:00 Rachel’s witty comeback to Jimmy’s charge of racism

45:00 Rachel’s dad

45:45 Questioning the questioning of doctors

46:30 Joe the Plumber

47:15 Jimmy’s book club: The Audacity to Win

48:00 Waiting on Monica Lewinsky

48:00 Mr. Personality

49:30 Sing along with Jimmy: Here I Go Again (Whitesnake)

49:40 Sing along with Jimmy: Circle of Life (Elton John)

49:45 “This has been an exhausting podcast for me”

50:45 Eyes Wide Shut

51:30 Rachel’s friend is a fan of donuts and the holy land

52:45 California Dreams

53:45 Some things hurt Rachel’s weiner

54:00 Jimmy’s new invention: the television shirt

54:30 Jimmy likes lady’s t-shirts

55:00 Rachel’s prison fans need her on a new show

55:30 Break time!

56:15 How Jimmy and Sinatra are exactly the same

57:00 Rachel on CSI Miami

57:30 How many takes does it take?

58:00 Jimmy’s many takes for a cell phone commercial

58:45 “Copy!”

59:00 “What good are a million minutes if I can’t use them when I want?”

1:00:00 First-take flubbing

1:01:00 The stress of guest-casting

1:03:15 The star of the show gets to flub

1:03:30 Swearing in front of your kids

1:04:15 The self-serve snow-bird carwash

1:05:00 The Shield vs. The Wire

1:06:00 Bad Lieutenant

1:05:45 Rachel takes a brave stand against women being murdered

1:08:15 Rachel’s good hair day

1:09:00 Five years after the fact, still no spoilers for The Wire please

1:10:15 Can Gilmartin’s recommendations be trusted?

1:10:30 Rachel thinks Mad Men has too much woman-hating

1:11:30 You can like whatever shows you want

1:12:00 Hotel reviews

1:12:15 Rachel’s spring break in Mexico

1:13:00 Beaches

1:13:15 Sing along with Jimmy: Wind Beneath my Wings (Bette Midler)

1:13:30 Belknap is not on board with Rachel

1:14:00 Jimmy has a lot of Rachel’s kind of doctors as neighbors. If you know what he means.

1:14:15 High def doesn’t do anyone any favors

1:15:00 Prizes from the Laugh Bank

1:16:00 Brother from another mother

1:17:30 Jimmy has some money in his Coogan account

1:18:15 Sing along with Jimmy (Unintelligible)???

1:18:30 Judge Jimmy: Scott Humphries: Peanut butter and Cheez-Whiz sandwiches: delicious or disgusting?

1:19:30 Jimmy is mad at the non-existent intern

1:24:15 Rachel tries out her mom character

1:24:45 Rachel won’t reveal where she is, even when she isn’t there

1:25:15 More Googling

1:26:15 Meeting with Handheld Comedy

1:26:30 Dealing with racist people

1:27:30 Sing along with Jimmy: We Are the World (USA for Africa)

1:27:45 Rachel’s golden pipes

1:28:30 We Are the World Reprise 1

1:29:00 Rachel misses Andrew, as we all do

1:29:30 We Are the World Reprise 2

1:29:45 You can be cut from a movie at any time

1:30:15 Don’t follow Rachel on Facebook! Family only!

1:31:00 We Are the World Reprise 3

On the podcast!