28B – Shopping at home with Helen Keaney

Helen Keaney

Find the show at NeverNotFunny.com
In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher


00 Hello! Indeed! Episode 28B!

Don’t interrupt or do charades during the intro!

At least some of us are aging into our looks and getting better as we grow older.

Except me?!

Nah we all look great!

Matt says I’m an 8!

Jimmy talks about Epidurals. He is feeling much better. His haircut was a big hit at the doctor.

5 – Jimmy say a doc so we get a song. Thanks Doug Pinetta.

We hear a different version of the balabans song from Mr. Diffie!

Jimmy listened to Ally and Bean today and they talked about texting during the pandemic.

Jimmy and Matt talk about how they used to talk on the phone almost daily and in the pandemic, not nearly as often.

10 – Jimmy sent out texts on Christmas to people he doesn’t often text in general because it felt like a good thing to do.

Jimmy is worried he messed up a birthday surprise for Todd Levin.

It’s a Kudo board!

Jimmy talks about the card he has for Todd that he couldn’t deliver due to a lack of parking. He’s had it for years and sends todd a picture of it every year.


Polka dot pattern!

Breaking news!
Todd Loves Eliot’s birthday email.

Charlie Breaking News remix!!

Ron Cockrell! Gary Cockrell?

20 – Talking about Tiger Woods.

Matt talks about the Tiger Woods documentary.


25 – OH yeah we’re talking docs!

Back to the mail.

30 – It’s a gorgeous painting from Ashley!


Thank you!

We’ll be back with an old friend of Jimmy’s Helen Keaney!

Welcome back! 28B! Better than A.

Helen Keaney is here!

She and Jimmy used to be neighbors! She lives in Florida now. She’ s lived there since 2008. She works for Home Shopping Network!

She talks about working at HSN.

35 – Helen started with overnights at HSN!

“They’re leaving with a piece of turquoise! They’re happy.” – Helen

Helen talks about accidentally saying C*nt on the air once.

40 – Jimmy briefly talks about his experience ordering from home shopping.

Helen talks about her 3 marriages. She just got married to her third husband a year ago!

Helen talks about being surprised to hear from Jimmy. She talks about feeling like it’s a mistake when someone from “show business” reaches out and asks her to do stuff with them.

Helen talks about a show she was starting to do just before the pandemic started.

45 – Helen talks about doing shows during the pandemic. The two theaters she did were great with safety. The two clubs she did were not.

Go Hide Helen!

Round the horn!!

Talking Nomadland and Monk!

Jimmy’s excited for the Tom and Jerry movie.

Helen doesn’t remember the movie she saw last before the pandemic but she sees everything! She uses her SAG card to see movies for free in Florida.

60 – Let’s open these theaters!

Helen and Eliot are both “ethnically” jewish and not “religiously” jewish.

1h5m – Eliot got a new mouse!

“You got gronk?!” – Jimmy as Helen talks about celebs who come on HSN.

Talking about how crazy Florida is.

Eliot’s guess is Bob Odenkirk!

1h15m – Helen Shopping Network!

Helen and the other hosts do hang out! She’s made friends with many of them.

She talks about her friend Monte Carlo, a chef!

Helen’s guess is Bill Burr!

Brian Regan is Jimmy’s guess!

1h20m – NNF Cruise?!

Eliot reads us the fans guesses.

Jeff Goldblum introduced himself to Jimmy’s mom at conan. She never stopped talking about it.

1h25m –

5) Brent Weinbach
4) Bonnie Macfarland
3) Beth Lipidis
2) Billy Eichner
1) Bob Odenkirk! – ELIOT WINS!

1h30m – Helen is in Rubio country but not Gaetz country.
Stupid question!
A REAL one.

Cups in a cabinet, upside down or right side up?

Different answers from everyone! Matt and Eliot alternate, Helen is right side up, I missed what Jimmy said!

What is your go-to soup?

Matt: Butternut Squash/New England Clam Chowder
Eliot: Tomato with grilled cheese, and some beef burgenione that he created.
Garon: Tomato and crackers
Jimmy: Beef Barley
Helen: Carrot soup via her SOUP MAKER.

What was your childhood grocery store and is that chain still around? (I’m old and nostalgic today.)

Helen: Grew up in upstate NY but doesn’t remember her grocery store. Woolworths?
Matt: Also from Upstate NY went to A&P and then (Super) Stop & Shop.
Jimmy: A&P – Also Breaking News Costco raising their pay to $16!
Me: Stan’s Market

Helen does get “wine callers” plenty during the pandemic.

Arnold & Palmer?

One shot of the Moderna and one shot of the Pfizer is called an Arnold Pharma. – AMAZING Tweet from someone?
That was super fun!

Paramus Mall talk ala Soapdish!

Jimmy talks about the new tiers, no additional benefits, but it allows those that want to to donate more ($25, $50, $100).

See you next time!

My pleasure,

Garon/The Beast/Mush Mouth Shy Guy/The Notekeeper/Lazy Queen/Sloth