NeverNotNotes

2209 – Camping Out with Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt

In studio notes by Garon-for-a-Day Dan Telfer
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

@pattonoswalt
pattonoswalt.com

00 – Jimmy’s face is windswept! He participated in a charity golf tournament. It’s all lawyers and stuff! Jimmy doesn’t say a word to them. Not an expensive outing in Tarzana. 2 meals! Had a nice foursome- JP Menoux, Regan Burns, Paul Gilmartin. First time under par thanks to Regan Burns. Paul sucked. Jimmy was average. Regan thinks they could have done much better if they had all taken it a SKUOODGE more seriously.

05 – Where were you when JFK died? Lincoln? When Elvis died? John Lennon? REGAN BURNS. Dan Telfer is Old Yeller on the comedy circuit. The Challender was the next level of this.. Let’s put money on when The Challenger happened!

10 – Remember the Fold-in? Al Jaffee just turned 97 and still sends us the hand-painted Fold-in. Someone on Southwest got sucked out of a plane!

15 – We’re back to the Challenger- but first… Jimmy is on Sirius XM! Here’s some Jimmy antics we need to send to Al Jaffee. Dan’s hair is terrible. Please Dan go to Supercuts and fix the back of your hair. Nobody likes what’s going on back there. Skunk? Dan take that hat off.

20 – Jimmy: May 1986. Eliot November 1985. Matt: March 1986, Bill: August 1985.
It’s 1986. Who will win the month off? What’s Bill’s job title? Matt says April. Jimmy says June. Matt said Feb- wrong, Jimmy said August then July. Jimmy banged around a lot back in 1986. The beginning of the curse. No TV in the record store though.

25 – Jimmy was at JR’s Music Shop. Peaches. Coconuts. Strawberry’s? Warehouse Records. Bill remembers seeing a woman, a housewife type, buying porn. It was at Warehouse on Sepulvada. The world changed! What is that space camera, an 8th camera. It’s 360! “I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!” should be a shirt. Matt went… on an apple hunt? Apple picking? What?

30- Zoe had an outing in Oak Glen. It’s a Civil War re-enactment? Matt stood there and watched. Zoe was a rebel, as Jimmy had hoped. Matt told them to be spies. And then the South won which was weird. Peaches should have been in the south. What was with fruit and record stores? What was with licorice pizza? Delicious Vinyl is NOT THAT FAR OFF. Delicious Vinyl could be a fetish store. That guy was a weirdo- they had Tone Loc and Matt has a bad Tone Loc impression. Every week with the Beastie Boys, who are writing a book.

35- You don’t know how old Bill is. Bill went from glam rock and Bowie to new wave. Tears for Fears, the Bengals, Peter Gabriel. Prog Rock and Genesis and King Crimson. WHAT ABOUT ASIA: TOO POPPY? Nude Poker? When Jimmy would see a housewife renting porn he used to think “maybe she should be with a gentleman.” Bill went to a PORNO DRIVE IN in Michigan. In the middle of nowhere- he has no idea why they thought it would be fun! A Grandma lady took tickets. DAN WE HAD AN AGREEMENT ABOUT TURNING YOUR HEAD.

40 – They had soda and iced cream, no popping corn. Sex Toys and magazines AT THE DRIVE IN. Is that Doris going into Delicious Vinyl? One had an underwater sex scene. Late 70’s. Took place on the sea! (Jimmy loves the sea). Bill had a girlfriend, now his wife of 30+ years. No kids, not with this drive in thing. Bill had to get a heater for his car at the drive in. He saw bare lady legs! Bill faded into the Simpsons.

45 – Dan got Patton. Patton made eye-contact while shaking Bill’s hand. You probably had to go up porn hill. That 70’s Show needed a Porn Hill episode. Jimmy wants imagery. Why doesn’t Jimmy write on sitcoms? THE MAIL IS HERE.

This comes to us from France. Chocolates. Mustard? From Leonne. Patton was just in France last week for Rattattathon. Bill you’re in the magazine biz, here’s The Little Prince.

50 – Angelina has hot chocolate like METH OH MY LORD. This package doesn’t stop. Hopefully Zoe will earn some French. Anyone know French. Which MAD guy had the moustache? Patton’s taking time from his infinite TV shows. Justified.

53 – AND WE’RE BACK. We’re worried about Sean Hannity’s head. His head is getting bigger by the day. He is turning into a thumb. Let’s reboot the potato famine. Bill enjoyed Ready Player One. Elliot thinks Bill can’t use a mic. At worst Patton punches diagonally. Jimmy used an acronym! Agents of SHIELD is a really rough acronym, and we get enough of Patton at Jimmy’s house. Jimmy can’t remember the movie when he saw MST3K live. Weird Al said Oliver was really funny. Alice also loves Weird Al. Alice likes FOIL and the polka medleys.

60 – Let’s SCOOT ALONG, Weird Al. He’s about to do deep cuts. Weird Al doesn’t usually look at the set list but now he might. Patton is going to Weird Al and he will probably get stopped constantly. Patton thinks people won’t be excited but at Pink’s Host Dogs, but Bill thinks it’s like spotting a deer. Jimmy thinks there’s a 69 highway in Michigan. Moose are scary as hell in person.

1h5m – Remember when Matt ran from a coyote. There was a drought and so he deserved to be scared. He left his wife and protected the pizza. Patton got chased by a goose and it was awful, he missed a hayride. Anthony Edwards / Daniels. Oliver never lets Jimmy forget the goose that chased him. Kayre Morrison! Actress with the SAG. She sings standards but all the songs from the teens are pro-lynching so those are tough. Not Beatles and Beach Boys. The Dean Mora Orchestra. Cicada Club in DTLA. It looks amazing, used to be a clothing store. Patton was married at the CC. The Penthouse for his “mistress.” Lots of fella paintings. Sugar Water by Sheena Easton!

1h10m – Are there any pro-Bernie guys at the golf course? Elliot waved at Dan and distracted him for an edit point and it was very inconsiderate because now I have little else to write here. Patton just wants to give people the laughs and doesn’t get political on Twitter.

1:13 EDIT POINT, BECAUSE ELLIOT THINKS NAMES WERE NAMED IN BERNIE TALK OR SOMETHING

1h15m – “Yeah clickhead!” Elliot’s sister lives in Alaska in a cool sounding town that he doesn’t remember. Moose are giant and terrifying. Owls are from outer space. Owl superpower- silent flight! The Who has an amazing song for comedians to walk out to. Heritage Crunch!

1h20m – Tentacles in pies: Windowsill Octopi! Patton saw an eagle attack on a golf course. It birdied! People forget: birds of prey. Bill at ComicCon. Bill on Futurama / Star Trek on Futurama and designing your own head. Walter was on the show too.

1h25m – MAD Relaunch: How will it handle Trump dumbness. Trump and his fucked up Easter coat. Comey barely described what happened. Muller is a coiled snake. Goblin Parade!

1h30m – Diseased Livestock! Retired Queens. Purple-headed warriors. Beaver Patrol. Goldbergs Wendy is amazing. Barry is so dumb.

1h35m – How many shows IS Patton on? Matt Oswalt loves his bro. MST3K process. Carnival Magic is a fucked up MST3K episode because the film is tragic, Manos level bad. It almost made Matt Oswalt take his own life.

1h40m – AND WELCOME BACK. Civil War Sleepover for Zoe, like Patton’s Parks and Rec episode. No antibiotics for Jesus. Axe throwing! Cutout of Johnny Carson. Patton went camping but it was glamping. When he was a kid he was forced outside.

1h45m – We just lost Dan Haggerty, who inhaled a mountain of coke and was done. MeTV. Mannix talk, he’s Jimmy’s new Kojak. Go see the crazy stars in Naked City.

1h50m – Burgess Meredith ACCUSED OF MURDER. Amazing Stories and Thor in the background. Robert Blake wrote to Jimmy. So much commenting on your own weight.

I bid you farewell,
Dan Telfer