1519 – Sporting Chance with Nick Kroll (Featuring Yours Truly!)
Listen to this episode right here:
Nick Kroll
In studio notes via Skype by Darryl Asher
0
We took a little trip down the mighty Mississip AGAIN!
Jimmy realized that now that I have Skyped in a couple times in place of Garon, they won’t be able to get rid of me without being assholes
They guys complain about the very low volume of free work I do for them
Jimmy has mail, but starts to talk to me about the cake instead
My lovely bride Jenn made cakes for Matt, Pat, and Jimmy for Pardcastathon. Oliver loved
Jenn’s cake, even though he doesn’t usually like cake.
5
Sidetracked into “gotcha journalism” talk
Jimmy apologizes to a listener about his reaction to her email
The cakes had they guys’ faces on them. Oliver: “You got a nose and a little bit of eye”
Matt had the only cake with perishable dairy product, and waited the longest to eat it
Jimmy does not have mob ties – or maybe he does!
Jenn has nerd red because Chekov ate some of her cake. (Jimmy’s father-in-law is Walter
Koenig, of Star Trek TOS fame, in case you’ve been living under a rock.)
Jimmy; “Those phasers are set to DULL”
More questions about Jenn’s cakes and whether she mails them (She does mail them, but not
as a business.)
10
Mail from Kelly and Curtis – it’s books for kids! Absolute Mayhem
More Jenn cake talk – Matt pretended that it was hurting him when the knife cut into the
picture of his face on the cake. Voodoo cake!
Garon and Jason are at Disneyland for Jason’s birthday
Danielle mixes stuff in the fridge crisper; one should be for veg and one for fruit
Refrigerator talk
15
I try to be unobtrusive about wiping my nose and FAIL
The water dispenser on a fridge is UGLY, Jimmy and I agree
My kitchen, almost done (needs baseboards and a few other things) Note the refrigerator has NO ice and water dispenser, because they are UGLY!
My kitchen remodel and cement counters
Eliot: under counter drawer fridge? Yes or no?
20
Matt over-explains his refrigerator
Side by side has less space than over-under
Danielle might shove a carrot up Jimmy’s ass
25
Jimmy says: Eaten Alive was fantastic – a guy (not) eaten by an anaconda!
Jimmy gives Eaten Alive play-by-play
Jimmy answers the guest’s phone call mid-story
Nick Kroll is the guest
Eaten Alive spoiler: he had to tap out after a broken arm and dislocated shoulders
30
Jimmy had to go let Nick in, because I still can’t do that via Skype
Nick didn’t watch the anaconda special
Nick released a press release about ending Kroll Show, despite all the horrible stuff going on in the world
BREAK
35
What is Garon wearing at Disneyland?
Garon wears mashup shirts such as “Lee Marvin the Martian” (but not necessarily that one)
Nick is more familiar with the Dark Web
40
Jimmy is afraid of being falsely arrested for molestation, probably in a Target bathroom
Nick wants to know if I’m nervous, Jimmy is disappointed that I’m not, and gave a low-key answer, but once I see Jimmy I get VERY nervous
Jimmy needs a teleprompter
Nick says teleprompter runners are the slowest and worst typists
Teleprompter talk
Teleprompter vs cue card
45
Jimmy locks up
Back to Eaten Alive
Nick wonders if the anaconda just gives up when the guy taps out
Nick used to show people video of an anaconda being eaten by a sheep
Jimmy didn’t fall for Nick’s click-bait
Jimmy wants info about Nick’s now-gone show
Jimmy wants to know how Nick told Comedy Central he was not doing another season
50
Nick ended Kroll Show and started The League the next day
January 13 is premier of last season of Kroll Show
55
Jimmy nearly dies during Nick’s detailed explanation of the seasons of Kroll Show
Jimmy: “If I was a cartoon character I would have Exes over my eyes!”
Nick talks about a carrot peeler street pitchman in his neighborhood
Nick notices my Conan mug
Nick is not a good Twitter joker
60
Fred Stoller at the Grove
Fred Willard, Fred Armisen, and Fred Stoller – weekly Fred Talk
One of Jimmy’s favorites of his own jokes involves the trolley at The Grove
Chip Chinery does a killer Stoller impression
TRUE OR FALSE – Jimmy got a swirl cone instead of vanilla
Jimmy’s dad used to take him to the Auto Show, now Jimmy takes his son – THE CIRCLE OF
LIFE!
65
Jimmy just bought the eGolf yesterday – full electric 80 miles on a charge
There are stations around LA – Chargepoint. An hour of charging gets you 40 miles
Jimmy likes the Volt, but wants all-electric (for reasons of misguided purity rather than actual practicality, because come on! The Volt will only use gas if you go more than 40 miles, so he may never actually use gas for his daily commute, but at least it would be there if he needed it, so I don’t know what he was thinking!)
Nick has concerns about Armageddon
Nick has not met or worked with John Cusak, but Jimmy called his house once from the record store, stalker-style
70
Baseball talk
Do comedians look up to underdog baseball heroes because they themselves are underdogs?
Say Anything: 1989
More baseball talk
John Starks, Gerald Wilkins
75
The Klan, like Scientology, has to welcome everyone
Jimmy didn’t fall for the HBO Scientology show click bait
TRUE OF FALSE – Jimmy made a What’s Happening reference at Flappers
Nick likes Flappers in Burbank because its not an “LA club”
Nick did a show with Fritz Coleman
Jimmy needs to empty his bladder and see if there are any children in the bathroom
BREAK
80
Jimmy is unshaven today and is a little itchy
He doesn’t shave every day
Relationship talk
85
Oliver is the son of 2 clowns, so he is funny but ON all the time
Jimmy likes Marc Maron a lot
The Cincinnati Red Stockings of 1869 were baseball’s first openly all- professional team, with ten salaried players.
Nick and Jimmy are both on Comedy Bang Bang
It’s ok to not watch friends’ stuff
90
Jimmy gives Nick a copy of Absolute Mayhem
There’s too much good stuff to watch it all
Jimmy and Nick do the least comprehensible Who’s On First routine ever
Jimmy only listens to Phil Hendrie and Serial
Nick listens to Serial
Nick has questions about the tech when NNF started
Nick is bad at podcast maintenance
Nick plugs all the wonderful Earwolf shows
Talk about Kulap
95
“Move to Billings, Montana and Darryl it up!”
Not really needed when I’m stepping in for Garon, but why not.
Nick has to bail to start the new season of Kroll Show
Jimmy likes Bobby Bottleservice
What should Serial Season 2 be?
Jimmy says crime-based
The word Matt was trying to think of for “stalling” which kind of sounds like “procrastinating” is “prevaricating” but I was turned down so I couldn’t tell them
pre·var·i·cate
prəˈverəˌkāt/
verb gerund or present participle: prevaricating
speak or act in an evasive way
People think you are doing terribly unless you are very famous
100
Jimmy doing The Tonight Show made him “legit”
Get the Kroll Show DVD
Does Jimmy negotiate his car deals?
Nick has to leave so he bails
105
Jimmy saw the eGolf at the auto show and compared it to other e-cars
The BMW i3 is unusual looking
Garon sent a photo from Disneyland
Jimmy seems surprised that I am older than him (by 5 years!)
Matt has a Gunnar Scott hairdo today
Nashville talk (I need an ICON I guess)
Juliette Barnes as E.T.
Eliot says Nashville needs more people in the cast
110
More Nashville talk
Jimmy loves Nashville
Nashville has 98210-level black homeless stereotypes
115
What movies do they want to see?
They like me holding up my iPad to give answers, but Matt says it’s even better that he doesn’t have to hear me talk, so I hold up a drawing of a hand flipping them off
I guess Jimmy thought calling me a “dumbfuck” was too harsh so he called me a “dumbjuck”
Fleetwood Mac “you can do anything” speech has been repeated
Thanks to PCAT and Smile Train donors
Hearing PCAT on the radio was great
I squeeze in a shoutout to my wonderful daughter Crystalinne
120
Jimmy wonders if Crystalinne will have grandchildren
Matt thinks this is creepy
I tell Jimmy that she won’t have grandchildren, so he needs to keep looking in Target bathrooms. (Hey, I got the out-line!)
-The least famous and oldest guy in the room