NeverNotNotes

1519 – Sporting Chance with Nick Kroll (Featuring Yours Truly!)

Listen to this episode right here:

 

Nick Kroll

Nick Kroll

In studio notes via Skype by Darryl Asher
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We took a little trip down the mighty Mississip AGAIN!

Jimmy realized that now that I have Skyped in a couple times in place of Garon, they won’t be able to get rid of me without being assholes

skype1

They guys complain about the very low volume of free work I do for them

Jimmy has mail, but starts to talk to me about the cake instead

My lovely bride Jenn made cakes for Matt, Pat, and Jimmy for Pardcastathon. Oliver loved
Jenn’s cake, even though he doesn’t usually like cake.

5

Sidetracked into “gotcha journalism” talk

Jimmy apologizes to a listener about his reaction to her email

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The cakes had they guys’ faces on them. Oliver: “You got a nose and a little bit of eye”

Matt had the only cake with perishable dairy product, and waited the longest to eat it

Jimmy does not have mob ties – or maybe he does!

Jenn has nerd red because Chekov ate some of her cake. (Jimmy’s father-in-law is Walter
Koenig, of Star Trek TOS fame, in case you’ve been living under a rock.)

Jimmy; “Those phasers are set to DULL”

More questions about Jenn’s cakes and whether she mails them (She does mail them, but not
as a business.)

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Mail from Kelly and Curtis – it’s books for kids! Absolute Mayhem

More Jenn cake talk – Matt pretended that it was hurting him when the knife cut into the
picture of his face on the cake. Voodoo cake!

Garon and Jason are at Disneyland for Jason’s birthday

Danielle mixes stuff in the fridge crisper; one should be for veg and one for fruit

Refrigerator talk

15

I try to be unobtrusive about wiping my nose and FAIL

The water dispenser on a fridge is UGLY, Jimmy and I agree

My kitchen, almost done (needs baseboards and a few other things)

My kitchen, almost done (needs baseboards and a few other things) Note the refrigerator has NO ice and water dispenser, because they are UGLY!

 

My kitchen remodel and cement counters

Eliot: under counter drawer fridge? Yes or no?

20

Matt over-explains his refrigerator

Side by side has less space than over-under

Danielle might shove a carrot up Jimmy’s ass

25

Jimmy says: Eaten Alive was fantastic – a guy (not) eaten by an anaconda!

Jimmy gives Eaten Alive play-by-play

Jimmy answers the guest’s phone call mid-story

Nick Kroll is the guest

Eaten Alive spoiler: he had to tap out after a broken arm and dislocated shoulders

30

DocTalk

Jimmy had to go let Nick in, because I still can’t do that via Skype

Nick didn’t watch the anaconda special

Nick released a press release about ending Kroll Show, despite all the horrible stuff going on in the world

BREAK

35

What is Garon wearing at Disneyland?

Garon wears mashup shirts such as “Lee Marvin the Martian” (but not necessarily that one)

Nick is more familiar with the Dark Web

40

Jimmy is afraid of being falsely arrested for molestation, probably in a Target bathroom

Nick wants to know if I’m nervous, Jimmy is disappointed that I’m not, and gave a low-key answer, but once I see Jimmy I get VERY nervous

Jimmy needs a teleprompter

Nick says teleprompter runners are the slowest and worst typists

Teleprompter talk

Teleprompter vs cue card

45

Jimmy locks up

Back to Eaten Alive

Nick wonders if the anaconda just gives up when the guy taps out

Nick used to show people video of an anaconda being eaten by a sheep

Jimmy didn’t fall for Nick’s click-bait

Jimmy wants info about Nick’s now-gone show

Jimmy wants to know how Nick told Comedy Central he was not doing another season

50

Nick ended Kroll Show and started The League the next day

January 13 is premier of last season of Kroll Show

55

Jimmy nearly dies during Nick’s detailed explanation of the seasons of Kroll Show

Jimmy: “If I was a cartoon character I would have Exes over my eyes!”

Nick talks about a carrot peeler street pitchman in his neighborhood

Nick notices my Conan mug

Nick is not a good Twitter joker

60

Fred Stoller at the Grove

Fred Willard, Fred Armisen, and Fred Stoller – weekly Fred Talk

One of Jimmy’s favorites of his own jokes involves the trolley at The Grove

Chip Chinery does a killer Stoller impression

True-or-False

TRUE OR FALSE – Jimmy got a swirl cone instead of vanilla

Jimmy’s dad used to take him to the Auto Show, now Jimmy takes his son – THE CIRCLE OF
LIFE!

65

Jimmy just bought the eGolf yesterday – full electric 80 miles on a charge

There are stations around LA – Chargepoint. An hour of charging gets you 40 miles

Jimmy likes the Volt, but wants all-electric (for reasons of misguided purity rather than actual practicality, because come on! The Volt will only use gas if you go more than 40 miles, so he may never actually use gas for his daily commute, but at least it would be there if he needed it, so I don’t know what he was thinking!)

Nick has concerns about Armageddon

Nick has not met or worked with John Cusak, but Jimmy called his house once from the record store, stalker-style

70

Baseball talk

Do comedians look up to underdog baseball heroes because they themselves are underdogs?

Say Anything: 1989

More baseball talk

John Starks, Gerald Wilkins

75

The Klan, like Scientology, has to welcome everyone

Jimmy didn’t fall for the HBO Scientology show click bait

True-or-False

TRUE OF FALSE – Jimmy made a What’s Happening reference at Flappers

Nick likes Flappers in Burbank because its not an “LA club”

Nick did a show with Fritz Coleman

Jimmy needs to empty his bladder and see if there are any children in the bathroom

BREAK

80

Jimmy is unshaven today and is a little itchy

He doesn’t shave every day

Relationship talk

85

Oliver is the son of 2 clowns, so he is funny but ON all the time

Jimmy likes Marc Maron a lot

The Cincinnati Red Stockings of 1869 were baseball’s first openly all- professional team, with ten salaried players.

Nick and Jimmy are both on Comedy Bang Bang

It’s ok to not watch friends’ stuff

90

Jimmy gives Nick a copy of Absolute Mayhem

There’s too much good stuff to watch it all

Jimmy and Nick do the least comprehensible Who’s On First routine ever

Jimmy only listens to Phil Hendrie and Serial

Nick listens to Serial

Nick has questions about the tech when NNF started

Nick is bad at podcast maintenance

Nick plugs all the wonderful Earwolf shows

Talk about Kulap

95

“Move to Billings, Montana and Darryl it up!”

Not really needed when I'm stepping in for Garon, but why not.

Not really needed when I’m stepping in for Garon, but why not.

Nick has to bail to start the new season of Kroll Show

Jimmy likes Bobby Bottleservice

What should Serial Season 2 be?

Jimmy says crime-based

The word Matt was trying to think of for “stalling” which kind of sounds like “procrastinating” is “prevaricating” but I was turned down so I couldn’t tell them
pre·var·i·cate
prəˈverəˌkāt/
verb gerund or present participle: prevaricating 
speak or act in an evasive way

People think you are doing terribly unless you are very famous

100

Jimmy doing The Tonight Show made him “legit”

Get the Kroll Show DVD

Does Jimmy negotiate his car deals?

Nick has to leave so he bails

105

Jimmy saw the eGolf at the auto show and compared it to other e-cars

urlThe BMW i3 is unusual looking

Garon sent a photo from Disneyland

Jimmy seems surprised that I am older than him (by 5 years!)

Matt has a Gunnar Scott hairdo today

Nashville talk (I need an ICON I guess)

Juliette Barnes as E.T.

Eliot says Nashville needs more people in the cast

110

More Nashville talk

Jimmy loves Nashville

Nashville has 98210-level black homeless stereotypes

115

What movies do they want to see?

They like me holding up my iPad to give answers, but Matt says it’s even better that he doesn’t have to hear me talk, so I hold up a drawing of a hand flipping them off

I guess Jimmy thought calling me a “dumbfuck” was too harsh so he called me a “dumbjuck”

Fleetwood Mac “you can do anything” speech has been repeated

Thanks to PCAT and Smile Train donors

Hearing PCAT on the radio was great

I squeeze in a shoutout to my wonderful daughter Crystalinne

120

Jimmy wonders if Crystalinne will have grandchildren

Matt thinks this is creepy

I tell Jimmy that she won’t have grandchildren, so he needs to keep looking in Target bathrooms. (Hey, I got the out-line!)

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-The least famous and oldest guy in the room