718 – Jackie Kashian

Released 9/15/2010

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Intro: According to Matt, 718 is the area code for BROOOOKLYYYYYN!!!!!!!!!!!!! which pisses Jimmy off right away

1:20 Matt is not Eliot or Dan, and should know better, but he did it for Biggie

1:40 After some pronunciation gymnastics by Jimmy, they decide that Biggie Smalls hunted Moby Dick

2:00 Thanks to Kevin Pollak for a bunch of new listeners

2:20 Pollak is the first person to acknowledge that Jimmy opened the door for comedy podcasts. Well, after Gervais.

3:00 “Someone in 1974 was running from Eliot and a boring story.”

3:20 Some other shows may have messed up the equipment when they used it

3:34 Jackie is warned to keep it shut until introduced

4:00 Dan is wearing a Palmercash shirt

4:30 Despite not being introduced, Jackie tells us her favorite beverage

5:00 9/11 was last weekend, and we didn’t forget

5:20 Brooklyn’s Finest, not a bad show

5:45 Oliver and Danielle took off to Tulsa; Oliver may be headlining

6:20 “Dad, are we going to Target? Good joke huh Dad?”

6:45 “Humoring” vs. “encouraging”

7:00 Listeners get upset about the mundane on the show, but no one seems to care that they mock 9/11

8:00 Rickrolled (sort of) by Jackie Kashian!

8:10 What’s playing on KJIM?

8:30 Note: Jimmy did NOT coin the phrase “Never Forget”

9:00 ON 9/11/2001, Jackie performed because the scheduled performer didn’t show

10:00 Comedy was dead on 9/12

10:10 The Onion’s headline about the death of irony

10:30 Matt thinks Jackie meant Vanity Fair

11:00 Ramping up Jackie Kashian

12:00 Jackie is obviously not a listener

12:30 Jackie is right on top of current events and the Dr. Laura controversy

13:15 Jimmy is a fan of Jackie and her “circus people” joke

13:45 Jackie looks like Jodie Foster or Dennis Franz

14:20 It’s a shame that Jackie is not gay

14:40 Jackie’s type-casting: airport cop

15:00 Don Rickles was on an episode of Murphy Brown as a secretary

15:30 All about Murphy Brown

16:00 Jimmy’s Monday night TV viewing

16:45 Two and Half Men: give it a few episodes and you’ll be in. If you can make it through that much.

17:20 Jimmy has the best stage presence of anyone in comedy

18:00 Tom Arnold vs. Jim Belushi

18:15 Memphis Beat’s big headed actor

19:00 You can’t lie about your age these days

20:10 Jackie reveals her Kirstie Alley obsession

20:45 Didn’t Snoop Dogg used to be a woman-beating pimp?

21:30 Google has taken the place of parental knowledge

22:15 Jackie called her dad about the levels of horse lameness

22:45 Jackie’s dad busts her for her dumb question

23:00 Jackie’s brother wants to know what actors do for money once they’ve given up: dog walkers, personal assistants, yoga instructors, life coaches

25:45 Jackie’s animated joke on JackieKashian.com, by the same guy who did Kyle Kinane’s animated joke

28:00 Jimmy’s Off-Nights comedy club idea

28:15 Jackie’s restaurant idea, inspired by the Piece of Chicken restaurant

29:30 Matt wants to spitball restaurant ideas with Jackie

30:30 Matt can’t remember the paleos

31:30 Cajun Jimmy loves the Swamp People TV show

32:00 The best cajun-based films: Southern Comfort or The Big Easy

32:30 Dan still hasn’t found the Onion article (linked above)

32:45 Dan knows more without the computer than with

33:15 Dan found two Onion articles, neither of them the correct one (linked above)

34:30 Jackie’s “guy” and Fargo impressions

35:00 Jimmy thought an iron range was golf-related

35:20 Jackie’s performing at the Funny Farm in Georgia

36:00 Jackie likes to keep her fanbase small

37:00 There are a couple guests in the studio, and we must see their Clay Aiken shirts

38:00 Tee shirt feeling time

38:45 Threadless, Woot, and other tee-shirt websites

39:30 Jackie’s coffee shop: Thirsty Beaucoup

40:30 Don’t drink coffee in the desert

40:45 Studio guests Shane and Lucas are named after movies

41:30 Looking forward to Kerry Green’s new show

41:30 The new Hawaii 5-0

42:20 Jimmy impersonates a guy on his airplane yesterday, whom he loves and hates

43:25 “A little banged up, friend. Sorry for the lounging, my spine can’t support my problems today.”

45:40 The Asian lady on Matt’s plane talked long time

47:00 Can’t we go without being connected for a little while?

47:45 Jackie’s driving multitasking

48:00 Jackie’s worst cell phone game: Diner Dash

49:00 Turning off electronic devices on the plane

50:30 Jimmy’s experience with a gaseous military seatmate

52:20 Matt’s “big time” celebrity siting, which Jimmy already saw on Matt’s Facebook

53:20 Oliver loves fountains, and has a fountain collection

54:45 “There’s nothing better than a child’s laugh!”

55:00 Matt did the Great Facebook Purge

55:20 Matt wants to use Facebook the way it was intended by deleting 800 people

56:15 Don’t take offense if you were cut! Join the fan pages.

56:30 Jimmy’s Great Facebook Purge is coming!

57:00 Jackie wants to play reverse celebrity sighting with Morgan Fairchild

57:20 Morgan Fairchild played herself in a Pee-Wee Herman movie

57:25 “Ohhh shit!”

58:00 BREAK TIME

59:00 Jackie is the host of Dork Forest

59:20 Joe Wilson and AST Radio

59:40 Tourette’s-like outbursts from Eliot

1:00:00 Vampire Mob web series

1:00:50 What does Dan do?

1:01:15 Matt remembers Peter Gabriel’s song Big Log

1:01:50 Jimmy hates Peter Gabriel’s videos

1:02:15 Travel Tips from Jimmy: stick with one airline

1:03:10 Jackie’s flight to Kuwait gave her 18,000 frequent flier miles

1:03:45 Jackie’s father’s military experience

1:04:40 Jackie just did a bit, that wasn’t really a bit

1:05:20 Jackie’s Iraq experience

1:06:30 Jackie was at Jimmy’s wedding

1:06:45 How does Jackie’s act play to the troops?

1:08:30 Dealing with a heckler at an Indian casino in Michigan

1:12:30 Back to Matt’s celebrity sighting

1:15:00 Jackie breaks out some French

1:15;40 Ways to get Dan and Eliot to shut up

1:16:00 More details about Matt’s celebrity sighting

1:17:45 OMG!!!! It was JOHNNY HALLYDAY!!!!!!!

1:18:50 We’re all famous among our friends!

1:19:20 Reality stars are not real stars

1:20:00 “I saw James Cromwell eatin’ a salad. How ’bout that!”

1:20:15 People were bringing their own food into Hugo’s in Hollywood for them to cook

1:22:30 Here begins the Jimmy Echoes Matt routine

1:24:20 Listen and repeat. In French.

1:24:50 The pretentiousness of Asia

1:25:00 “Every man’s got a horn, man.”

1:26:00 Dan may need to take a Googling class

1:26:30 Matt may want to look into the tax and legality issues surrounding what gets paid for out of the show budget

1:27:30 There is a winner in the TV Hat contest: Congrats Rob Tafoya (who was the only entry)

1:29:30 Jimmy is angry over an email about his CD (which is $5 at Amazon)

1:30:15 Jimmy does not need suggestions for guests

1:31:30 Jackie’s latest CD: It’s Never Going to be Bread

1:32:00 Redd Foxx – why was he famous?

1:32:45 Jackie is working with Shelly Berman soon

1:33:15 Jackie’s VampireMob shout-out loses her on plug in the break

Ooonnnnn the podcast!

AK-47 gone, not forgotten