NeverNotNotes

722 – Mike Schmidt

Released 10/13/2010

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Intro: Jimmy needs episode number reassurance, and drizzle makes him feel like a man

1:30 Baseball and weather talk with Jimmy, as God intended it

2:30 Angry Christmas carol

2:40 Eliot is without King Kong today, but that’s not why Jimmy is so mad at him

3:20 Those high tops look like they might have a pad to them, Danny!

3:30 What’s the matter with Van’s? (Tim Cavanaugh tribute)

4:10 Danny’s clown hair needs to be seen, despite Matt’s objections

4:30 Eliot promotes himself to director

4:40 “This show has gotten only more professional in my absence”

5:20 Matt wants to talk at the same time as Jimmy

5:30 Mike is here right on time

5:50 That one movie where the girl has glasses, but takes them off, and she’s beautiful

6:30 She’s All That

7:00 Jimmy’s Kilborn memoirs featuring Jane Leeves

7:50 Welcome The 40 Year Old Boy, Mike Schmidt

8:10 Mike is surprised that Dan is still there

8:30 Who buys the KISS high-def TV?

9:30 Jimmy brags about his manparts

10:30 Mike is confused about the order of shows in re: Jon Hamm

10:50 Matt thinks the KISS TV might be, surprisingly, tacky

11:30 Eliot gives a reason to buy or avoid the KISS TV

12:00 Mike will buy the TV under one circumstance

13:00 The guys are peaking, man!

13:30 Jimmy shows off his technical prowess

14:30 87 inches of the hottest band in the world

15:15 The Dumont Network

15:45 Who would win a Three Stooges vs. Marx Brothers fight

16:30 Joe Rogan, king of all media

17:00 Mike is dressed in Phillies attire

17:50 Oliver loves the Red Sox

18:25 “Where’s your Guy?”

18:30 “Darryl does Never Not Notes, he does that after he hears the program”

18:30 Mike sound horribly disappointed that I am not in the room as they record. Sorry Mike!

18:45 The history of smoking in clubs

19:45 Back to the Oliver story

20:25 Jimmy has baseball math issues

21:30 Jimmy needs a free hat so badly he is willing to be racist

22:00 Well, at least Mike didn’t say “faggot,” that would have cost him $10

23:00 Josh Snead got Jimmy the perfect seats for a baseball game. And melanoma.

23:50 You Love Me to Hate You (KISS)

24:20 “How ya playin’ boys?”

24:45 Oliver loves the Ryder Cup

26:45 Jimmy has no time for golf

28:00 Payne Stewart is already dead, so he’s safe

28:15 Jimmy did not like Rick Sanchez, but Mike Galanos

29:15 Mike has first-hand knowledge of the Never Not Funny curse

29:40 MikeSchmidtComedy.com is looking great

30:10 The “no free rides” story

30:40 Update from London!

31:10 Mike’s new favorite quote

31:45 Jimmy watched The Fountainhead

32:10 “I’d punch you in the face just for pleasure!”

32:50 The power of 1940s architecture critics

33:45 Shalit Happens, Jimmy’s new screenplay

34:00 Isn’t punching in the face always for pleasure?

35:00 Jimmy confuses The Fountainhead with Head in the Fountain

35:40 Jimmy the Human Theramin

35:50 Mike, Mike, and Jimmy go to an Angels game

36:15 Siegel is getting more handsome like Clooney or Springfield

37:00 Rick Springfield, the Taut Hangdog

37:15 Siegel is NOT borgeous

38:00 Baseball uniforms of the future!

40:00 The manliness of baseball players

42:00 Jimmy tramples on a disappearing deaf child to catch a T-shirt

44:00 Jimmy did not wait to have a child in order to be a pompous asshole

47:00 Jimmy tries to bake himself in the California sun

47:45 Take THAT atheistic listeners!

49:00 Mike wonders why the kid didn’t make “that siren noise that they make”

49:50 The logistics of tee shirt returning

50:45 Jimmy’s pattern: Bad thing / good thing

51:00 Mike tests Jimmy’s detective skills

51:50 The deaf are our people

52:20 Mike is not free to speak of his car accident

53:00 Jimmy desperately wants to be deposed by Mike’s attorney

53:50 Mike was on jury duty for a murder case

55:00 Who can afford to serve on jury duty?

56:30 Joke writing may or may not get you excused from jury duty

58:00 Mike and the hot toe-ringed lawyer

59:00 Jimmy revisits his Denzel Washington impression, but does not try to do it

1:01:00 Judge Jimmy cameo

1:02:15 Mike tries another tactic to get out of jury duty: being annoying

1:03:25 Not brought to you by Monster!!!

1:03:35 BREAK TIME

1:04:10 Never Not Funny: 17 episodes a day

1:04:30 Sneezes are involuntary, you asshole!

1:05:30 “He’s got a skull, and a nose!”

1:06:00 Mike’s accident photos might be the only update in 6 years to JimmyPardo.com

1:07:00 P90X, Insanity and other workout regimens

1:08:30 Jimmy P90X review and purchase tips

1:09:10 Susan Powter wanted to stop the Insanity

1:10:00 SNL and Law and Order UK

1:11:00 No sweep of the out of town scoreboard, sorry everyone

1:11:30 The intricacies and particulars of Jimmy and Mike’s satellite radio subscriptions

1:12:30 BLACKHAWKS!!!!!!!!

1:13:10 “Rubber Biscuit!”

1:13:30 Jimmy’s Alpha and Omega advice: don’t go

1:14:15 Seeing Nanny McPhee in Koreatown with a Mike Schmidt porn theater interlude

1:18:40 Matt’s celebrity sighting

1:20:30 Who wants to see Jackass 3D?

1:21:30 The amazing Amazing Race watermelon face-smash

1:24:20 Johnny Knoxville’s alleged ailments

1:25:30 Jimmy rips off Chip Chinery, but admits it

1:26:30 3D technology and Avatar

1:28:00 The negative psyhological effects of Avatar

1:29:15 Movie talk

1:29:40 “Yeah, you’re great.”

1:31:00 The colorless world of Never Not Funny

1:32:00 Living Color

1:32:45 Sammy Hagar, the meat loaf of rock

1:34:20 Kinetic typing at Funny or Die

1:35:05 “I do this just for Darryl… day 20 of sty eye.”

1:35:25 Jimmy has done everything to get rid of it, so stop sending suggestions

1:36:00 Guess the singer for $1000: Would You Like to Look Through my Telescope [Look this one up yourself! It confuses me!]

1:38:00 Listing the songs of Mike Oldfield

1:40:00 Jimmy’s lawyer advice

1:13:00 Plugs plugs plugs

1:42:00 Let’s stretch this closing, and stretch Matt’s bladder as well

Ooooooon the podcast!

AK-47 gone not forgotten