Intro: Jimmy is going to tell us something that is not interesting
1:30 Walking around the room, Dan has a new weird hand signal
1:50 Matt is tired, because it’s SO EARLY in the morning
2:30 Scott Aukerman, curator of the Museum of Tolerance, is here
3:00 T’Pau talk, not to be confused with Kevin Federline’s song
3:45 Comedy Death Ray has a new tee shirt which Jimmy felt
4:40 We now find out JUST HOW EARLY the show started. It’s amazing they can function at all.
5:15 Jimmy gets abused by his own child while trying to sleep
6:10 It’s not too early to say that Jimmy is on fire
6:30 Once again, Eliot totally gets a joke
7:00 Jimmy plugs Monster Drink for free, so why should they sponsor?
7:40 Weight Watcher points and Deal-A-Meal cards
8:20 Get Richard Simmons on the blower!!!!
9:30 Dan is e-mailing Simmons
10:00 Bob Hope at Bob’s Big Boy
12:30 We need Dana Gould on Never Not Funny
13:00 Scott wants to know the Dead Pool rules
14:00 Don’t even come close to mentioning Bill Paxton in Jimmy’s presence
14:15 “We’re storm chasers, it’s what we do!” Truth or fiction?
15:00 Jimmy did not like Philip Seymour Hoffman in Twister
16:45 All kinda talk about smoking
19:00 The awkwardly named character on Outsourced: Manmeet. IT’S MANMEET
21:00 How much lying should Jimmy do about his age?
22:00 Scott’s movie boycott
22:30 Top Gun and the [SPOILER] death of Goose
24:00 Funny, funny, Rwandan genocide references
24:30 Should Tootise be remade?
25:00 What makes cross-dressing funny?
25:45 Lockerroom pussy-joke Matt shows up
26:30 Anatomy lessons with Richard Simmons
27:00 Jimmy’s intimate knowledge of Richard Simmons’ sexual preferences
28:15 The Great Race for Simmons
28:45 Jimmy apologizes for Matt and Scott’s continuing pussy jokes, including, but not limited to, “dial it and eat it”
29:15 A callback to Season One and the very stable Mike Schmidt
29:30 Scott’s Season One appearance wherein he made Jimmy throw up
30:00 White Nights and Scott’s teenage near-miss
30:45 Scott may have dated a Van Trapp, not to be confused with a Von Trapp
32:35 “I don’t know who the fuck this is today!”
33:00 Flirty and fun? Leading on? Or Scott being an idiot and missing his chance?
34:30 Scott was up deep in there, yet not
35:30 Scott Aukerman: from nerd to popular guy who gets groped
36:20 Scott: quadruple threat
36:50 Scott’s spot-on Brian Ferry impression
38:00 Scott’s upcoming book In the Wings (Good Title)
40:00 Matt wants to one-up his ball-exposing friend
41:10 Camping: a thing where people are peeing on trees
41:45 Matt is a man of equal-sized balls
42:45 Let the other guy have ball-glory
43:00 Are Matt’s balls unusually large? Let’s find out!
44:15 The timeliness of Weird Al’s music
45:00 New Comedy Death Ray Christmas CD coming soon!
47:00 Scott is not the Nerdist
47:30 Jimmy gets an inappropriate bosom-rub
48:45 Scott’s Echo and the Bunnymen concert flirtation. Or not.
53:45 Scott’s pick-up tips: peacocking and negging
55:40 BREAK TIME!
56:45 Disgusting smoke in the bathroom
57:20 “Smoking is awesome”
58:10 Revisiting the ill-fated phone call to Matt’s dad
1:00:00 How often should you call your family? And does ethnicity play a role?
1:01:30 It’s NOT FINE to talk to Jimmy on the phone while you’re on the treadmill
1:02:30 “Hey, I’ll call you right back!”
1:04:00 Zoe wants Matt and the entire population of the world to dress like a bee for Halloween
1:05:30 If you are going to dress like Goofy, be sure to look at a picture first so you get it right
1:06:00 From Disney’s Belle to brutal rape
1:07:00 Swingers, Vegas, and The Dresen
1:07:20 Michael Scott’s weird references and improvs on The Office
1:08:30 Beauty and the Beast sing-along
1:09:50 Oliver’s taste in musicals
1:10:00 More kids for Matt and Jimmy?
1:12:30 Kids eat into TV watching time
1:12:45 Jimmy’s addiction to the new Hawaii 5-0
1:13:15 The Event
1:14:00 Lauren Graham is terrific, even if it’s not rammed down your throat
1:15:00 The omnipresence of Johnny Knoxville and his love of counters
1:18:00 Scott Aukerman and Mr. Show swag
1:18:40 Seth Meyers at The Counter
1:19:30 How ’bout a salad with entire uncut chicken breast on it?
1:20:00 Scott’s Bill Cosby impression
1:21:00 Hey everyone, just say “Maron” instead of “what the fuck?”
1:21:15 Can anyone do a dentist routine since Cosby did the best one?
1:22:30 Who’s the DJ and who’s the rapper?
1:23:15 The most disgusting dental story you will ever hear. (Hint: semen)
1:24:45 Scott’s friend Pearl and her band Pearl opened for Heart
1:26:15 Can Meat Loaf sing live anymore?
1:27:55 Billy Joel: enemy of Never Not Funny
1:31:30 Dan’s flamboyance distracts Jimmy
1:32:00 Scott plugs the Museum of Tolerance
1:32:45 Plugs: Pardcastathon and Season 8
1:33:00 Scott and Pat are the only guests who have been on every season
1:33:45 Oooonnnnnnnn the podcast!
AK-47 gone, not forgotten