25T – Riding the Shuttle with Vince Maranto – Live at Zanies Rosemont

Find the show at NeverNotFunny.com
Live show notes by Juli Pritchard
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

Never Not Funny live at Zanies in Rosemont, IL November 17 2019

@VMaranto

00

Jimmy is here! The crowd is appropriately appreciative. Jimmy was startled by how quickly the show started. He was in the bathroom and may still be peeing a little.

Speaking of the crowd:

Weird Hair John’s barber clearly died, for humor, and he inadvertently called his fiancé his girlfriend.

Someone else in the audience is accused of being Amish.

A skinny guy gets called a skeleton. He has no response (Author’s note: fact checking, skeletons can’t speak)

05

Trump is getting “phase one” of his physical. The Garon for a Day makes a fat joke about Trump. No one gets it.

Fan Juli Pritchard is here as Garon for a Day, which is usually reserved for auction winners (Author’s note: or people with discernible comic talent). She harassed Jimmy on Twitter until he eventually felt sorry for her and invited her to come. Juli claims to have dating stories but also says she gets no dates. She did once hook up with a very boring man named Adam. No details were given, possibly because Jimmy’s dad is in attendance. (Author’s note: this is because Juli was too drunk during said hook up to remember details. Also come say hi, @juliwithoutane!)

Jimmy tells someone to shut up and it was very funny. He tells Juli to write that in the notes. (Juli wrote that in the notes, and Darryl pointed it out. -Darryl)

10

Welcome Matt Belknap! Matt was also shocked by quickly the show started.

Every answer Juli gives is disappointing to Jimmy.

Matt, in reference to aforementioned Amish audience member, makes a “tooth raising” joke. It gets the response it deserved.

Jimmy makes a Peter Falk reference just for his dad.

15

The guys briefly discuss their live show the previous day and mention that an audience member left, possibly because Matt said “fuck Trump.” The audience member later came back. This mystery remains unsolved.

The chairs onstage suck, according to Jimmy. According to Matt it’s because Jimmy doesn’t know how to sit. Jimmy didn’t go to boarding school and learn how to sit, because his parents didn’t love him. (Author’s note: reminder, Jimmy’s dad is in the audience.)

In Minneapolis yesterday the guys had a big meal and then went to the Mall of America to go on rollercoasters. Jimmy had jambalaya. Cajun Jimmy shows up to talk about how he saw a gator on a rollercoaster.

We learn two important things: Cajun Jimmy has been married to his wife Denise for 33 years, and Matt may or may not have had pants on while riding the rollercoaster.

Matt and Jimmy cannot agree on how many rides the Mall of America has to offer. Matt doesn’t consider the bumper cars a ride, because you drive it. Maybe it should be called a Drive? He later acquiesces that it is a ride.  (Author’s note: according to the mall’s website, there are 28+ rides. I do not know why they can’t keep an exact count of their own rides)

25

Jimmy talks to someone in the audience named Collette. He asks her if she’s an improviser and she says yes, but you never can be sure if that’s true because “yes, and.” She’s part of the cast at the iO Theater. Her current show is Riff, Chicago’s Music Improv Party https://www.ioimprov.com/shows/riff-chicagos-music-improv-party/. She’s here with Andy.

Jimmy makes a very good “hand saw, not power saw” joke, aimed at Amish guy.

30

A Pardo Classic leads to a conversation about finding the morning zoo demos someone did when they first started the podcast. Oliver really wants to hear them. Jimmy should ask his manager, but probably not right at this moment.

Bruce, Jimmy’s manager, killed at Jimmy’s roast/bachelor party. At the end, all the good roasting had been done, so Jimmy got sappy.

Dice’s lady was also there apparently.

Matt wants to read a text exchange from the shuttle bus this morning. Jimmy resists because he is worried they will look bad. Matt wins, they will read it, and Juli can decide who looks worse.

35

For unknown reasons, they sat far away from each other on a mostly empty shuttle. They shared the ride with very loud flight attendants. They argued about whether you could “steal shifts” from each other, among other things. It was riveting.  

One flight attendant shared that she’d broken up with two guys in one week and was now single. None of her friends understood what that meant, but it was important to mention that one of them was older and rich.

40

The text exchange was read. It involved leg humping and “dropping something off on her lower level”. It was very, very funny and it turns out it was a good idea to read it.

Juli said neither one of them seemed awful but Jimmy came out ahead. This was done for ass kissing purposes. His name is on the show.

45

Jimmy wants to read their exchange from this afternoon. It was a very in-depth conversation about where Jimmy was. He was in the bathroom.

The guest is comedian Vince Maranto! http://vincemaranto.com

Vince loves Weird Hair John’s hair.

They discuss the time Vince and Jimmy were on the road together. They drank a lot, ate a lot, and Vince cut his mustache off with scissors borrowed from the front desk.

50

McRib talk. Vince is obsessed. He has had 10 McRibs since the season started 3 weeks ago.  He’s counting them down on social media with “that’s what she said” jokes.

Jimmy doesn’t like Star Wars or Star Trek. He doesn’t believe in space. He’s also a flat Earther

55

Matt would go into space if he had the opportunity to. Vince wouldn’t, even if there were McRibs there.

Vince has been eating the new Popeyes chicken sandwich since there’s a McRib shortage. Jimmy and Matt haven’t tried it since the lines in LA are always way too long.

Cajun Jimmy thinks they have to use cajun chickens to make that chicken sandwich.

Concert ticket talk. Pre-internet, Vince waited for Springsteen tickets for a long time but never waited overnight. Jimmy waited overnight for Journey tickets once.

1:00

A Journey song got Jimmy through the breakup with Jennifer. Steve Perry sang that song to him once.

True or false: Jimmy DOES have a painting of the Edmund Fitzgerald on the wall in his family room. Danielle is not pleased. He loves the sea.

The family room has wood paneling and shag carpeting, which is good for losing Cheetos. Jimmy sings an original composition called “Losing Cheetos.”

Vince doesn’t remember the last time he’s had a Cheeto, but he’s been eating Chester Cheese Fries. Matt and Jimmy aren’t sure what those are.

1:05

Andy Capp discussion. Was he a drunk? The audience confirms. Jimmy makes a handicapped joke, the audience groans. (Author’s note: from the Andy Capp wiki, Juli learned that his name is based on the local British pronunciation of “handicap” so Jimmy’s joke was perfect. Juli did not find an opening in which she could interject this information, as she is not an interrupting asshole.)

Vince talks about downsizing to a studio apartment as the result of his divorce. It’s a lot easier to clean than the 5 bedroom house was.

It was supposed to be time for Sevens but a guy in the front row started singing the Celebrity Sighting theme so Jimmy decides to do one of those instead.

He saw this celebrity “at that weird gas station” in LA. The guessing was brief and the celebrity was Stephen Pearcy, lead singer of Ratt. This was an unsatisfying sighting for everyone.

1:12

Now it’s really time for Sevens with Vince.

Jimmy accidentally pressed a category and Vince gets a 16 in Animals. This is not an official score.

Jimmy gives to Vince in 70’s music. His score is 30, which may be the best score at a live show.

Time for the audience to play and try to win a poster!

Meghan doesn’t get to play for obvious reasons.

Jacked guy is rejected because he’s jacked.

Andy comes up wearing V neck so he doesn’t get to play either.

Logan is not a bartender. He sat down and made himself comfortable thus had to leave the stage.

1:20

Doug is here with his wife Andrea. Jimmy quizzes him on his life. Turns out Doug has played before and answered all of these same questions. Doug is out.

Matt asks Jimmy to leave the stage. While he’s gone, Matt calls back to his “tooth raising” joke, much to Juli’s delight.

Donna is Vince’s girlfriend. She plays Celebrities and gets a 15.

Jimmy and Donna discuss Vince’s tomato plant, named Tom. Tom is very prolific and provided them with 503 tomatoes this year, but who’s counting?

1:25

Dan Jones went to high school with Jimmy. He was one of the few non racists. Dan is an athletic director now. He did not see Ken Connor’s balls.

Dan makes a bad joke and does not get to play Sevens.

Tony has great hair and is a chemist. Tony is single. (Author’s note: heyyyyyyy) Tony kisses ass by saying Chicago is his favorite band.

1:30

Tony and his hair get 14 in 70s music.

Garon for a Day Juli is not confident about any category and spends much time faffing about choosing a category. Matt is inadvertently insulted. She eventually starts 80s music and gets kicked off for being as bad as promised. (Author’s note: Juli regularly plays Sevens and practiced 80’s music in preparation for this moment, but locked up once on stage.)

Rick is the jacked guy, now forgiven and invited back up. He plays 70s music with Jimmy and gets 20. That’s an uplifting way to end the show.

Jimmy thanks everyone for coming out, despite the fact that the Bears are playing that night. Jimmy has never been to an NFL game, only many LA Kiss games. He was going to take Oliver to the game in LA today but then this Zanies show was booked. This is odd because neither Oliver nor Jimmy were interested in going.