704 – Pat Francis

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Released 6/9/2010

Intro: Hushed tone opening due to incompetence in breathing and swallowing

1:15 Half the time, Jim has a mouth issue on the intro

1:30 50/50 mix of Canadians and Americans when you perform near the border

2:10 Even the intern makes fun of Eliot

2:40 Matt and Jimmy get raunchy about young, dumb, cum, and non-swelling old ladies

3:00 Dan Katz, Tobasco Ears

2:15 Pat’s new catchphrase: “What’s goin’ down, hamburg!”

4:14 Pat tries to imitate Fitzsimmons

4:40 Pat’s drug kit is in the way

5:00 “Pat is here.”

5:15 ConsistentJackass.com has videos of Pat

5:45 Amazing Discoveries with Mike Levy

6:20 The biggest new trend: coconut water

7:20 Pat brings Celebrity Apprentice drinks for (almost) everyone

7:45 Pat wrote a joke!!!!!!! Possibly on the spot.

8:10 Matt is definitely not making fun of autism. Or puzzles.

8:45 Jenny McCarthy and autism expertise

9:30 Jimmy has to set Eliot straight regarding speaking without a mic

10:00 Pat’s Bret Michels impression

10:30 Poison’s greatest hits: you’ll like a minimum of 5 songs

10:45 (KINDA SING ALONG WITH JIMMY) mishmash of poison songs

11:45 More Poison talk than allowed by law

12:30 FOR FUCK’S SAKE GET THE GRAPES FROM TARGET ALREADY PEOPLE!!!

13:15 “Have we started yet?”

13:40 “This show is about grapes and Poison!”

14:00 Starting the Bow-Dazzler strory (Amazing Discoveries)

14:45 Not beau

15:00 Southern Jimmy shows up again

15:25 Stother Martin from Cool Hand Luke

15:50 Eliot is on the edge of unemployment

16:30 Jimmy coulda had a Vegetable Eight

17:00 Check out Erin Gould’s “Come to NYC” photoshops

18:00 Matt comes up with an extremely unique way to tell Eliot to shut. the. fuck. up.

18:35 Darryl shoutout! “Mark it down, Darryl.”

18:50 Dan better start dumbing it up

19:15 Can’t we hit 300 people in NYC?

20:20 Jimmy has a new booking agent, who he doesn’t even want

21:00 Jimmy obsesses over an incoming phone call from his tile guy

22:00 Eliot needs a grout guy, and apparently feels the need to talk about it during the podcast

22:15 “Do your bullshit blue collar job!”

23:00 Pat makes a joke that he would have removed from his own facebook page if someone else had left it

23:30 Don’t insult Jimmy on his facebook page, even if you think you’re getting in on the fun

24:20 Recapping Jimmy’s hypocrisy about insulting physical traits

25:30 Kiss has an animal on the drums

26:00 Why Jimmy remembers Pat’s standup act

26:30 Pat apparently had a big Squddly Diddly chunk in his act

27:00 We are still not talking about the Bow-Dazzler

27:15 Jimmy has subtle opinions about Jaden Smith

27:30 Pat is excited about the new Karate Kid movie

27:50 “Did you know Harrison Ford was sick, so he asked to just shoot the sword-fighter to make the scene shorter?”

28:05 Put that on Obvious Trivia Darryl

28:10 Matt doesn’t think it’s obvious. [I think it belongs there, so it is!]

28:40 Matt has the best joke ever mashing up improv training and Han Solo in carbonite

29:10 Crying over Karate Kid, car parts, and internet memes

31:30 Pat tells the story about the sister learning sign language. And does not break down!

32:30 What constitutes “personal” on facebook

33:45 Wil Smith on Oprah

34:00 Kung Fu Fighting (Carl Douglas)

34:45 Pat does a great imitation of Oprah doing an imitation of herself

35:00 Matt took his dick pill today

35:45 Luitenant Dan Band

36:30 Alternative names: Ransom. Butterfly Catcher.

37:30 “I try not to interrupt since I got a microphone thrown at me”

37:34 Plugging DonkeyTees.com

38:45 Bacon Brothers should have been Quicksilver

39:30 Dan is asking to be fired from his free job

40:20 Quicksilver Messenger Service had a hit

40:50 If you don’t like sing along with Jimmy, you really won’t like Stream Music Along with Dan

42:30 Asia= Prog + Pussy

43:15 Never in a million years (Asia)

44:00 Pat is seeing Asia in concert. Alone.

44:50 How many bass drums do you need?

45:30 Why is Matt so mad at James Taylor?

46:45 This studio is a uh…. sweathouse!

47:00 Flight of the Conchords were just at the Hollywood Bowl

48:20 An ultimatum for Dan

48:45 Why does a lot music creep  into every other episode?

50:00 Why Jimmy might now love James Taylor

51:30 Confusing a Flight of the Conchords member for a black guy

52:50 What’s the worst movie you ever saw twice in the theater?

54:00 That marshmallow man isn’t as funny as you think

55:20 Kid-appropriate drive in movies

56:00 Ripping off Doug Benson

56:30 BREAK TIME

57:20 Laughing back into the episode

57:45 How to use an intern

58:20 Guessing Pat’s multiple-worst movie

1:01:30 Jimmy is in the finals of Doug Love Movie

1:02:30 Carribean Queen (Billy Ocean)

1:03:15 Matt continues to shout down Eliot

1:03:40 Dan and Eliot need to be in a different room

1:04:10 Jimmy will be seeing The Wall at The Forum

1:05:00 A song based on Matt

1:05:30 Once again, Jimmy calls out Matt for being no fun

1:06:20 Matt deconstructs his own failure

1:06:45 Lovin Every Minute of It (Loverboy)

1:07:55 OBTRIV The original meaning of rock and roll referes to sex

1:08:20 Power couple Mutt Lang and Shania Twain (Is there now a NNF Divorce Curse?)

1:09:00 Still the One (Orleans)

1:09:50 Dance with Me (Orleans)

1:10:30 Pat gets dared into meeting girls

1:11:45 The Emptiness of the Long Waiting Dancer

1:12:30 Prepping for a dance

1:13:00 Boston commercialism

1:13:45 Eliot understands he is distracting. Yet seems unconcerned.

1:14:30 Lonesome Loser (Little River Band)

1:14:45 Jimmy’s sad kissing story

1:16:00 Jimmy’s weird confidence

1:16:30 Lock down the mic, Jimmy’s telling a story

1:17:30 Jimmy’s error in judgement and Classmates.com followup

1:19:00 Former flames as facebook friends?

1:22:00 Pat’s date with Mario

1:23:40 Jimmy might have some math issues regarding his number of facebook friends

1:24:00 Judging old friends on facebook

1:25:30 Jimmy yells at Kindler out his car window

1:26:00 Jimmy knows how offensive he is. So it’s ok.

1:27:20 Pat insists on talking about “those people.”

1:28:30 Taking down these P.C. times

1:28:50 Pricks!!!!!!!!

1:29:50 Is MaxFun non-profit?

1:31:00 Don’t bitch about the pay and still take the job

1:32:00 Jimmy’s old flame may just listen to Never Not Funny, but still not know it’s Jimmy’s show

1:33:00 Jenny knows that Pat is stupid

1:34:00 More old flame facebook talk

1:34:50 WOW! Back to the Bow-Dazzler story!

1:37:30 Matt pries into Pat’s past personal life

1:38:50 Matt only has a few exes on facesbook, because he met his wife at 19

1:39:00 Jimmy’s imminent doctor visit

On the payhohaaaaaaaa

AK-47 gone, not forgotten