704 – Pat Francis

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Released 6/9/2010

Intro: Hushed tone opening due to incompetence in breathing and swallowing

1:15 Half the time, Jim has a mouth issue on the intro

1:30 50/50 mix of Canadians and Americans when you perform near the border

2:10 Even the intern makes fun of Eliot

2:40 Matt and Jimmy get raunchy about young, dumb, cum, and non-swelling old ladies

3:00 Dan Katz, Tobasco Ears

2:15 Pat’s new catchphrase: “What’s goin’ down, hamburg!”

4:14 Pat tries to imitate Fitzsimmons

4:40 Pat’s drug kit is in the way

5:00 “Pat is here.”

5:15 ConsistentJackass.com has videos of Pat

5:45 Amazing Discoveries with Mike Levy

6:20 The biggest new trend: coconut water

7:20 Pat brings Celebrity Apprentice drinks for (almost) everyone

7:45 Pat wrote a joke!!!!!!! Possibly on the spot.

8:10 Matt is definitely not making fun of autism. Or puzzles.

8:45 Jenny McCarthy and autism expertise

9:30 Jimmy has to set Eliot straight regarding speaking without a mic

10:00 Pat’s Bret Michels impression

10:30 Poison’s greatest hits: you’ll like a minimum of 5 songs

10:45 (KINDA SING ALONG WITH JIMMY) mishmash of poison songs

11:45 More Poison talk than allowed by law


13:15 “Have we started yet?”

13:40 “This show is about grapes and Poison!”

14:00 Starting the Bow-Dazzler strory (Amazing Discoveries)

14:45 Not beau

15:00 Southern Jimmy shows up again

15:25 Stother Martin from Cool Hand Luke

15:50 Eliot is on the edge of unemployment

16:30 Jimmy coulda had a Vegetable Eight

17:00 Check out Erin Gould’s “Come to NYC” photoshops

18:00 Matt comes up with an extremely unique way to tell Eliot to shut. the. fuck. up.

18:35 Darryl shoutout! “Mark it down, Darryl.”

18:50 Dan better start dumbing it up

19:15 Can’t we hit 300 people in NYC?

20:20 Jimmy has a new booking agent, who he doesn’t even want

21:00 Jimmy obsesses over an incoming phone call from his tile guy

22:00 Eliot needs a grout guy, and apparently feels the need to talk about it during the podcast

22:15 “Do your bullshit blue collar job!”

23:00 Pat makes a joke that he would have removed from his own facebook page if someone else had left it

23:30 Don’t insult Jimmy on his facebook page, even if you think you’re getting in on the fun

24:20 Recapping Jimmy’s hypocrisy about insulting physical traits

25:30 Kiss has an animal on the drums

26:00 Why Jimmy remembers Pat’s standup act

26:30 Pat apparently had a big Squddly Diddly chunk in his act

27:00 We are still not talking about the Bow-Dazzler

27:15 Jimmy has subtle opinions about Jaden Smith

27:30 Pat is excited about the new Karate Kid movie

27:50 “Did you know Harrison Ford was sick, so he asked to just shoot the sword-fighter to make the scene shorter?”

28:05 Put that on Obvious Trivia Darryl

28:10 Matt doesn’t think it’s obvious. [I think it belongs there, so it is!]

28:40 Matt has the best joke ever mashing up improv training and Han Solo in carbonite

29:10 Crying over Karate Kid, car parts, and internet memes

31:30 Pat tells the story about the sister learning sign language. And does not break down!

32:30 What constitutes “personal” on facebook

33:45 Wil Smith on Oprah

34:00 Kung Fu Fighting (Carl Douglas)

34:45 Pat does a great imitation of Oprah doing an imitation of herself

35:00 Matt took his dick pill today

35:45 Luitenant Dan Band

36:30 Alternative names: Ransom. Butterfly Catcher.

37:30 “I try not to interrupt since I got a microphone thrown at me”

37:34 Plugging DonkeyTees.com

38:45 Bacon Brothers should have been Quicksilver

39:30 Dan is asking to be fired from his free job

40:20 Quicksilver Messenger Service had a hit

40:50 If you don’t like sing along with Jimmy, you really won’t like Stream Music Along with Dan

42:30 Asia= Prog + Pussy

43:15 Never in a million years (Asia)

44:00 Pat is seeing Asia in concert. Alone.

44:50 How many bass drums do you need?

45:30 Why is Matt so mad at James Taylor?

46:45 This studio is a uh…. sweathouse!

47:00 Flight of the Conchords were just at the Hollywood Bowl

48:20 An ultimatum for Dan

48:45 Why does a lot music creep  into every other episode?

50:00 Why Jimmy might now love James Taylor

51:30 Confusing a Flight of the Conchords member for a black guy

52:50 What’s the worst movie you ever saw twice in the theater?

54:00 That marshmallow man isn’t as funny as you think

55:20 Kid-appropriate drive in movies

56:00 Ripping off Doug Benson


57:20 Laughing back into the episode

57:45 How to use an intern

58:20 Guessing Pat’s multiple-worst movie

1:01:30 Jimmy is in the finals of Doug Love Movie

1:02:30 Carribean Queen (Billy Ocean)

1:03:15 Matt continues to shout down Eliot

1:03:40 Dan and Eliot need to be in a different room

1:04:10 Jimmy will be seeing The Wall at The Forum

1:05:00 A song based on Matt

1:05:30 Once again, Jimmy calls out Matt for being no fun

1:06:20 Matt deconstructs his own failure

1:06:45 Lovin Every Minute of It (Loverboy)

1:07:55 OBTRIV The original meaning of rock and roll referes to sex

1:08:20 Power couple Mutt Lang and Shania Twain (Is there now a NNF Divorce Curse?)

1:09:00 Still the One (Orleans)

1:09:50 Dance with Me (Orleans)

1:10:30 Pat gets dared into meeting girls

1:11:45 The Emptiness of the Long Waiting Dancer

1:12:30 Prepping for a dance

1:13:00 Boston commercialism

1:13:45 Eliot understands he is distracting. Yet seems unconcerned.

1:14:30 Lonesome Loser (Little River Band)

1:14:45 Jimmy’s sad kissing story

1:16:00 Jimmy’s weird confidence

1:16:30 Lock down the mic, Jimmy’s telling a story

1:17:30 Jimmy’s error in judgement and Classmates.com followup

1:19:00 Former flames as facebook friends?

1:22:00 Pat’s date with Mario

1:23:40 Jimmy might have some math issues regarding his number of facebook friends

1:24:00 Judging old friends on facebook

1:25:30 Jimmy yells at Kindler out his car window

1:26:00 Jimmy knows how offensive he is. So it’s ok.

1:27:20 Pat insists on talking about “those people.”

1:28:30 Taking down these P.C. times

1:28:50 Pricks!!!!!!!!

1:29:50 Is MaxFun non-profit?

1:31:00 Don’t bitch about the pay and still take the job

1:32:00 Jimmy’s old flame may just listen to Never Not Funny, but still not know it’s Jimmy’s show

1:33:00 Jenny knows that Pat is stupid

1:34:00 More old flame facebook talk

1:34:50 WOW! Back to the Bow-Dazzler story!

1:37:30 Matt pries into Pat’s past personal life

1:38:50 Matt only has a few exes on facesbook, because he met his wife at 19

1:39:00 Jimmy’s imminent doctor visit

On the payhohaaaaaaaa

AK-47 gone, not forgotten


  • luke

    Duly noted Darryl

  • Pelkey

    Indeed, coconut water SUCKS!!

  • Josh

    Wow, I had no idea the room was so big. I figured the camera were always essentially right at “the fourth wall” (The one we never see).

    Also, Matt reminded me of Neo in The Matrix with the shaved head and grey sweatshirt.

  • Michael Francis

    What program do you use for your graphics? And is there a cache of them we can access just for viewing purposes?
    Solid work, as always, by the way. You GET it and of course I mean that in the complimentary.

    • Thanks Michael, glad you enjoy the site.

      I just use Photoshop Elements for the graphics. For the screenshots, I just use the Mac’s built-in screen capture utility.

      As for a cache of the graphics… that’s a good question! I’ll have to look into that. Once I create the graphics for a particular episode, I upload them to the wordpress.com server for my site, then insert it from there. I then delete the original from my quickly-filling hard drive. Obviously, I can see all the graphics from within my control panel, but I don’t know if there’s a way to make them public.

      If I find out, I’ll post here.

  • Michael Francis

    Awesome. Thanks for the quick turn around. I think I know of a few ways, but it’d be too much of a hassle to make the folder public, especially since I don’t know how to use Apple stuff.
    Either way, thank you sir, and keep up the good work!

    • Yeah, it’s got to have the right bounce-ounce (as Jimmy would say). Although, it might not be a bad idea to (at some point… when I’m not as busy) to have a page of icons and graphics.

      I’ll run it by the Never Not Notes steering committee.

  • I’m in the process of making a Gretchen Shoutout Icon to add to that page!

    • Wow, you’re lucky I’m even approving your comment, let alone your own icon! It’s pretty bad when Jimmy’s coattails are so long that even I have coattails!