704 – Pat Francis
Intro: Hushed tone opening due to incompetence in breathing and swallowing
1:15 Half the time, Jim has a mouth issue on the intro
1:30 50/50 mix of Canadians and Americans when you perform near the border
2:10 Even the intern makes fun of Eliot
2:40 Matt and Jimmy get raunchy about young, dumb, cum, and non-swelling old ladies
3:00 Dan Katz, Tobasco Ears
2:15 Pat’s new catchphrase: “What’s goin’ down, hamburg!”
4:14 Pat tries to imitate Fitzsimmons
4:40 Pat’s drug kit is in the way
5:00 “Pat is here.”
5:15 ConsistentJackass.com has videos of Pat
5:45 Amazing Discoveries with Mike Levy
6:20 The biggest new trend: coconut water
7:20 Pat brings Celebrity Apprentice drinks for (almost) everyone
7:45 Pat wrote a joke!!!!!!! Possibly on the spot.
8:10 Matt is definitely not making fun of autism. Or puzzles.
8:45 Jenny McCarthy and autism expertise
9:30 Jimmy has to set Eliot straight regarding speaking without a mic
10:00 Pat’s Bret Michels impression
10:30 Poison’s greatest hits: you’ll like a minimum of 5 songs
10:45 (KINDA SING ALONG WITH JIMMY) mishmash of poison songs
11:45 More Poison talk than allowed by law
12:30 FOR FUCK’S SAKE GET THE GRAPES FROM TARGET ALREADY PEOPLE!!!
13:15 “Have we started yet?”
13:40 “This show is about grapes and Poison!”
14:00 Starting the Bow-Dazzler strory (Amazing Discoveries)
14:45 Not beau
15:00 Southern Jimmy shows up again
15:25 Stother Martin from Cool Hand Luke
15:50 Eliot is on the edge of unemployment
16:30 Jimmy coulda had a Vegetable Eight
18:00 Matt comes up with an extremely unique way to tell Eliot to shut. the. fuck. up.
18:35 Darryl shoutout! “Mark it down, Darryl.”
18:50 Dan better start dumbing it up
19:15 Can’t we hit 300 people in NYC?
20:20 Jimmy has a new booking agent, who he doesn’t even want
21:00 Jimmy obsesses over an incoming phone call from his tile guy
22:00 Eliot needs a grout guy, and apparently feels the need to talk about it during the podcast
22:15 “Do your bullshit blue collar job!”
23:00 Pat makes a joke that he would have removed from his own facebook page if someone else had left it
23:30 Don’t insult Jimmy on his facebook page, even if you think you’re getting in on the fun
24:20 Recapping Jimmy’s hypocrisy about insulting physical traits
25:30 Kiss has an animal on the drums
26:00 Why Jimmy remembers Pat’s standup act
26:30 Pat apparently had a big Squddly Diddly chunk in his act
27:00 We are still not talking about the Bow-Dazzler
27:15 Jimmy has subtle opinions about Jaden Smith
27:30 Pat is excited about the new Karate Kid movie
27:50 “Did you know Harrison Ford was sick, so he asked to just shoot the sword-fighter to make the scene shorter?”
28:05 Put that on Obvious Trivia Darryl
28:10 Matt doesn’t think it’s obvious. [I think it belongs there, so it is!]
28:40 Matt has the best joke ever mashing up improv training and Han Solo in carbonite
29:10 Crying over Karate Kid, car parts, and internet memes
31:30 Pat tells the story about the sister learning sign language. And does not break down!
32:30 What constitutes “personal” on facebook
33:45 Wil Smith on Oprah
34:45 Pat does a great imitation of Oprah doing an imitation of herself
35:00 Matt took his dick pill today
35:45 Luitenant Dan Band
36:30 Alternative names: Ransom. Butterfly Catcher.
37:30 “I try not to interrupt since I got a microphone thrown at me”
37:34 Plugging DonkeyTees.com
38:45 Bacon Brothers should have been Quicksilver
39:30 Dan is asking to be fired from his free job
40:20 Quicksilver Messenger Service had a hit
40:50 If you don’t like sing along with Jimmy, you really won’t like Stream Music Along with Dan
42:30 Asia= Prog + Pussy
44:00 Pat is seeing Asia in concert. Alone.
44:50 How many bass drums do you need?
45:30 Why is Matt so mad at James Taylor?
46:45 This studio is a uh…. sweathouse!
47:00 Flight of the Conchords were just at the Hollywood Bowl
48:20 An ultimatum for Dan
48:45 Why does a lot music creep into every other episode?
50:00 Why Jimmy might now love James Taylor
51:30 Confusing a Flight of the Conchords member for a black guy
52:50 What’s the worst movie you ever saw twice in the theater?
54:00 That marshmallow man isn’t as funny as you think
55:20 Kid-appropriate drive in movies
56:00 Ripping off Doug Benson
56:30 BREAK TIME
57:20 Laughing back into the episode
57:45 How to use an intern
58:20 Guessing Pat’s multiple-worst movie
1:01:30 Jimmy is in the finals of Doug Love Movie
1:02:30 Carribean Queen (Billy Ocean)
1:03:15 Matt continues to shout down Eliot
1:03:40 Dan and Eliot need to be in a different room
1:04:10 Jimmy will be seeing The Wall at The Forum
1:05:00 A song based on Matt
1:05:30 Once again, Jimmy calls out Matt for being no fun
1:06:20 Matt deconstructs his own failure
1:07:55 OBTRIV The original meaning of rock and roll referes to sex
1:08:20 Power couple Mutt Lang and Shania Twain (Is there now a NNF Divorce Curse?)
1:09:00 Still the One (Orleans)
1:09:50 Dance with Me (Orleans)
1:10:30 Pat gets dared into meeting girls
1:11:45 The Emptiness of the Long Waiting Dancer
1:12:30 Prepping for a dance
1:13:00 Boston commercialism
1:13:45 Eliot understands he is distracting. Yet seems unconcerned.
1:14:45 Jimmy’s sad kissing story
1:16:00 Jimmy’s weird confidence
1:16:30 Lock down the mic, Jimmy’s telling a story
1:17:30 Jimmy’s error in judgement and Classmates.com followup
1:19:00 Former flames as facebook friends?
1:22:00 Pat’s date with Mario
1:23:40 Jimmy might have some math issues regarding his number of facebook friends
1:24:00 Judging old friends on facebook
1:25:30 Jimmy yells at Kindler out his car window
1:26:00 Jimmy knows how offensive he is. So it’s ok.
1:27:20 Pat insists on talking about “those people.”
1:28:30 Taking down these P.C. times
1:29:50 Is MaxFun non-profit?
1:31:00 Don’t bitch about the pay and still take the job
1:32:00 Jimmy’s old flame may just listen to Never Not Funny, but still not know it’s Jimmy’s show
1:33:00 Jenny knows that Pat is stupid
1:34:00 More old flame facebook talk
1:34:50 WOW! Back to the Bow-Dazzler story!
1:37:30 Matt pries into Pat’s past personal life
1:38:50 Matt only has a few exes on facesbook, because he met his wife at 19
1:39:00 Jimmy’s imminent doctor visit
On the payhohaaaaaaaa
AK-47 gone, not forgotten