705 – Steve Almond
Intro: Hiding from tornadoes in Chicago
1:55 The smoke monster on Lost
2:15 Wheels Belknap could go from first to third on a single
2:40 Matt’s Miami-Wham beard
2:50 The look is coming back!
3:10 Is Dan on board with Tobasco Ears?
3:20 Eliot morphs into Jimmy’s uncle
3:40 Jimmy has a prop for this show
4:00 Eliot pisses off Jimmy ALREADY
4:25 Eliot is not Scarsessee
5:00 How Jimmy reads a book
5:15 Blame Marc Maron for this booking
5:15 Jimmy’s research tells us all we need to know about Steve Almond, author of Rock and Roll will Save Your Life
6:00 Steve tells us all about his bonnet-cult fetish
6:30 Steve has written “several” books
7:00 The Boston tornado, and opinions about “Boston Mike”
8:00 Matt and Jimmy are both dressed to kill
8:20 Steve proves his indy cred via torso-wear
8:40 Steve’s kids
9:00 How to celebrate an 18-month birthday
9:30 Jimmy loves the name Josephine
9:45 There’s lots of rock and roll songs called Josephine. Just trust Steve.
10:15 Steve attacks Dan without even knowing him
10:30 The exhaustive compendium of Josephine songs
11:10 [NO! There can not be a Sing Along with Jimmy icon here, because he didn’t know what the hell he was doing]
11:20 We need a medical intern to keep an eye on Dan
11:45 Ellis Paul lives near Somerville
12:00 Steve knew that Jimmy would be an Ellis Paul fan on sight
12:30 Club Panache
12:50 Jimmy insists on giving the title of the book again, then spoils the whole plot
13:50 Styx Paradise Theater talk
14:30 Steve’s defense of Styx makes him Jimmy’s new best friend
15:15 Jimmy’s book report: Read this book!
16:00 Chuck Prophet is great
16.20 Steve was overqualified to be a music critic
17:00 You guys ever hear of Bob Dylan?
17:45 Springsteen / Springfield confusion
18:20 Steve’s musical taste and employment history
19:00 The three categories of music in El Paso
19:00 Menudo and penis retraction
20:00 Menudo is NOT Soft Cell!
20:20 The dark days of Dylan
21:00 Steve’s Dylan concert experience
22:00 Proven: El Paso drives journalists insane
22:30 Steve’s clever career move: maintain sanity and stick around
23:00 Steve’s epiphany at the MC Hammer concert
25:00 Music critics are snarky snarksters
26:00 No one can take your love of shitty music away from you. NO ONE!!!!
26:00 Blessing the rains in Africa
26:50 Africa (Toto)
27:00 What’s the title of that book again?
27:15 Steve snarkily destroys Africa in his book
27:50 The Jimmy Pardo Worm
28:00 How Books Work by Steve Almond
29:00 Torn over Toto
30:00 Why Toto was exhausted by showtime
30:20 No Sugar Tonight (The Guess Who)
30:25 No mention of Elvis Costello in the whole damn book!
30:30 Rock’s Biggest Assholes
31:00 Jimmy still doesn’t get Steve Miller
32:00 Chicago VI takes down rock critics! BOOM! Take that, Steve Almond!
32:45 Jimmy may have totally misunderstood this book
33:15 Jimmy meets his heroes Cetera and Perry
33:40 Everybody’s laughin’ but you’re dancin’!
33:45 Going out on a limb: Chicago XXX was horrible
34:30 Music takes you back to sadder times in your life
35:15 Steve is nearly thrown off the podcast, but Dan’s research incompetence saves him
36:00 Jimmy’s What Was breakup story
37:00 Emerson Lake & Palmer and the snarkiness of critics
38:00 Don’t overestimate the giving-a-shit-ness of newspapers when it comes to assigning music critics
39:00 Steve Earle and his 27 guitarists
39:00 How can you describe sounds with words?
40:30 Melding things to describe other things
41:15 Willie Nelson acapella on Letterman shows the power of music
43:00 Music is a release, not an instigator
43:15 The catharsis of Fade to Black by Metallica
44:30 Jimmy’s 1994 breakup took him into bad country music
45:45 Matt dismisses music and is all about Tenacious D!
46:15 Matt’s high school catharsis song: Guns ‘n’ Roses Don’t Cry
47:00 Help me Garth Brooks!
47:15 Your pickup truck is a metaphor for life!
47:45 Bon Jovi talk
49:00 Steve likes tortured artists, not businessmen
50:30 What drives Steve almost to the brink of buying a KKK hood? [And should I make an “N-word” icon?]
51:15 There’s been a lot of talk about that song. Maybe too much talk!
51:30 Jimmy’s unnecessary anger toward Bon Jovi
52:00 Which Aerosmith did Jimmy like?
53:00 “Number one, you shove it up your ass!”
53:15 Steve almost gets kicked off again for not agreeing that Chicago was a revolutionary band!
54:20 Back to the point: Bon Jovi sucks
56:15 You, too, can get shivved by Bon Jovi for just $1000!
57:00 Jimmy and Cetera are going to have a hot sandwich together
57:15 Steve wonders why you would want someone to spend time with you just because you paid for it!
57:30 Jimmy says if someone pays to meet you, paste the fuckin’ smile on, and do it!
58:00 Steve: “It’s like going to an attention prostitute.”
58:45 Someone just got shot in the face, but I’m not sure who
59:50 Jimmy likes a beautiful male voice
1:00:00 Write this down: The Pardosphere!
1:01:00 Steven Tyler’s voice, deconstructed for your listening enjoyment
1:02:00 In depth explanation of why Jimmy doesn’t care for Bon Jovi: he doesn’t like the songs
1:02:30 BREAK TIME
1:03:10 The wrong beverage for Eliot: Monster
1:03:45 Jimmy wants to be Charlie Rose
1:04:00 Recapping Steve’s family
1:04:20 How to Jew up your family
1:05:00 Steve practices Extreme Circumcision
1:05:30 Steve covers his ass regarding his publicist
1:06:10 Is a Steve Almond book signing like a Spinal Tap record signing?
1:07:30 Steve talks about his bitchin’ soundtrack list. And here it is!
1:08:00 Jimmy has questions about book sales
1:08:30 …and Steve has answers
1:09:00 Holy cow! Steve stumbles onto Jimmy’s detective status!
1:11:00 Is there an objective way to judge music?
1:12:05 Steve offers condolences to Jimmy on Lakers losing to the Celtics
1:12:30 Steve talks about feeling connected
1:13:00 Steve wants more from Jimmy than Jimmy has inside of him
1:13:45 Steve thinks Jimmy is grief-stricken, bewildered, and humiliated by the world
1:14:30 Bill Cosby, from funny to pompous windbag in a sweater
1:15:30 Jimmy doesn’t necessarily disagree with Steve
1:16:00 Deconstructing Colbert and Stewart
1:17:00 Who was the first guy to tease Hitler?
1:17:45 Gil Scott-Heron talk
1:18:45 Peter Cetera’s drunken autographs
1:20:00 Hitler’s art vs. Gacy’s art
1:20:30 Do we need another recurring-bit icon for this?
1:21:30 Maybe we do another recurring bit icon
1:21:45 Bad Ronald [Thanks to Germz for the YouTube link]
1:23:00 All artists are murderers
1:24:30 Jimmy wants a remake of Bad Ronald
1:25:30 Jimmy likes Air Supply
1:26:00 I might need a “Half-sing along with Jimmy” icon
1:26:00 Matt’s 2-cassette around-the-country family road trip
1:26:45 Why Air Supply figures prominently in Steve’s book
1:27:45 Air Supply’s original name
1:28:30 Jimmy MUST know the Porky’s cast list
1:29:25 Matt does math on how many times Jimmy picked up Steve’s book
1:30:00 Jimmy’s workout regimen
1:30:30 On the podcast
AK-47 gone, not forgotten