NeverNotNotes

705 – Steve Almond

Released 6/16/2010

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Intro: Hiding from tornadoes in Chicago

1:55 The smoke monster on Lost

2:15 Wheels Belknap could go from first to third on a single

2:40 Matt’s Miami-Wham beard

2:50 The look is coming back!

3:10 Is Dan on board with Tobasco Ears?

3:20 Eliot morphs into Jimmy’s uncle

3:40 Jimmy has a prop for this show

4:00 Eliot pisses off Jimmy ALREADY

4:25 Eliot is not Scarsessee

5:00 How Jimmy reads a book

5:15 Blame Marc Maron for this booking

5:15 Jimmy’s research tells us all we need to know about Steve Almond, author of Rock and Roll will Save Your Life

6:00 Steve tells us all about his bonnet-cult fetish

6:30 Steve has written “several” books

7:00 The Boston tornado, and opinions about “Boston Mike”

8:00 Matt and Jimmy are both dressed to kill

8:20 Steve proves his indy cred via torso-wear

8:40 Steve’s kids

9:00 How to celebrate an 18-month birthday

9:30 Jimmy loves the name Josephine

9:45 There’s lots of rock and roll songs called Josephine. Just trust Steve.

10:15 Steve attacks Dan without even knowing him

10:30 The exhaustive compendium of Josephine songs

11:10 [NO! There can not be a Sing Along with Jimmy icon here, because he didn’t know what the hell he was doing]

11:20 We need a medical intern to keep an eye on Dan

11:45 Ellis Paul lives near Somerville

12:00 Steve knew that Jimmy would be an Ellis Paul fan on sight

12:30 Club Panache

12:50 Jimmy insists on giving the title of the book again, then spoils the whole plot

13:50 Styx Paradise Theater talk

14:30 Steve’s defense of Styx makes him Jimmy’s new best friend

15:15 Jimmy’s book report: Read this book!

16:00 Chuck Prophet is great

16.20 Steve was overqualified to be a music critic

17:00 You guys ever hear of Bob Dylan?

17:45 Springsteen / Springfield confusion

18:20 Steve’s musical taste and employment history

19:00 The three categories of music in El Paso

19:00 Menudo and penis retraction

20:00 Menudo is NOT Soft Cell!

20:20 The dark days of Dylan

21:00 Steve’s Dylan concert experience

22:00 Proven: El Paso drives journalists insane

22:30 Steve’s clever career move: maintain sanity and stick around

23:00 Steve’s epiphany at the MC Hammer concert

25:00 Music critics are snarky snarksters

26:00 No one can take your love of shitty music away from you. NO ONE!!!!

26:00 Blessing the rains in Africa

26:50 Africa (Toto)

27:00 What’s the title of that book again?

27:15 Steve snarkily destroys Africa in his book

27:50 The Jimmy Pardo Worm

28:00 How Books Work by Steve Almond

29:00 Torn over Toto

30:00 Why Toto was exhausted by showtime

30:20 No Sugar Tonight (The Guess Who)

30:25 No mention of Elvis Costello in the whole damn book!

30:30 Rock’s Biggest Assholes

31:00 Jimmy still doesn’t get Steve Miller

32:00 Chicago VI takes down rock critics! BOOM! Take that, Steve Almond!

32:45 Jimmy may have totally misunderstood this book

33:15 Jimmy meets his heroes Cetera and Perry

33:40 Everybody’s laughin’ but you’re dancin’!

33:45 Going out on a limb: Chicago XXX was horrible

34:30 Music takes you back to sadder times in your life

35:15 Steve is nearly thrown off the podcast, but Dan’s research incompetence saves him

36:00 Jimmy’s What Was breakup story

37:00 Emerson Lake & Palmer and the snarkiness of critics

38:00 Don’t overestimate the giving-a-shit-ness of newspapers when it comes to assigning music critics

39:00 Steve Earle and his 27 guitarists

39:00 How can you describe sounds with words?

40:30 Melding things to describe other things

41:15 Willie Nelson acapella on Letterman shows the power of music

43:00 Music is a release, not an instigator

43:15 The catharsis of Fade to Black by Metallica

44:30 Jimmy’s 1994 breakup took him into bad country music

45:45 Matt dismisses music and is all about Tenacious D!

46:15 Matt’s high school catharsis song: Guns ‘n’ Roses Don’t Cry

47:00 Help me Garth Brooks!

47:15 Your pickup truck is a metaphor for life!

47:45 Bon Jovi talk

49:00 Steve likes tortured artists, not businessmen

50:30 What drives Steve almost to the brink of buying a KKK hood? [And should I make an “N-word” icon?]

51:15 There’s been a lot of talk about that song. Maybe too much talk!

51:30 Jimmy’s unnecessary anger toward Bon Jovi

52:00 Which Aerosmith did Jimmy like?

53:00 “Number one, you shove it up your ass!”

53:15 Steve almost gets kicked off again for not agreeing that Chicago was a revolutionary band!

54:20 Back to the point: Bon Jovi sucks

55:00 Did you know Pat Boone did a heavy metal album?

56:15 You, too, can get shivved by Bon Jovi for just $1000!

57:00 Jimmy and Cetera are going to have a hot sandwich together

57:15 Steve wonders why you would want someone to spend time with you just because you paid for it!

57:30 Jimmy says if someone pays to meet you, paste the fuckin’ smile on, and do it!

58:00 Steve: “It’s like going to an attention prostitute.”

58:45 Someone just got shot in the face, but I’m not sure who

59:50 Jimmy likes a beautiful male voice

1:00:00 Write this down: The Pardosphere!

1:01:00 Steven Tyler’s voice, deconstructed for your listening enjoyment

1:02:00 In depth explanation of why Jimmy doesn’t care for Bon Jovi: he doesn’t like the songs

1:02:30 BREAK TIME

1:03:10 The wrong beverage for Eliot: Monster

1:03:45 Jimmy wants to be Charlie Rose

1:04:00 Recapping Steve’s family

1:04:20 How to Jew up your family

1:05:00 Steve practices Extreme Circumcision

1:05:30 Steve covers his ass regarding his publicist

1:06:10 Is a Steve Almond book signing like a Spinal Tap record signing?

1:07:30 Steve talks about his bitchin’ soundtrack list. And here it is!

1:08:00 Jimmy has questions about book sales

1:08:30 …and Steve has answers

1:09:00 Holy cow! Steve stumbles onto Jimmy’s detective status!

1:11:00 Is there an objective way to judge music?

1:12:05 Steve offers condolences to Jimmy on Lakers losing to the Celtics

1:12:30 Steve talks about feeling connected

1:13:00 Steve wants more from Jimmy than Jimmy has inside of him

1:13:45 Steve thinks Jimmy is grief-stricken, bewildered, and humiliated by the world

1:14:30 Bill Cosby, from funny to pompous windbag in a sweater

1:15:30 Jimmy doesn’t necessarily disagree with Steve

1:16:00 Deconstructing Colbert and Stewart

1:17:00 Who was the first guy to tease Hitler?

1:17:45 Gil Scott-Heron talk

1:18:45 Peter Cetera’s drunken autographs

1:20:00 Hitler’s art vs. Gacy’s art

1:20:30 Do we need another recurring-bit icon for this?

1:21:30 Maybe we do another recurring bit icon

1:21:45 Bad Ronald [Thanks to Germz for the YouTube link]

1:23:00 All artists are murderers

1:24:30 Jimmy wants a remake of Bad Ronald

1:25:30 Jimmy likes Air Supply

1:26:00 I might need a “Half-sing along with Jimmy” icon

1:26:00 Matt’s 2-cassette around-the-country family road trip

1:26:25 If You Got the Money (Willie Nelson)

1:26:45 Why Air Supply figures prominently in Steve’s book

1:27:45 Air Supply’s original name

1:28:10 Making Love Out of Nothing at All (Air Supply)

1:28:30 Jimmy MUST know the Porky’s cast list

1:29:25 Matt does math on how many times Jimmy picked up Steve’s book

1:30:00 Jimmy’s workout regimen

1:30:30 On the podcast

AK-47 gone, not forgotten