703 – Andy Kindler

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Released 6/2/2010

Intro: Giggling makes Jimmy forget whether he usually says his own name

1:55 Eliot is fresh from the MaxFun marathon and Dan has an alleged burrito salad

2:25 Andy horns in before being introduced

2:55 Matt is done giving his face a break. GET READY FOR ABUSE, MATT’S FACE!!!

3:30 Andy needs to fill some time

4:45 Andy’s credits, including judging Last Comic Standing

5:20 Jimmy gets defensive about Letterman

5:40 Dan was apparently Tabasco Ears

6:20 “They call me Noodles.”

7:00 Chili Challis was never Chili Challis

7:45 Andy finally takes down tea

8:15 Jimmy is the Danny Gans of stand-ups. Except still alive.

9:00 Footnote Guy shows up

9:15 How much notice does Andy need to perform?

10:00 Jimmy is very organized, and apparently only replies to emails from celebrtities

11:00 Instant messaging on facebook is annoying. Turn it off!

11:30 Don’t promo stuff to Jimmy on facebook. I’m serious.

12:00 Jimmy goes all Frost/Nixon on a fan

12:30 Slumdog Millionaire, better or worse than Frost/Nixon

13:15 Jimmy refuses to ballpark his mileage

14:00 There are different methods of saving mileage information

14:30 Dan Katz, 2 months in and zoning out already

15:30 Sex in the City 2 jokes

16:30 Dated LA jokes on Shrug

17:15 Quoting Sex in the City 2

17:40 Andy knows how to dress for watching Sex in the City

18:15 Sarah Jessica Parker’s name is Sarah Jessica.

18:30 Did Jimmy de-friend you this week? Here’s why!

19:00 Jimmy doesn’t like jokes that mock appearance

19:45 Who Do You Think You Are?

20:20 SJP is dramatic about anscestry

21:40 Ted Kennedy head jokes are exempt from looks-based humor

23:00 Poplin and other fabrics

24:00 Andy’s Klassic Komedy Radio

25:00 Andy has the guts to take down Mort Sahl

25:30 Another thing for Dan to feel self-conscious about

26:00 Comedy infomercials

27:00 Bill Maher is not allowed to put down Lenny Bruce. But I kid Bill Maher.

28:00 Atheists: leave me alone!

28:30 “All my atheistic thoughts are with you.”

28:45 Andy has atheist insight.

29:30 Lorne Michaels has a consistent viewpoint on punctuality

31:30 Commercial auditions

32:30 Jimmy is looking forward to his SNL audition. (He already has the sweatshirt.)

34:00 McGruber: a 60 second skit can not be a 2 hour movie

35:00 Andy has opinions about car chases in comedies

36:00 Deconstructing Wayne’s World

37:15 Jimmy muscled his way through the crowd to see McGruber at the Chinese Theater

38:00 Taking down the SNL Obama impression

39:00 Andy is learning to soften his critiques. Or not!

40:15 Jimmy needs to stay away from Best Buy and Target. Chelsea Handler might be there.

41:00 Adam Sandler forgives Andy for all the horrible things he said in public.

43:30 Andy looks deep inside himself and finds out some interesting information

44:15 Does Lenny Bruce hold up?

45:45 Lenny Bruce has a story about Shelly Berman yelling at gangsters

46:00 Andy Kindler as Last Comic Standing judge: What the fuck?

48:00 SPOILER!!!!!!! The comics will not have to live in a bowl of soup for three weeks!

50:00 The diverse personalities of the Last Comic Standing judges

51:00 The ultimate joke: homeless pokemon mighty morphin power ranger

51:45 How does Andy deal with his friends who are contestants

53:30 Eliot is fidgety and full of action

54:00 Andy’s joke is beloved, yet not laughed at

55:00 Don’t get Andy started on software jokes

56:00 Saying things in public, on a popular podcast, may get to the subject of the things said, and have consequences

57:20 Jimmy is crazy about Chelsea Handler

58:20 BREAK TIME

58:55 Tight time schedule makes for a stressful break

59:30 Joke Time with Andy

1:00:00 Lots of powerful people listen to Never Not Funny, perhaps in secret

1:02:00 Andy  sees Jay Leno in his broken down car

1:03:30 The worst mistake of Andy’s life

1:04:30 “Andy Kindler! That’s the guy who hates me!”

1:06:00 How to guarantee a phone call from Jay Leno

1:07:00 Jimmy and the guys dissect the Conan debacle

1:10:45 Andy’s classic car collection, complete with customizations

1:12:15 Dangerfield is incredible

1:13:30 Jimmy give his opinion on Engvall

1:14:00 Anticipating the movie Grown Ups

1:15:15 Learning vowels with Entourage

1:16:00 Entourage, off the hook and good to go

1:18:00 How to cast a movie, and be angry about it

1:18:30 Kings Things: stupid pointless musings

1:19:20 Pardo’s Things: The grapes at Target are the best in the world

1:20:00 Sears vs. Target vs. Flea Market

1:21:00 Andy has to leave. So he does.

1:21:30 Mutual ass-kissing commences. But at least it’s sincere.

1:22:00 Just a quick BaDUM-bum-bum-BOM break

1:22:10 Jimmy’s bladder talk

1:22:50 Jimmy’s unexpected scatological humor

1:23:30 Eliot horns in with German cardboard toilet paper

1:24:40 Eliot and Dan are closer to mic than they ever will be again

1:25:15 Stupid Question of the Week: Christopher G. Chambers: File divider tabs: before or after the alphabetical contents

1:28:00 Eliot’s epic story about knowing what food to avoid

1:29:00 Always find out who did the bad hair plugs

1:29:45 This is a room full of good hair

1:30:15 Medical information we don’t need to know

1:31:45 Craig T. Nelson’s hair plugs

1:32:10 On the podcast!

AK-47 gone, not forgotten!