703 – Andy Kindler
Intro: Giggling makes Jimmy forget whether he usually says his own name
1:55 Eliot is fresh from the MaxFun marathon and Dan has an alleged burrito salad
2:25 Andy horns in before being introduced
2:55 Matt is done giving his face a break. GET READY FOR ABUSE, MATT’S FACE!!!
3:30 Andy needs to fill some time
4:45 Andy’s credits, including judging Last Comic Standing
5:20 Jimmy gets defensive about Letterman
5:40 Dan was apparently Tabasco Ears
6:20 “They call me Noodles.”
7:00 Chili Challis was never Chili Challis
7:45 Andy finally takes down tea
8:15 Jimmy is the Danny Gans of stand-ups. Except still alive.
9:00 Footnote Guy shows up
9:15 How much notice does Andy need to perform?
10:00 Jimmy is very organized, and apparently only replies to emails from celebrtities
11:00 Instant messaging on facebook is annoying. Turn it off!
11:30 Don’t promo stuff to Jimmy on facebook. I’m serious.
12:00 Jimmy goes all Frost/Nixon on a fan
12:30 Slumdog Millionaire, better or worse than Frost/Nixon
13:15 Jimmy refuses to ballpark his mileage
14:00 There are different methods of saving mileage information
14:30 Dan Katz, 2 months in and zoning out already
15:30 Sex in the City 2 jokes
16:30 Dated LA jokes on Shrug
17:15 Quoting Sex in the City 2
17:40 Andy knows how to dress for watching Sex in the City
18:15 Sarah Jessica Parker’s name is Sarah Jessica.
18:30 Did Jimmy de-friend you this week? Here’s why!
19:00 Jimmy doesn’t like jokes that mock appearance
19:45 Who Do You Think You Are?
20:20 SJP is dramatic about anscestry
21:40 Ted Kennedy head jokes are exempt from looks-based humor
23:00 Poplin and other fabrics
24:00 Andy’s Klassic Komedy Radio
25:00 Andy has the guts to take down Mort Sahl
25:30 Another thing for Dan to feel self-conscious about
26:00 Comedy infomercials
27:00 Bill Maher is not allowed to put down Lenny Bruce. But I kid Bill Maher.
28:00 Atheists: leave me alone!
28:30 “All my atheistic thoughts are with you.”
28:45 Andy has atheist insight.
29:30 Lorne Michaels has a consistent viewpoint on punctuality
31:30 Commercial auditions
32:30 Jimmy is looking forward to his SNL audition. (He already has the sweatshirt.)
34:00 McGruber: a 60 second skit can not be a 2 hour movie
35:00 Andy has opinions about car chases in comedies
36:00 Deconstructing Wayne’s World
37:15 Jimmy muscled his way through the crowd to see McGruber at the Chinese Theater
38:00 Taking down the SNL Obama impression
39:00 Andy is learning to soften his critiques. Or not!
40:15 Jimmy needs to stay away from Best Buy and Target. Chelsea Handler might be there.
41:00 Adam Sandler forgives Andy for all the horrible things he said in public.
43:30 Andy looks deep inside himself and finds out some interesting information
44:15 Does Lenny Bruce hold up?
45:45 Lenny Bruce has a story about Shelly Berman yelling at gangsters
46:00 Andy Kindler as Last Comic Standing judge: What the fuck?
48:00 SPOILER!!!!!!! The comics will not have to live in a bowl of soup for three weeks!
50:00 The diverse personalities of the Last Comic Standing judges
51:00 The ultimate joke: homeless pokemon mighty morphin power ranger
51:45 How does Andy deal with his friends who are contestants
53:30 Eliot is fidgety and full of action
54:00 Andy’s joke is beloved, yet not laughed at
55:00 Don’t get Andy started on software jokes
56:00 Saying things in public, on a popular podcast, may get to the subject of the things said, and have consequences
57:20 Jimmy is crazy about Chelsea Handler
58:20 BREAK TIME
58:55 Tight time schedule makes for a stressful break
59:30 Joke Time with Andy
1:00:00 Lots of powerful people listen to Never Not Funny, perhaps in secret
1:02:00 Andy sees Jay Leno in his broken down car
1:03:30 The worst mistake of Andy’s life
1:04:30 “Andy Kindler! That’s the guy who hates me!”
1:06:00 How to guarantee a phone call from Jay Leno
1:07:00 Jimmy and the guys dissect the Conan debacle
1:10:45 Andy’s classic car collection, complete with customizations
1:12:15 Dangerfield is incredible
1:13:30 Jimmy give his opinion on Engvall
1:14:00 Anticipating the movie Grown Ups
1:15:15 Learning vowels with Entourage
1:16:00 Entourage, off the hook and good to go
1:18:00 How to cast a movie, and be angry about it
1:18:30 Kings Things: stupid pointless musings
1:19:20 Pardo’s Things: The grapes at Target are the best in the world
1:20:00 Sears vs. Target vs. Flea Market
1:21:00 Andy has to leave. So he does.
1:21:30 Mutual ass-kissing commences. But at least it’s sincere.
1:22:00 Just a quick BaDUM-bum-bum-BOM break
1:22:10 Jimmy’s bladder talk
1:22:50 Jimmy’s unexpected scatological humor
1:23:30 Eliot horns in with German cardboard toilet paper
1:24:40 Eliot and Dan are closer to mic than they ever will be again
1:25:15 Stupid Question of the Week: Christopher G. Chambers: File divider tabs: before or after the alphabetical contents
1:28:00 Eliot’s epic story about knowing what food to avoid
1:29:00 Always find out who did the bad hair plugs
1:29:45 This is a room full of good hair
1:30:15 Medical information we don’t need to know
1:31:45 Craig T. Nelson’s hair plugs
1:32:10 On the podcast!
AK-47 gone, not forgotten!