15I – Crossing Town with Kira Soltanovich (Featuring Yours Truly!)
Kira Soltanovich looking radiant in clothes she pulled from a diaper bag
In studio (via Skype) notes by Darryl Asher
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher
(Note: There are a few personal thoughts about this episode after the show notes if you care.)
@kiracomedy
Kira’s website
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Garon is celebrating his 14th anniversary with his buddy at Disneyland
Secret code talk about someone who is gay but may not be out
Gays love Disneyland, and so does EVERYONE
Matt doesn’t want to be a “Disney people”
How to keep Disney special when you live there
Matt’s profound insight: “It’s hard to not have a good time at Disneyland.”
Nooks and Crannies at Disney
5
A totally unretouched photo of Garon at Disneyland
Lay off Joe DeRosa on Twitter everyone!
Jimmy cracks himself up with his mouse-ears / balls joke
Houdini with Adrian Brodie is terrific, but horrible (On History Channel, not SyFy.)
Kids Chopped is genuinely awesome
Jimmy watched the 2nd best baseball game of his life: Kansas City vs. Oakland playoff
Robin Ventura is horrible and Jimmy is really mad at him
10
We’ve never talked about Fourth and Loud on the show, so let’s talk about it now!
Jimmy likes seeing Gene and Paul as real people
15
Fourth and Loud talk continues
Matt thinks the Band = Sports Team analogy is terrible
20
Darryl via Skype. I do have rosy cheeks, but shooting video off an old MacBook gave me such a red tint that it looks like I am doing my Bob the Tomato imitation.
LA Kiss needs new half time entertainment
Girls in cages is not “family entertainment”
This is probably the most anyone has ever talked about FOurth and Loud, including the cast and producers
Filling in for Garon: Darryl Asher, “host of Never Not Notes”
I can see nothing, but they can see me
1977 Grammys Andy Williams and Stevie Wonder
I show my complete lack of knowledge and caring about OK geography
“We can see you, and your fun face!” (24:18)
Matt talks about the trust issue when someone can’t see you; they could be making mocking
25
My lovely bride Jenn. (That’s short for Jennifer.)
My beautiful bride Jenn and I have actually never had an argument, it’s true!
Jimmy locked up because he wanted money from me even though I do free work
Single speed cruiser bike. It’s a cheap but great bike from BikesDirect.com. Basically a generic bike. It had stickers with the “brand name” Gravity, but I peeled them off.
Matt knows I take my cruiser bike out to ride because he stalks me on Facebook
My magical history
Darryl’s a good friend, the Kuala Lampur joke notwithstanding
My weight loss makes me look better than my brother Carl
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My brother Carl actually emails Jimmy more than he emails me!
My bad banquet show
My magician’s costume
Jimmy does the math about my age
I wish I could find something that’s the same pattern as my suit
Apparently a spy photograph of me in my tux, performing for at a trade show for a radio station.
My ironic racist joke, borrowed from Barry Sobel
(I found the video of Barry Sobel with the idea I lifted. It’s about a minute in. His riff is basically “Fine, these stereotypes are NOT true!” One of which is “A black man’s butt is NOT higher up than a white man’s!” My joke was that as one of very few white people in my school in Detroit, I was desperate to fit in, so I had my butt surgically lifted. So, not exactly stolen, but based on the same observation. The same horrible, racist observation.
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Jimmy says I woulda been one of the best!!!!! And is totally sincere, as usual!!!!
My three-speed cruiser. It’s an Electra Zarape, styled after bikes of the 40s and 50s, with styling cues taken from the low-rider customizing world.
Eliot wants to know about big magic, so I over-explain my answer
Jimmy makes the “hurry up” motion while I’m talking, which I don’t know until I watch the video, because as it was made clear earlier I can’t see anything you asshole
The Houdini mini-series
The Houdini vanishing elephant
I use the word “method” too much according to Jimmy, and I can’t argue, but it’s a word that magician’s regularly use instead of “secret”
BREAK
40
Jimmy thinks he might give the I-word money away
The guest is running late! (Behind the scenes: there was a lot of talk in the break about what to do if Kira didn’t show, including the not-surprising option of calling Dave Holmes.)
There is no video of the Stevie Wonder / Andy Williams story
Matt reads the blurb I sent
Kira shows up, and acts like she is going to be ambushed and shot
45
Kira and Jimmy argue about the e-mail confusion about the date of her appearance
LA freeway talk might need its own icon
Kira uses “douche” more than I used “method”
Jimmy explains who I am to Kira
iOS calendar app talk
Kira schools Jimmy in astrological signs
50
Kira changed while driving
You can say any word but “douche”
Jimmy loved Kira’s Podfest appearance
Kira talks about being on a website while she was in college, even though they didn’t exist
Jimmy “loves” Sarah Palin
Kira explains that walruses are beaching in Alaska due to shrinking ice
55
Matt has wrap-party regrets, but Jimmy and Danielle were happy to bail prior
Keith and the Girl are “east-coast popular”
Kira says a lot of Americans go to med school in Guam
The wrap-party featured live band karaoke
Wayne Federman’s online didn’t include why he left Kira’s show for a few minutes; my guess: peeing
60
Kira’s parents are from Russia and Never Not Unfunny
Kira’s mom uses Google in a unique way
Jimmy’s dad “How’s the pod goin’?”
Kira was nearly kidnapped by an Armenian woman who wanted her to marry her son
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Jimmy sometimes doesn’t sleep due to depression, despite the fact his life is great
Sex and sleep
More about Kira’s parents and divorce
Kira’s early puberty
70
Kira offers to rub Jimmy with essential oils
ASMR talk
Time to reveal the I word
The REAL Isis
15 – ISIS!
Isis is a super hero, but NOT a common name, Matt
ISIS vs ISIL (Washington Post article)
75
Kira can’t get laser eye surgery due to astigmatism
Eliot: Ignore
Kira: Insecticide
Matt: Igloo
Garon (via text): Interstellar
Darryl: Inconceivable
First choice for The Princess Bride over Wallace Shawn: Danny DeVito
“The Princess Bride” is not a good name to get guys to go to a movie
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Jimmy’s joke about liking “Tammy” was hilarious even though I got called a motherfucker for not laughing at it
Kira’s mother says everything as if she is angry
Jimmy loves Kira’s podcast logo
Russian daycare centers
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Jimmy takes out his earbuds because he has to bail for work!
Matt demands notes from me, and Kira demands TPS reports. I’m very proud of my response “I’m working on the cover sheet right now.” So much so that I told my beautiful wife Jenn how proud I was, and then explained why it was funny. Despite her response, I am still proud of it.
-Darryl Asher, the Recovered Magician (not a has-been, but a never-was)
(In case you were worried whether Jimmy would be late to Conan: he made it with 2 minutes to spare!)
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A few thoughts from Darryl
Location of the mobile Never Not Funny Satellite Office
Full disclosure: I considered titling this post “15I – Starring Darryl Asher, with a Brief Appearance by Kira Soltanovich” which is in keeping with my (mostly) fake self-aggrandizing persona as established on this website, as if the entire existence of Never Not Funny is in place to give me shout-outs. But even as a bit of humor, I couldn’t disrespect the guest that way. So, we can only dream of what might have been.
Matt emailed me the day before the taping to ask if I could Skype in. We were staying at the luxurious Super 8 (perhaps you’ve heard of it) in Clinton, Oklahoma. It really did happen, as I said on the show, that the scheduled time for taping was exactly the one time I had absolutely nothing planned. (Truthfully, anything I had planned, short of the wedding itself, would have been cancelled in order for me to Skype in.) However, once I agreed to it, I realized I better get a decent headset. I never used Skype, and I’ve only used iChat less than 10 times, mostly with my wife. I’m not a technophobe by any means, I just have never had a compelling reason to start video chatting with people. So, I had to get a headset because I knew that trying to use the Mac’s built in mic and speakers would be horrible for the subscribers to listen to. This required a 20 mile drive to the neighboring city of Weatherford, OK. (Alright, now this sounds like an Eliot Facebook post!)
I was actually a little nervous about the tech part working, and so was Jimmy. We only tried it out 10 minutes before taping, and it worked as perfectly as it could. There were a couple stutters in the recording, and there were times when I couldn’t hear what was being said in the room , mostly during cross-talk, but overall it gets an A+ from me.
As far as the taping itself, Matt tried to describe where I would be in the room (“Kind of over my shoulder. Like a parrot.”) And Jimmy reminded me (politely) to not just jump in on conversations. (“Speak when spoken to, check!” was my reply.) I wouldn’t do that anyway because I know it can be distracting to the flow, but it was a good reminder because once the conversation is going, and people are talking right in your ear via the headphones, it’s hard to not feel like you are just part of the conversation. The show is all about the listener’s experience, so anything that doesn’t add to that would be a distraction.
I was a little surprised that Jimmy spent as long as he did chatting with me. Aside from my one deliberate lame Kuala Lampur joke, I had decided ahead of time to not “try to be funny.” And I succeeded 100% in not being funny! Seriously, there is nothing more painful than seeing or hearing someone “trying to be funny.” As I told Jimmy afterwards: I just let Daddy do the heavy lifting.
Big thanks to Jimmy and Matt for having me on! It was great fun.
-Darryl
