801 – Rachel Quaintance
Intro: This thing could not be a bigger success! Thanks for subscribing to season 8
2:25 Here begins the No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed running gag
3:25 Rachel’s annoyance forces her to talk before being introduced
3:45 “I’m treating you like a gentleman sir, I asked you for a dollar and you gave me four quarters!”
6:00 Rachel doesn’t want baseball talk!
6:20 Matt owes Jimmy an apology, Jimmy thinks Matt owes him about six
6:45 Matt’s way into fantasy basketball
8:00 Rachel reaches out to Eliot for relief from sports talk
8:20 AMC has gone downhill since Rachel and Jimmy’s show ended
10:00 Eliot throws out a calm wave
10:30 Jimmy wants Matt to apologize about “that”
12:00 Danny likes Jimmy’s t-shirt
12:25 American Apparel’s inappropriate billboards
12:45 Rachel doesn’t like Glee or their inappropriate ad photos
13:45 Jimmy makes a reasoned and irrefutable argument against Glee
14:15 Danny’s Miami Vice t-shirt
15:30 Jimmy and Matt’s apology corner
16:20 Jay Leno stops in to talk about apologies
18:20 Introducing Rachel. Finally.
19:15 Lionel Richie might be at Pardcastathon. But probably not.
20:00 Rachel’s introduction will come just in time for the free listeners to be cut off
21:00 Homeopathy does not work, and if one more person says it does, Jimmy will punch you in the face
22:00 Rachel is introduced and simultaneously demanded an apology from
23:15 Dan owed Rachel an apology
24:00 Matt is obsessing over what he is supposed to apologize to Jimmy for
25:30 Jimmy and Rachel’s unspeakable conflict from Movies at Our House
27:10 Breeder’s Cup and horseracing talk
28:45 Always bet on black. Never bet on gray.
29:00 Rachel’s twitchy calves = she is dying = let’s go to Vegas!
31:15 Rachel’s husband’s great joke about death
32:00 Zack likes one of Rachel’s joke
32:40 Rachel thinks my name is Ronald.
32:50 Yes, she calls me Ronald when we go out. That is a 100% true statement.
33:00 Rachel’s insecurity vs. vanity
34:25 Jimmy does Dice
36:00 Jimmy shared the stage with Dice
36:40 We don’t need your help on Thanksgiving!
39:30 More details about Rachel’s calves
40:10 Rachel’s expansive pageant career
40:35 Matt’s English riding costume sighitng
41:30 Rachel and daughter’s “Floyd” sightings
43:00 Rachel’s sneaky photography of Floyd’s ass
44:45 Rachel is teaching her daughter how to judge
45:30 Oliver: “I like when you’re funny!”
46:00 A vicious and unprovoked attack on Rachel’s parenting skills. For humor.
48:30 Church-going Rachel is not surprised that she is such a good parent
50:00 Once again Rachel defends herself against accusations of insecurity
50:30 Rachel’s family commercial audition
52:40 Flat Stanley
53:20 “Matt Belknap is feeling me this episode!”
53:45 No more Floyd talk!
54:30 Pink Floyd song references
56:00 Scarface: holds up or not?
57:00 Back to apologizing to Jimmy
58:30 “Don’t tell the black man it’s just an intermission!”
60:00 Rachel’s take on Megamind and various other kids’ movies
62:00 Jimmy recaps Rachel’s horrible parenting skills in regards to Floyding
65:00 BREAK TIME!
65:50 Selling to the homeless
67:00 Recognizing voiceover actors
68:00 Life on the farm
69:30 “I-like-to-fuck” guy shows up
71:00 Why is Rachel looking so stylish?
71:50 “I’m talking to Darryl. I think Darryl likes me!”
72:00 Rachel: female Bil Dwyer?
72:40 Rachel as Bil’s wife
74:00 Dice: The Return
74:30 Darryl Duffy may have been at the Conan taping
75:00 Rappin’ Rachel
76:00 Rachel’s Darryl McDaniels from Run DMC at Rock Band
78:00 Rachel obsesses on her symptoms while the guys figure out TV show names
79:45 Reality show dismissal phrases
82:00 NNF – superior to reality shows
82:45 Just Desserts dismissal phrase
83:50 What’s for lunch, everybody?
84:25 “I’m curious what Darryl’s gonna think about Floyd.” [I think it’s wonderful and funny and fun and fantastic, just like all things Rachel-related!]
84:30 Rachel is just trying to get into the opening credits
85:15 RQ, one of Jimmy’s favorite people
86:00 Susan Feniger from Border Grill
87:00 Rachel’s location and home phone number
88:30 Rachel finally reaches her breaking point
88:55 Rachel plugs a charity event
89:30 John vs. Rachel
90:00 Jimmy can’t wait to see Roger Waters perform The Wall
90:30 Here’s an example of what a good person Rachel is
92:15 Rachel sings Ben
93:00 Conan has stolen Jimmy’s “Idiot!” exclamation, but with credit
94:30 Don’t blow kisses on the red carpet
95:45 Homo-jar rules
96:15 Rachel’s plea: don’t use the R word!
97:15 Strong start for the season, and Jimmy almost canceled it!
97:44 Onnnn the podcast!
AK-47 gone, not forgotten