801 – Rachel Quaintance

Released 11/24/2010

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Intro: This thing could not be a bigger success! Thanks for subscribing to season 8

2:25 Here begins the No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed running gag

3:25 Rachel’s annoyance forces her to talk before being introduced

3:45 “I’m treating you like a gentleman sir, I asked you for a dollar and you gave me four quarters!”

6:00 Rachel doesn’t want baseball talk!

6:20 Matt owes Jimmy an apology, Jimmy thinks Matt owes him about six

6:45 Matt’s way into fantasy basketball

8:00 Rachel reaches out to Eliot for relief from sports talk

8:20 AMC has gone downhill since Rachel and Jimmy’s show ended

10:00 Eliot throws out a calm wave

10:30 Jimmy wants Matt to apologize about “that”

12:00 Danny likes Jimmy’s t-shirt

12:25 American Apparel’s inappropriate billboards

12:45 Rachel doesn’t like Glee or their inappropriate ad photos

13:45 Jimmy makes a reasoned and irrefutable argument against Glee

14:15 Danny’s Miami Vice t-shirt

15:30 Jimmy and Matt’s apology corner

16:20 Jay Leno stops in to talk about apologies

18:20 Introducing Rachel. Finally.

19:15 Lionel Richie might be at Pardcastathon. But probably not.

20:00 Rachel’s introduction will come just in time for the free listeners to be cut off

21:00 Homeopathy does not work, and if one more person says it does, Jimmy will punch you in the face

22:00 Rachel is introduced and simultaneously demanded an apology from

23:15 Dan owed Rachel an apology

24:00 Matt is obsessing over what he is supposed to apologize to Jimmy for

25:30 Jimmy and Rachel’s unspeakable conflict from Movies at Our House

27:10 Breeder’s Cup and horseracing talk

28:45 Always bet on black. Never bet on gray.

29:00 Rachel’s twitchy calves = she is dying = let’s go to Vegas!

31:15 Rachel’s husband’s great joke about death

32:00 Zack likes one of Rachel’s joke

32:40 Rachel thinks my name is Ronald.

32:50 Yes, she calls me Ronald when we go out. That is a 100% true statement.

33:00 Rachel’s insecurity vs. vanity

34:25 Jimmy does Dice

36:00 Jimmy shared the stage with Dice

36:40 We don’t need your help on Thanksgiving!

39:30 More details about Rachel’s calves

40:10 Rachel’s expansive pageant career

40:35 Matt’s English riding costume sighitng

41:30 Rachel and daughter’s “Floyd” sightings

43:00 Rachel’s sneaky photography of Floyd’s ass

44:45 Rachel is teaching her daughter how to judge

45:30 Oliver: “I like when you’re funny!”

46:00 A vicious and unprovoked attack on Rachel’s parenting skills. For humor.

48:30 Church-going Rachel is not surprised that she is such a good parent

50:00 Once again Rachel defends herself against accusations of insecurity

50:30 Rachel’s family commercial audition

52:40 Flat Stanley

53:20 “Matt Belknap is feeling me this episode!”

53:45 No more Floyd talk!

54:30 Pink Floyd song references

56:00 Scarface: holds up or not?

57:00 Back to apologizing to Jimmy

58:30 “Don’t tell the black man it’s just an intermission!”

60:00 Rachel’s take on Megamind and various other kids’ movies

62:00 Jimmy recaps Rachel’s horrible parenting skills in regards to Floyding

65:00 BREAK TIME!

65:50 Selling to the homeless

67:00 Recognizing voiceover actors

68:00 Life on the farm

69:30 “I-like-to-fuck” guy shows up

71:00 Why is Rachel looking so stylish?

71:50 “I’m talking to Darryl. I think Darryl likes me!”

72:00 Rachel: female Bil Dwyer?

72:40 Rachel as Bil’s wife

73:30 Tubthumping (Chumbawanba)

74:00 Dice: The Return

74:30 Darryl Duffy may have been at the Conan taping

75:00 Rappin’ Rachel

76:00 Rachel’s Darryl McDaniels from Run DMC at Rock Band

78:00 Rachel obsesses on her symptoms while the guys figure out TV show names

79:45 Reality show dismissal phrases

82:00 NNF – superior to reality shows

82:45 Just Desserts dismissal phrase

83:50 What’s for lunch, everybody?

84:20 Le Freak (Chic)

84:25 “I’m curious what Darryl’s gonna think about Floyd.” [I think it’s wonderful and funny and fun and fantastic, just like all things Rachel-related!]

84:30 Rachel is just trying to get into the opening credits

85:15 RQ, one of Jimmy’s favorite people

86:00 Susan Feniger from Border Grill

87:00 Rachel’s location and home phone number

88:30 Rachel finally reaches her breaking point

88:55 Rachel plugs a charity event

89:30 John vs. Rachel

90:00 Jimmy can’t wait to see Roger Waters perform The Wall

90:30 Here’s an example of what a good person Rachel is

92:15 Rachel sings Ben

93:00 Conan has stolen Jimmy’s “Idiot!” exclamation, but with credit

94:30 Don’t blow kisses on the red carpet

95:45 Homo-jar rules

96:15 Rachel’s plea: don’t use the R word!

97:15 Strong start for the season, and Jimmy almost canceled it!

97:44 Onnnn the podcast!

AK-47 gone, not forgotten