719 – Matt Braunger
Intro: Jimmy threatens to use a creepy nice-guy voice for the entire show
1:35 Lucas and Shane from Cincinnati are sitting in
2:30 $100 American money to Matt if he knows who sang Garden Party
3:30 John fucking Denver?!?!?! What?????
3:45 Matthew and Gunnar Nelson, and their unique ability to not harmonize
4:20 The Sklar Brothers of rock
4:30 Jimmy meets (and is a dick to) a Nelson because of his Styx tee shirt
5:10 Matt Braunger (henceforth known as “Braunger” to avoid confusion) is in the Johnny Cochran role
5:20 Still not introduced, Braunger dives in with “Pantera Bread”
5:25 Matt: “I WANTED A TURKEY SUB!!!!!!!’
5:40 Coming soon to a Trivial Pursuit game: Rainbow Bridge was originally called Pantera
6:35 Jimmy’s finally going around the room
6:40 Eliot Hochberg from INDHD.com is here, as well as the green shirted, nearly-fired intern Dan Katz with a new “hello” move
7:40 Producer and entrepreneur Matthew K. Belknap
7:50 Jimmy misses Matt’s great line by checking his phone
8:15 Jimmy Pardo, the Geese Osby of podcasting
8:20 Braunger is either a big shot or just busy on Mondays
8:45 Braunger is a semi-regular on Chelsea Lately
9:10 Chelsea did a great job on the VMAs
9:20 Rolling Stone causes joy and distress to Jimmy
9:55 Chelsea will be able, somehow, to endure the grief she gets from Jimmy
10:40 Finally, Matt Braunger is introduced!
10:45 Braunger brought a prop: his vinyl record Soak Up the Night
11:10 How many obsolete pieces of vinyl has Braunger sold?
11::50 Braunger has other formats available
12:15 Enormous flower thing record player is next
12:45 Serious photos of comedians are often misunderstood
13:45 Thanks to Shane for the overly enormous ridiculously large KISS cup
14:45 Why Jimmy hates Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels
15:15 Simmons does nothing unless he can make money from it
15:45 You won’t hear Beth at the KISS reunion concert
16:15 The first and only time Eliot will be faster than Jimmy
17:15 “I do this mostly for Darryl at NeverNotNotes.com”
17:20 Jimmy has a sty in his eye, which may or may not be curable with something from the 7-11.
17:40 Braunger shits on the Health-o-Meter!!! (HEY!!!!! BRAUNGER!!!! DON’T SHIT ON THE HEALTH-O-METER!!!!)
18:15 Maybe Jimmy should have the 7-11 guy lance his sty
18:20 Matt’s beautiful “Maybe he was a surgeon in India before he came here” joke gets stepped on
18:40 DO NOT try to lance something on your eye, especially if you’re 12
19:10 Soak up the night!!!!!!!
19:40 Portland, Oregon, and Jimmy as Lloyd
21:30 Jimmy cuts his offer in half for naming the singer of Rainy Day People
22:15 The Hold Steady: best live band today?
23:00 Backing Bieber
24:00 Is Jimmy making a point about the VMAs, or is he just talking?
24:30 Matt now only listens to KISS’s amp. I think.
25:15 The modern music Jimmy likes
26:00 Jimmy gave some kind of award to Rhianna
26:30 Kanye West gets a big ovation at the VMAs for not being an asshole this time
27:00 The VMAs were held at the Roman Coliseum
27:30 Those people in the VMA pit: where do they come from?
28:30 Running to Linkin Park at Griffith Park. Or Andy Griffith at Lincoln Park. I forget.
29:00 Braunger goes off the trail at Griffith Park. I mean really off the trail.
29:30 Early Madonna
30:30 Madonna: clueless about gays
31:00 Resume-time with Braunger
31:20 Toni Collette is very funny
31:45 Jimmy is going to sue Huey Lewis
32:30 Racist Family Circus
33:15 Braunger’s big finish! An hour too soon.
34:00 HOLY SHIT!!!! DID CHER JUST WALK INTO THE STUDIO?!?!?!?
34:30 Jimmy did the PERFECT Denzel Washington! But nobody will ever hear it, so just trust him. Really.
35:30 Jimmy predicts that the White Sox will be in first place by the time this show airs! (Look it up yourself, lazy-ass, I don’t follow baseball.)
36:50 Matt gives a spot-on, word-for-word, note-for-note rendition of One Week
37:00 That song was released in Nineteen Ninety Suck!
37:30 Jimmy bails on his whole Fountains of Wayne hatred
38:00 Braunger’s Damascus Road experience regarding Bare Naked Ladies
39:00 Matt says nothing humorously and history is on Jimmy’s side
39:30 “If you’re that unattractive you might as well make that flip”
39:50 No, people, Matt doesn’t REALLY think Ann Rice wrote The Fountainhead
40:45 Ayn Rand 101 with Professor Braunger
41:30 Silly movies at The Arclight’s dome theater, with a great example by Braunger. Or not.
42:45 Bowling for Soup is another one of those bands that you could put in a blender and out comes shit!
43:20 Jimmy continues to put Braunger on the spot, but Matt bails him out
44:00 Valentine’s Day on a plane, and the clever, witty writing therein
44:45 Braunger’s next CD: Oranges and Ladies
45:30 Matt the Juggler knows: children love juggling!
46:00 Bare Naked Ladies: they made references
46:30 “Cake only cost a nickel”
46:45 The good ol’ days, before civil rights
47:00 Jimmy is confusing Never Not Funny with Comedy and Everything Else
47:30 How would Jimmy be on Dancing with the Stars?
50:00 The Situation, and getting paid to show up at bars
51:00 Why would you go to Toys ‘R’ Us to meet Leonard Nimoy?
52:00 Jimmy promises that the Seattle hotel channel listing sheet is hysterical
54:20 There might be wrestling with Shane and Lucas during the break
54:30 BREAK TIME!
55:00 Let’s stay inside and talk about how gorgeous it is outside
56:00 Why Dan is a moron
56:30 Now, the hilarious TV listings from the buck-slip at the Pan Pacific Hotel (Yes! It’s called a buck-slip according to “working man” Matt Belknap)
58:00 Cajun Jimmy is now showing up in Jimmy’s act
59:00 Whose ribs are better than Ribs United States of America in Burbank?
1:01:45 Should we feel sorry for Billy Ray Cyrus?
1:02:15 Braunger’s Billy Ray Cyrus story, from his Madness Television days
1:05:30 Filming next door to Hannah Montana
1:06:00 The KISS toilet, available soon
1:07:30 This is how the pros do it
1:08:30 A smooth segue into Jimmy’s opinion on The Last Exorcism
1:09:05 Chubby Checker and the Fat Boys
1:10:00 Matt invents a whole history for the Fat Boys
1:10:50 Breakin’, Beat Street, and Krush Groove
1:13:10 Ice-T: Rap Talker
1:14:30 Pirate talk: Eat a plum! Narrrrrr!
1:15:30 Itchy accupuncture
1:16:00 Braunger is terrified by Hometown Buffet
1:16:45 How did we miss the Hardcastle reference for this episode? This is the Seven-Hardcastle!
1:17:00 Pardcastathon 2010: Day after Thanksgiving, starting at 6pm Pacific, and going to 6am [I’ll be there! Will YOU?]
1:18:00 Matt perfectly sets Jimmy up for a joke his dad would do
1:19:00 Another birthday story courtesy of Matt’s dad, this time for Zoe
1:20:00 Nothing like telling a story to a receptive audience
1:20:45 Two right shoes for Zoe’s birthday. Oh, and different sizes.
1:21:30 The perks of being a real estate developer
1:24:00 Rebooting the classics: Citizen Kane is a robot now!
1:25:00 Why is Braunger here? He hasn’t worked in two years!
1:25:30 Jimmy’s Tonight Show green room welcome helped Braunger loosen up
1:26:40 Jimmy’s tip for young comics: bullet points
1:27:30 “Wha’ neeeexxxt?”
1:28:30 Braunger’s cancellation curse
1:29:30 DIY, DRI, DYI… Whatever
1:30:20 Steamboat Willie, the last time Mickey Mouse was funny
1:30:30 Robert Smiegel, not Robert Shimmel
1:31:45 Matt wonders if the Braunger cancellation curse will extend to Chelsea
1:32:45 “My hatred’s irrational!”
1:33:45 Braunger’s memories of Pardo
1:33:30 This show is heading into a direction that Jimmy is loving!
1:35:50 “I don’t see that movie if it’s playing in my glasses!”
1:36:20 “Don’t meet your heroes.”
1:37:15 Nothing ruins a good bit like having laser eye surgery
1:37:40 Jimmy’s in-depth reviews of The American and Piranha 3D
1:40:30 Thanks to Shane and Lucas, Dan, Eliot, Matt, and Matt
Oooonnnn the podcast!
AK-47 gone, not forgotten