715 – Paul F. Tompkins

Released 8/25/2010

Pardcast.com message board for this episode

Intro: The sun is out and people are in tanking tops…

1:12 Ever the impatient guest, Paul F. Tompkins breaks out into song!

1:20 Saturday in the Park (Chicago)

1:35 That is the least patriotic song

2:00 “Wind back in sails! INTRODUCE ME!!!!!!”

2:15 Horns

2:30 Jimmy is cleaning house

3:00 Do we need a shirtless Dan Katz?

3:30 Which bones are connected to which other bones?

4:00 Eliot from Indiana High Definition

4:15 And the producer Malt Batman

4:40 Jimmy is not a fan of the ‘stache… but Paul pulls it off!

5:00 The Jimmy Dore execution plan

5:45 Star of the Pod F. Tompkast, Paul F. Tompkins

6:00 Paul thinks he was on every season, including the one he wasn’t

6:35 Jimmy’s own throat and mouth attack him!

7:10 Since he missed a season, adios!

7:20 Paul F. Tompkins, black and a half!

7:50 The $1.50 bicycle parts guy

8:25 Jimmy will NOT stand for that kind of behaaavyore!

8:50 Jimmy and Oliver at a swimming hole party

9:20 Oliver wants his scribble design Spiderman/Puppy on his birthday cake

9:45 Paul thinks Oliver sounds insane

10:20 Oliver’s problems with building an old timey tricycle

10:50 African-American play titles

11:40 Paul learns what FUBU is

12:30 Paul’s great black preacher dialect

12:45 Paul and Jimmy arrange a play date!

13:00 Pardo v. Law

13:40 How sucky was season 4 of Miami Vice?

13:50 Aliens. Aliens. Aliens. Aliens. Aliens.

14:15 Miami Vice and the self-frozen reggae singer

16:00 O.T.A. conversation! Off The Air!

17:00 Jimmy comes up with a killer alternate meaning for O.T.A. but unfortunately it was in an alternate universe

16:45 Jimmy’s Discovery Channel voice-over

17:30 Theeeee and Ayyyyyy vs. Thuhhhhh and uhhhhh

19:30 Paul’s hair vanity creates unnecessary drama in re: headphones

20:30 “Yeah, Georgia” will go down in history as the funniest thing Matt ever said in his life

20:35 Matt is also funny in the printed word on AST

20:50 Jimmy’s mystery email guessing game

22:40 SPOILER: Paul Brownfield

23:30 Is “molestation trial” disrespectful?

24:00 Paul’s misunderstood Michael Jackson question

25:00 The constitution establishes the jail cemetary

25:45 Is Twitter a band name?

26:00 Chicago Transit Authority was not allowed to keep their name

26:30 “We understand the concept of jokes and fun!”

26:40 Matt should not ever show Jimmy how to use the podcasting equipment

27:15 Rock star hair on little kids leads to nothing but trouble

28:30 Why in the world would Paul get a splinter?

29:10 “Give me a reason to fire Dan!”

29:30 Congratulations Paul on getting your driver’s license!

30:10 Paul is ordering a Mini Cooper

31:00 Jimmy Wham-raps

31:50 How do you deal with negative podcast reviews?

33:00 Paul is going to do what he wants to do

34:00 Weird comedy-anger

35:00 Jimmy’s anger at factually inaccurate reviews

37:10 The Gospel of Podcasts according to St. Paul F. Tompkins

37:40 Dan’s Podkatz reviews

38:15 Despite Jimmy’s shilling, Monster is still not a sponsor

38:30 Water, coffee, and booze

38:50 “Dan, this can’s not gonna open itself!”

39:15 Tommy K and Johnny Blockbuster

40:00 “Why did you say that?” “Cuzzzzzzz… I thought it was funny.”

40:30 Text messages from Obama, et. al

41:40 Air Force One has got to have Boingo

42:00 Oingo Bongo, post-Elfman

42:45 Nathan Smart gets called out for laziness regarding WikiPardia

43:30 Matt gets shut down by Paul in mid-Danny Elfman spoof

44:20 Do women ever leave nasty reviews online?

45:00 Chronic emailer REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED

47:00 Jimmy gets the most hate mail when he’s on Doug Benson’s podcast

47:30 It’s the golden age of cowardice

48:00 Obama’s basketball skills

49:15 Monster makes Jimmy’s ears itch. He may be overdoing it.

49:30 Jimmy calls Paul out on his drinking problem

50:00 Jimmy wants to get permission from Pilar to put up a wall as a production room for Dan and Eliot

51:00 Paul still thinks Oliver is crazy

52:00 Branding irons on TV commercials

52:45 Paul’s (lack of) pets

53:15 Jimmy Dore, the journalist, wants to know why Paul doesn’t have a pet

54:00 Paul’s tip of the week: Pets are not the same as human beings

54:30 Jimmy’s neighborhood communal cat

56:00 Jimmy loves beer and decides he is off the wagon

56:30 A shot of whiskey and a loaf of bread

57:00 Jimmy has Dan look up a made-up person who ends up not being made up

57:45 “You destroy trust when you lie”

57:55 When we come back from break, let’s really pick it up!

58:00 Time to mock the listener

58:45 The death of Yarnell

59:00 Shields and Yarnell, and their variety show

1:00:20 Jimmy stayed in the Shields and Yarnell Suite

1:00:40 Mumenshanz and the lack of toilet paper

1:02:30 The Starland Vocal Band variety show

1:03:00 “We’ve really shit on some people this episode”

1:04:00 Johnny Gill

1:04:30 BREAK TIME!

1:05:00 Panic after the break

1:05:15 What if Oliver grows up to be a super-villian?

1:05:45 Matt’s primo callback needs full explanation

1:06:10 Phillip Michael Thomas and the origin of the EGOT story, later seen on 30 Rock

1:11:00 Someone is getting voted off the Never Not Funny island

1:11:30 Matt and Jimmy can’t be Bad Cop – Bad Cop

1:12:30 Plugging PFT

1:12:40 Jimmy doesn’t count EPs

1:14:00 Paul is going to win the podcasting contest

1:14:30 Contracts /  Twilight Zone / Twilight

1:14:45 Watching movies (or not) on an airplane

1:16:00 Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland: enjoyable but terrible movie

1:17:15 Helena Bonham Carter on Miami Vice

1:18:00 The difficulty of an American accent

1:18:30 Paul’s version of Ralph Fiennes American accent: “I’m from Americerrrrrrr.”

1:19:00 Paul’s scene-having role in There Will Be Blood

1:19:45 Matt is 0 for 12 in this episode

1:20:00 Jimmy doesn’t golf because he feels like he should be productive

1:21:00 Salt and Dinner For Schmucks

1:22:00 The Morton’s salt girl

1:22:20 Possible Obvious Trivia about Jodie Foster as the Coppertone girl

1:23:00 Figuring out the exact involvement of Jodie Foster with Coppertone
(A popular belief that Jodie Foster was the original Coppertone girl is misleading. Foster did, however, get her start in showbiz for a Coppertone suntan-lotion ad in 1965. She was three years old at the time and appeared in the ad as a toddler on a boat accompanied by her family.)

1:24:00 Jimmy’s peeing song

1:24:45 Jimmy wants a Stupid Question that Dan doesn’t like

1:25:10 Stupid Question of the Week: From Matt B: Do you tuck in your shirt with jeans?

1:25:45 Paul has stopped wearing jeans altogether

1:27:00 Poofy shirts and the Big Dog brand

1:28:40 Jimmy Dore is blowing the lid off the Kyle Cease situation, but Jimmy has no opinion about it

1:29:10 Dore had to follow Kyle’s standing O for a 10 minute set. Nintendo was mentioned.

1:31:00 Paul had to follow stripping jugglers

1:35:00 Scamming fresh fries from McDonalds

1:35:40 The monsters of McDonald’s who have enslaved all of us

1:36:45 Jimmy’s upcoming 8th grade class reunion

1:37:40 Paul doesn’t like himself as a kid, and doesn’t want to revisit it

1:38:50 Jimmy’s 8th grade “I laid down on my Chapstick, thereby leaving a stain on my pants” story

1:41:00 Jimmy Pardo, an underaged Bill Clinton

1:41:30 Cigaaaaarrrrssssss

1:42:30 Jimmy angrily maintains that you can NOT find Glee funny!

1:43:30 Jimmy’s part in a small, independent film

1:44:00 Plug: Pod F. Tompkast

Ooonnnn the podcast!

AK-47 gone, not forgotten