714 – Pat Francis
Intro: Jimmy is totally confident of the episode number, and is immediately enthralled by Dan’s dog skull shorts
1:30 This may be Dan’s last show, despite the fact that he gave Jimmy tissue for his used gum
2:30 Jimmy constructs a confusing sentence to explain why he talks about the weather
3:00 9/11 and a kindergarten joke from Pat
4:00 Pat is either on too much or too little
4:30 Pat’s extensive list of credits is so long that Jimmy doesn’t even try to scratch the surface
4:50 Why does Pat know that 714 is the number on a ‘Lude
6:00 Numbers on pills, and a zero on Matt
7:00 The Dream Police Improv Sketch
7:45 Lovin’ vinyl
8:30 Jimmy picks the worst example of a band live concert city shoutout
9:35 Singers In Cahoots
10:00 Brooks and Dunn, retirement and gaeity
10:30 Why Jimmy knows about bad country music
11:45 Details of Jimmy’s radios and other audio equipment
12:15 The back of Jimmy’s tee shirt is uncharacteristically scatalogical
13:00 Jimmy loves a tee shirt sale
13:30 The TV Hat contest: show your work!
14:20 Pat wants to know the details of the TV Hat
14:45 The TV Hat: Well made but why made?
15:00 Pat tries on the TV Hat
16:00 Goin’ deep with the TV Hat
17:15 Pat’s ballcap makes him look either like an extra in Philadelphia, or that he is into yachting
18:00 Matt thinks a world full of people with AIDS is fun for everyone
18;30 The “Let’s Pretend All Tom Hanks Movies Are Just One Movie” skit
19:45 Jimmy is ready to clean house and fire everyone, Paul Anka style
20:45 Les îles de Tom Hanks
21:15 Jimmy likes Islands restaurant
21:30 Pat Benatar’s book and concerts
23:45 Underrated guitarists
24:20 The Hasselhoff roast
25:30 Pat’s list of complaints about Dan
26:00 Dan learned his bad work habits from Pat
26:30 Danielle knows how to fake it
27:15 Pat breaks down the fan/performer wall to watch a Kinks movie with Mario
27:45 Your facial plastic surgeon: Ed Gein
29:30 Pamela Des Barres
30:40 Details of the Kinks documentary
32:00 Pat goes back and adds the drama
32:00 Mario’s Pardcast-a-thon shirt gets attention from another fan, but Jimmy doesn’t care
33:30 Jimmy is cleaning house!
33:50 The underlying technology of recording the Buddy Rich rant
35:00 The niceness (and math) of Pamela Des Barres
37:00 The Pamela Des Barres list
38:00 What doesn’t Don Johnson have?
39:00 The ongoing Pamela Des Barres saga
41:20 “What do you mean?” has become another catch phrase.
41:30 Pat gives me a few subliminal shout-outs
42:00 Matt has a stellar idea for Eliot’s musings, which Pat names “This Week in Dull”
42:10 Once again, Jimmy threatens to slice like a hammer
43:30 Fun with initials!
44:00 Fun with Toto and supergroups
45:00 And Toto too!!!!!
45:30 JIMMY PARDO’S MORNING ZOO! (I think I need an icon for this)
45:45 Don’t rush Jimmy on his own show
46:00 For $69, let’s continue the initial game
47:15 Pat requests statistical information from Jimmy re: banging
47:45 For real this time: Dan is done on this show!
48:00 Walter Koenig’s first wife, who is also his current wife
49:00 Shilling for Monster
49:30 Jimmy’s Pro Comedy tip: At a comedy festival, don’t get hopped up on energy drinks, then do sprints
50:00 Welome to Jimmy’s Summer of Giving Up
50:30 Losing weight for the grade school reunion
50:45 The finer points of corn dogs, featuring a truly disgusting way to have one on the run with ketchup
52:00 Matt likes a wide-gauge hole. With relish!
53:15 Jimmy’s Backyard Burger
54:00 Revisiting the butt/elliptical equation
54:45 Hiking, working out, and underwear creep
56:00 Why is it embarrassing to pull your underpants out of your asscrack in public?
58:00 Jimmy’s rules for muling drugs
59:00 Why does a 29 year old need to be an intern? Besides the joy of Jimmy?
1:00:00 How many kinds of vision aids does Dan not need?
1:00:50 Jimmy generously plugs Dan’s standing-up comedy, captured on video
1:01:30 Jimmy gives kudos for Dan’s honesty, and his comedy premise
1:03:00 Back to Jimmy’s Backyard Burger recipe
1:03:30 Jimmy comes very close to having to put $10 in a jar
1:04:45 You don’t want lettuce in a backyard situation (Is that the sequel group to Open Flame Cooking Situation?)
1:05:10 Passionate onion talk
1:05:30 Could Howie Mandel throw out the first pitch at a ballgame? And the real story of why he stopped doing the rubber glove bit
1:07:15 More Dan bashing
1:07:45 BREAK TIME!
1:08:00 Jimmy commented on a nice-looking lady on the break, and got busted!
1:09:45 Nobody likes U2’s Pop Album!
1:11:00 The guys have strong opinions about American Idol, its alumni, and who the new judges should be
1:16:30 Eliot thinks “That’d be awesome!”
1:17:15 Good times with Jimmy and Pat’s new spontaneous snooty characters
1:18:00 Thurston Howell THE THIRD
1:19:00 Even more American Idol opining, featuring Pat’s brief Mike Schmidt impersonation
1:20:00 Dan’s podcast is 14 episodes in and he works blue
1:22:00 The popularity or not of Goo Goo Dolls
1:24:00 Is Never Not Funny more popular than Goo Goo Dolls
1:25:00 You’re already too late for your discount Meat Loaf tickets, but Jimmy may or may not be brought up on criminal charges
1:26:00 Gene Simmons on American Idol?
1:28:00 The guys finally realize they don’t even watch American Idol, but that doesn’t stop them from continuing to opine about it
1:29:00 Being on American Idol as a judge would be great publicity for Jimmy
1:30:30 The 60s-looking ads during Mad Men confuse Pat
1:31:00 Pat intros Jimmy’s killer Andy Kindler impersonation, then does it himself
1:32:30 Matt lets Dan choose the Stupid Question of the Week. He promises that one is exceptionally good. This should end well.
1:33:20 Kari Strachen (????) asks: If you owned a race horse, what would you name it?
1:33:30 Jimmy gets all technical about how race horses are named
1:33:45 The guys come up with some great names, a few clunkers and at least one pun
1:34:30 Jimmy pulls out the “how to determine your porn name” gem
1:36:20 MacArthur Park (Richard Harris)
1:37:00 Story time via song lyrics
1:37:30 Whatever happened to Will Smith?
1:38:00 Eliot’s Scandal is at www.acmecomedy.com
1:38:50 Plugging Bumbershoot
1:39:40 Ooooooo da poooccchhhhaaaaaaa
AK-47 gone, not forgotten
Pat Francis Allergy-Induced Sniff Count: 2,408*
*Number may be exaggerated. Count them yourself and prove me wrong, fucknuckles