NeverNotNotes

1608 – Telling the Truth with Matt Walsh

Matt Walsh

Matt Walsh

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing an additional notes by Darryl Asher

@mrmattwalsh
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00 – Welcome in! 1608! Eliot Hochberg is out today. Joseph is here taking his place. Jimmy saw Eliot briefly to get a hard drive. Eliot is apparently sick.

Jimmy tries to think of a biohazard suit he was wearing to visit Eliot.

One minute exchange!

Jimmy thinks Eliot wins in a fight when he is well so he’ll take the opportunity to kick his eyes while he is sick.

Basic cold with heavy chest coughing is what Eliot is suffering now. Jimmy and Matt both think he must really be sick if he isn’t here.
We’ll be calling off the episodes if we get sick guys just fyi.

We got an unsubscribe from someone who doesn’t agree with his politics. See ya later racist. Homophobic racist idiot.

05 – Matt got a burn from a kid slide. Jimmy says to imagine having severe burns.

Jimmy was in Chicago over the weekend.

Matt lists the description of a murderer in Detroit. Sounds just like Jimmy. None of that really happened though.

Detroit still has the highest murder rate. 

Not 365 though! 316.

Jimmy wants to see people talking on the phone while driving (holding it to their ear) t-boned. Same goes for holding it in front of your face.

10 – Here is the iphone cookie prank – 

Another thing that needs to end is the tiny dog bouncing freely all over the car.

Matt says watch out for stuff flying around a car.

Strap the dog down!

Jimmy talks about his Chicago trip. Two shows at Zany’s and a fantasy baseball draft.

Jimmy talks about a woman who was drunk or didn’t understand comedy. She heckled Mike Toomey.

15 – Jimmy mangled his own comeback against her. He mangled it because this woman’s boyfriend was big and had anger in his eyes. Later he found out he was in a gang.

She ended up shutting up though. Just a dumb woman.

Jimmy describes the interaction with the heckler’s boyfriend. Super awkward.

First crowd was phenomenal.

Our guest is here! He interacted with the people across the hall.

20 – We might have to offer them some hot dogs. Or not. Apparently, they hate us.

Matt suggests we go to Ralphs and get a birthday cake and give them half of it.

Matt’s watching his figure so no donut for him.

Jimmy ate like an asshole over the weekend. He went to portillos had some beef and fries. Also some pizza. Twice.

Matt used to work at Papa Passeros.

25 – Papa Passeros chat! Jimmy’s dad lives right by the restaurant.

Oliver went with Jimmy to Chicago. Lotta trouble with the first part of the trip heading to the airport. Stressful first leg. Oliver stayed with his grandpa Friday ad Saturday so Jimmy barely got to see him.

30 – Matt (s) hates Shakeys. Jimmy says the buffet pizza is good though. Everything about shakeys is garbage per Matt W. He compares it to Ruby Tuesday.

35 – Jimmy nauseated by the phrase “Bacon Drippins” so he never went back to Cracker Barrel.

Jimmy’s gotta pee. I gotta run to 7/11 for a pastry.

Matt W asks about Jimmy’s show. Jimmy gives more details and talks about who was there.

We’ll be back!

Back!

Bits over! The curtain went down. Some guy came out and eye contact was made. Bits over.

I did bring back some pastry treats though.

40 – General McClellan – 

Jimmy was a DJ at a teen club?! He tells the story about it that originated in his one-man show. The smoke machine button was just out of reach so he had to jump to hit it. He walked in after leaving sunglasses behind to find an employee party happening and the owner wearing his sunglasses and jumping up and down to hit the smoke machine button making fun of him.

Jimmy 100% sure he has misophonia. He wants to murder someone eating a crunchy food.

45 – Matt reads texts from Jimmy confirming his misophonia regarding crunchy foods.

Matt W. talks about a former roommate who used to put the chip and his fingers in his mouth before crunching.

Also dry cereal with a glass of milk on the side.

Keith is a great guy!

Jimmy can’t judge anyone’s weirdness based on his own issues.

Jimmy can’t sit in a middle seat anymore. He changes flights to avoid it.

50 – One night at a club they ordered pizza and all the comedians came on stage with a slice of pizza. Another night everyone tapes two fingers together. Finally someone in the crowd goes, “what’s up with the fucking tape?”

No one likes the word moist. Moisture is fine but moist no way.

Matt W is a dark meat guy. He enjoys a moist thigh.

Moist talk.

55 – Puta – Whore, Puto – Homosexual, Perra – bitch

Danny Collins chat!

Rock a tamberine! – Matt

Chicago is an 8 piece nowadays. Jimmy talks about how Chicago doesn’t seem to talk about Peter Cetera very much.

60 – Matt W. gets asked what Amy Poehler and Julia Louis Dreyfus are like. Jimmy talks about how no one would ever answer that honestly if they didn’t like them.

Jimmy talks about asking Willie Ames what its like working with Dick Van Patton.

Matt B asks Matt W hypothetically how he would answer a fan asking what it is like working with Chevy Chase. He’d answer falsely to a fan but truthfully to another comic.

65 – Guys talk about Hollywood rumors, including Richard Gere and the Gerbil.

the guys talk about how it would work to get a gerbil into the ass. Matt W suggests a paper towel roll.

70 – Jimmy is not willing to kill a hamster to cum.

Numerous rock stars have had the semen stomach pumped rumor.

75 – Jimmy wanted to watch Finding Vivian Meyer. He could never remember which one it was. Matt just reminded him.

New host of The Daily Show – 

80 – Joseph and Eliot recorded a couple podcasts last week. One with Joseph and Ash called Prenuptials Podcast. The other one is a Modest Games podcast.

Joseph again tells the proposal story. Matt W loves it.

Matt W has indeed seen Annie and says that Cameron is no Carol Burnett. He and Jimmy both enjoyed the movie but disagree on Cameron Diaz’ performance.

Godfather 3 came out in 1990 – 

Smokey and the Bandit 3 was originally called Smokey IS The Bandit – 

The guys talk about Smokey.

85 – More info on Coors and Smokey 

90 – Fantasy Baseball chat! Jimmy doesn’t draft people he doesn’t agree with (Hunters, homophobe, wife beater)

Jimmy doesn’t “want them in the clubhouse.”

Jimmy on Ray Rice: “We’ve all had a tough elevator ride.” Matt W thinks Jimmy should be his lawyer.

Derek Jeter doesn’t like to talk about A-Rod. 

95 – A-Rod went for $7 bucks tops in the auction draft. Jimmy wont bid on Jonathon Applepaum either.

Quick break!

Welcome back! 1608! 503 episodes! Matt W wonders how we keep it fresh after 500 episodes. Jimmy says buy laying under a table and having someone take a crap on it. Screwing with neighbors, fresh guests, character work.

Larry makes an appearance. It hurts Jimmy’s neck.

Matt W does characters but not impressions. He wishes he could.

Jimmy talks about doing stand up and having the same opening bits then going off spontaneous afterwards.

100 – Balboni! Captain Balboni was the pilot of the flight Jimmy and Oliver were on. Jimmy kept saying Balboni! And Oliver would say Dad I don’t care!

Is Balboni mobbed up?

Jimmy talks about seeing the flight attendant on his plane who did the on camera in flight stuff.

UPS is here!

Matt W might have a mobbed up neighbor. Nice people but maybe mobbed? They’re catholic also so Jimmy thinks they’re definitely mobbed.

105 – Matt W talks more about his mobbed neighbor. He thinks he is safe from any potential murders since he helped them with plants.

Jimmy tells Matt W how to discover if the guys mobbed up.

Matt W talks about living above an ecstasy dealer. The FBI raided their place looking for him.

Jimmy goes back to the mobbed up neighbor. Matt W talks about getting anonymous letters from a neighbor about his yard.

Veep returns April 12!! One of Jimmy’s favorite shows! Kevin Dunne is an unsung hero of active. Kevin Dunne is Nora Dunne’s brother.

The Kevin Dunn movie Jimmy was thinking of is Only the Lonely 

120 – Kevin Dunn was up for George Castanza in Seinfeld.

We’re outta here!

Great job Joseph!

My pleasure,

Garon/The Beast/Mush Mouth Shy Guy/The Notekeeper/Lazy Queen/Sloth/Walking Manatee