NeverNotNotes

Pardcastathon 2017

In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher

FAN CHAT TRANSCRIPT LINK

Buy the whole 12 hours!

www.nevernotfunny.com
www.smiletrain.com

12:00 – Welcome to PCAT 2017! Starting a little late but that’s showbiz!

Wayne Federman on the keys!

Eliot is out of here already.

Round the horn!

You’re welcome children!

Wayne Federman is here!

Talking 20s with Wayne!

We’re here!

Pat and Matt are here!

Pat is doing a bit with red hats and an entourage. Oh he’s doing Trump.

The Lord’s pray…cut off.

And now Pat is here!

Enjoy this Smile Train video.

Some grabbassery coming!

Great guests coming!

LAUREN ASH

Lauren Ash is here!! She has a big purse.

Lauren rolls the dice with her deodorant.

You keep your hamburger sandwich in a cooler bag – Pat

Out of the gate misogyny.

12:30 – Lauren is a night owl. She talks about it with Jimmy.

Lauren talks about being a good internet sluthe. Hit her up at @Lauren_Ash!

Lauren is notoriously open in interviews.

Talking about Lauren’s boyfriend Humberto! Lauren Ash has a story for us!

She talks about Halloween and dressing up as Lucy and Desi Arnez and getting really drunk.

She was not given the gift of a blackout of that night.

No island in the kitchen yet!

Caster Island! A Hit from Jay Ferguson or Jerry Rafferty?

Lauren has a wedding to get to!

Thanks Lauren!

Jimmy talks to an audience member who apparently as a little TV Screen from the stair rails. It’s Jeff! Live show regular.

Jimmy pounds his chair and a massive dust cloud ensues.

Jimmy tommy gun punched Pat earlier today. Apparently it hurt.

Puss arms!

JON CRYER

Hi Jon!

He can’t breathe through his nose? He has nasal polyps, like a colon. He has a steroid spray that helps him breathe through his nose.

ab·lu·tion
əˈblo͞oSHən/
noun
plural noun: ablutions
1. the act of washing oneself (often used for humorously formal effect).
“the women performed their ablutions”
o a ceremonial act of washing parts of the body or sacred containers.

Talking Jon Cryer’s book.

https://www.amazon.com/So-That-Happened-Jon-Cryer/dp/0451472365/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488661708&sr=8-1&keywords=jon+cryer

There is no feud between Andrew McCarthy and Jon. They were having fun on Twitter about someone liking Ducky better. They like each other better now than they did before.

Cheese and Chalk!

Jon insists that James Spader is just as fun as you think he would be. “He’s lovely.”

Jon talks his family.

Jimmy wants to know when Jon will be in another musical. He hasn’t been pursuing it but he will now that Jimmy wants it.

Jon wants some Hamilton! Wayne plays something else.

Jimmy could see Jon Cryer as the King. Jon sings some for us! Let’s make it happen! He’d do it free for a couple nights but then he needs to be paid.

Jon goes to bed at 930?! He and his wife go to bed at the same time.

Jon describes his bedclothes.

1:00 – Talking kids seeing Hamilton and whether or not his daughter is ready to see it.

Jon Cryer everybody!

Jimmy talks to Eliot about his breakdown earlier and now that most of it is settled and back on track.

We talk about it.

Our next guest!

PAUL GILMARTIN

Talking shopping and celebrating Pearl Harbor.

No cutting boards?!

Paul has personalized outgoing messages up for auction.

Paul plays one of his messages.

Pat plays a message from his mom.

Another outgoing message from Paul. And one more.

Jimmy mixes up Marv Albert with Brent Musburger.

Paul has a hockey game later. He talks about it. Paul talks rink sizes.

Pat asks Paul whether or not the players fight in Paul’s league. He said two weeks ago it happened. Some guy knocked Paul into the boards. He got up and sucker slapped him in the face with both hands.

Jimmy asks him to demonstrate it on Pat.

Talking Eliot’s mustache and his grand scheme to get a Jim Croce set.

He might sing later!

Smile Train reset!

FOR HUMOR GUYS.

DAVE HOLMES

Dave brought a HUGE bag of pretzels.

Dry Pretzel

Dave talks about his caricature.

Dave talks about the ride here and what songs he was listening to.

It’s a guessing game!

1985 – regional hit Canadian artist. A man with a lady’s name. Pat gets it! Kim Mitchell. Might as Well Go For a Soda.

Dave says that Smile Train has outdone themselves this year. Jimmy also says that Flappers is going above and beyond as well. Dave and Jimmy both love Flappers!

1:30 – Talking about Jennie McNulty – http://www.jenniemcnulty.com/

Dave talks about being a headliner for 40 minutes when he was expecting to be there for just a few.

Dave tells us a story that he says will blow our minds and is extremely filthy.

“Do it Linda!” – Arnold

Donald’s tweet – https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/838016045222854656

Pat asks if Jimmy hosts Celebrity Apprentice if it’s offered to him.

Who’s in the audition room for hosting that show. The guys go through it.

Jimmy’s in on hosting Celeb Apprentice if offered.

People don’t realize that Bob Saget is dirty.

Dave is going to a dinner party tonight. He thinks it is an audition for closer friends.

Three way talk!

Beer nuts talk!

Some Mike Henry tunes! Joe Dean!

Thanks Dave!!

Talking Yoohoo!

Do you do what Arnold asks? If only to se what comes next?

RACHEL BLOOM

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend!

Jimmy and Rachel sing Summer Nights!

She knows the whole thing!

Rachel talks about Grease.

Movie vs Play. Is Grease immoral?

Rachel has been getting some Anti-Semitic tweets lately. She talks about Pepe. He’s played out racists.

Matt wants to hear more about the cliques at Rachel’s school.

Juno still exists – http://www.juno.com/

Jimmy wonders what the holocaust is.

Rachel was Act Two Sandy. She talks about being bad sandy. Dragon Wagon??

Talking Cleavage lines

2:00 – Boobs are weird according to Rachel.

Rachel talks about her graphic sex dreams…at 8. She was allowed to watch Dream On, which is how she knew she was having a graphic sex dream.

Brian Benben is a fan! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000903/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

The Brian Benben show was on the air from 1998-2000 but only had 8 episodes?!

Lets get Brian Benben on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend!

Rachel brought more signed stuff for us to auction!

Rachel Bloom with the C Word!!!

Thanks Rachel!

2-10 Tote: $12,697.69!

Jimmy on the trombone!

Over 12k already!

Pat’s wife is out of the country. She’s in Cartagena.

“Do it Pat!”

Caleb Bacon is not with us this year. He had a baby!

Pat is gonna give Barbara Arnold’s order first and then he’s gonna order some fries and a coke.
ANDY RICHTER

Hi Andy!

A guy in the audience flew from FRANCE to see the show.

Jimmy wants Andy to name the continents. He does it!

Andy talks about doing Jeopardy. He calls Celeb Jeopardy “Short Bus Jeopardy.”

Jimmy turns down a milk shooter. Andy wonders if it’s human.

Orange is the New Black is SOOOOOO funny.

Jimmy used to call Danielle Mother for humor. Now he can’t because of Mike Pence.

Talking Mother/mommy.

Andy talks about a ghost experience he had. He heard his grandfather calling “Mommy, mommy.” He answered, “She’s at the store!” Then realized that his grandfather was dead and then ran to a neighbors.

Andy on Jeopardy – http://www.wimp.com/andy-richter-owns-jeopardy/

Apparently Wolf Blitzer was not good.

Andy does NOT accept the Celebrity Apprentice hosting gig. Although 2million a year gets him closer to a yes.

Andy says he is dressed like he is getting over a cold.

2:30 – Apparently, the gospel choir that Jon Cryer is going to see is the choir that Andy’s daughter sings in!

Andy talks about the outfit he bought for his daughter. He apparently has a recessive gay gene and talks about its limitations.

Andy’s daughter now thinks that the gospel choir is “soooo jesusy.”

Andy Richter everybody!

Jimmy wants some Les Mis from Wayne.

Jimmy and Matt do a Les Mis Medley.

Wayne is a fan of La La Land.

Jimmy asks Patt which song stick into your mind. It’s the Timberland song.

Talking about movies. Pat and Wayne talk about The Founder.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4276820/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Talking Grand Mac with Wayne.

https://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en-us/product/grand-mac.html

1/3 lb!

Next guest loves Coldplay!

CHELSEY CRISP

Chelsey is castless! Talkig about her husband Rhett Reese!

Cheley’s mic is flopping around. Pat doesn’t know how to fix it.

Talking about Chelsey’s foot problem.

Is Chelsey going to the gospel choir show tonight? Wayne interrupts Jimmy to ask. He is conflicted about his reaction to it.

Jimmy asks Chelsey if she hosts Celeb Apprentice.

There is a website called Wikifeet. Someone tweeted Chelsea her page on the site. She has a 5/5!

http://www.wikifeet.com/

http://www.wikifeet.com/Chelsey_Crisp

Chelsey is married now!

Talking about the WGA Awards! Why isn’t it televised?!

Penetrator and Teller is Jimmy’s porn with Penn and Teller.

Talking more about Chelsey’s wedding. 225 people! Jimmy immediately wonders who came alone. No kids. No service animals but they would have allowed them!

Chelsey lost her dog recently.

Ryan Reynolds came to their wedding! (Alone) Blake just had their baby. Everyone at the wedding was taking pictures with him and posting them on facebook.

Jon Bon Jovi sings with a wedding band –
http://ultimateclassicrock.com/jon-bon-jovi-wedding-band/

Chelsey and Rhett went to Bora Bora for their honeymoon.

Pat mentions that the kardashians go and Matt scolds him for saying that and says “ohh that’s where trash goes.”

Rhett Reese’s new movie is called Life full of handsome!

Jake Gyllenhaal sings Finishing a Hat – http://deadline.com/2017/02/video-jake-gyllenhaal-sings-finishing-the-hat-for-cary-fukunaga-1201904962/

Thanks Chelsey!

3:00 – time for a tote with Caitlin from Smile Train!!

Caitlin won the Ham4Ham lottery!

$10 a ticket!!

Caitlin gives all the details on Smile Train’s work.

https://www.smiletrain.org/

3PM Tote: $17,633.70

IS there anyone in the audience that supported Trump? It sounds like one person. Jimmy suggests they turn, find their car, suck the muffler.

Talking tongue to 9V battery.

First time guest on PCAT!

VANCE GILBERT
http://www.vancegilbert.com/

A No Brainer!

He was off last night and enjoyed a lot of chinese food.

An audience member was at Vance’s show.

Vance is opening for Paul Reiser in Lancaster tonight.

Vance is singing Pie and Whiskey for us!

Jimmy praises Vance and says his music is life changing.

Vance plays Pablo’s Lights

Do your song Vance!

He sings a song I think is called My Bad.

Vance Gilbert everybody!

3:30 – Pat asks about seeing Jimmy on Conan and gets Jimmy dancing.

Talking Mike Bentley. He’s not even in the room.

SARAH SILVERMAN

Sarah is here with her meal!

Sarah has Pat clean her nose out.

Talking to Sarah about her food.

Sarah has great boots! She calls them comfy and the best. They are pre911 boots!

9/11’s effect on Denis Miller.

Oil Pulling – https://wellnessmama.com/7866/oil-pulling/

Death creeps in through the gums!

Coconut oil talk.

Floss from Sarah?

Wayne has terrific teeth.

Jimmy wants to fight Wayne?

Any role in 9to5 is a gift for Sarah.

9 to 5 the musical – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9_to_5_(musical)

Mike’s tattoo is not SS. It’s legs and it’s not finished.

Kokopelli – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokopelli

Sarah describes a tattoo that makes jimmy bark laugh. It’s a tattoo of Spoke with a thought bubble imagining himself with a mustache.

Jimmy describes his tattoos to Sarah.

Both Jimmy and Sarah powered through their jokes over each other.

Sarah wins! Bye Sarah!

Pardo classic!!!

Pappion?!

Matt has some Michael Jackson trivia.

Kurt Loder talk.

Thriller (the song) never hit #1.

Dirty Carson!

Joyce Dewitt is not here today but don’t think Jimmy didn’t try.

Next guest!

RANDALL PARK

Watch Fresh of the Boat!

It’s crazy that Randall and Jimmy don’t know each other.

Randall used to do Stand-up. He talks about briefly doing the road and hating it.

Jay is Randall’s wife. She’s an actress. She’s gonna be on a Netflix show with Keegan Michael Key and Fred Savage!

4:00 Jimmy talks to Randall and Jay about being parents.

Jimmy tells Randall that his show is Oliver’s favorite.

Randall was also on Veep! He’s on this upcoming season!

Jimmy compliments him.

It is a fun show to work on according to Randall. It was his dream to have just a regular job and he loves it but it’s still work. It’s a dream come true but still work.

Randall is #1 on the call sheet!

Rumor has it (Jay yelled it out) that Randall was in a band. It was a hip/hop funk band called Illigan. He’s a rapper!

Jimmy and the crowd want’s some rhymes spit!

He spits for us!

We killed hip/hop.

Talking about what Ruby, Randall’s daughter, is into.

Talking kid shows that adults can’t watch.

Talking Ruby songs!

We want Randall on the regular show!

Thanks Randall!

Jimmy Matt and Patt do BIG dancing.

Dr. Filth is in the audience! He gives us gifts.

Caitlin is back for another tote!

Talking to Dr. Filth about Dr. Vinnie Boombotz.

4PM(4:18) Tote: $26,196.04

Shutting it down! Thanks Caitlin!

Jimmy’s doing some two steps.

Pill time for Jimmy.

Talking Studio 54.

SCOTT AUKERMAN

Scott’s here! He wants to cut the shit. He just can’t do the banter anymore. He has something he wants to talk about. It’s a new business venture.

Everyone enjoyed the Michael Bolton special. He IS the Soul Provider.

He’s starting a website?? A FILM website?

He loves movies!

Movie Trivia?

TheTheCinephiles.gov

Back to the Future talk. Eric Stoltz.

Quizzing Scott. He fails.

4:30 He comes clean about just wanting us to think he’s a big shot.

Scott tries to figure out how much he can donate.

Why doesn’t Wayne know any Hamilton!

Talking to Francois! Jimmy tells him not to meet people in a garage in the future.

Siging 525600 miles

Someone else came from further away!

Oddvar flew in from NORWAY!

Francois actually flew from Frankfurt so he won!

ELIOT HOCHBERG

Eliot’s gonna perform some Croce!

Leeroy Brown!

Standing O for Eliot!

Sebastian Cock?!

The billies always win!
Our next guest! Jimmy yells at Wayne.

RICHARD KIND

FROM NYC!

Richard loves his chair and the mic!

Richard talks about seeing Woody Allen doing stand-up and Jim Croce opening up for him.

Richard is here for the children and for his love for Jimmy.

Richard brings up Jimmy’s phone use on the show.

Richard and Jimmy have not gone golfing yet. Richard went golfing before he came here.

Is Richard drunk?! He says he is. Pat wonders how he got here.

Lots of golfers in the audience.

Richard talks about how he doesn’t drink a lot. His addiction is food, he doesn’t know when to stop. He’s started having a glass of red wine a night since Trump was elected.

Richard wants to talk to Obama about Trump.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/04/us/politics/trump-obama-tap-phones.html

Richard talks about how Trump has gotten us out of our phones and passionate like people were in the 60s.

5:00pm – Richard tells a story about a carnivinal cruise he went on. He calls Carnival the Denny’s of the Sea.

Richard is a fountain of information today. He teaches us that the scalp is a muscle. His scalp is stretching and giving him headaches.

We’re gonna guess whose birthday dinner that Richard is going to. It’s Steven Webber!

5PM Tote coming up

Talking to Francois and playing some Sevens!

Go watch Nutspoon http://teamcoco.com/video/conan-crew-demand-better-nut-spoon

Sevens!

Matt gives to Francois: 11(Celebrities)

David Cassidy was supposed to be a guest on Rock Solid! But he canceled. It was the day before he went on stage drunk.

Jimmy and Pat talk about recent episodes of Rock Solid.

Talking RATT.

Matt quizzes Pat on Stryper’s biggest hit.

Steroid for Jimmy!

5:24 Tote: $28,591.85

JON HAMM

Jon Hamm in house this year!

Jon has his own Bobble head! He brought it for the auction and NOT for Jimmy.

We’re gonna guess how many trombones Jimmy saw at the parade. Jon guesses 76!

http://www.metrolyrics.com/seventysix-trombones-lyrics-music-man.html

There were 110 Coronets!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart_(band)

Does Jon Hamm take the Celebrity Apprentices gig? He’s out if he can’t get 78 trombones.

530 – Jon talks about the last concert he saw being Wico at the Ace Hotel.

Jon does his Richard Kind impression.

Jon talks about the musicals he has done.

Assassins: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassins_(musical)

He was also in Carousel and Caberet.

Talking about Jon Hamm’s dating game appearance. It was a show called The Big Date.

The Cash me ousside girl is getting her own show.

57 channels nothing on.

Pat does some Undercover: The Boss.

Video Matt was talking about. Bruce Springsteen playing guitar with a kid.

Is Little Steven in the mob?

Talking underrated TV shows. Fish, Barney Miller.

https://www.amazon.com/Barney-Miller-Complete-Hal-Linden/dp/B005BUA1JY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488678187&sr=8-1&keywords=Barney+Miller

Barbara Barrie is still alive – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Barrie

Doctors in cloaks. Jimmy should have said Strange instead of Dre.

Thanks Jon!!

Pat talks about his pre-pcat ritual.

ANGELA KINSEY

Hi Angela!

She immediately goes Kelley Anne Conway and folds herself into the chair.

Angela talks about forbidding politics talk at her wedding which was right after the election.

Matt’s eyes mesmerized Angela and she forgot her wedding date.

She was married on November 13.

Angela did not beat Chelsey’s guest number.

Angela demonstrates what Oscar Nunez would do while she had an emotional scene.

She talks about Oscar asking her to do some dog show with him.

Angela is on Haters Back Off, Miranda Sings’ Netflix show. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haters_Back_Off

Angela talks about her mom not watching The Office because it was too vulgar.

Her family calls her Hollywood.

Angela talks about her sister getting a commercial and being in a big group of people and her mom saying that angela isn’t the only movie star.

6:00 – Jimmy talks about his first gig in LA.

Jimmy talks about Chat with Pat. “Fucking chat with pat is nothing!” Jimmy at christmas.

Angela gives another story about relatives.

6PM Tote coming up shortly.

Talking underwear!

Angela was playing laser tag on the march day for some kids birthday.

Angela grew up in Jakarta?! She lived there 12 years.

Hater’s Back Off is on Netfix!

Thanks Angela!!!

6PM TOTE: $32,932.45

Good bye for now Pat!

Acoustic trombone for Jimmy!

Our next guest!

Half way mark!

Jimmy talks about Matt’s lack of ass in the jeans he is wearing.
RHETT AND LINK

Jimmy enjoys Link’s pants.

Rhett wants to know what Jimmy thinks about his coat.

Mike Bentley got in line at 830am! Drove up from San Diego.

Jimmy wonders about a recent thing the guys did where Rhett got buried by Jolly Ranchers.

Link suggests live commenting from the audience as an experiment.

Lots of handsome on stage according to Jimmy.

The guys recommend ice baths.

Ice, Soup, Ranch Dressing, and the best one cereal baths. 500 pounds of cereal and milk. Link felt like he was being baptized by cereal. He came up a new man.

Jimmy updates us all about how he and Jimmy went to see Moana. No one in the family liked it. “Oh that must have been the time I fell asleep.” Oliver about Moana.

Rhett is the crier, Link is not.

Buddy system episode one –

Talking about the guessing stuff on their head game.

6:30 – What happened to the hamster that went on top of Link’s head?

Good Mythical Morning! YouTube every day!

Pat’s got something to add to the auctions!

Going through some auctions.

Wayne snuck out but Tony is still here!

Wayne will be back later tonight.

Pat reveals his signed guitar for auction.

KUMAIL NANJIANI

Kumail is switching to boots apparently.

He’s new to the boot world!

Talking Jersey with Kumail. His parents live there.

Is there anyone you wouldn’t vote for over Trump?

Kumail would not take that Celeb Apprentice job.

Jimmy has a Gary Busey story? He saw him saluting a kite.

Jimmy apparently got John Hodgeman and Jon Oliver confused.

An audience member has a Kumail pop! Kumail is going to sign it for him!

Kumail got approval on his pop figure.

Kumail is a voice in the Lego Ninjago Movie!

Kumail did not get $12 million for his movie. He says you’d be shocked by how small he ended up with.

Kumail’s movie is called The Big Sick. People love it!

No pops for Kumail’s movie.

Pat asks Kumail about being nude in Dave and Mike Need Wedding Dates.

He talks about how much fun it is to be naked.

Kumail dieted for 4 months for his nude scene.

Jimmy shows his ass in Godfather of Green Bay.

7PM – Hour 7 guys we’re throwing tater tots into Pat’s mouth.

Caitlin is back for a 7pm tote!

She starts to talk about Smile Train and someone has to blow their nose.

Nose blow chimes up.

7pm (7:12p) Tote: $36,042.41

We have a matching donation this year!!

CECE PLEASANTS!

We’re gonna give Tony some drum back up.

Todd is here!

CeCe and Tony have known each other since high school.

Talking about CeCe’s history with Tony and if they ever fooled around.

Bangs don’t bang!

When you are poor you give up the butt! (I don’t.)

Talking Ides of Trump with CeCe.

Name change talk.

Talking John Mellankamp.

Prince is CeCe’s favorite, but is Johnny Cougar #2?

CeCe’s traveled overseas. She talks abut it.

John Mellankamp thinks Meg Ryan hates her – http://dlisted.com/2017/03/02/meg-ryan-hates-john-mellencamp-so-says-john-mellencamp/

Meg and John airbrushed on a motorcycle?

Around $3-4 grand for a Vespa? http://www.vespa.com/us_EN

CeCe drives a certified pre-owned BMW.

Talking TVs with CeCe. Jimmy wonders if her husband is going to come back with a big screen TV.

“You wanna strap it on, strap it on baby!”

Dr Sugarman True or False story involving Lisa Rina.

“Gimme some sugar!” what Matt wonders if Jimmy asks.

Steroid talk! Jimmy gave up the butt.

730 – Lots of plugs for Dr. Joe Sugarman.

Sevens with CeCe!

Pat Francis gives to CeCe Pleasants: 1 (80s Music)

Bye CeCe!

Steve Wonder duet – http://consequenceofsound.net/2017/01/stevie-wonder-encountered-someone-performing-superstition-in-a-hotel-lobby-and-joined-in/

Todd’s got the chops on those drums!

GREG BEHRENDT

Greg wants another credit besides fan favorite.

Jimmy overlooks Greg’s negativity.

No bike ride for Greg today. He crashed into a fence the other day. He didn’t see the fence.

Jimmy wants to know how Greg managed to crash into a fence.

No helmet. But hat with earflaps.

Talking bikers on main streets.

Peloton – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peloton

Jimmy asks Francois about the Tour De France.

Greg has an 8 speed cruiser bike.

Would Greg ride a vespa?

Greg has been hit before while riding. He was in the bike lane and tried to blame Greg. Luckily there was a homeless guy who saw it.

Speed six?

Greg has “gone a little loopy” with political podcasts.

MKATE – https://flightaware.com/resources/registration/MKATE

Talking politics, white house secrets, Trump.

Will Greg take the Celebrity Apprentice job? He does not!

Greg does his CiCi Deville impression.

Greg has a Bill Cosby impression also. “They put the jews!” Halacosby.

Matt updates us on the guitar! We’re sending it to the original winner!

Jimmy yells at Todd and Tony for playing some Zepp wrong.

MINDY STERLING

Talking in your sleep by the Romantics is what Tony was playing.

Mindy is proud to be the worst!

We hear the song featuring Mindy.

She is honored and flattered to have come on the show and being an asshole.

8:00pm – Mindy talks about her sleeping arrangements with her pets.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hazel_(TV_series)

Jimmy talks early crushes (Shirly Booth, Christy McNichol)

Mindy had a crush on John Wayne.

Mindy is sick of Jennifer Aniston’s Dry Eyes commercials.

Are their drops for the Dry Vag? Mindy says you can put anything in the vag.

Mindy talks about couchgate.

Give Kellanne some slack(s).

Mindy impersonates waitress Amber.

We learn about the Tiny Tini.

Pat drinks one like a shot.

Mindy might be drunk. She doesn’t want to leave though!

Pat gives to Mindy Sterling: 2 (TV Shows)

CeCe VS Mindy!

Mindy is doing a play in April.

Mindy is going to give to CeCe: Who knows?! (Celebrities)

Pat tries to give input on dirty carson.

Todd’s on timp!

8PM (825) Tote: $38,592.03

Next Guest!

MARK WAHLBERG*

Patriot’s Day is a documentary according to Mark*.

8:30 – Talking Oscars and Fashion with Mark.

Going through Mark’s movies.

Daddy’s Home 2 – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5657846/

Mel Gibson and John Lithgow?!

Mark* wants the OG. Oscar and Grammy.

Mark* goes through his work out routine.

Mark* talks about this movies and giving details about The Perfect Storm and how Clooney got sick.

Bite of a funnel cake on Marks* cheat day.

Mark Wahlberg!

*Daniel Van Kirk

Page three!

Auction updates!

We get a little Paul Stanley!

DANIELLE KOENIG

“Oh Chicago.”- Danielle once a week.

Danielle doesn’t think that Jimmy understands what a ventriloquist is.

Mindy is back for a Tiny Tini.

Mindy and Danielle worked together ages ago.

Danielle talks about Oliver watching Austin Powers for the first time. He loved it and is looking forward watching part 2!

Pat has a hall pass for Mindy?

9:00 talking Josh Tabeck’s name pronunciation.

Pilar just gave her blessing on Pat and Mindy.

Danielle talks about a golf outing with two middle school kids and Oliver.

Danielle cleaned the house today. Jimmy doesn’t believe it.

Danielle displays the Dradel she found while cleaning. She also played UNO Blast and some DC Card Game.

Danielle saw on two separate freeways: Be Alert Pedestrians Don’t Have Armor.

Danielle is on the couch while Jimmy is sick. She actually likes it.

Jimmy and Danielle share the sweetest moment of their dating life.

9:12 Tote! $47,914.09!

Jimmy wants 50k and we are almost there!!

Oscars talk. George Pinaccio was shaken to his core!

PAUL F. TOMPKINS

Paul basically just closed-lined Jimmy.

Paul sings the theme song to Kong Skull Island.

Roddy McDowell on Batman talk. The Bookworm!

http://batman.wikia.com/wiki/The_Bookworm

It’s a Motley Crue off!

Paul v Jimmy

Paul wins!

Paul doesn’t like Motley Crue but he studied them. They killed his father by replacing his singles with poisoned ones. He was the gentleman of the strip club and a generous tipper.

More about Motley Crue and Paul’s murdered father.

Paul’s gonna murder them comedically.

Paul talks about an audience member reaction to him.

Paul thinks that Mike Pence only likes Happy Birthday.

Pence Pinata!

The Lockers – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lockers

Fred Berry is dead.

Ken Berry is NOT.

Pat does some drunk Vince Neil singing Dr. Feelgood.

9:30 – Tiny Tini talk! Paul gives us a guy drunk on two of them.

What is Ikea’s game!?

Talking ikea purchases.

Paul saw a second allen wrench and new jesus was carrying him.

Paul talks about Showgirls. Apparently he discussed it with Jon Hamm earlier this very day.

Not the director Paul Verhoeven!
https://twitter.com/paulverhoeven

Jimmy asks Paul what his plans are after he leaves. He might sit and contemplate his life and space. Or he might get a soft serve.

Paul talks about a new artisanal ice cream place in his neighborhood and people in front of him take too may free tastes!

Paul talks about the guys who jam people with poles on Japanese subways.

Thanks Paul!!!

Jimmy has twin cousins named Matt and Pat and hates one of them. Just like the Sklars.

I seem like a nice man

Our guest is Russian!

KIRA SALTONOVICH

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chipmunk_Punk

Talking kids.

Kira talks about the tooth fairy.

Vag teeth!

The tooth fairy came!

Talking more about the Tooth Fairy. Pat used to give the same coin over and over.

Kira grew up in San Francisco. She is high fiving Yakoff Smirnoff every day now that the Russians are back!

Kira’s grandfather was a driver for Russian spies?! She tells a story about how vanished for three years after someone ratted him out.

Kira talks about how her angry soviet tendencies always come out no matter the situation.

Jimmy wonders what kind of music Kira likes. “Homeland? Pussy Riot?”

Matt has product in his hair so he knows what’s up.

If only Instagram existed when Jesus walked on water.

Kira had a Tiny Tini: “What’s inside of here?!”

10:00 – Better red than dead – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_red_than_dead

Pat and Danielle have fallen asleep at more than one public event. Guns & Roses, Spider-man 3.

Sleeping close talk.

Lazy queen!

Singing some buffalo Springfield.

Caitlin is back with a tote!

Home stretch!!

Caitlin is super slap happy now.

10PM (10:10) Tote: $53,169.03!

Lunch on the road auction just ended!

Jimmy’s finishing off his steroids!

Talking Drunk Jimmy.

Talking to an audience member Dan!

JOHN ROSS BOWIE

Friend of the show!

John talks about the gaggle of drinks on the table by Pat.

John doesn’t drink anymore but he was a girl drink drunk.

John sprinkled some three-cent magic on smile train. He’s a series regular now.

John talks about Speechless! Apparently it’s Oliver’s 2nd favorite show.

John is worried that funny people might think that his show is a weekly after school special. It isn’t!

John talks about live tweeting his show and trying to show love to the guest actors.

John talks about his feelings on being on a show like Speechless and the reactions from fans of the show he gets.

Talking about Colin Farrell.

John identifies as straight but says when you meet Colin Farrell you suddenly

You never know what’s coming next with me.

Talking about spoiling Fences!

What happened to Bruce Willis?

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000246/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

No drinking for Jimmy! Seventeen years!

Flappers University! John talks about the flappers classrooms in the back.

Thank you flappers!

10:30 – Steve Martin Master Class – https://www.masterclass.com/classes/steve-martin-teaches-comedy?utm_source=Paid&utm_medium=AdWords&utm_term=Aq-Prospecting&utm_content=Search&utm_campaign=SM

Masterclass.com!

Come to Flappers and learn instead! Jimmy approves of comedy classes. Do it! John again recommends doing it in person not online.

Paul F says he just wants another painting.

Masterclass in pretentiousness in here!

John Ross Bowie!!

Pat’s looking at his phone. His daughter is having an inner ear situation.

Taking kids to PG13 or R Rated movies.

Lady Mummy = mommy.

Our next guest is a mommy.

She could bring back The Mommy’s?!

RACHEL QUAINTANCE

Rachel is on Twitter now?
@Rkaycue

Rachel talks about her last appearance. She brought cards that she made. Some are for Darryl and the rest are for Jimmy to give to.

I like Rachel too!

Rachel likes Darryl so he gets a gift.

She does not want a Tiny Tini.

Rachel is happy to be back in front of the wall.

Rachel comes from theater! She treads the board.

Rachel is going to see Sunday in the Park with George starring Jake Gyllenhaal!

Jimmy does not follow Rachel on twitter.

Does anyone think that Kellyanne Conway reminds them of Rachel?

Happy birthday Harper!

Jimmy regrets taking so long to get on twitter.

Harper is 14.

Breast pump talk!

Rachel is doing a tight 5 so the guys can eat!

She did it! The guys are back.

Local humor.

Rachel loves Jackie Kashian.

Jimmy and Rachel talk about a benefit show she did with a great group of comics.

Rachel is back with more comedy!

Rachel does the joke that Zach Galifianakis loved.

Thanks Rachel!

Talking Neck Bones for Jim Jim and Fantasy baseball team name!

Talking Tom Cruise and his movies.

Jack Reach 2 talk.

ANDY DALY

11:00 – Season 3 of review is starting soon!

Highest rated podcast? The 7/11 mystery.

Talking scientology and SPs.

Who blocked Pat? Trump sons, Fallon, and Scientology.

Andy thinks that it was Fallon and not some intern.

Do we all block Rachel?

Delicious cake?

“4 men sitting around cooing about a cake”- Andy

Gladstones for Fish? But it’s for humans.

Lawrence Lessig:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawrence_Lessig#/media/File:Lessig_(cropped)_2.png

Peter Daly is 19 today. Happy birthday! He’s here!

He’s coming up to talk Dinosaurs!

Salmon.

Andy talks his name conflicts Andy versus Andrew. It’s fine to shorten it to Andy. He enjoys other people choosing

Jimmy always introduces himself as Jim.

Andy gets a lot of recognition from fifth graders.

He talks about getting attacked in a ball pit by someone who recognized him from Yogi Bear.
Talking dinosaurs with Peter!

Happy birthday Peter! Enjoy those dick bird cards!

Get out of here Peter! Happy birthday!

Bye Andy!!

Wayne is back!

11:25pm Tote: $61,835.66

Wayne went to opening night of a play. It’s good! He loved it.

Singing Spandau Ballet.

True was in Sixteen Candles – http://www.laweekly.com/arts/the-16-songs-that-make-john-hughes-movies-the-universal-teen-soundtrack-5088086

ERIN FOLEY

11:30 – somebody call the robot doctor! – Matt

Erin will not call Jimmy Jim Jim.

Jimmy’s gonna walk on Pat’s back!

Erin was a power forward!

Erin went to see a play also Plasticity at the Hudson Theatre – https://www.plays411.com/newsite/show/play_info.asp?skin_show_id=12.4572&show_id=4572

Wayne says his friends play was very good!

Erin is gonna sign for us. Careless Whisper??!! Wayne knows Take Me Out To The Ball Game.

She doesn’t know the words? She cannot sing.

Jimmy says George Michael died so he wouldn’t have to hear Erin singing his song.

Dilophosaurus – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilophosaurus

Talking about Wayne Knight. Jimmy hated the character of Newman so he hated Wayne Knight.
Matt saw Wayne Knight and Stephen Root eating lunch together and it blew his mind. Jimmy wants Erin’s thoughts on this.

More songs for Erin.

Erin and Jimmy are in the same fantasy baseball league. They talk about it. Her team is The Rockford Peaches. She had a partner but was always high so she was always late answering during the draft.

If Erin had first pick in a draft she would probably go with Mike Trout.

Would Erin bang Derek Jeter? No. Not even second base. She just wants to have a catch with him. Erin would fuck his wife in a heartbeat.

What’s a line to get the ladies pants off? A van, drunk karaoke, “take your pants off” =1/30.

One more verse from Erin before she goes!

Don’t stop believing!

Erin Foley!

FINAL GUEST!

Pat has a question for the audience. Who’s going to Denny’s?

Pat asks Wayne if he has an AARP card. He does not but he is eligible. Jimmy wants Wayne’s review of Pat. Pat loves him.

Wayne can handle Pat’s age jokes. Apparently, Wayne was at Carrie Fisher’s last birthday?!

Forest Gump talk. Matt hates it and makes sure anyone who likes it knows they’re dumb.

The Final guest!

TODD LEVIN

Our good friend!

Jimmy sings some Piano Man but all about Todd.

Talking Conan with Todd Levin. All hands on deck with the Obama/trump calls.

Talking Trump.

Would Todd take the Celeb Apprentice job? He would! If only for people to go “who the fuck is this hunched over jew?”

Todd’s catch phrase would be…he might think it over and tweet it later. Or “get off my chairs!” Short season! He’s cleaning house!

Is Trump secretly broke?

Scram! – Jimmy firing on celeb apprentice.

Dirty Carson is here with Ed!

Talking Carson and Joyce DeWitt.

John in the audience fed Jimmy a line, jimmy took it and got a laugh for it.

12:00AM Does Todd have a big presentation?

He does and it includes JibJab!

Todd wants to do a LIVE Jib Jab card.

Oh. My. God.

Jimmy gives thanks to everyone!

Here is Caitlin with the final total!

Final Tally: (Doubled): $144,666.90

My pleasure,

Garon/The Beast/Mush Mouth Shy Guy/The Notekeeper/Lazy Queen/Sloth