2001 – Cruising Together with Cristela Alonzo
https://soundcloud.com/nevernotfunny/episode-2001-cristela-alonzo
In studio notes by Garon Cockrell
Cristela Alonzo
Editing and additional notes by Darryl Asher
@cristela9
Website
00 – 2001 001 001 Welcome in! We are close to 2112! And even closer to 2017!
Apparently we have the same mics as Infowars. We both know good equipment!
Alex Jones talk.
Follow us back Broadway Bill!
New Shoes? Nu SHooz
11 years rollng and bowling!
Nu Shooz song is I Can’t Wait.
05 – Superbowl talk!
Jimmy talks about the OT in the game.
2001! A Space Odyssey! Or Oddity?
Talking Trump not tweeting about SNL after they destroyed him this weekend.
Join up the Players Club!
Jimmy was in Fairbanks Alaska over the weekend! He talks about it.
Some NNF fans up in Alaska!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairbanks,_Alaska
Lots of LADY NNF fans.
Jimmy calls the shows good, some people thought they were great. (some say the best show they ever had)
10 – Jimmy continues his story about traveling to Alaska, including how he flew in and out on the same night. The plane had a mechanical problem (which was not getting heat on the plane) it was 230 in the morning by the time they left. He barely made his connecting flight back from Seattle.
“Come on 49!”
Life talk!
15 – Is Matt in the beastie boys!
Matt’s rap name is Silent K.
Talking about me while out of the room!
Fan favorite Cristela is here!!!
20 – more about me.
Jizz in a tish!
25 – Cristela!
She was a squatter! In a diner?! An abandoned run down diner. For 7 years.
I have no right to complain.
It doesn’t matter what Cristela tweets about she always gets “When is your show coming back?”
Jimmy hit his finger and gives us a gif!
Bowling Green Massacre talk!
Kellyanne Conway
Seasoned Flight Attendant – Kelleyanne Conway
Vicious wolf buttons?!
Hitler was called Wolf, Herr Wolf, and his headquarters was called Wolf’s Lair.
Grabassery!
35 – Welcome back! 2001! Jimmy turns into Tom Brokaw!
Good to see Dan Rather back! (for real)
More me
One Day at a Time talk.
Why only one latin themed show at a time?
Blackish and Fresh off the Boat got all the advertising!
Spanish Alice? Cristela’s Mel??
40 – A listener was on Jeopardy!!
Fave movie talk
Cristela had cable in the diner.
45 – downloading on Netflix!
Talking White House scandals. Will Kellyanne bang a page?
Talking her attempts at stand-up. 1998
50 – Mall Kiosk talk. They’re mean!
55 – Cristela started getting massages, but she is ticklish.
Cristela confirms again that her mother has passed away.
Talking fans and how weird it is that some of them can be “shitty.”
Mall happy ending?
Jimmy has enjoyed a couple Mall Massages, including recently in San Antonio.
Talking an express IHOP at the mall.
60 – Talking Dairy Queens and Dairy Queen Braziers
Orange Julius talk.
Talking things that changed ie Orange Julius, Twinkies, etc.
She has Clippers season tix!
Jimmy didn’t know her mom was dead so maybe he isn’t on free clippers tix level yet.
Cristela didn’t get hired to work concessions.
She talks her early jobs, including being a Page. She talks about the pilot for Emeril taking 8 hours and them not allowing people to leave.
65 – Happy birthday Danielle! They went to see 4 Charlie Chaplin shorts and made it through two of them. Awful, painfully unfunny.
Cristela talks about the differences between shows back in the day and the language they used. IE homo being used on the golden girls.
70 – Matt talks about a 90s rap song being really homophobic. “Who are the flamingos?” Jimmy asking about Basketball Team.
New Orleans Voodoo?! Why is this not a team name??
75 – Talking bad commercial jobs.
Reasons Jimmy wont go to china: First Squating public toilets. Second: Trump getting us into a war with them.
Matt explains Squatty Potty.
80 – Jimmy would go to a burger king before he uses the bathroom at a friends house.
Jimmy does an impression of someone he went to High School with at a food court. “What you gotta do is get the burger from burger king then go across the street for the fries!”
Burger King talk.
Cristela’s been there once. She talks about the food at Dairy Queen.
Talking portions.
Buster brown shoes?
Cristela left after the second short.
We’ll be back!
We’re back!
Finishing the horn!
Eliot’s here! He has a new passport.
85 – Based on his passport photo, Eliot is not getting back into the US if he leaves.
Talking Bozo! Cristela loved him.
Jimmy talks about auditioning to be on Bozo.
Cristela reveals she auditioned to be a Home Shopping personality and nailed it.
90 – Cristela wants to talk about something. She is in the new Cars movie! She is the first Latina in a pixar movie! Cars 3 is out in June.
Cannonball Run meets Taken?!
Jimmy and Cristela talk about loving Cannonball Run despite how terrible it actually is.
Cristela wonders why double features never make sense? Taken and Muppets Take Manhattan.
Matt talks about Romancing The Stone not holding up at all.
Danny DeVito talk.
95 – Julius Irving
The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh
Dr. J talk!
Matt got a new dog!
His name is Buster! (Ghostbuster Obi wan Kenobi alexander Hamilton Belknap)
It was a spur of the moment decision and Matt’s thought was why say no to anything that would bring joy in the world, especially in the current state of the world.
Jimmy had some service dog issues on the plane. They sat next to him and it was on a leash not crated. HE talks about it.
105 – Cristela talks about allergies and not understanding them for most of her life.
Talking more about allergies.
Talking about Jimmy’s allergy shot.
110 – Cristela pitches another show! Stoned Demon. Jimmy says not everything is a show and she counters that jimmy rejecting her is a show!
Matt plays Mike Henry’s Malaysian plane song!
Matt also has a celeb sighting!
“Dancing on Luca’s face.” – Jimmy
Cars 3 comes out in June.
The strangers asking about Cristela’s show is hurtful.
Matt’s Celeb sighting: Wil Wheaton!
Sevens!
Jimmy gives to Cristela Alonzo: 20 (80s Music)
Jimmy gives to Cristela Alonzo: 14 (80s)
Thanks for the songs Mike Henry!
See you next time!
My pleasure,
Garon/The Beast/Mush Mouth Shy Guy/The Notekeeper/Lazy Queen/Sloth