1002 – Dave Holmes

 

PARDCAST.COM MESSAGE BOARD FOR THIS EPISODE

Intro

Lotsa aughts

Jimmy’s furrow-browed self-conciousness

Matt’s new nickname, but only behind the scenes

Early appearance of Dice’s lady

The Dead Eyes of Hochberg

Did Robyn lip-synch on SNL?

Jimmy’s attendence of gay shows

5:00

What Jimmy does in bed while Danielle is asleep

Jimmy’s weather and traffic update

When the Rain Becomes a Part of You  -Robert Lamb

Snowman vs. Rain Man

Jimmy’s insurance needs

Remedial bottle-opening

Belknap as a verb

10:00

Thank God Dave can talk now!

How long since Dave’s been on a full episode?

Dave has a contrary opinion about Robyn’s SNL appearance

Rob Delaney’s Twittering and name-thievery

What should Matt name his son?

15:00

Jimmy has a message for Rob Delaney: listen up Delaney!

Jimmy is really mad at Matt about his OCD cat toy, or he is like an athelete

Dave Holmes, the bearded gentleman

20:00

Dave is old, or at least getting there

Dave is writing a book

Matt is trying to avoid squirrel-eyes

Matt reprimands Eliot’s thumb

Never Not Funny branded foam thumbs: the next big thing

Or, according to Matt, maybe not so big

25:00

Matt’s sleep situation

Zoe: spoiled childed, due to bed size

Jimmy is a journalist, like Jimmy Dore

The off-ramp to Jimmy’s glasses

Matt needs a fantasy basketball name

30:00

Dave’s love/hate relationship with costume parties

Back to Matt’s sleep incident, featuring screaming, bad memory, flying headphones, and mistaken identity

35:00

Audio emergency that is not really an audio emergency, that maybe should have been ignored

Matt’s job #1: PRODUCE. THE. SHOW.

Elf on the Shelf: the greatest invention in the history of forever

Eliot risks the wrath of Jimmy by asking an innocent question

40:00

Matt envies Jimmy’s elf

Elf on the Shelf will NOT move himself!

Matt has ruined Christmas for Zoe

45:00

Refrigerator talk

Energy / alchoholic drinks

Dan is Jimmy’s unwanted AA sponsor

50:00

Jimmy gets a drunk-dial from his dad

Drunk angry golf

Jimmy was not a fun drunk

55:00

Dave’s mom’s Michael Jackson related drunk message

“We know it’s not Meat Loaf”

Tangled talk

BREAK (This doesn’t really count as a Darryl shoutout)

1:00:00

Look at this awesome brushed-twill Never Not Funny hat!

Demonstrating the Stallone-in-a-bottle bottle

Stallone-in-a-bottle holds a press conference

Jimmy calls out Dave at the 7-11

Dave Holmes IS MTV!

1:05:00

Total Request Live documentary is in the works

You must see the new video intro, and you can upgrade from audio-only for just $5!

A note from Darryl: SPEND THE FIVE BUCKS ON THE VIDEO! IT’S WORTH IT EVEN IF YOU ONLY WATCH A FEW!

Matt totally kills Stallone-in-a-bottle with a clunky My Dinner with Andre reference

1:10:00

Eliot’s email’s are ruder than Jimmy’s terse e-mails

Contest announcment: name the items in the video opening

Listen to The Myopic Jerk, Dan Kaufman’s podcast

Dave hates Jimmy’s drink

The sex lives of The Brady Bunch

1:15:00

The curly-haired 70s

Make sure your suede shoes fit properly before buying them

Jerry O’Connor, leader of the pack, ruiner of childhood

Dave’s awesome surfing therapist

1:20:00

Matt needs to go to therapy. Or maybe just learn to surf.

Taj Monjardo: alpha male

Camo parachute pants

1:25:00

Short-shorts

Dave is stunned about Jimmy buying shorts for Dan

Jimmy finds his shoes, proving he is qualified to be his own intern

1:30:00

Don’t exaggerate your shoe size, you’re only lying to yourself

Jimmy shows off his generosity

Back to the video opening contest

There are 34 items in the new video opening

CONSISTENT WORDING is VITAL, people

E-mail issues

The collectibility of Beanie Babies

Small Wonder fanfic

1:35:00

Star Dates with Butch Patrick

“Has-been” shows and autograph sales

The Pat Francis autograph-seeking method

What’s Jimmy’s price?

1:40:00

Dave’s MTV party appearances: demeaning but lucrative

How Dave made it through his last MTV party

daveholmes.tumblr.com

Dave’s special on H2: How Many People Does it Take?

Closing with lotsa aughts

Come on! This has been a fun time!

AK-47 gone, not forgotten

IN-STUDIO NOTES BY DAN KATZ

Dave Holmes

0 – Jimmy looks concerned at the table a lot. Matt is scared. Matt is the squirrel. Did Robyn lip sync on SNL? It’s raining outside.

5 – Jimmy loves the rain. Rain Man was a documentary about George Snarsky who tried to make a snow man out of rain. George Snarsky was Jimmy’s old insurance. Jimmy has trouble opening his Vitamin Water Zero – GoGo.

10 – Jimmy and Dave disagree over whether or not Robyn lip syncing. What name should Matt name his kid? Johnny Belknap.

15 – Jimmy’s got issues with Rob Delaney’s twittering. Jimmy plays with Velcro. The guys talk about Dave’s beard which came and went.

20 – Dave is writing a book. Matt talks about his sleep situation.

25 – Matt needs a good fantasy basketball name.

30 – Matt actually tells the sleep situation story. Brief audio emergency.

35 – Jimmy still loves Elf On The Shelf. Eliot interrupts Jimmy to his wrath.

40 – There have been some Elf On The Shelf dramas as of late.

45 – Dave and Jimmy have new fridges. Jimmy’s dad drunk dialed him.

50 – Jimmy the angry drunk. Golf and weddings. More drunk parents stories from everyone.

BREAK

0 – plugs for the NNF hat and the stallone-in-a-bottle.

5 – stallone-in-a-bottle hangs out for a while.

10 – There’s a contest for the video feed opening.

15 – The guys discuss buying shoes. Jimmy feels bad about abandoning his friend in high school.

20 – Dave sees a surfing therapist.

25 – Jaclar sneakers.

30 – Dave loves weird internet shit like Small Wonder fan fiction.

35 – The guys talk about fandom and conventions.

40 – Dave talks about doing MTV conventions. Great money. Most demeaning thing ever.