NeverNotNotes

1501 – Retiring Early with Maria Bamford

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Maria "The Bammer" Bamford

Maria “The Bammer” Bamford

In-studio notes by Garon Cockrell
with additional self-aggrandizing notes by Darryl Asher

NNF 1501 – Maria Bamford
@mariabamfoo
www.mariabamford.com

00 – Hello! 1501! Welcome to the new season! Seasons change! (Expose and Clouds) Jimmy gives his thoughts on NNF seasons. Jimmy’s talking about the other guy. He’s stressed out from the drive in.

Jimmy wonders about apple states because people were lollygagging on the roads today.

Ghostrider on the storm! Jimmy slaps the bass!

We had some rain this weekend. It didn’t last long. Matt didn’t get wet it was too light of a rain.

Jimmy asks about openings at Eliot’s building. 8/15 availability. New stove, laminate, full kitchen full bath. Over $1150. Jimmy calls it a little steep.

Cooz in the carpool lane! Jimmy calls cooz a fun word. He and mat talk bob coozie.

Jimmy and Matt talk drives and streets.

05 – Jimmy appreciates the 45 minute recap on how he didn’t text Jimmy about the traffic issues.

Matt: Darryl Asher is probably making a “Cooze in the Carpool Lane” graphic, and he got back in the saddle to do notes episode 302

Matt: Darryl Asher creating a Cooze in the Carpool Lane icon right now

Matt: Darryl Asher is creating a Cooze in the Carpool Lane icon right now

Check out NeverNotNotes.com! (You’re already here)

Andy Daly is one of the funniest men on the planet, if not Los Angeles.

Jimmy hasn’t visited NeverNotNotes.com in a long time (shameful) and has started to avoid Pardcast.com. It’s getting too negative over there for him. He’s expecting nice conversations but it’s getting to be a “take down the king” situation. Jimmy’s comments will either make it better or make it worse.

carpool

10 – Jimmy suggests commenting up your sleeve.

Most overrated/underrated band Big Star comment gets jimmy tons of comments/emails. He has NEVER said he doesn’t like them.

Romeo and Juliard is an album from Don Dixon. Here is the video for Praying Mantis – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxGB12mbFSg

Jimmy is not against Alex Chilton assholes! Jimmy just likes the phrase the most overrated/underrated band of all time.

Jimmy thinks the song “Thirteen” is flawless and might be in his top 25 of all time.

15 – Thanks everyone for reupping for season 15!! Maria Bamford is here today!

If someone hasn’t been on the show yet, it’s either scheduling or Jimmy doesn’t want them. Figure it out! We don’t need your input. We’ve also tried and haven’t been able to get people! There are a lot of situations that come up. IE Dennis Miller (allegedly) not wanting to do it.

Eliot has a question. Jimmy will open the floor in ten seconds. Floor open! Eliot has a comment about Jimmy talking politics.

Jimmy talks about talking politics with Andrew.

Eliot drops some news that he and Andrew tried to do a podcast about politics! It was never released.

20 – the podcast was VIDEO! No name for that podcast yet though. Jimmy gives his thoughts on it. Jimmy says he would have listened to it and possibly even slap the NNF label on that.

We briefly talk HAIR at the Bowl. Jimmy considered going but had sleeping problems in Minneapolis.

Paul McCartney was there while he was, did not effect Jimmy’s shows. Great shows, sold out. Lots of improvisation.

25 – He was an asshole yesterday. Unpleasant and not even for humor. He thought the last thing Danielle would have wanted was to spend any time alone with him.

Matt talks about going to the gym with his son and them having a beach boys playlist the whole time. All the worse BB songs.

Matt says that Christina Aguilera sounds like mucus.

Maria is here!

She projects!

Jimmy asks about a dandy lion.

We’ll be back!

30 – Are you ready? Jimmy started out with something else but it went into Rock Me Amadeus.

Jimmy wearing a Chicago shirt in honor of the concert on 8/4/82 – best Chicago concert that Jimmy saw.

Front row is too closer! He and Danielle sat in the front row at a Chicago show in thousand oaks. Had weird sound issues.

I have a case on my mac now and the PCB sign I made is taped to the case.

Jimmy enjoys seeing arguments between anti spankers and pro spankers. He talks about the issue.

Maria does some Mr Rogers’ cat action. I think the cat is Henrietta Pussycat.

35 – Matt sings some song from the Daniel Tiger show.

Maria is a foster pardo!

She loves the studio and the building!

Know this, if you tune in and we are in a new location, we’ve been evicted. One very large unit upstairs, and several units around us on the ground floor.

Hopskotch is a zero!

Eliot describes Hopscotch. Everyone picks their unique item.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hopscotch

40 – Whoever said that “Nothing is Boring” has never met Eliot Hochberg.

Jimmy calls Eliot “a fucking cactus dude.”

45 – Maria verbally spanks Matt.

Jimmy confirms with Maria that he looks 38! She said he looks “very smooth, almost wet.”

Maria talks about joining AARP.

More Magazine: http://www.more.com/

We get back to the Hop Scotch rules.

http://www.lumosity.com/

Maria is friendly to prevent Alzheimer’s.

Jimmy doesn’t get why you join AARP early if you don’t get a discount.

Maria likes the magazine.

no amount of guilt can solve the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future is the quote jimmy mentions.

50 – Maria talks about her shaman life coach sister in Duluth.

Maria scared the hell out of me when I opened the door.

Jimmy says she does terrific foley work.

Maria goes through her voices.

Maria says if she can bring anything to a room it’s a low standard.

Maria only does Tuesday Wednesday shows.

Jimmy’s got a lot going on.

Eliot pipes in with a joke. Maria enjoyed it, no one else did. She likes an effort and a risk.

55 – Some Chicago Tidbits from Matt and Jimmy. Jimmy says that Chicago Podcast Authority starts in January. If he decides to do it.

Jimmy kissed Sally Struthers on the Elaine Boosler hosted Balderdash. He tells the story.

60 – Golf talk. Jimmy didn’t go to the senior open in Minneapolis.

Jimmy got really dehydrated running in Minneapolis. He didn’t have any cash to even get water so he had to run back dehydrated.

Peter Cetera was in Memories of Midnight with Jane Seymour. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101197/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_1

Matt gives another brain tip to visit new places. He says it keeps the brain nimble.

Like Jack according to Jimmy.

People were camping at Jimmy’s hotel thinking that Paul McCartney was staying there.

Jimmy calls doobies “hippie juice.”

We’re talking jews! Orthodox Jews!

65 – Eliot’s over at borings. He shows off his outfit. Maria compares it to Dog the bounty hunter.

Dog the bounty hunter rant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c68cr3OjNJc

http://www.celebitchy.com/7217/dog_bounty_hunter_tells_son_not_to_date_black_woman_so_ppl_dont_hear_him_use_n_word/

Jimmy wants to find an apartment with a pool. He doesn’t want to rent though he wants to buy.

Jimmy’s mom’s apartment is too big for her. Maria says she is rolling around like a marble in an empty box.

Maria says she is not grossed out by real violence.

70 – The panel talks $4,000 chairs.
Lumbar support? – Matt
$25 rubbin’? – Maria

Maria wants to open stores to shock people like a Korean Massage Parlor on the outside but when you go in it’s a book store.

Matt suggests a dentist comedy club. Jimmy doesn’t approve. He does approve of a place where people just do Bill Cosby’s dentist routine. Jimmy said he’d go for six days.

Maria says if a coyote came into her house and was posing a threat she’d be able to stab it.

Maria asks Matt if he uses Quickbooks. He uses Excel. She took bookkeeping classes at Glendale Community College and in a hotel conference room.

75 – Maria talks finances and a tax return.

Rubenstein! A tough but fair tax guy.

Maria loved Guardians of the Galaxy. Matt didn’t like it.

Oliver reviews Planes 2: “Well, it’s better than the first one.” Followed up with “Dad, that was horrible.” “Dad that was nut job bad.”

Break!

80 – We’re back! Maria’s doing one of her voices. Maria talks about a vegas gig at caesers.

She talks about her friends taking her to a movie that they thought she would enjoy: Warhorse. 3 hours of a horse struggling through barbwire.

Her parents can watch anything and have run out of holocaust documentaries to watch on Netflix.

Maria talks about a type of heckling at a cactus convention.

Simon Scardinelli has a great new EP out. http://www.dr-scardo.com/Scardanelli/Scardanelli.html

Maria asks if Danielle likes the concerts Jimmy drags her to. Jimmy describes his concert issues.

Jimmy loved Once The Musical

90 minutes in and Jimmy has introduced everyone.

Jimmy asks for a quick explanation of the hop scotch rules.

Jimmy talks about telling an audience member he was going to put nails in a bat and hit him with it.

Maria asks Jimmy about a lack of pooty.

Jimmy talks about a tweet comparing him to Paula Poundstone or more accurately asking if one of them is copying the other.

95 – Here is what you can see if you see Warhorse on stage: https://catsandbooks.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/warhorse_puppets1.jpg

Jimmy has fallen asleep during one musical out of all the ones he has seen: Cats.

El Gato is the cat.

Maria asks about records. Jimmy talks about his record player situation.

Maria and her Boyfriend have been together for a year and are now living together! She names him Pickle. He loves music.

100 – Maria and her BF went to see Bjork at the Hollywood bowl. They really enjoyed it.

Jimmy’s dragged Danielle to tons of his concerts but he has gone to one of her shows once: Green Day. He enjoyed the concert because he was with Danielle.

Peter Cetera’s brother sent Jimmy a happy birthday video message. Kenny Cetera! Kenny does a Chicago tribute called The Chicago Experience. http://www.introductiontheband.com/

Paula and Jimmy are angry people! If Paula is angry Jimmy is angry! What world do you live in that you think Paula and Jimmy are similar?

This show is longer than Nicholas nickleby – Paula Poundstone

Jimmy doesn’t get the tweet at all. He’s gonna take it as a compliment.

Jimmy Pardo on the outside, Eliot on the inside.

True or False: In the car, Jimmy was singing Shout it Out Loud with Oliver and Jimmy was singing it by shaking. Oliver says, “I don’t like that character at all.” – TRUE

110 – Maria asks for some relationship advice from Jimmy now that she has moved in with her boyfriend. Jimmy says the first six months might be rough but don’t let it break you up. Hang in!

Maria says it’s going well so far and they already have a therapist.

Jimmy says just remember you are two different personalities.

Also lock the purse, maybe get a safe, or handcuff the purse to your wrist blues brothers style.

Maria wants to bring up the same thing over and over again. Will that help?

Jimmy doesn’t think that is a good idea.

Jimmy uses that guilt/anxiety quote again.

15 – Pickle really likes Maria’s dogs!

Jimmy plugs Maria, and she rails off her upcoming cities. Not Vegas though.

We’re done.

My pleasure,

Garon/The Beast/Mush Mouth Shy Guy/The Notekeeper