14B – Shutting Down Rachel Quaintance

Rachel Quaintance - Ready to take the punches

Rachel Quaintance – Ready to take the punches

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In-Studio notes by Garon Cockrell

NNF 14B – Rachel Quaintance

00 – Welcome to Fantasy Island! 14B of the Players Club! B as in Baxter. Do they use Baxter in bingo? P as in Peter. K as in Klan. Racist Jimmy is here! Matt uses Elephant for E. Apparently Llama is the word people are using a lot for L.

Why is the Red Hot Chili Peppers not playing their guitars a big deal? This has been done for years.

05 – Jimmy’s neck did something weird. He’s gonna be okay.

Our guest, Rachel Quaintance is gonna be 8 minutes late guys!

Players Club is relaxed! We’re all friends here. Jimmy calls season 2 The Schmidt Year(s). Matt is comfortable with both that and with Jimmy texting Rachel back.

Players Club will be the first ones to know when tickets for Jimmy’s Pilot taping will be available. Probably a friday (maybe a thursday) in March at around 430 on the Conan stage!

Eliot doesn’t know Jimmy’s life.

10 – I only liked Captain Phillips. Matt spoofs just a gigalo. Jimmy wants me to reconsider my 7/10 for Captain Phillips.

Steve Vai cowrote yellow rose. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yankee_Rose_%28song%29

15 – Matt and Jimmy are trying this seven minute workout fad. Apparently, it’s worth an hours workout. blogs.nytimes.com/2013/05/09/the-scientific-7-minute-workout/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

Jimmy’s quads can’t handle the squats. Wall sits are fine though. He sits like a horse.

Seven Minute Workout –

Jumping Jacks
Wall Sit
Abdominal Crunch
Step-up onto Chair
Triceps Dip on Chair
High Knees running in place
Push-up and rotation
Side Plank

28 inch waste, 32 inch butt = Jimmy. He’s now got a black man’s butt.

Fake Snipes! Call back to season one.

20 – Jimmy’s butt cheeks slap together when he does jumping jacks.

Lots of jiggling for Matt when he is doing the high knees . He needs more ball support apparently.

Don’t forget to put your own tag on your luggage guys!

Jimmy says no go on doing that 7 minute workout twice in a row.

Break! We’ll be back!

25 – 14 B as in Baxter! Eliot is here. Jimmy tries to sing From a Distance. Rachel joins in.

I Hope You Dance – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw

Jimmy hints at a “celebrity” Facebook friend request but won’t say who it is.

We’re talking Movies at Our House!

Jimmy knows little about his good friend Rachel.

30 – She used to live in the valley, but no longer.

The miracle that is the new technology of the internet is discussed.

Enough with the snark now internet!

Rachel doesn’t drink or swear in front of her mom.

Taco in a bag! Jimmy calls Rachel a dumb cooze.

Rachel is trying out a new laugh. Matt calls this a workshop space. Jimmy denies that. It’s the Players Club!

35 – more info on From a Distance http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_a_distance

Jimmy ran across some thugs in the park on a run. got a little freaked out.

40 – Jimmy can’t drink again. Problem solved!!! Rachel talks about the fears of being attacked that every woman has at some point in their life. Rachel’s daughter at this point does not know about abortions and rape. and the C-word. and prostitution.

Jimmy and Matt are sure there are plenty of things she doesn’t know.

Rachel tells a Chin Chin story! The waiters were growing mustaches (Beards not allowed.) Rachel gets serious! Uses the F word. One of the waiters wanted to do a Charlie Chaplin mustache instead everyone took it as a hitler mustache.


45 – Jimmy saw someone fall off a segway. 46 min. edit.

Matt and Jimmy had an awkward dinner with Chris Hardwick and Janet Varney. They were in the process of breaking up at the time.

Bathroom incident! Jimmy peed between a tall man’s legs.


Rachel talks about the app lose it. and duo lingo. “Mind your business owl!”

the story Jimmy told about getting shaken down by some guy at a door at a party. Mind your business vince or vick!” Regular parent acting like a security guard at a kids party.

50 – Everyone loves Prisoners. Jimmy talks about The Source Family.

55 – Trying to find that Mind Your Business quote. Someone tweeted was it Big John? Jimmy immediately says to tell him to stop following.

Rachel is gonna cut bait.

Phone calls!

Jimmy us off put by the Trivago guy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRmLcUIqCHI

60 – The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas is a devastating film. Rachel is shocked by the hanging up on people.

Colin on the phone needs to convince Jimmy to get the book. But he’s cut loose.

65 – We’re giving away Seth’s photo book. Setholenick.com code: SFSF2014 to get a discount on the book. The books great, check it out. We have one to give away.

Hello Matt Nelson from Seattle. UDub does not happen on Jimmy’s watch. Cut loose and calls right back.

70 – Rachel doesn’t understand why Jimmy is hanging up on potential Rachel Quaintance fans to talk about ESPN. Except he IS a fan so she’s okay with it.

The listeners love getting hung up on.

John’s talking to his hero! He’s out! Jimmy calls him a walking sleeping pill to quote Gary Lucy.

75 – Jimmy wonders why its a headline that they caught drug dealers associated with Philip seymour Hoffman. Rachel says its because they were selling heron that has killed a lot of people. Jimmy gets a lot of bad asses. ran into a couple on his jog the other day.

Colin wins the book and offers to take Eliot to the Rich Somer board game event. Eliot and I are probably going anyway so Eliot told him to bring a friend!

Rachel doesn’t know what Jimmy’s character is right now. Jimmy hopes Colin is a hit man and takes out some Palins. Rachel says not to do that and compares it to Jodie Foster/Ronald Reagan.

Jimmy sings a song no one has heard but Rachel. Oh it’s Maggie May!

Donnie and Marie Jive Talkin’ – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djBr6xRbSyY

We’re done!

My pleasure,

Garon/The Beast/The Thief/Cuban Defector/Sad Sack