1202 – Face-Planting with Greg Behrendt
Greg Behrendt in fine form
For Never Not Funny episode 1202, Jimmy Pardo welcomes Greg Behrendt
In-Studio Notes by Garon Cockrell
@GregBehrendt
http://www.gregbehrendt.com
Last in studio appearance 825, plus PCAT 2011, 2012
00 – Welcome to episode 1202! Jimmy aroused by demotologist’s assistant from England. Resolutions! Matt wants to eat better. 60 year old women with 40 year old faces who hear the billy crystal/bette middler movie “is a hoot.” Jimmy’s response, “Oh dear!” Matt fails at getting a haircut, but everyone loves it.
05 – Eliot after 10k from Tom Bergeron? Haircut great, hair color is good. Eliot also looking good. Eliot looking good! Keep it up! Matt remembers his resolution to keep his car clean. Greg (Greg Behrendt is here!) calls it a yawn. Greg on Oprah 3 times in one season. Oprah shunned him after he took a TV deal from another company.
10 – Greg said Montel was wheeled out for his commercials. Gary the photographer laughs mid shot. Greg says Matt looks like Dave Becky. James Brolin has a great head of hair, Dave Grohl also. Dave came to Greg’s house. Comes in a bangs a tune out on Greg’s living room drums.
15 – Jimmy asks if Dave is mad at him. He wants Grohl on the show! Dave thinks we need more music shows on tv, like the Jools Holland show (Later…with Jools Holland). Jack Thomas, Paul Stanley, Gwen Stefani, Dave Grohl all have kids that go to the same school as Greg’s. Aggressive Kiss chat! Jimmy insists on a Kiss without Gene Simmons. Jimmy says Paul has carried Kiss musically since the 80s.
20 – Jimmy thumbs down grown men with pig tails (Metalica bass player). Ibanyez (SP???) chat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibanez) Jimmy likes Gregory Paul as a name (soap star/chocolatier). Greg’s Dad is Dick Behrendt, never Richard.
25 – Setting the stage with Greg not taking a breath in 25 minutes. Greg likes the rules. Matt says he has Carte Blanche. Greg split his eyebrow open trying to teach his kids to skateboard. Greg was on a delicious vicodin and went to see the Bette/Billy movie. Says it is awful. Jimmy went to see The Guilt Trip with his mom and he loved it. His mom called it Forumlaic! (37% on Rotten Tomatoes) Gary’s phone goes off!
30 – Greg and Jimmy find her to be stunning. “Wildly attractive.” – Greg. It’s a battle of the cardigans! Gary sent numerous texts to Jimmy reminding him to bring wardrobe choices. Jimmy forgot. Jimmy loves the name Angelo. Greg calls him pretty and soft for a man. He orders a quad shot peppermint mocha latte, kids temp. Birthday chat! Greg turns 50 in the summer. He has a little taste of Leo. Jimmy’s look of disdain at Eliot caught on film!
35 – Lana upset by picking on Ringo by Matt. Lana and Gary are from Hustler btw! Walking The Room is Greg’s podcast, He’s Just Not That Into You is his book. Angelo gets it when it comes to shirts. Jimmy struggles with a word choice. greg’s kids: true (10) mighty (5)
40 – Oliver playing with doorbell today (actual bells!) Great Oliver story. Greg follows up with a story about his daughter Mighty spilling Orange Juice, turns out she has zero depth perception! Another Oliver story: “Why would you put it on a clock?”
45 – Romancing The Bean. Zoe story. Still trying to figure out that word Jimmy couldn’t remember. Jimmy loves Earth Wind and Flour (http://www.earthwindandflour.com/ewf/shop/). New game? Naming restaurants after band names.
50 – Song from a movie that has the same name: Skyfall. Jimmy quotes his act and sets the stage! The hustler crew does not meet with Flynt. Lana says he doesn’t meet with the freelancers. Staff only. Jimmy’s in any adult magazine. Greg reiterates Lana is stunning. Jimmy goes back to the skateboarding story. Greg calls skateboarding documentaries fascinating, the history of the sport is fascinating also. Says Kings of Leon do not need documentaries. They’re from hillbillies and the lead singer is a jerk. They’re named after their grandfather Leon. Greg says they may be swamp folk.
55 – Jimmy is more frightened by swamp guys more than hill people. CAJUN JIMMY makes a brief appearance. Greg is curious by the gator on the second floor. A wind-blown gator! Greg says it has a wizard of oz vibe. Jimmy is back on board with General Hospital and recounts a recent storyline involving hot fondue.
60 – Ian Buchanan http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0118011/bio. Jimmy gets schooled on how to find a game online. Kid game chat! Clothes are a big part of the Behrendt family. Eliot finds the lost word: Patina! (I’ve never heard of this word.)
Break!
and we’re back!!
00 – Had a very nice break. Comfie outside unbearably hot in the studio. Greg says Jimmy has a “Sammy shaped” cardigan. He goes varsity sweater. Greg gave his wife a puppy for christmas. “Had a line on a sweet bitch.” Jimmy is uncomfortable with that.
05 – Greg thinks everyone looks better with grey hair. jimmy says Greg would look great, Matt says he’d be a silver fox. Greg says Keith Richards looks better as a crazy old man then when he was in his forties. “Mohawk Grandpa.” Jimmy asks if Greg’s new medication is Chatties. Jimmy tells a story about Ozzie on a talk show on Prozac. Greg’s on Lexapro.
10 – “Well the good news is it’s right on your face.” – Jimmy’s Dermatologist. Apparently Kevin Hart sold out Staples on New Years Eve. Greg saw comedy at Staples he did not like: Van Halen. Jimmy enjoys the new Van Halen album. Jimmy also likes Van Halen 3.
15 – Greg says even Gary Cherone’s therapist can’t explain how to deal with blowing his Van Halen gig. Story of Jimmy’s life and album title: One Time Good. Without You is the song Matt was trying to think of. Jimmy sets the stage. Greg details the T-shirt experience you get when you order a shirt from them. $30 for a T-shirt. $50 for a hoodie. The NOPE. T-shirt is a big seller.
20 – Swag = Free. Merch = Sell. Jimmy wants a NOPE shirt. Speaking of the Taiwanese: Jimmy got a massage and spent the entire time thinking “Don’t get an erection” over and over. Turns out: erection. Jimmy is an Amatuer Massage Getter. Greg loved his large hawaiian massage.
25 – Jimmy wants a dentist vest over his genitals next time he gets a massage. Jimmy says Channing Tatum has no stress. He’s not on “the zac.” Jimmy is on the Zach Galifinakises. Greg calls them a little fury going down.
STUPID QUESTION: @CarlosFugazzi: do you wash socks inside out or right side in. Greg and Jimmy both purge socks occasionally. Mystery Comic Rider for gigs: Fresh Socks. Katt Williams gets new tennis shoes.
30 – Jimmy tells why Katt Williams will always have his respect when he went off on industry people who walked out and not watching the entire show. Jimmy holds a pose for Gary to take a shot. Bathhouse Dangerous! (I do not go to bath houses!)
30 – Jimmy wants Carlos blacklisted! (for humor)
-Garon/The Thief/The Beast/Cuban Defector