NeverNotNotes

1113 – Dave Holmes – Officially Pre-NNF

Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap welcome veteran Never Not Funny guest, and audience favorite, Dave Holmes for episode 1113. Dave is the perfect guest for this episode, because he knows how to handle himself as Jimmy weaves an epic story about his father-in-law Walter Koenig recieving his long-deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

“The New Dan Katz” Garon Cockrell is really coming into his own with the show notes! Enjoy!

In-Studio Notes by Garon Cockrell

0 – Jimmy didn’t wanna do the fake mad thing today but he is doing it with a little casey kasem thrown in.  (Dave was juggling an apple)

5 – Jimmy is pre-tsa where you clear security faster. It’s like 9/10/00.   Jimmy takes a deep pull off his Go-Go Vitamin Water Zero.  Dave is not cleared to speak before intro today.

10 – Walter Koenig Weekend Chat.  Bluff you on Friday.  The devil came down to georgia on saturday and Jimmy saw Paranorman with Oliver and Danielle. 

15 – Jimmy has to save face with Fantastic Sam’s and ends up at a barber who gives Oliver a Flock of Seagulls haircut. 
We find out Matt’s backyard is the hottest place on earth with a portpurri of crazy sunglasses.  Dave to Pince Nez glasses: “Oh fuck you.” 

20 – Jimmy likes the homosexual look of a vest with rolled up sleeves.   Jimmy the Bartender is a section of Men’s Health.

Back to Matt’s party.  Bounce castle! “Hot in the shade!” – Kiss

It was a nice party, kids loved it, heat made everyone tired. Jimmy a fan of Chicken Cheese things from Porto’s (who’s website is down as of these notes). 

25 – Walter Koenig Roast – Jimmy was the roastmaster.  Inspired by Jimmy’s bachelor party.  Decoy is Dave Holmes’ favorite bar at the Beverly Garland the same place the roast took play.

30 – At the event:  Friends, family, and fans were present. Star Trek celebs (and babylon five).  Jimmy says he is not good at roasts, contrary to poular belief.  Hats off to those who are good at roasting.  Dave Holmes is not a fan of Roasting and thinks baby rape jokes are old. 

35 – Jimmy says the Roseanne roast was funny because of roseanne’s rules for the roast.   Matt says Charlie Sheen is perfectly crispy.  Roseanne’s roast was closer to the original style roasts.  Per Dave:  The Situation is good at Shirtlessness and Herpes which is now Matt’s new basketball team name.

Everyone at the roast new walter.  They’ve been friends for years. 

40 – Jimmy loves Jamie Farr’s voice.  Roast/Toast of Walter Koenig so very positive vibe.  Friend Wil Wheaton and listener Charlie attended.   He opened the show and Joke number one BOOED.  King of Crones = Game of Thrones.  Jimmy rattled by getting booed by a room full of Star Trek nerds.  Matt:  You got booed by the best, buddy!

Shatner joke went over great, as did all Shatner jokes.  Don’t forget Shatner is a murderer! 

45 – Truth is Jokes did okay.  Early bedtime joke killed. Judy told story about how No one expected Chekov to take off. Got tons of fan mail.  Danielle took the stage and killed. 

Shatner joke jimmy made about Walter telling Oliver that Shatner is a asshole killed.

50 – Nichelle nichols was not feeling well so luckily she only did 1 song.  She spoke for 40 minutes at Andrew’s memorial.  Jimmy’s intro to Nichelle killed “we know who to blame for Juming Jack Flash.”

55 – “Tim Russ as a young man had many dogs.” – Wikipedia/joke from Danielle.  Last speaker was Harlan Ellison (not Harland Williams, who would have been a joy).  Motorhead Ace of Spades!

60 – Harlan told a great story about Walter in a 6 items or less line.   During the show Jimmy gets a call that someone is breaking into their back door.  $151 ticket for cops to come out to a false alarm. Sensor on the Screendoor is the name of Jimmy’s new CD available at CDBaby (not really). Turns out Molly had no keys to get in the house and set the alarm off by checking back door.

65 – transexual = sex change.  Transvestite = cross dressing.  Star day: Oliver really tired from the weekend: “it’s too much!” Gets into his T-shirt with a tie on it.  Jimmy wearing a $99 polo shirt courtesy of Comedy Central.  Not breatheable!  Super hot, especially with a sport coat and carrying a kid who doesn’t want to be there and it’s 7000 degrees. “Mikey Mouse.” “Dark Vader.” Paparazzi are being assholes but become pussies really quickly especially when Danielle shuts them up.  Oliver and Jimmy sat out of the pictures. and now the hike to the roosevelt with Oliver on his shoulders in a sports coat and a non-breatheable polo shirt.  30 pounds of wet sand and a six block walk.  Scoobies is a good hot dog stand but Dave can’t do it anymore, “i got moisture problems.” 

70 – Roosevelt pool party is lame.  Walter Fans wanted to meet Oliver and apparently Jimmy destroyed at the roast!  Audience members booing jimmy during a SKETCH because they thought it was real.  Top Ten most uncomfortable he’s been on stage. 

75 – Jimmy remembers getting booed and sketch hostility and he went home thinking he was hated.  Turns out all the feedback was positive and people thought he was great. 

-Break-

0 – Moment of silence for 9/11 that no one else knew was coming especially NBC’s Today show who let Kris Jenner discuss her breast implants the whole time. 

Jimmy talks 9/11 conspiracy theories.  Dave amazed people think the Government can pull that off but can’t get road construction correct.

Jimmy sets the stage.  Dave has lost 40 pounds!  Looks great.  no specific regimen.  He’s on Crossfit (5 days a week), loves it.  Tribute to fallen heroes workout today. 

5 – dave wants to stay at ittermediate crossfit because the upper people are awful.  He loves the crossfit but not the cult around it.

10 – Jimmy reiterates that Dave looks great. Dave calls out Jimmy’s car!  Dave had a creeper outside his bedroom window.  New neighbor that immediately came over and made himself at home, dog jumped in the pool.  Dave was having a gathering with some friends and this guy came over and said “oh you guys are drinking wine gross have any vodka?”  Guy fishes for people to question him about his life (as a GayVN award winner!)

15 – Thinks the creeper as doing a drug deal or something.  Had a flashlight and everything. Musician is on every supplement in the world and gets scientology mail daily.

20 – Watch Can’t Stop The Music – Dave calls it the best bad movie ever.  It’s about the village people’s formation.  Indian called sirius xm to talk about donna summer and tearfully tells a story about him, donna summer, and dolly parton.  Morgan Freeman death hoax.  Dave calls Kris Jenner gross. 

25 – Honey Boo Boo chat.  Bonghit, Truck lift, Pumpkin. 

30 – Am I the new David Katz?  Jon Hamm cock talk to close us out. 

35 – Jimmy loves the new album from The Fixx and encourages you to check out their stuff.  Dave might come to Songpop.  Best Covers and Musicals are good categories. BTW I beat Jimmy in Words with Friends on August 3rd.

40 – Dave Holmes hosting Attack of the Show for a week starting on Monday 9/17!  NNF Army DVR and watch AOTS Next Week!

NNF Army go to TeamCoco.com and post on Pardo Patrols requesting new episodes!  Enough of the bull shit let’s do this! 

Daver’s band lost by two votes! 

Dave Holmes is OFFICIALLY Pre-NNF.

– The Bionator/The New Dan Katz